Dirtiest Funny Quotes & Sayings

Matrilineal succession is the only thing that makes sense as far as I'm concerned, since you always know who the mother is, and the father could be anyone. Most of the royal dynasties of the world didn't agree with me though, which is why history is filled with idiot kings. — April White

I've always admired the tradition of storytellers who sat in the public market and told their stories to gathered crowds. They'd start with a single premise and talk for hours - the notion of one story, ever-changing but never-ending. — Nicolas Roeg

Our outworn economic system dooms millions to frustration. — Olaf Stapledon

If I have learned anything from hip-hop, it's that there's nothing sexy about a baby that ain't yours. — Amy Poehler

When your life is changed by Jesus, you are a new creature. God not only changes what you do, He also changes what you want to do. — Ravi Zacharias

Some people take certain things and they try to forget what that pain felt like. I don't. I take that same pain and I chase it every time I walk in a weight room. — Ray Lewis

I'm so not ready to die. It petrifies me. I go alone. I go to a place I don't know. It might be painful. It might be the end. My thought is that it is the end. I become nameless, and I spent a lifetime being known. — William Shatner

Haie! Haie! These were the swift to harry; These the keen-scented; These were the souls of blood. Slow on the leash, pallid the leash-men! — Ezra Pound

High levels of homeownership have been shown to foster greater involvement in school and civic organizations, higher graduation rates, and greater neighborhood stability. — Ben Bernanke

His loss. I know a hell of a lot more about headstrong teenage girls than he does."
Colin gave her his most quelling look. "You're baiting him again."
Ryan studied first one of them and then the other. "What's going on with you two?"
"Nothing."
Unfortunately, they spoke together, automatically making them look like liars. Sugar Beth recovered first and handled the situation in her own way. "Relax, Ryan. Colin's done his best to get rid of me, but I'm blackmailing him with some unsavory facts I've unearthed about his past, which may or may not involve the ritual deaths of small animals, so if my body ends up in a ditch somewhere, tell the police to start their interrogations with him. Plus you might warn everybody to be careful with their cats. — Susan Elizabeth Phillips

After doing two years in prison, trust me, I've seen a lot of tough guys pray. They're not just praying for themselves; they're praying for their family and the people they've let down. — Ja Rule

I know Christianity; and I know I have to move away from it and approach Jesus Christ on my own. I have to talk to Him directly and seek His guidance and protection as I seek to make my commitment to Him central to my life. — Anne Rice

I wanna open a Jamaican/Irish/Spanish small plate breakfast restaurant and call it Tapas the Morning to Ja. — Harris Wittels

I love Country Music but what happened to it? — Bob Dylan