Degeneres Quotes & Sayings

People give me such a hard time because I don't wear dresses. What's that got to do with anything? — Ellen DeGeneres

But I do believe that's when you do your soul-searching. I think when you have these trials that life gives you, it is an opportunity to find out who you are. Not just who you are when everything's great, but who are you when every thing is taken away from you and you have nothing. — Ellen DeGeneres

Yeah I'm thirty-six, but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old woman, so they decided to make me thirty-two. Much more appealing somehow. — Ellen DeGeneres

I don't want to take a pill. Go to Africa, go follow some bushman around. He's being chased by a lion. That's stress. You're not going to find a pygmy on Paxil, I'll tell you that right now. — Ellen DeGeneres

I'm so unfamiliar with the gym, I call it James! — Ellen DeGeneres

The first person I learned I could make happy with laughter was my mother, whom I idolize. It was a powerful thing to realize. I knew I had found my life's work. — Ellen DeGeneres

I know that every time I list something that I am, I am potentially alienating a whole group of people. Publicists and managers will encourage you not to say what political party you belong to, what you eat, what you don't eat, who you sleep with and all that stuff. — Ellen DeGeneres

Life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy by yourself and for yourself. Happiness comes from within. You have the power to change your own mindset so that all the negative, horrible thoughts that try to invade your psyche are replaced with happy, positive, wonderful thoughts. — Ellen DeGeneres

The sixties were when hallucinogenic drugs were really, really big. And I don't think it's a coincidence that we had the type of shows we had then, like The Flying Nun. — Ellen DeGeneres

If you want to get rid of stuff, you can always do a good spring-cleaning. Or you can do what I do. Move. — Ellen DeGeneres

Honestly, I would eat cardboard rather than go back to eating animals. — Ellen DeGeneres

I became vegan because I saw footage of what really goes on in the slaughterhouses and on the dairy farms. — Ellen DeGeneres

I'm probably the most honest person you'll ever meet - to a fault, like, I-will-hurt-your-feelings honest. I'm sure if I lied about anything, it would have been silly, but I haven't retained that information. — Ellen DeGeneres

People love gossip. It's the biggest thing that keeps the entertainment industry going. — Ellen DeGeneres

You talk to some people who are opposed to same sex marriage, and they'll say, 'If we allow that, what's next? Will people want to marry animals?' ... You have to wonder about people who go straight to that idea
and they think WE'RE weird! — Ellen DeGeneres

Some people believe that to find happiness, you should live each day of your life as if it's your last because that way you will appreciate every single moment you have. Other people believe that you should live each day as if it's your first because then every day can be the beginning of a new journey. — Ellen DeGeneres

And we certainly don't have full conversations on cellphones. You know? Usually the reception is so bad, but it's only bad on your side. The person talking to you has no clue. They're just rambling on and on. You've got your finger jammed in your ear, you're shushing people on the streets. You're ducked behind a dumpster so you can hear about your friend's new hair cut. What about the bangs are they shorter?! Are the bangs shorter?! The bangs! — Ellen DeGeneres

Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink. — Ellen DeGeneres

Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work. — Ellen DeGeneres

When we were growing up our parents somehow made it clear that being famous was good. And I mistakenly thought that if I was famous then everyone would love me. — Ellen DeGeneres

Start thinking positively. You will notice a difference. Instead of 'I think I'm a loser,' try 'I definitely am a loser.' Stop being wishy-washy about things! How much more of a loser can you be if you don't even know you are one? Either you are a loser or you are not. Which is it, stupid? — Ellen DeGeneres

But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's get our priorities straight. I think we all know what's really important in life - winning an Oscar. — Ellen DeGeneres

Comedy can be, especially in a writer's room, really aggressive, kind of a very male-dominated room, and it would be hard for women. It's not a nurturing place. It's not like a lot of women are going to say, I can't wait to live that lifestyle and be in a writer's room until 2 or 3 a.m. — Ellen DeGeneres

Oh my God! I can't believe I did that! — Ellen DeGeneres

I think people need to laugh everyday. Whether the economy is good or bad, I think the most important thing is to laugh and to feel positive, if you are laughing at something positive. But if you are laughing at mean jokes then it's a wash. — Ellen DeGeneres

What did the letter O say to Q? Dude, your dikk is hanging out. — Ellen DeGeneres

Contribute to the world. Help people. Help one person. Help someone cross the street today. Help someone with directions unless you have a terrible sense of direction. Help someone who is trying to help you. Just help. Make an impact. Show someone you care. Say yes instead of no. Say something nice. Smile. Make eye contact. Hug. Kiss. Get naked. — Ellen DeGeneres

I like to try new things because I get bored so easily. — Ellen DeGeneres

I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: 'Ohhh my God, you're thin.' — Ellen DeGeneres

No, we can't be friends. You're my mom. You're what i talk to my friends about. — Ellen DeGeneres

I have a great career, and I have wonderful fans who really are supportive and loyal - because I'm not hiding anything from them. — Ellen DeGeneres

Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. It is the universe's way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast. Listen to the music. Whoa whoa, listen to the music. Because music makes the people come together, it makes the bourgeois and the rebel. So come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody try to love one another. Because what the world needs now is love, sweet love. And I know that love is a battlefield, but boogie on reggae woman because you're gonna make it after all. So celebrate good times, come on. I've gotta stop I've gotta come to my senses, I've been out riding fences for so long ... oops I did it again ... um ... What I'm trying to say is, if you leave tonight and you don't remember anything else that I've said, leave here and remember this: Procrastinate now, don't put it off. — Ellen DeGeneres

Why must women wake up and paint their faces? Who came up with this idea? What's wrong with washing and moisturizing? So, if you care to wear make-up, go right ahead. No one's stopping you. I only suggest reconsidering. Is it totally necessary? — Ellen DeGeneres

Right before I decided to come out, I went on a spiritual retreat called 'Changing the Inner Dialogue of Your Subconscious Mind.' I'd never been to anything like it before, and all my friends were taking bets on how long I'd last with no TV, no radio, no phone. But for me that was the beginning of paying attention to all the little things. — Ellen DeGeneres

Be true to yourself and everything will be fine. — Ellen DeGeneres

I get home at the end of the day and I don't want to talk. All I want to do is lay on the floor and pet my dogs and my cats. — Ellen DeGeneres

I never see the glass half empty because I drink out the bottle — Ellen DeGeneres

I have a terrible problem with procrastination ... a friend told me, "Well, you should go to therapy." And I thought about it, but then I said, "Wait a minute. Why should I pay a stranger to listen to me talk when I can get strangers to pay to listen to me talk?" And that's when I got the idea of touring. — Ellen DeGeneres

You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress. — Ellen DeGeneres

Haiku sounds like I'm Saying hi to someone named Ku. Hi, Ku. Hello. — Ellen DeGeneres

People love their animals so much so that they put little clothes on them and necklaces and booties and things like that. And if you love your animal, then you should feed them something that's not dangerous for them. There's a lot of poisonous stuff that they're putting in a lot of that food, those by-products. — Ellen DeGeneres

Here's a professional tip: If you have to say you're kidding, it might not be a great joke. — Ellen DeGeneres

The only thing I really recommend, if you're starting out in stand-up is to not try to copy anybody else. You can be influenced by people. I was influenced by Steve Martin and Bob Newhart and Woody Allen, but I never tried to be someone else. I always tried to be myself. And the reason people are successful is they're unique. — Ellen DeGeneres

At a four-way stop sign, the person with the prettiest eyes has the right of way — Ellen DeGeneres

The song 'If I Had a Hammer' is geared toward people who don't have a hammer. Maybe before I had a hammer I thought I'd hammer in the morning and hammer in the evening. But once you get a hammer, you find you don't really hammer as much as you thought you would. — Ellen DeGeneres

Do you live each day as if it's your first or your last? Either way you should probably have a diaper on. — Ellen DeGeneres

I stand for honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated & helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values. That's what I stand for. — Ellen DeGeneres

It's just, you can get very complacent if you do the same thing all the time and especially [comedy], it gives me different things to react to and respond to, and it stimulates me,. — Ellen DeGeneres

When I decided to have my character on the show come out, I knew I was going to have to come out, too. I never wanted to be the lesbian actress. I never wanted to be the spokesperson for the gay community. Ever. I did it for my own truth. — Ellen DeGeneres

If you're in a position where you can help other people, there is nothing better in life than helping other people. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! — Ellen DeGeneres

There's no one way to dance. And that's kind of my philosophy about everything. — Ellen DeGeneres

We're told to go on living our lives as usual, because to do otherwise is to let the terrorists win, and really, what would upset the Taliban more than a gay woman wearing a suit in front of a room full of Jews? — Ellen DeGeneres

If success is really dependent on someone liking you or not liking you, and you have to teeter on that kind of tightrope of how you're supposed to act and how you're supposed to look and who you are, it's just not a healthy way to live. — Ellen DeGeneres

Faith is part of who I am, yes. I was raised Christian Scientist. The most important thing I saw every single week on the wall at Sunday school was the Golden Rule. — Ellen DeGeneres

My dream guests are really not so much celebrities. They're people who are actually interesting and they're doing something interesting with their lives or had an interesting experience in some way. I really enjoy talking to regular, everyday people. — Ellen DeGeneres

To me, beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. — Ellen DeGeneres

The problem with labels is that they lead to stereotypes and stereotypes lead to generalizations and generalizations lead to assumptions and assumptions lead back to stereotypes. It's a vicious cycle, and after you go around and around a bunch of times you end up believing that all vegans only eat cabbage and all gay people love musicals. — Ellen DeGeneres

(I don't know why the word "mustache" exists, though. Can't we just call it lip hair?) — Ellen DeGeneres

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is. — Ellen DeGeneres

Be open to learning new lessons, even if they contradict the lessons you learned yesterday. — Ellen DeGeneres

I cannot imagine not going home to animals. They are the closest thing to God; they don't harbor resentment. I wanted to be a vet when I grew up. — Ellen DeGeneres

Sometimes I get so lost in the moment, I start running around my yard, flapping my arms like a seagull at the beach. A lot of times I'll even start to squawk. Usually right around the third or fourth squawk is when my neighbor starts screaming at me to pipe down. He's always like, "Quiet down, lady! And put on some pants!" And I'm always like, "YOU put on some pants, sir!" because in the heat of the moment I panic and I can't think of anything better to say. Of course, he's already wearing pants, so it doesn't pack quite the punch I want it to, but the bottom line is he's clearly not as connected to nature as I am. — Ellen DeGeneres

I get those fleeting, beautiful moments of inner peace and stillness - and then the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day, I'm a human trying to make it through in this world. — Ellen DeGeneres

When the message out there is so horrible that, to be gay, you can get killed for it ... we need to change the message!! — Ellen DeGeneres

It's a little weird that I'm getting an award for being nice and generous and kind ... which is what we're all supposed to do for one another.
That's the point of being human.
I think that kindness is an innate quality that we all have.
We need to see more of it in the world.
I want everyone to know that we all really, really love one another.
Deep down, we all love one another.
We need to get back to that.
My wish is that we all try. — Ellen DeGeneres

I've always said, I like my coffee like I like my men ... I don't drink coffee. — Ellen DeGeneres

There are all sorts of books offering advice on how to deal with life-threatening situations, but where's the advice on dealing with embarrassing ones? — Ellen DeGeneres

Ellen Degeneres: "There's a curfew for all the people on American Idol and you didn't pay attention to it, ever."
Blake: "Yeah, why?"
Ellen: "Why? That's my question. — Blake Lewis

I'm not going to say who looks the most beautiful, but it's clear. It's Jared Leto. I mean, he's the prettiest. Boy is he pretty — Ellen DeGeneres

There's lotion for your face, for your hands, for your feet, for your body. Why? What would happen if you put hand lotion on your feet? Would your feet get confused and start clapping? Each kind has something special in it - aloe, shea butter, coconut, cocoa butter, vanilla, lemon extract. That's not lotion. That's one ingredient short of a Bundt cake. — Ellen DeGeneres

What's New Orleans without music? And what's music without dancing? — Ellen DeGeneres

Hosting the Emmys is a challenge for me. I guess it's the equivalent of someone who needs to climb a mountain or jump out of a plane. It's that kind of thing, where this could go terribly wrong. And I love the feeling of when it goes right. — Ellen DeGeneres

I left my apartment in London and I sold everything. I literally had $1000 and a suitcase when I got on the plane. The next day I enrolled in my first acting class. We had some great people, Jim Carrey, Ellen DeGeneres, Molly Ringwald. It was very inspirational. — Jane Leeves

I do have ADD and in real life, I'm all over the place and can hardly focus. If we were talking for, for more than an hour or so, I'd start drifting off ... I can't sit still too long. — Ellen DeGeneres

I think I let go of the need for approval, ... It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used to be more desperate for it. Once I felt better inside about myself ... I could do everything based on how I want to do things. — Ellen DeGeneres

All we have is here and now. That's why procrastination feels so right. Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. — Ellen DeGeneres

The only way a no-legged leopard could hurt you is if it fell out of a tree onto your head. — Ellen DeGeneres

Just go up to somebody on the street and say 'You're it!' and then run away. — Ellen DeGeneres

Don't hold onto things, it will only bring you pain. — Ellen DeGeneres

You know, radio DJ's must really love to talk to theirselves. Especially when they have the graveyard shift. 'Hey this is Ellen with 89.1. It is currently three in the morning. There are few cars on the road. And it your still listening heres a little music to get you to dance.. — Ellen DeGeneres

I talked to Beyonce and she wants to learn how to speak Arabic and she wants to jump out of an airplane. I don't want to do that. I just don't want to wash my hair every day. — Ellen DeGeneres

I hate having to do small talk. I'd rather talk about deep subjects. I'd rather talk about meditation, or the world, or the trees or animals, than small, inane, you know, banter. — Ellen DeGeneres

I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and my own toothbrush. — Ellen DeGeneres

Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about. — Ellen DeGeneres

No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny - it's delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it's not about you, that it's about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are. — Ellen DeGeneres

Then you panic because you've never known the difference between a sweet potato and a yam and both are on the counter, and if you start making a yam pie you'll never hear the end of it. — Ellen DeGeneres

I think anybody who wants to be president has to be a politician, but I would like to find somebody who's coming from a loving place instead of a political place. — Ellen DeGeneres

Baloney is just salami with an inferiority complex. — Ellen DeGeneres

Raspberry Sorbet with Capers — Ellen DeGeneres

I'm sure men have their own ways of trying to demean one another, but women can be very gossipy and judgmental, and that doesn't help. — Ellen DeGeneres

I had no intention of becoming a comedian. I just wanted to make people happy. I tried everything-I shucked oysters, I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners. But there was always a voice saying, You should be doing something different. And it was usually my boss and I was being fired. — Ellen DeGeneres

I'm a - I'm a, um, a godmother which is just, that's fun to be a godmother, she is so precious, she's the light of my life, she's two ... or five or something, and she's, uh ... I don't know, I've never seen her - the pictures are precious, she just seems so, y'know ... She lives clear across town, I don't have that kind of time, but, um ... Well, I send money and stuff, it's not like I don't have a connection. — Ellen DeGeneres

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her. — Ellen DeGeneres

It is a fundamental right for people to be allowed to love who they want to love and marry who they want to marry and stop holding on to some form of discrimination that it's just isn't fair. — Ellen DeGeneres

That woman in the shampoo commercial - she's happy. She's ... she's too happy. — Ellen DeGeneres

I didn't go to college at all, any college, and I'm not saying you wasted your time or money, but look at me, I'm a huge celebrity. — Ellen DeGeneres

If we're destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one another and all that stuff, there's got to be a very powerful energy to fight that. I think we need more love in the world. We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to that. — Ellen DeGeneres

When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important. — Ellen DeGeneres

Procrastination isn't the problem. It's the solution. It's the universe's way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast. — Ellen DeGeneres

In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better. — Ellen DeGeneres