Deadpanned Quotes & Sayings

Alasdair yanked a pillow, shoving it under his arse. "I think you'll find I'm a heavy but remarkably fit and supple git, thank you very much." He spread his legs wide open and leered.
"With real self-esteem issues." Cosmo deadpanned.
"I will have if you don't hurry up and make love to me."
"Make love?" Aww, that's sweet."
"Less talking. More shagging."
"Yes, boss!" Cosmo saluted with his free hand ... — Josephine Myles

You are trying to impress someone."
Was Jared a psychic?
I told myself to keep it together. "Is that an accusation?" I deadpanned.
"Stating a matter-of-fact. Is it your unkempt Jedi Master, or the big of a hot sauce that you are dating?"
I snorted. Jared would've loved Perry. They would've fallen head over heels at each other and then started a life together with a pair of dogs and tiny house with blue roof at some suburb area. "That unkempt Jedi, and the hot sauce, they have far more authentic nickname."
"Yes." My bother nodded. "Detective Yoda and Detective Sriracha. — Rea Lidde

Thanksgiving dinner with my family is awesome," I deadpanned. "Now drink your gold before somebody comes along and mutates you into a twisted parody of humanity. — Seanan McGuire

Oh, thank heavens! Someone remembered the bath mat," Enoch deadpanned. "We are saved. — Ransom Riggs

Lunch looks grand, Meg. You've really outdone yourself," James commented, loading his plate. He frowned down at an escaping carrot extending precariously over the plate edge and
eased it back with his fingertip, then grunted and promptly stuck the burnt digit in his mouth. "I've been trying to eat better, organic and all. Are these vegetables free range?" he asked with a straight face.
The table fell silent as several sets of eyes blinked owlishly back at him. With an equally straight face Beth speared a roasted wedge and studied it. "I don't think potatoes require much
grazing room, genius," she deadpanned. — Shannon MacLeod

I scrolled through your order history at Victoria's Secret."
"Well, that's not at all creepy," she deadpanned.
"Did you know there are items in your shopping cart? Sweaters. Lots of thick, long, skin-covering sweaters. Frankly, it confused me."
"Maybe I already own plenty of lingerie. Considering I walk to work, sweaters are much more practical. Plus they're awfully cute."
"I added a few things to your cart and checked out for you. I paid for it with my credit card. Expedited the shipping too, so you should have it by Monday."
"You added a few things?"
"One hint: not sweaters."
"How wildly inappropriate."
"Kid in a candy store. Couldn't help myself. — Tracey Garvis-Graves

We were raised Methodists," Sue said. "But we converted to the Confederacy. There wasn't time for both."
"War is hell," Ed deadpanned. "And it just might send us there. — Tony Horwitz

Who's my date" the Colonel asked.
*You're girlfriend is your date"
"All right" he said, and then deadpanned "but we don't get along very well — John Green

The speaker was stringy and angular, his blond hair pulled back in a ponytail, his plaid workman's shirtsleeves rolled up around his pale biceps. Journalism major, I guessed. — Jonathan Lethem

Then he said: "Y'all really took that Socratic method shit to heart."
"The benefits," I intoned, "of a Precepture education ."
"Yes," deadpanned Grego. "We were raised on Latin and Greek instead of love. — Erin Bow

I cry too much to be butch." The artist deadpanned, raising an eyebrow filled with intimidation at the young woman. — L.J. Maas

He stepped closer with an intense, thoughtful look on his face. "We shouldn't do this."
Her heart gave a hard thud.
"You probably can't kiss." Another step closer. "What does the doctor say?"
"We never kissed," she deadpanned. "Dr. Pratt and I are not interested in each other that way."
The sound of his deep laughter broke the tension between them. He moved a little closer still.
"Dr. Pratt says intimacy is all right, unless the other person is sick." She couldn't believe she just said that. Why not put a neon sign on her forehead? DESPERATE FOR SEX.
"This isn't going to work." He leaned his forehead against hers, the skin-to-skin contact jolting. "This isn't the right time for either of us." His hands slid up her arms. "I shouldn't kiss you," he said.
And then he did.
Holy heaven. — Dana Marton

Are you about finished?" Hazel deadpanned. She looked at me. "He started his period this morning. — Jamie McGuire

Kill the guard real dead for me," Matt said when Grayson made a move toward the door, "and pick up Chinese food". — Dorothy McFalls

Mr. Carter cleared his throat. "Soy sauce." He deadpanned. "Really, Sera? — Flora Roberts

Ah, you're warming up to me. You know what comes next."
"Bitter disappointment?" she deadpanned. — Dana Marton

You're easily distracted, aren't you?" Ty deadpanned.
"Not really," Zane said smoothly, dragging one hand down Ty's
chest. "I'm still focused on you. — Madeleine Urban

I glanced back to Yanni to see him smiling at us. "You two can stop being so cute now."
"Well, Spencer can," Andrew deadpanned. "I, unfortunately, am cute all the time."
I laughed. "It's true. He is. — N.R. Walker

Do you know what that means?" "They have three fewer ships?" Parks deadpanned. "Stop being an asshole, captain, I'm serious. — Todd Shryock

Darryl does talk," Skylar said. "If you listen. And FYI, I have a really strong feeling that he's going to be the next Bill Gates, so you might want to be a little nicer to him."
"I have a really strong feeling," Bethany deadpanned, "that if you don't tell me what's on that USB drive, I will end you. — Jennifer Lynn Barnes

Alec deadpanned, "You didn't just 'Call my name', you shouted it like you were being murdered."

An image of the gun going off in my nightmare struck me, but I shook it off.

"I would have screeched or at the very least given a high-pitched white-woman scream if I was being murdered. I wouldn't have shouted at all if I knew it would have upset you this much."

Alec looked exhausted as he rubbed his hand over his gorgeous face. "Why a white-woman?"

I shrugged, again. "It's usually the white ones who scream the loudest that get killed in the slasher films. — L.A. Casey

You have to tell him 'go toodles, Bits, go toodles for momma,'" I said, pitching my voice high in imitation, "or else he won't go." Blane looked at me. "I'm not doing that," he said flatly. "But then he'll go on the bed," I protested. "How about I just point my gun at him," he deadpanned. — Tiffany Snow

She said something equivalent to 'over my dead body.' To which your father deadpanned, I don't sleep with the dead. — Amanda Carlson

With pleasure," Kinney deadpanned. "In fact, I was hoping that if I came to see you off, I would be asked to do manual labor." Iko shrugged. "If you don't want to do any heavy lifting, then stop having such impressive muscles. — Marissa Meyer

And I love the beret. Just glad that it wasn't raspberry." "Or from a secondhand store," he deadpanned. "Although I would love to see you in it. And if it was warm ... — Emily Giffin

She sees ghosts," said Samuel, impatient with my whining.
"I see dead people," I deadpanned back. Oddly, it was Uncle Mike who laughed. I hadn't thought he'd be a moviegoer. — Patricia Briggs

Nope. You didn't miss much." "Somehow, I find that hard to believe." Thalia raised her shoulders in an attempt to sit up, but settled back down with a groan. Clarke gently placed a rolled-up blanket behind her. "Thanks," she muttered and surveyed Clarke for a moment before she spoke again. "Okay, what's wrong?" Clarke gave her a bemused smile. "Nothing! I'm just so happy you're feeling better." "Please. You can't hide anything from me. You know I always manage to get your secrets out of you," Thalia deadpanned. "You can start by telling me where you found the medicine." "Octavia — Kass Morgan

How was that compares to the other me?"
"Less dog breath," he deadpanned. — Karina Halle

I at least need to know who you suspect. What if something happens to you between now and then?"
"What could happen?" When his expression deadpanned, I shrugged. "Fine. I'll text who I think it is to Cookie with explicit instructions not to tell you unless something dire happens. Like if I have a fatal allergic reaction to your cheap cologne. — Darynda Jones

Oh, you just look at something and figure out how it works," Kai deadpanned, standing beside her. "Is that all?" Cinder fixed her ponytail and shrugged, suddenly embarrassed. "It's just mechanics." Kai scooped an arm around her waist and pulled her against him. "No, it's impressive," he said, using the pad of his thumb to brush something off Cinder's cheek. "Not to mention, weirdly attractive," he said, before capturing her lips. — Marissa Meyer

In spring training prior to his 1995 rookie season, Chipper was already so confident in who he was as a player that he famously deadpanned to veteran slugger Fred McGriff, after the Crime Dog grounded into an inning-ending double play, these two words: "Rally killer." His confidence carried over to the field, just as it had since he began playing as a kid - he batted .265, and he led all rookies with 23 home runs, 87 runs, and 86 RBIs. Hideo Nomo was Rookie of the Year for the Dodgers, but Chipper and the Braves were World Champions. — Tucker Elliot

Where the hell did you get those?" Bronagh asked me causing everyone's gaze to turn my way.

I grinned and proudly held up my flowers. "Mr. Pervert."

The lads all looked to Alec and laughed.

"How badly did you want to hit him?" Nico asked.

Alec growled, "I'm still contemplating going back inside and kicking his ass."

I rattled my head. "Relax, he was just being nice."

"Nice my ass," all four brothers said in unison, which cracked up the girls.

"They all share the same narrow mind," Aideen teased.

I fell into Alec and laughed.

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Shut up," Kane deadpanned making me laugh harder. — L.A. Casey

Puck laughed, shaking his head at the prince's expression. "Looks like you just got scolded by a gremlin, Your Magesty," he chuckled and crossed his arms. "Ah, can't say I'm not gonna miss you two. We had some fun times, right, princeling? Sadest past is, I won't ever hear ice-boy complain that I'm corrupting you again. But, I guess all good things mus come to an end." He sighe'd, gave Kierran a friendly arm punch and raised his hand. "See ya'round kid. Try not to let those Slim Shadys suck out all your fun. Ethan Chase?" Puck winked at me. "I'm sure I'll see you again, whether you like it or not."
"Yeah," I deadpanned. "So looking forward to it." Puck laughed again. "Don't you forget it. Until the next adventure kiddos." Sticking his hands into his pockets, the Great Prankster sauntered off, whistling until he reached the edge of the trees and vanished into the shadows. — Julie Kagawa

Tapping a finger against the flesh of her elbow, she deadpanned, Jacin Clay, there is an assassin under my bed. — Marissa Meyer

Megan almost pouted at the reappearance of the black T-shirt covering his body, but a chuckle bubbled out at the sight of two bowls, two spoons, and four half gallons of ice cream lined up on the kitchen counter. "What do you want for breakfast?" she deadpanned.
His brow furrowed. He looked from her to the ice cream and back. "I thought ... "
She patted his arm. All solid muscle. "Just teasing. Dig in. — Laura Kaye

Of course, once I'd wrapped my mind around the fact that it was Cal and not Archer standing in my bedroom, it dawned on me that Cal was standing in my bedroom.
"Hey," I breathed, hoping my hair wasn't a huge tangled mess, even though I was ninety-nine percent sure that it was. I mean, I could see it out of my peripheral vision.
"Hey."
"You're,um,in my room."
"I am."
"Is that allowed?"
"Well,we are engaged," Cal deadpanned.
I squinted at him, shoving big handfuls of my hair away from my face. I had no idea if that was supposed to be a joke or not. You could never tell with Cal.
"Did you want to watch me sleep or something? Because if that's the case, this engagement is so broken."
Cal's lips quirked in what might have been a smile. "Do you have a smart-ass reply for everything?
"If at all possible,yeah. — Rachel Hawkins

For all I know, you look different by sunlight," Cameron prodded.
"I'm actually a blond," Julian deadpanned. — Abigail Roux

Wow!" Dutch exclaimed as he took a gander at me. "You are a beautiful woman, Abby."
"And you have excellent taste!" I deadpanned. I'd waited for years to say that line. — Victoria Laurie

Huh. Fancy meeting you here," I teased. "I recall telling you that I had a meeting with Holly this morning. Coincidence?" "Sheridan, that's rubbish. Are you insinuating that I only came here in the hopes of running into you? I happen to have had an appointment as well," he taunted. "That's crap, you stalker," I deadpanned, moving in closer to him. He raised an eyebrow, watching me. — Alice Clayton

Ew. Can you not talk about my dad ogling people? Scarlett Johansson may be gorgeous, but still."
"It'll be a challenge, but I think I can refrain from licking the screen," Brendan deadpanned, placing the wine bottle on the coffee table next to the bowl of popcorn before settling into the chair where he'd been working on his computer earlier.
"Ew! Dad! — Amelia C. Gormley

She laughed. 'You seem pretty normal.'
'You've never seen Ben snort Sprite up his nose and then spit it out of his mouth,' I said.
'I look like a demented carbonated fountain,' he deadpanned. — John Green