Davidoff Quotes & Sayings

There are few places more lonely than a crowded night club. — Dov Davidoff

The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater. — Dov Davidoff

Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile. — Dov Davidoff

If you love sleep, you'll really enjoy death. — Dov Davidoff

If you spend a lot of time shopping for athletic clothes, you may want to consider spending less time thinking about high school. — Dov Davidoff

Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you. — Dov Davidoff

Fear can be a great motivator, just not during foreplay. — Dov Davidoff

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world. — Dov Davidoff

Dating is great unless you don't like horrible awkwardness, lying, and a deep foreboding sense of disappointment that never goes away. — Dov Davidoff

I'm pretty sure whoever said, people are wonderful spent very little time with people. — Dov Davidoff

I've decided to aim a telescope at my neighbour's window. It's the closest I'll ever come to living with someone comfortably. — Dov Davidoff

Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush. — Dov Davidoff

Assassinating someone is another way of saying I care, just not in the way they'd want you to. — Dov Davidoff

Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight. — Dov Davidoff

Vegas; one of the few places still encouraging men in their fifties to dress like their in a boy-band from the 80's. — Dov Davidoff

False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence. — Dov Davidoff

Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move. — Dov Davidoff

Canadians are like Americans, just less racist, violent, and ignorant. — Dov Davidoff

Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift? — Dov Davidoff

No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand. — Dov Davidoff

Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going. — Dov Davidoff

Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world. — Dov Davidoff

Age is just a number, unless of course your trying to have a conversation with them. — Dov Davidoff

Nature's beauty never fails to fill me with a sense of wonder and awe, and still, I refuse to go camping. — Dov Davidoff

Women often use large fake breasts like a gun, pointing the weapon at you in an attempt to garner the attention their father never gave them. — Dov Davidoff

Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits. — Dov Davidoff

The Middle East is America's 'champagne room'. No matter how much you spend, you will still never get what you want. — Dov Davidoff

How can there not already be a rapper named 'O'pinion'? — Dov Davidoff

I can always tell when a girl comes from a good family because she's what's known as not at all attracted to me. — Dov Davidoff

All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully. — Dov Davidoff

I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots. — Dov Davidoff

If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood. — Dov Davidoff

Monogamy is god's way of making death seem like a more reasonable option. — Dov Davidoff

Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death. — Dov Davidoff

I'd put my faith in god, but I haven't met him, and I've been hurt before. — Dov Davidoff

Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great. — Dov Davidoff

Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness? — Dov Davidoff

I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure. — Dov Davidoff

Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are. — Dov Davidoff

The more I get to know people, the less I know about people. — Dov Davidoff

Comedy is rarely funny. — Dov Davidoff

When maintaining a relationship means diminishing your self, it's time to walk. — Dov Davidoff

The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers. — Dov Davidoff

America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women. — Dov Davidoff

Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay. — Dov Davidoff

I hate to see a woman cry, unless of course I'm crying first in which case I feel it's appropriate. — Dov Davidoff

Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness. — Dov Davidoff

I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house. — Dov Davidoff

Water polo would be much more interesting if they hadn't gotten rid of the horses. — Dov Davidoff

I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded. — Dov Davidoff

Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you. — Dov Davidoff

Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack. — Dov Davidoff

The man I want to be could easily beat me up. — Dov Davidoff

I'd spend more time with you if you were less like you. — Dov Davidoff

Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there. — Dov Davidoff

Great marriages are like the Higgs Boson particle, its existence has been theorized, but no one has ever seen one. — Dov Davidoff

Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'. — Dov Davidoff

Another thing rappers, I admire your rebellious spirit, but materialism is a form of mental slavery. Slow down on the jewelry, pick up a book. — Dov Davidoff

Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him. — Dov Davidoff

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal. — Dov Davidoff

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary. — Dov Davidoff

Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years. — Dov Davidoff

Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding. — Dov Davidoff

Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money. — Dov Davidoff

Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable. — Dov Davidoff

Man's inhumanity toward man is astounding, and I'm just talking about the lineup at certain comedy clubs. — Dov Davidoff

When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that. — Dov Davidoff

I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought; but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much. — Dov Davidoff

MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty. — Dov Davidoff

Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there. — Dov Davidoff

You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer. — Dov Davidoff

I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science. — Dov Davidoff

Is it a bad sign when you see the person you're dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you're rear view mirror? — Dov Davidoff

I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship. — Dov Davidoff

Everybody wants to be more wanted, until they are ... — Dov Davidoff

Latin women enjoy being women more than other women. — Dov Davidoff

Coming to terms with my feelings of worthlessness isn't always a bad time, but it's rarely a good one. — Dov Davidoff

Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it. — Dov Davidoff

Whenever I'm around people it causes me to feel nostalgic for the loneliness that drove me into their presence in the first place. — Dov Davidoff

I really appreciate the way you don't appreciate me, said my subconscious as I agreed to go out with her yet again. — Dov Davidoff

The best thing about bugs is their lack of self consciousness, also the ability to fly doesn't hurt. — Dov Davidoff

You forget how crazy people are in New York, all the people on the sidewalk. When you leave here, everyone's in their car. But I get back here - I just went to throw something in the garbage, and there was a guy in the garbage. And he wasn't looking in it; he is in it, looking out over 9th Ave like a fisherman. — Dov Davidoff

Cities with a black middle class provide the narrow minded an opportunity to realize that cultural differences are largely economic. — Dov Davidoff

Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one. — Dov Davidoff

The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time. — Dov Davidoff

People who say life is precious don't spend much time on line at the airport. — Dov Davidoff

It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant. — Dov Davidoff

The expectation of happiness creates a lot of unhappiness. — Dov Davidoff

I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself. — Dov Davidoff

Few things interest me more than the things people don't say. — Dov Davidoff

Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line. — Dov Davidoff

Sex sells, but doesn't work so well as a strong-arm tactic. Give me your purse or I'll make out with you so hard. — Dov Davidoff

If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you're probably a bad actor. — Dov Davidoff

People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be. — Dov Davidoff

Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them. — Dov Davidoff

The fabric of society is woven together by the needle of suppression and denial. — Dov Davidoff

The next actor I meet that uses the term 'courageous' to describe another actor's performance is getting punched in the face. — Dov Davidoff

I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood. — Dov Davidoff

How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more? — Dov Davidoff

The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit. — Dov Davidoff