Dave The Quotes & Sayings

Barry Bonds is outspoken. I think that the people of Pittsburgh felt, it's a syndrome of you've got to apologize for being successful if you're successful (as well as) black and outspoken. — Dave Parker

Well, I do expect a lot of myself. I'm a harsh critic because I know what I'm capable of. I have hit those occasional peaks amongst the valleys, but the peaks are so few-things like genuine flashes of virtuoso brush inking, like I've never executed before or since-I can count on one hand the number of jobs where I've been able to hit that mark. The same with penciling. Sometimes it just flows, but more often than not, it's pure physical and spiritual torment just to get something decent on paper. I often get very discouraged with the whole creative process. — Dave Stevens

Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster? — Dave Barry

You and I read the same books and hear the same sermons and we come away with different messages. That has to be evidence of some serious problem, right? — Dave Eggers

Unless you live in Indonesia, there should be several malls within five miles of your home. It makes no difference whatsoever which one you go to: Under federal law, all malls in the United States must have the same 42 chain stores. — Dave Barry

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once. — Dave Barry

Mum's always hinting I should ask him out, but when a girl finds talking as hard as I do and singing in public even harder, that leaves mime and interpretative dance. Don't get me wrong. I'd be great at both those things, but I don't think Dave's all that into the arts. — Cath Crowley

Being the highly trained investment mogul that I am, I could certainly find places to put that money where it would earn more. Or would it? Remember, personal finance is personal. I have come to realize that Sharon's peace of mind bought with the oversized emergency fund is a great return on investment. Guys, this can be a wonderful gift to your wife. An Emergency Fund Can — Dave Ramsey

The brain can be a dangerous thing. Even more so if you haven't got one. — Dave Courtney

We saw that our customers required help beyond the data sets they had and that they could benefit from a wider opinion. So we built SurveyMonkey Audience, and we've now got 4 million users who signed up to take surveys. Our clients can choose the demographic they want to hear from, and we can provide that sample. — Dave Goldberg

You don't have to be Dave Halberstam to see that the American role in both conflicts [the Iraq war and the Vietnam conflict] is characterized by arrogance, ignorance and self-delusion at the highest levels of government. — Jonathan Yardley

World missions was on God's mind from the beginning. — Dave Davidson

If God in all of His infinite power and love were real to us, the opinions of men, either for or against us, and the honor or dishonor they may bestow would shrink into nothingness in comparison. — Dave Hunt

The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up. The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now. They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they'd never clean anything. — Dave Barry

The late '60s and the '70s, a lot of this really beautiful equipment was being made and installed into studios around the world and the Neve boards were considered like the Cadillacs of recording consoles. They're these really big, behemoth-looking recording desks; they kind of look like they're from the Enterprise in Star Trek or something like that. They're like a grayish color, sort of like an old Army tank with lots of knobs, and to any studio geek or gear enthusiast it's like the coolest toy in the world. — Dave Grohl

The space between the tears we cry is the laughter that keeps us coming back for more ... — Dave Matthews Band

So many people who wanted no part of all this. That's what's new. There used to be the option of opting out. But now that's over. Completion is the end. We're closing the circle around everyone - it's a totalitarian nightmare. — Dave Eggers

I realize that some of you may be skeptical about the idea of reincarnation, but there's a lot of evidence that it's real. Exhibit A is Vice President Al Gore, who obviously, at some point in his previous existence, was a slab of Formica. — Dave Barry

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withstand tremendous boredom. — Dave Barry

The whole 'serious artist' thing is very damaging. The powers that be will steer you towards your own demise. One thing I've learned is that it's not very glamourous, and my problems are no different from anybody else's. — Dave Gahan

The population of earth has reached 7 billion people, every single one of whom send you irritating emails to join something called "LinkedIn." — Dave Barry

I think that what went wrong with religion is the same thing that went wrong with politics. Is that it became too money based and too controlling. It's just a weakness that we human beings have for control - we want one thing and then we want more and then we want more. — Dave Davies

Once a week I would meet up with the coolest teacher and we'd go over my work. All my friends were like, Soooo ... once a week at lunch you meet up with Mr. Schulenberg to talk about poetry. They all thought I was having sex with my teacher. But I really just loved to write and it was a nice outlet. — Dave Franco

In 2011 India's Test team was crowned as world cricket's leading side for the first time in its history. The foundations for this global domination can be traced to a decade earlier, when a career-defining performance by VVS Laxman helped to turn a whole series on its head as India, in the face of a seemingly unassailable deficit, staged an unbelievable recovery to go on and overpower what many considered to be the finest cricket team ever assembled. — Dave Wilson

Listen carefully, be transparent, be responsive, be authentic, tell great stories-the qualities that would make you the hotshot at a party-and they'll make your organization a likeable one on social networks. — Dave Kerpen

Any band that calls themselves 'The Killers' is gonna be dangerous. — Dave Keuning

You treat a kid with respect and as an adult you talk to them as if they're smart people. But you don't throw at them the trappings of adulthood and you know, the darker stuff. — Dave Eggers

What I realized with Funny or Die is that I could take it into my own hands. On a much smaller scale, I think these videos are an accurate representation of who I am. As weird as they may be, I'm at least proud of them, and it showed that I do have a slightly different voice. I can't tell you how often people bring up these videos in interviews, and I'm so happy to talk about them because we created them from the ground up. — Dave Franco

Different boards do different things to the sound that's coming through them. An old Neve desk does embellish it in a way that makes it sound sort of bigger or warmer. It doesn't change the performance but it does enhance the way that it sounds. — Dave Grohl

I think actually singing the words is more therapeutic than just sitting down to write them, because then you are letting it out, and it's coming from your gut. — Dave Grohl

To be honest, I don't see myself acting forever. I just can't imagine myself being a 70-year-old man fighting for roles. I would love to do small parts in my friends' movies or things that I'm directing myself. I do envision myself behind the camera as I get a little bit older. — Dave Franco

She once told me of a night that fumed with escapes and was filled with bedsides reeking of ecstasy; she told me the stars cast not judgments, but blessings, knowing full well the disastrous outcomes of the deeds they cradled with the strings of their young hearts. She'd inhaled the night itself, those around her doing the same, and so all become one. No disharmony. No discordance. Nothing to shatter the cause; nothing to unearth the beauty. So as we together ascended that front porch, allowing the glow behind the blown-out windows and the odious steams plunder us from through the cracks ... time forgot to distill us, and our steps became as silver as glass. I could no longer deny the boiling words of my blood: tonight would be the beginning of a very long road indeed. — Dave Matthes

It's the behaviour of your company and its people that form your reputation, and your reputation is your brand — Dave Allen

There's a lot of people who don't want anything from me but to laugh and have a good time. You see them at the show and they like - they dress up to come see your show and stuff. And they pack these auditoriums and it's a lot of fun, man. It's like, this is how I started, and it's still fun for me. — Dave Chappelle

'Presence of God' is really that understanding that sometimes when you step out of your own shoes and just open your ears and listen to what's going on around you, you get answers to the questions you were asking. — Dave Gahan

We live in a culture full of hares; but the tortoise always wins. — Dave Ramsey

But it felt good to cry, to let her shoulders shake, to feel the hot tears on her face, to taste their baby salt, to wipe snot all over the underside of her shirt. — Dave Eggers

The Stovepipe is a memoir full of laughter and tears and a moving story of sisterly love as well as their will to survive. — Dave Pelzer

I actually kind of like Janet Reno. She seems like a nice enough lady. But when you're basically going through the entire phone book trying to find women lawyers who don't have maids to pick the attorney general of the United States, how well can you do? — Dave Barry

Turbulence: This is what pilots announce that you have encountered when your plane strikes an object in midair. You'll be flying along, and there will be an enormous, shuddering WHUMP, and clearly the plane has rammed into an airborne object at least the size of a water buffalo, and the pilot will say, "Folks, we're encountering a little turbulence." Meanwhile they are up there in the cockpit trying desperately to clean water buffalo organs off the windshield. — Dave Barry

The more boring a newspaper is, the more it is respected. The most respected newspaper in the United States is The New York Times, which has thousands of reporters constantly producing enormous front-page stories about bauxite ... The [New York] Post would write about bauxite only if famous celebrites were arrested for snorting it in an exclusive Manhattan nightclub. — Dave Barry

Everything you do, burns calories. Getting up in the morning, 100 calories; kicking the hooker out of your bed, another 100; diapering your monkey, 35 calories; laughing at a midget, fun and 10 calories; catching your girlfriend with another guy, 2000-3000 calories, depending on backswings. — Dave Attell

I can't recall a story that played out exactly as I'd expected it to. That's one of the thrills of journalism - being surprised, and learning new stuff, but it also poses the biggest challenge to a writer's character. — Dave Barry

The story of the eighties will be the story of the Reagan administration and the many men and women who served in it, some of whom are already out on parole. — Dave Barry

Finally, I found what seemed at the time to be a lid of some sort. Presuming it was a toilet seat (but not really caring one way or the other) I lifted it up, then dropped my shorts and began to piss. Ahhh ... success. Then I stumbled back to bed and passed out. It wasn't until the next morning that I realized what had actually happened. I woke to the sight of Junior standing over my bed with a look of disgust on his face. Hey, man. Did you pee in my suitcase? — Dave Mustaine

People look at me, and they have a certain perception, and they slap a label on me. The guy you saw in a wrestling ring is not who I am. — Dave Bautista

You must achieve the confidence of knowing that you possess absolute, unbending, unimpeachable integrity. Everyone must know that. Above all else, it is integrity that defines your character. — Dave Calhoun

Alan had never been stabbed or shot or punctured or broken. Were scars the best evidence of living? If we have not survived something, and thus were certain that we'd lived, we could scar ourselves, couldn't we? — Dave Eggers

I didn't recognize it as such then, because I was only thirteen years old, but later I found it a bit ironic that my first time seeing a woman in all her form and glory and saggy drug-tainted tits, arrived at the same exact time as my first introduction to death. — Dave Matthes

Change the language in the tribe, and you have changed the tribe itself. — Dave Logan

This year, U.S. airlineswill carry a record 143 million passengers, who will be in the air for 382 million hours, during which they will be fed an estimated total of four peanuts. — Dave Barry

You look at pictures of Nepal, push a smile button, and you think that's the same as going there. — Dave Eggers

With the new game I'm going to be involved from the ground up. I have had story input and the whole thing will have my imprint on it. Even if I don't hands-on do every bit of artwork, I certainly will direct the look of the whole thing. — Dave Gibbons

The last thing we can afford right now is to make excuses. We're inexperienced at some spots, that's the way it is. We have injuries, so does everyone, that's the way it is. — Dave Pietramala

The process of putting the DVD and the CD together was great fun, because it provided a good excuse for the four of us to make time to get together again. I am especially pleased with the end result of these two projects. — Dave Blood

A well-written novel, the most immersive of all forms of storytelling, should command your full attention and belief. — Dave Morris

But the grind has begun. The windows don't open, and even the availability of near-constant jokes about Jews and Mormons fails to stem the tide of frustration, decay. We've reached the end of pure inspiration, and are now somewhere else, something implying routine, or doing something because people expect us to do it, going somewhere each day because we went there the day before, saying things because we have said them before, and this seems like the work of a different sort of animal, contrary to our plan, and this is very very bad. — Dave Eggers

Hate is infectious, but so is love, the difference between the two is one takes effort and the other one doesn't. — Dave Guerrero

I think we carry around the idea of being a Kid in the Hall as part of our identity. It's a big part of how we see ourselves now. — Dave Foley

I bought Windows 2.0, Windows 3.0, Windows 3.1415926, Windows 95, Windows 98, Windows ME, Windows RSVP, The Best of Windows, Windows Strikes Back, Windows Does Dallas, and Windows Let's All Buy Bill Gates a House the Size of Vermont. — Dave Barry

When I write the set, I try to create something that will not only be interesting for the audience, but will have a flow for the band, too, so we don't get boring. — Dave Matthews

Working on the Dave Chappelle show was amazing. — Bill Burr

You might be surprised to learn that a yo-yo controlled by 1992 World Champion Dale Oliver was actually clocked at a blistering 14,300 revolutions per minute (rpm). Conversely, the Hornet plods along at a slower 2200 rpm. This is the same aircraft engine, however, that catapulted legendary aviator Roscoe Turner to victory in his Hornet-powered Wedell-Turner racer during the 1934 Thompson Trophy Race. During this race, Turner was able to sustain speeds in excess of 290 mph. — Dave Prochnow

When we forgive, we free ourselves from the bitter ties that bind us to the one who hurt us. — Dave Pelzer

The one big surprise is that as it turns out, God is the sun. It makes sense, if you think about it. Why we didn't see it sooner I cannot say. Every day the sun was right there burning, our and other planets hovering around it, always apologizing and we didn't think it was God. Why would there be a God and also a sun? Of course God is the sun.
Everyone in the life before was cranky, I think, because they just wanted to know. — Dave Eggers

You know why Foo Fighters have been a band for 20 years? Because I've never really told anybody what I think of them. The last thing you ever want to do is go to therapy with your band. — Dave Grohl

Comedians by and large are some of the most sensitive people on earth. Even if they're socially callous. — Dave Chappelle

Television glorifies war, ... And the reality is we have some remarkably brave men and women who work through such challenging circumstances to make us as safe as we are. — Dave Price

Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary to what you may have heard, the Internet does not operate at the speed of light; it operates at the speed of the DMV. — Dave Barry

My first operating system project was to build a real-time system called RSX-11M that ran on Digital's PDP-11 16-bit series of minicomputers ... a multitasking operating system that would run in 32 KB of memory with a hierarchical file system, application swapping, real-time scheduling, and a set of development utilities. The operating system and utilities were to run on the entire line of PDP-11 platforms, from the very small systems up through the PDP-11/70 which had memory-mapping hardware and supported up to 4 MB of memory. — Dave Cutler

Daltrey was by all accounts the toughest man in the Who; maybe the toughest man in London. Filled with blue collar attitude, he strutted around the stage, screaming out the rage of a century of London's dead end lives, roaring like a young lion trapped in a decadent, dying England. Townsend wrote prettily, daydreaming foolishly individualistic dreams of artistic expression, but it was Roger's sledghammer voice that smashed the skulls of the enemy. — Dave Marsh

Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print. — Dave Barry

Dave explained, "Success is created in two very different yet essential and complementary stages. The first stage is mental creation. The second is physical creation. Both are required. One does not occur without the other if we want our dreams to be realized in tangible reality. — Wendy Hendry

I will love you until the end of time, but not a minute longer.
(From It's Time I Told You) — Dave Preston

When anybody starts out with a memoir, you get the impulse to tell your own story with your own voice, and you get all that out in one fell swoop sometimes. — Dave Eggers

China and India are feeding their people for the first time in human history due to free markets, and the Left knows that, and it gets them nervous. — Dave Brat

The only players that are having fun are those having a good year, feasting on pitching or blowing down hitters and garnering all the adulation that goes with it. But, if you're not hitting or not throwing well, or are injured, you better look for fun someplace else. — Dave Winfield

Their howls rose to the sky and twisted together until they were on, and the other beasts joined in too, all of their voices creating a wild, plaintive song of sorry and abandon and anger and love. — Dave Eggers

When getting help with money, whether it is insurance, real estate or investments you should always look for a person with the heart of a teacher, not the heart of a salesman. — Dave Ramsey

Delegation requires the willingness to pay for short term failures in order to gain long term competency. — Dave Ramsey

I care about what the fans feel. — Dave Mustaine

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. — Dave Barry

Fear is the enemy of hope. — Dave Ramsey

You should never pick up a newspaper when you're feeling good, because every newspaper has a special department, called the Bummer Desk, which is responsible for digging up depressing front-page stories. — Dave Barry

You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had? — Dave Attell

The Lampoon was definitely quite formative. You know there's a crazy like kind of network of comedy writers from The Lampoon that are, that kind of you know like Seinfeld and The Simpsons and a lot of shows kind of had a lot of kind of Lampoon writers and so that was very formative. I mean, to me I got interested in comedy writing at an early like reading like Dave Barry. — Nicholas Stoller

In short, it is madness. People try to manage their emotions by controlling external factors. Others let their emotions change based on what they experience outside of them. And none of it works. The truth is and has always been that you are in complete control of how you feel. — Dave Asch

The trouble is, you cannot grow just one zucchini. Minutes after you plant a single seed, hundreds of zucchini will barge out of the ground and sprawl around the garden, menacing the other vegetables. At night, you will be able to hear the ground quake as more and more zucchinis erupt. — Dave Barry

I'm big on taking the lady out to dinner. We have some candlelight romance every now and then. And our whole family is within a 6-mile radius. It's disgustingly domestic. I'm big on Costco. — Dave Grohl

He wished he were home in Charleston, listening to the Dave Brubeck Quartet on the stereo and reading Bruce Catton. — Dan Simmons

There is no excuse for falling into delusion, which is so contrary to the Word of God. — Dave Hunt

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent. — Dave Barry

Did children want sports cars for parents? No. They wanted Hondas. They wanted to know that the car would start in all seasons. — Dave Eggers

Database: the information you lose when your memory crashes. — Dave Barry

Nothing was left to chance; every smell, every piece of furniture, and certainly the design of the floor plans made these model homes world-class. — Dave Ramsey

You cannot paint the exterior of your house. You have to take the paint chip down to show the paint-chip Nazis. — Dave Barry

I think that there have been times, especially with writing songs, where you sit in a room with somebody, and they could be a very well-respected songwriter, but for whatever reason, the chemistry is just not right. — Dave Koz

Eliminate lobbyists. Eliminate polls. It might even eliminate Congress. If we can know the will of the people at any time, without filter, without misinterpretation or bastardization, wouldn't it eliminate much of Washington? — Dave Eggers

The work of man is done behind the back of the natural world. When nature notices, and can muster the energy, it wipes the slate clean again. — Dave Eggers

I grew up north of Chicago, not far from where the Schwinn bicycle plant used to be, and was conscious of the fact that these beautiful, everlasting bikes were made just down the road. — Dave Eggers