Darynda Quotes & Sayings

He was angry with me once again. Men and their mood swings. Women had nothing on them. — Darynda Jones

We stood there, the three of us, our jaws firmly planted on the floor. Aunt Lil recovered first. She nudged me with her elbow and said with a cackle of delight, I think you guys should make some more of those brownies, 'cause that boy looks hungry. — Darynda Jones

No writing is effortless. I'm not saying you can't have a good day where the words just kind of flow, but even those words have to be edited. Probably more than once. And I'm not saying a character hasn't somehow gone in a different direction that I wanted her to go, but that was me, not her. I let her get away from me. I let her roam free and nine times out of ten, the result is not good. I have to go back and start over because she veered off the path of my book. She changed the vision. And I did that. Not her. — Darynda Jones

Time-out," I said. He twisted his hand around and wound his fingers into mine. "You're putting me in time-out?"
"Yes," I said as a shaky sigh slid through my lips.
"If I don't go, do I get a spanking? — Darynda Jones

I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet, so if I get a life, I'll be notified immediately. - BUMPER STICKER I — Darynda Jones

I breathed in the heat that spiraled around him. He gave me every ounce of attention he had to offer, focused like a leopard focusing on his prey, just long enough to cause a warmth to crack open and spill into my chest. Over my stomach. Between my legs. — Darynda Jones

Gemma had blond hair and blue eyes. I did not.
Gemma was always an A student. I was more of a B-all-you-can-be kind of gal.
When Gemma was into science, I was into skipping.
When Gemma was into foreign languages, I was into the hot Italian guy down the street. — Darynda Jones

We were venturing into Denialville again, which was not nearly as fun as Margaritaville. — Darynda Jones

No dead people beyond this door,' " he read aloud from beyond the door. " 'And, yes, if you suddenly have the ability to walk through walls, you're dead. You're not lying somewhere in a drainage ditch waiting to wake up. Get over it, and stay the hell out of my bathroom. — Darynda Jones

Gemma talking to Charley ...
"Got it. Have you seen my pants?"
"Speaking of which, how did you get home without them?"
"I borrowed a pair of you sweats. I ran into a convenience store with them on. I talked to neighbors out in their yard when I pulled up. And only after I got inside did I realize the had 'Exit Only' written across the back."
"You stole my favorite sweats?"
"I wanted to die."
"It's weird that sweats would make you suicidal. I'd analyze the crap out of that if I were you."
"Do you actually wear those in public?"
"Only when I go out in them — Darynda Jones

While the goal of a book is to create a positive emotional experience for the reader, the goal of the opening is to set the stage, to pull the reader in. — Darynda Jones

I climbed into Misery and called Uncle Bob. "We hooking up?"
"Why does everything out of your mouth make me sound incestuous?"
"Um, I wasn't aware that it did. Perhaps you have a guilty conscience."
"Charley."
"Is there something you need to get off your chest? Besides that skank I saw you with the other day? — Darynda Jones

The horror that riveted through me, the absolute terror with a taint of nausea, stunned me speechless for three, maybe four seconds. I put the mug down and made a cross with my fingers, screaming, "Death before decaf!" as Garrett poured himself a cup. The fool. — Darynda Jones

Do you know how hard it is to diet with a name like Cookie?" "That's so weird." I stared off into space, marveling at the similarities of our situation. "It's hard to diet with a name like Charley, too — Darynda Jones

I was white. Chalk had more color than I did. And quite possibly more personality. — Darynda Jones

Before I tell you, I have to know three things," I said.
"Okay."
"One, are you sitting down?"
"Yes."
"Two, are you mentally stable?"
"More than you'll ever be."
Well, that was uncalled for. "And three, how do you spell schizophrenia?"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Nothing. I just wanted to see if you'd tell me. — Darynda Jones

I love children, but I don't think I can eat a whole one.- Bumper sticker — Darynda Jones

No, no, no, no, no. Anything but murder. Or rape. Or kidnapping. Or armed robbery. Or indecent exposure, 'cause that's just creepy. — Darynda Jones

SARC- is my second favorite -ASM word — Darynda Jones

I learn from everything I do, right and wrong. I think it helps me grow as a writer and a person. — Darynda Jones

She looked at me, confused. "He hardly knew me. My parents dated and got married before we knew what happened. Let's just say we were not
brought into the loop on that decision."
"That's weird. I wasn't brought into the loop with my parents' marriage either."
"Really? How old were you?"
"Twelve months."
She giggled. "I can't imagine why they didn't ask your opinion. — Darynda Jones

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance ... The five stages of waking up. — Darynda Jones

I know karate, and like two other Japanese words - T-SHIRT — Darynda Jones

I noticed you tore down Donovan's house."
He lifted his gaze until it locked with mine. "He's alive because he left town. His house chose to stay. It paid the price. — Darynda Jones

I could've knocked the shit out of her .She'd have good reason to roll her eyes then. But knocking the shit out of rude people wasn't my style. Heckling them every chance I got was.
Hopefully she'd screw up soon. I didn't have all day. — Darynda Jones

It pained me to imagine who she would have become, given the chance. For the life to be ripped away from someone so young just seemed so terribly, terribly unfair. "Because you're going to die soon." On second thought, maybe she was better off. Away from other people and most sharp objects. I had a sneaking suspicion she would have become a serial killer. Or a telemarketer. Either way. — Darynda Jones

My beautiful sister. You are like sunshine: bright, incandescent, and oddly irritating at times. But what else are sisters for? — Darynda Jones

Holy shit, are you positive?"
"As a pregnancy test a month after prom. — Darynda Jones

God I loved Sammy. I'd considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand. — Darynda Jones

A fruitless endeavor, as my knowledge was definitely the fruity type. — Darynda Jones

The only thing I hated worse than cleaning my apartment was torture, though the two were a hairsbreadth away from neck-and-neck. I — Darynda Jones

How does Reyes feel about him?"
"He would rip out his spine if I let him."
She patted my knee. "I would expect nothing less from the son of evil incarnate. He's a good guy. — Darynda Jones

Seek the elixir of life often referred to as java, — Darynda Jones

I'm a virgin.
But this is an old shirt.

--T-SHIRT — Darynda Jones

I got an almost clear peripheral look at the guy's left fist. I might could recognize his pinkie." * — Darynda Jones

In Cookie's defense, it was raining wildcats and rabid dogs. — Darynda Jones

Then why do I think you've been hiding something from me ever since that night?"
"No clue. Why do I think you've been hiding something from me ever since that night?"
"No clue. — Darynda Jones

Whatever makes your balloon red, Swopes. — Darynda Jones

I keep forgetting your IQ is higher than my bank balance."
"That's not saying much. — Darynda Jones

What does it mean if the holy water sizzles when it hits your skin? - ASKING FOR A FRIEND Once — Darynda Jones

Mistakes were made.
Others were blamed. — Darynda Jones

Justice may be blind, but she was an awesome elixir. — Darynda Jones

Signs you drink too much coffee: You don't sweat. You percolate.
Internet meme — Darynda Jones

On a scale of one to stepping on a LEGO, how much pain are you in? — Darynda Jones

I stood, crossed over to my office and poured him a cup, then asked if he liked his coffee like I liked my Death Stars: gigantic, on the Dark Side, and powerful enough to destroy a planet. He laughed softly. "A little cream is fine." "One coffee high coming up," I — Darynda Jones

I love language, words, and all the lovely, exciting, and heart wrenching things you can do with them. Pick the right ones, put them in the right order, and you've created a moment in time where the reader forgets about the late car payment, the dirty dishes, the impending workweek. You have created a state of bliss. Or negligence, depending on your perspective. — Darynda Jones

Friends don't let friends get killed by serial killers — Darynda Jones

Grab me a chib, wifey. Shite's about to get real. — Darynda Jones

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure. - T-SHIRT — Darynda Jones

You just seem so sad," I said, dialing voice mail. "Like someone stole your favorite nine millimeter."
"I'm not sad." He started down the hall, then turned back. "Least not when I look at you."
. — Darynda Jones

SOME DAYS I LOOK BACK ON MY LIFE AND I'M EXTREMELY IMPRESSED I'M STILL ALIVE. - T-SHIRT — Darynda Jones

Surely my macking on some guy in an insane asylum wouldn't hurt him. He'd been living with his stalker, for heaven's sake. — Darynda Jones

What's your specialty?
Oh, you know. Madness. Mayhem. Debauchery. And even with all that going for me, I can still make a mean mojito. — Darynda Jones

The most important thing is to not be on fire. Ask someone who is on fire, and they will tell you that the most important thing is to not be on fire. — Darynda Jones

She's like a hurricane on crystal meth. — Darynda Jones

There is a great need for a sarcasm font. — Darynda Jones

Felt my heartbeat falter, hesitate, then stumble awkwardly forward, tripping on the next beat, then the next, faster and faster until each one tumbled into the other like the drumroll of dominoes crashing together. Funny how time stands still when death is imminent. — Darynda Jones

NOPE. CAN'T GO TO HELL.SATAN STILL HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST ME. — Darynda Jones

I had a horrible feeling my leg was broken. If it wasn't, it had a lot of explaining to do. — Darynda Jones

Better to see dead than be dead. — Darynda Jones

Rocket," I said, straightening in the chair. "Donovan was just helping me with my contacts."
Donovan raised his brows humorously.
Rocket furrowed his. "Did you swallow them? — Darynda Jones

jealousy was in a whole category by itself. One that sat right between instability and insecurity. — Darynda Jones

He was like a panther in the wild. Beautiful to look at. Far too dangerous to approach. — Darynda Jones

I feel like those people who say they can bungee jump, but when they're actually standing on the bridge, the reality of the situation hits them in the face." "Yeah, never bungee jump. Reality isn't the only thing that hits you in the face. — Darynda Jones

See owner for mounting instructions. - NOVELTY UNDERWEAR — Darynda Jones

I already know I'm going to hell. At this point, it's really go big or go home. - T-SHIRT — Darynda Jones

I know how you feel. I've been analyzed to death as well. Not, like, professionally, though I did date a psych major who said I had attention issues. Or at least that's what I think he said. I wasn't really paying attention. Anyway, where was I? — Darynda Jones

If I was going to go out tonight, I was going to go out fighting. Or screaming in agony. Either way. — Darynda Jones

I pointed in the general vicinity of my left ovary, "This is Beam Me Up." Then to my right. "And this is Scotty." Garret chuckled and buried his face in his hands. He asked. — Darynda Jones

Of course I'm an organ donor. Who wouldn't want a piece of this? - T-SHIRT — Darynda Jones

You want cookies? she asked, her Texas accent at odds with her Asian features. — Darynda Jones

According to this, it's not the Twelve that is going to be the undoing of the Daughter of Light, but the Thirteenth Warrior." "Antonio Banderas is going to be my undoing? I'm rife with anticipation. — Darynda Jones

Life isn't about finding yourself. It's mostly about chocolate. — Darynda Jones

Clothes? sufficient Keys? found 'em Coffee cup? full Sanity? sanity? - T-SHIRT — Darynda Jones

Ambulances were cool. "You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts," I said to the EMT as I picked up a silver gadget that looked disturbingly like an alien orifice probe, broke it, then promptly put it back, hoping it wouldn't leave someone's life hanging in the balance because the EMT couldn't alien-probe his orifices. — Darynda Jones

The regular I both feared and salivated to see was names Reyes Farrow. Where others exuded aggression, deception, and insecurity, he literally dripped confidence, sex, and power. Mostly sex. — Darynda Jones

You pretty much annoy me and thus can kiss my ass — Darynda Jones

Uncle Bob answered, his tone brusque. "What have you got?"
"Besides great boobs?" I asked.
"On the case."
He was so testy. — Darynda Jones

Does he ever eat cotton candy for breakfast?"
He stepped around the counter to face us, lowered his gaze, and took a sip from the black mug in his hands.
"No," I said. "He's very much like the Big Bad Wolf. He eats little girls for breakfast."
He spoke from behind the cup, his voice deep and as smooth as butterscotch. "She's wrong. I eat big girls for breakfast. — Darynda Jones

You either fainted or you wanted a much closer look at the cracks in the tile. Either way, you hit hard."
"Seriously?"
He nodded. "Maybe you shouldn't have been trying to make out with him," he suggested.
How did he know that? "I was kissing him good-bye."
He snorted and exchanged glances with the nurse. "That's not what it looked like to me."
Probably not. But what happened? Could Reyes Farrow take control over me even from a freaking coma? I was doomed. — Darynda Jones

Clearly a woman of good taste, she was reading a historical romance. I loved historical romances. And contemporary romances. And paranormal romances. And young adult romances. Pretty much anything in front of the word romance would do it for me. — Darynda Jones

She tore through the wrapping and took out a blue velvet box. She glanced back at me as though unable to believe her eyes. After pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, she lifted the lid. Two rolls of cushioned velvet sat inside. The slit that those cushions made should have held a ring, but it didn't.
Sucked to be her.
She gaped at me. "What is this?" she asked, appalled.
"It's a simple yes/no question," I said, trying to keep a straight face. I lay back, crossing my arms behind my head. "When I get an answer, you get the rest of your gift. — Darynda Jones

Captain, I said, letting the surprise I felt filter into my voice. It was weird how every time I said the word captain, I wanted to tack on a Jack Sparrow at the end. — Darynda Jones

12 Life is short. Buy the shoes. - INSPIRATIONAL POSTER — Darynda Jones

Don't judge me because I'm quiet.
No one plans a murder out loud. — Darynda Jones

I've been rejected a hundred times. It just takes that one person who totally believes in you! — Darynda Jones

There must be a special, less volcanic portion of hell that was partitioned off and set aside for people who weren't all bad, just a little vindictive. They could call it the drama queen ward. It would be a huge hit. — Darynda Jones

I'm going to need some kind of incentive program if I'm going to fork out this kind of money."
I held back a laugh. "Incentive program, huh? So what's a stove worth these days?"
"Depends. Do you have a nurse's uniform?"
I raised a mischievous brow. "No, but I have a Princess Leia slave costume."
A deep hunger flashed in his irises. It caused a warmth to flood my abdomen, and only partly because he knew what a Princess Leia slave costume consisted of. — Darynda Jones

I have three words for you," EMT Guy said. "Possible internal bleeding."
I turned back to him. "Don't you think if I was bleeding internally, I'd know somewhere deep inside? Like, internally? — Darynda Jones

And he was damned nice to look at, even when he scowled. In fact, if I were totally honest, that scowl only added to the allure that was Reyes Farrow. Damn it. When I scowled, I looked constipated. Leave it to the son of Satan to turn a scowl into the stuff of fantasies. — Darynda Jones

You look like heaven," he said. "That's weird, because you look like hell. — Darynda Jones

There should be one line at every store for people who have their shit together. - TRUE FACT — Darynda Jones

God gave humans the power over their own lives. They have the power to make their own decisions. To make their own mistakes. To follow the dark one or not. God kicked Lucifer out of heaven but not out of the game entirely. There's still a war raging, and you have no power to stop it. Only humans can really stop the war. Can really put an end to Lucifer. But, as you are well aware, there is a lot of evil in this world. Some people will always choose to follow him. And with every human he wins, his powers grow. — Darynda Jones

Your existence gives me a headache. Go stand over there. — Darynda Jones

Oh, I forgot to tell you," Cookie said. "Amber wants your dad to get a teriyaki machine so she can sing for all the lonely barflies."
"I'm a good singer, mom."
Only a twelve-year-old could make the word mom sound blasphemous.
I leaned into Cookie, "Does she know its not called
?"
"No," she whispered.
"Are you gonna tell her?"
"No. It's much funnier this way. — Darynda Jones

If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane(T-Shirt) — Darynda Jones

Have they even seen the Winchester boys? Sammy and Dean's existence proves there is a god and she is a woman. — Darynda Jones

Cookie had taken her daughter amber to school then walked the thirty-something feet to work earlier. Our business was on the second floor of Calamity's, my dad's bar, which sat right in front of our apartment building. The short commute was nice and rarely invloved rabid raccoons. — Darynda Jones

He wants my head on a platter." "You just make friends wherever you go, don't you?" "It's weird, right? — Darynda Jones

Where have you been?"
I stepped into my apartment and met Uncle Bob's glare with one of my own. "Out trying to pass myself off as a movie producer to get hot guys to sleep with me. Where have you been? — Darynda Jones