Cucumber Quotes & Sayings

This is the part where I should fall asunder, consumed with shock, rage, indignation, terror, horror and any number of other emotions. But I'm as cool as a cucumber. It's hard to admit to myself that I'm not overly surprised. Because, deep down, I've always known I was different, that something wasn't quite right. — Siobhan Davis

Heaven is a homegrown cucumber — Alys Fowler

Once a cucumber turns into a pickle, you can't turn it back into a cucumber. And I've been pickled by the internet for a long time. — Melissa Broder

Cat watched Seth's face for any reaction but the guy was cool as a cucumber. Or a radish. The saying didn't make sense anyway; she might as well change the vegetable to something she liked to eat. "Jealous? — Lynn Cahoon

Wainwright's Fruit Emporium. Mr Wainwright is not able to take calls at this time since he is not right in the head and thinks he is a cucumber. Thank you for calling. — Douglas Adams

Then they had a day together in Melbourne and Jenny stayed in her first hotel, with Luc sparing no expense and treating her to the Windsor for the night. Here, Jenny experienced a luxury that had her wide-eyed, where men in their fine uniform of burgundy jackets, trimmed with gold, fussed around them and suggested an afternoon tea like never before. Luc couldn't help but grin to see his daughter engulfed in a leather chair, near the huge arched picture windows that fronted Spring Street, choosing cucumber sandwiches and beautiful little cakes and pastries from a silver tiered cake stand. — Fiona McIntosh

The game created a parallel world, Sidney thought. It was drama; it was excitement; it was a metaphor for the vicissitudes of life. It was also quintessentially English: democratic (there were teams with all levels of ability), communal (the cricket 'square' was often at the centre of the village green), and convivial (the game was full of eccentric characters.) It was the representation of a nation's cuisine, with its milky tea, cucumber sandwiches, Victoria sponge and lashings of beer. It was also beautiful to watch, with fifteen men, dressed in white and moving on green, creating geometrical patterns that looked as if they had been choreographed by a divine choreographer. As — James Runcie

the heartrending petty bourgeois piteousness of cucumber sandwiches passed around by accounting majors whose overly colorful bow ties had been expressly chosen to keep them from looking like waiters. — Nell Zink

Coming from New York, I know that if you go by a delicatessen, and you put a sweet cucumber in the vinegar barrel, the cucumber might say, "No, I want to retain my sweetness." But it's hopeless. The barrel will turn the sweet cucumber into a pickle. You can't be a sweet cucumber in a vinegar barrel. — Philip Zimbardo

It sucks all the life right out of you, civilisation."
"It killed Old Vincent the Ripper," said Boy Willie. "He choked to death on a concubine."
There was no sound but the hiss of snow in the fire and a number of people thinking fast.
"I think you mean cucumber," said the bard.
"That's right, cucumber," said Boy Willie. "I've never been good at them long words."
"Very important difference in a salad situation." said Cohen. — Terry Pratchett

I spent my first 10 years in the Commonwealth. I come from cricket, crumpets, cucumber sandwiches, the Queen. — Danielle De Niese

Are you seriously going to walk out of here right now after I just confessed my soul to you, cool as a cucumber, without reciprocating at all?"
"What?" I sent him a blank look. Then I rolled my eyes and reached out to ruffle his amazing hair. "Mason Lowe, if you don't know by now that I'm attracted as hell to you, you're freaking blind."
He stared at me a moment before muttering, "There. Was that so hard to admit? — Linda Kage

The troops and their ladies had first drunk champagne. There were also remains of sandwiches, and I stepped on one, which I think was either cucumber or watercress. I scraped it off on the curbing, left it there for germs. I'll tell you this, though: No germ is going to leave the Solar System eating sissy stuff like that.
Plutonium! Now there's the stuff to put hair on a microbe's chest. — Kurt Vonnegut

Finally, although they didn't want to, Hazel and Jones were chosen to call on Doc. They found him working over a tide chart while he ate a chicken stew of which the principal ingredient was not chicken but sea cucumber. They thought he looked at them a little coldly. "It's Darling," they said. "She's sick. — John Steinbeck

And talking about dark! You think dark is just one color, but it ain't. There're five or six kinds of black. Some silky, some woolly. Some just empty. Some like fingers. And it don't stay still, it moves and changes from one kind of black to another. Saying something is pitch black is like saying something is green. What kind of green? Green like my bottles? Green like a grasshopper? Green like a cucumber, lettuce, or green like the sky is just before it breaks loose to storm? Well, night black is the same way. May as well be a rainbow. — Toni Morrison

Start her, now; give 'em the long and strong stroke, Tashtego. Start her, Tash, my boy
start her, all; but keep cool, keep cool
cucumbers is the word
easy, easy
only start her like grim death and grinning devils, and raise the buried dead perpendicular out of their graves, boys
that's all. Start her! — Herman Melville

The Produce Gem grins from half-way down the chip aisle. "And I thought the cucumber choosing was detailed."
Cash.
He was watching.
He saw me breaking it down.
He saw my invisible bad summer-time fashion choices. — Pella Grace

The prince enjoyed unusually good health even among princes; both by gymnastic exercises and by taking good care of his body he had brought himself to such a state of physical fitness that in spite of the excesses he indulged in when enjoying himself, he looked as fresh as a big shiny green Dutch cucumber. — Leo Tolstoy

Since his mother died I have seen him steam a cucumber thinking it was zucchini. That's the kind of thing that turns my heart right over. — Amy Hempel

I feel liquefied, like a cucumber forgotten in the crisper drawer, and I want to hold myself at arm's length and carry me to the trash. Who is this sack of slush masquerading as me? It's intolerable. — Laini Taylor

AFTERNOON TEA---
GUIDELINES FOR YOUNG OFFICERS' WIVES
By Audrey J. Rudman

Use your loveliest tablecloth. Have fresh flowers on the table. In winter, candles may be lit. Colored candles are sometimes seen, but white are in better taste.
Offer small fancy cakes, plain cookies, and tiny sandwiches, with a choice of fillings. Meat paste or cucumber are always acceptable. The service of tea is presided over by the ranking officer's wife. The courtesy should be extended to the CO's wife, if she cares to pour. — Laurie Graham

Mr Cripp's last words were 'Good heavens! It's full of holes!' said Mary. 'Do you have any idea to what he was referring?'
'Most puzzling,' confessed the Vicar. 'He might have been referring to anything - the greenhouse, his cucumber, the plot - anything.'
'The plot?' echoed Mary.
'I mean the vegetable plot,' he said hurriedly. — Jasper Fforde

Our Father who art on Delridge Avenue, give us this day our daily bread. Only make it pumpernickel and slap on some French's mustard and cucumber chips. — Conrad Wesselhoeft

I don't like to leave what I'm going to eat in other people's hands, so I'll pack my own lunch. I chop up a salad with lots of greens - everything from spinach, baby spinach, arugula, cucumber, avocado, radish, cauliflower, and green olives to parsley and cilantro, all chopped really fine - with a piece of wild salmon. I even bring my own tea in a Thermos. — Miranda Kerr

The cucumber is bitter? Then throw it out. There are brambles in the path? Then go around. That's all you need to know. — Marcus Aurelius

A woman needs a man like a tuba needs a cucumber. — Lois Greiman

I held in the sneeze, though, by thinking of the word cucumber. It always works. — Merrie Haskell

Well," he said after a moment almost long enough to be awkward. He picked up the slices of cucumber and put them on the bread himself, then pulled a plate from the cupboard. Walking back to the table, he said, "Now we can finally have this meal, hm?"

"This meal?" Ceony asked, glancing at his bland sandwich. He took a bite of it without even bothering with mayonnaise. "Any meal I put thought into is levels above a cucumber sandwich. I could have been a chef, if you recall."

"Is that so?" he asked, taking another bite.

Ceony began to cut two slices of bread for herself, but paused halfway through the first. "Would you humor me for a moment?"

"I believe I've been humoring you since you walked through my front door," he replied. — Charlie N. Holmberg

Tis not her coldness, father, That chills my labouring breast; It's that confounded cucumber I've ate and can't digest. — Richard Harris Barham

I have this wonderful personal chef who sources and stocks all my organic produce and I basically live on five smoothies a day. I'm totally vegan. I blend this green concoction with kale, cucumber, broccoli, string beans, avocado. My protein comes from protein powder. There is absolutely no milk, butter, cheese. — Larry Hagman

Remember when I was obsessed with that little Lithuanian restaurant downtown? And it was only ever open when the grumpy old woman ran it felt like opening? I'd stop by every day for a week with no luck. And then, when I'd pretty much given up on ever tasting Napoleonas torte again, I'd drive by and see the open sign in the window.
Well, being with Chris is like trying to date that restaurant. I never know when he's going to be there and how open he'll be to me. Almost never is he all there, all in. Almost never do I get the Chris I got the night of Kiley's wedding
open sign, cold cucumber soup, rouladen, poppy seed kolaches. — Rainbow Rowell

I pity Americans for their very bad fruits. Your 'mango' is cucumber. The only thing I really miss about Egypt is mangoes. — Bassem Youssef

Some kids have never seen what a real tomato looks like off the vine. They don't know where a cucumber comes from. And that really affects the way they view food. So a garden helps them really get their hands dirty, literally, and understand the whole process of where their food comes from. And I wanted them to see just how challenging and rewarding it is to grow your own food, so that they would better understand what our farmers are doing every single day across this country and have an appreciation for ... that American tradition of growing our own food and feeding ourselves. — Michelle Obama

A distant warm look entered Major Danby's eyes. "It must be nice to live like a vegetable," he conceded wistfully.
"It's lousy," answered Yossarian.
"No, it must be very pleasant to be free from all this doubt and pressure," insisted Major Danby. "I think I'd like to live like a vegetable and make no important decisions."
"What kind of vegetable, Danby?"
"A cucumber or a carrot."
"What kind of a cucumber? A good one or a bad one?"
"Oh, a good one, of course."
"They'd cut you off in your prime and slice you up for a salad."
Major Danby's face fell. "A poor one, then."
"They'd let you rot and use you for fertilizer to help the good ones grow."
"I guess I don't want to live like a vegetable, then," said Major Danby with a smile of sad resignation. — Joseph Heller

Watching him from a distance for ten years doesn't make you an expert, you know!"
"Sleeping with him for two months doesn't make you one, either," she said, cool as a cucumber.
Churchill recoiled with a wide-eyed "oh no she DIDN'T" expression that might have been funny under different circumstances. — Jane Seville

Cucumber reminds me of my mother making me eat sprouts. — Mark Lawrenson

He stands up, slowly, and puts his hands on the zipper of his jeans, where I notice there's a bulge that looks like someone stuck a cucumber in his pants. That can be his ... thing, can it? He undoes the button then his fly and then slides his jeans down. He's wearing those tight boxer-briefs things, like that guy in the Calvin Klein commercial, and I realize, it's definitely not a cucumber. — Sarah Darer Littman

I found a dead body in the cucumber patch,' I told them.
'How very like you,' Ophelia said, and went on preening her eyebrows. — Alan Bradley

You take them home expecting a nice English cucumber, but regrettably end up with a pickle. — Harlow Stone

My father belonged to a commune, and the food was ghastly. My idea of food hell is the salad cream they'd pour all over bits of lettuce, cucumber and tomato. It was just disgusting. — Marianne Faithfull

Every day Fu-shee, the smaller children, and I fan out in the hills around Green Dragon to strip trees of their bark and leaves, dig up roots and search for wild grass. We'll eat anything, and we have. But you can't eat a leather belt like it's a crisp cucumber. You soak it, boil it, and chew on it for days. — Lisa See

Cucumber and bergamot," Clary said. "Is there anything else you hate that I ought to know about?"
Jace looked at Dorothea over the rim of his teacup. "Liars," he said. — Cassandra Clare

Check out my new story collection, The Cucumber King of Kedainiai, forthcoming in October 2013 with Subito Press! — Wendell Mayo

I like a pickled cucumber. A regular cucumber I'm not so interested in. — Jeff Goldblum

No academy could have given me all I discovered by getting my teeth into the exhibitions, the shop windows, and the museums of Paris . Beginning with the market - where, for lack of money, I bought only a piece of a long cucumber - the workman in his blue overall, the most ardent followers of Cubism , everything showed a definite feeling for proportion, clarity, an accurate sense of form, of a more painterly kind of painting, even in the canvases of second-rate artists. — Marc Chagall

I Sellotape whole tins of sardines to my face at night, attach two squeezed lemon rinds to my armadillo-skinned elbows, and put cucumber on my eyes. By the time I'm finished, I look like a fruit salad with added fish. In the morning, the pillow is pretty much a write-off. — Barry Humphries

You have to admit, his voice gets you wetter than a cucumber in a women's prison — Nicole Reed

I love to create this green juice shake made from kale, spinach, cucumber and wheatgrass. The nutrients in the juice help me recover after a tough workout. The Kale Banana Smoothie at LYFE Kitchen is very similar to my recipe and is fantastic. — Troy Polamalu

Wow, what a cucumber. (Cool, I mean.) Did he know all along that you were watching him? — Rainbow Rowell

So I would always try and be the lightest I could. In high school, I really wouldn't eat. I would only have lunch and I would only have salads. And then it got so crazy as to just eating like a cracker or a cucumber a day and I would feel full. — Nicole Polizzi

At least you are back to being normal size." She gave a strangled laugh. "If the size of a cucumber on steroids is normal that is. — Charlene Hartnady

The cucumber and the tomato are both fruit; the avocado is a nut. To assist with the dietary requirements of vegetarians, on the first Tuesday of the month a chicken is officially a vegetable. — Jasper Fforde

No I am not okay. I've just been pulled out of play tryouts where I had to be the first to audition and everyone's trying out for the same parts, I just had a very bizarre conversation with the school secretary, Megan may be throwing up her cucumber sandwiches, I've broken five of the seven deadly sins in as many hours, a demon may be inside a girl in my world religions class, Grant Brawner called me by name, my license photo looks like a dead fish, I have to drive my friends all over town in two hours when I've never even driven without Dad before, none of my birthday wishes have come true yet, and now you're here with muffins like I'm in second grade? So, no, I am not ok. — Wendy Mass

Cucumber. The cucumber is just a pickle before it started drinking. — Jim Gaffigan

Gin and tonic," Christian says. "Hendricks if you have it or Bombay Sapphire. Cucumber with the Hendricks, lime with the Bombay. — E.L. James

Miss Cornelia dropped in that afternoon, puffing a little.
"I don't mind the world or the devil much, but the flesh does rather bother me," she admitted. "You always look as cool as a cucumber, Anne, dearie. Do I smell cherry pie? If I do, ask me to stay to tea ... — L.M. Montgomery

Fighting is spiritual. It appears to be physical from the layman's eyes. In my fights, I seemed to be angry and mad - all that stuff you saw me doing, the yelling and screaming and being mean in the ring - but I'm cool as a cucumber. I can hear everybody talking around me outside of the ring. I can see everybody. I know what is going on. — Mike Tyson

She will toss the leaves in a wooden bowl with a micro spray of olive oil, a drop of balsamic vinegar, the insanely expensive balsamic vinegar that she bought at the gourmet store, so viscous it drips in a slow, thick stream. A tomato. A Persian cucumber. These will emerge, pristine, from her tiny refrigerator, chilled, perfect. She will slice them thinly and fan them into beautiful patterns, a vegetable mandala, courtesy of the mandoline, a feast for the eyes. She will hand-crumple Parmigiano Reggiano onto the top, and then, from on high, she will brandish the mill and grind coarse crystals of pink salt form the Himalayas into fine, sparkly shavings that will float, like snowflakes, onto the pale green surface of her salad. — Janice Y.K. Lee

The attempt to make the consumption of beer criminal is as silly and as futile as if you passed a law to send a man to jail for eating cucumber salad. — Stephen Leacock

You know, there is no language of vegetables, which converts a cucumber into a formal declaration of attachment. — Charles Dickens

Most people are about as aware of their surroundings as a sea cucumber. — Douglas Preston

The secret weapon is cucumber.'
Solange sat all the way up. 'Jasmine, cover your ears.'
MaryAnn, Juliette and Jasmine burst out laughing.
'Sheesh, Solange. Get your mind out of the gutter.'
'MY mind is just fine, thank you. It's MaryAnn's I'm concerned about.'
'You put them on your eyes,' MaryAnn said, laughing even harder. — Christine Feehan

Vegetable seed catalogs have replaced the penny candy store. The fireballs, the root-beer barrels, and the licorice whips aren't sold at the corner anymore. Now the sweets are sold by seed companies instead. There's "candystick" and "sweet slice" and "sugar rock" but these aren't types of candy, they are varieties of sweet corn, cucumber and musk melon. — Roger B. Swain

Cucumber gives the business, developers, and testers a way to collaborate and specify, in plain English, how the system should work. — Seb Rose

Cucumber should be well sliced, dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out. — Samuel Johnson

Nothing ruins the mood during foreplay more than the recurring image of your sixty-five-year-old homeroom teacher trying to stretch a condom over a cucumber. — Dennis Miller

Is your cucumber bitter? Throw it away. Are there briars in your path? Turn aside. That is enough. Do not go on and say, "Why were things of this sort ever brought into this world?" neither intolerable nor everlasting - if thou bearest in mind that it has its limits, and if thou addest nothing to it in imagination. Pain is either an evil to the body (then let the body say what it thinks of it!)-or to the soul. But it is in the power of the soul to maintain its own serenity and tranquility ... — Marcus Aurelius

Marguerite sighed, some of her tension leaving. "Yes, well he appears to have a strong mind."
Lissianna nodded. "I noticed. I couldn't get into his thoughts to calm him. Not at all. That's why I was feeding on him. I thought it might allow me to merge with his mind and soothe him," Lissianna explained.
"That seems to have worked well," Thomas commented with amusement. "Although I wouldn't say he was soothed exactly."
Lissianna followed his gaze to the man's groin, where an erection was pressing his dress pants upward. Even as she peered at it, the tent in his trousers slowly deflated.
"Not a cucumber then," Thomas commented lightly, and Lissianna had to bite her lip on a nervous giggle.
-Marguerite, Lissianna, & Thomas — Lynsay Sands

In the last analysis, a pickle is a cucumber with experience. — Irena Chalmers

Take the juice of one lime and add it to two cups of diced watermelon, one cup of diced and peeled cucumber, three or four sliced green onions, a couple of tablespoons of fresh cilantro that's been cut very fine, two teaspoons of jalapeno peppers cut up just as fine, or more if you want it hotter, and a teaspoon of sugar. It's the best thing in the world with fresh fried corn tortilla chips, — Carolyn Brown

I was mainly raised by a working mum who didn't have much time or inclination for making food. So I had three or four basic meals: fish fingers and a tomato; a packet scotch egg and a tomato; pasta with a tin of tomatoes; and extra mild plastic-y cheddar chopped into cubes with bits of cucumber. — Paloma Faith

How do you feel?" Ceony asked, her pulse still thundering in her ears. It made her hands shake as she peeled and cut the cucumber. She forced herself to slow down so she wouldn't slice open a finger.
"Like someone has been tromping around in my chest, looking at things they shouldn't be looking at."
Her knife froze mid-slice. She met his eyes and saw knowledge behind their amusement. — Charlie N. Holmberg

It was just really odd to be in a room with Ian McKellen sharing cucumber sandwiches. — Adam Brown

Life is like a cucumber. One minute it's in your hand, the next it's up you ass. — Lawrence Durrell

I love to eat cucumber sticks with yogurt. It's a great snack to have at home, especially when I'm having house guests. — Gabriela Isler

And Vicky also told her sister that all girls at the Health Centre considered that men were born crazy, if not down-right stupid.They were prepared to do crazy things & pay high prices just to prove how "macho" they were, when it came to young pretty girls. And the sisters tittered with laughter at the thought of the old men who enjoyed drinking Phyllis' urine & the young men who ate cucumber sandwiches filled with her excrement. And thus Vicky told Phyllis that although one should not take candy off children, it was quite in order to take money off crazy & stupid rich men.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

Hey daddy, want a cucumber? — Haruki Murakami

The organic gardener does not think of throwing away the garbage. She knows that she needs the garbage. She is capable of transforming the garbage into compost, so that the compost can turn into lettuce, cucumber, radishes, and flowers again ... With the energy of mindfulness, you can look into the garbage and say: I am not afraid. I am capable of transforming the garbage back into love. — Nhat Hanh

More and more, Democrats are starting to worry they that they have a more um, colorful version of Jimmy Carter on their hands. Obama acts cool as a proverbial cucumber but that awful '70s show seems frightfully close to a rerun. — Eric Alterman

As recently as fifty years ago my grandmother was picking cotton with bleeding fingers. I think about her all the time while I'm getting overpaid to sit at a computer, eat Chinese takeout, and think up things in my pajamas, The half century separating my fingers, which are moisturized with cucumber lotion and type eighty words per minute, and her bloody digits is an ordinary Land of Opportunity parable, and don't think I don't appreciate it. — Sarah Vowell

My fingers touch each other and he's squishy, like a sea cucumber. Those creatures are a demonstration of God's fixation with wieners. — Helena Hunting

In chess, you should be as cool as a cucumber. — Yuliya Snigir

Kenny was bludgeoning his cucumber. — Nichole Chase

The horse does not eat cucumber salad — Johann Philipp Reis

He'd probably no more view his life as a story than he would view his life that of a sea cucumber. — Douglas Coupland

Wow, what a cucumber. (Cool, I mean) — Rainbow Rowell

I'd rather walk a mile with a cucumber up my ass than fuck you. — Keri Lake

It's funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source. — Ellen DeGeneres

As the only woman, I was able to sit with the officers in front, with a glass of vodka in one hand and a cucumber in the other. That's how I went to my first war. — Asne Seierstad

In my opinion, the person who created the torture device called gym class should be clobbered with an enormous frozen cucumber. Not to mention, the person who decided it would be a great idea to schedule me in first period gym every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday also deserves a heavy-handed whacking with the same frozen cucumber. — Amy Holder

You are offered a piece of bread and butter that feels like a damp handkerchief and sometimes, when cucumber is added to it, like a wet one. — Compton Mackenzie

Sometimes from this hillside just after sunset
The rim of the sky takes on a tinge
Of the palest green, like the flesh of a cucumber
When you peel it carefully. — Robert Hass

Over the next few days, every knowing glance and furtive look reminded me how much small towns loved to gossip. My mother delighted me each day by telling me what she'd heard. I'd pushed Leo behind a snap pea display at the farmers' market and wrestled him to the ground. I'd offered him my bagel repeatedly, refusing to take no for an answer. I'd been seen out behind the market, helping him load up his vegetables and been caught holding his cucumber. That was my favorite. — Alice Clayton

I'm sorry, was that homophobic? No-I think it was, 'cause I hear that a lot. Dave, What?, You're talking about being gay. You probably secretly are gay. And I'm like listen voice in my head, I'm not! HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU WOULDN'T LIKE IT? HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU WOULDN'T LIKE IT? I know I wouldn't like it, other scarier voice in my head! Cause one time while making a sandwich, a cucumber went up my ass. Three times. — Dave Attell

MIND TELLING US WHAT THE REALITY IS LIKE ROUND HERE?" The pen wrote: +++ On A Scale Of One To Ten - Query +++ "FINE," Ridcully shouted. +++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++ — Terry Pratchett

The food I eat the most is probably steamed, plain white rice. I know its really, really, really boring, but that's honestly the food I eat the most. No, I like cucumber avocado rolls ... I love that. — Elizabeth Gillies

I sucked in a few deep breaths. I could do this. I could.

I am a cool cucumber.

No, fuck that. I am Snoop Dogg. You can get no cooler than that. — Kate McCarthy

I was as cool as a cucumber — Jenny Han