Crusie Quotes & Sayings

I like my afterglow with you in motion. I measure time by how your body sways. — Jennifer Crusie

They stared at each other for a moment, perplexed by their newfound siblinghood. 'So we're the Luke and Leia of hell,' Mab said. — Jennifer Crusie

nfatuation lasts anywhere from six months to three years, and you can't know you've found the right person until you're worked your way through it. — Jennifer Crusie

Mitch's take on humanity had deteriorated to the point where he assumed someone was lying if her lips were moving. — Jennifer Crusie

Zach had brought her a dog. — Jennifer Crusie

Drink to me! I just realized that I've slept with everyone at this table! ~Nell — Jennifer Crusie

Emilio appeared with wine before Cal could say anything, and Min beamed at him, grateful for the rescue. "Emilio, my darling. I forgot to mention cake boxes. Two hundred cake boxes."
"Already on it," Emilio said. "Nonna said you'd need them. She said to get four-inch-square boxes for three-inch-square cakes."
"I'm getting the boxes," Min said, nodding. "Sure. Great. Fine. Your grandmother is an angel and you are my hero. And of course, a genius with food."
"And you are my favorite customer." Emilio kissed her cheek and disappeared back into the kitchen.
"I love him," she told Cal.
"I noticed," Cal said. "Been seeing him behind my back, have you?"
"Yes," Min said. "We've been having conversations about cake."
"Whoa," Cal said. "For you, that's talking dirty. — Jennifer Crusie

Everything outside of here is vulnerable, but this tower, this room, is where we can make a stand if we have to. This is our Alamo."
"Everybody died at the Alamo. What's the midway, the Little Big Horn?" Ethan looked at her, exasperated. She shrugged. "I'm just saying that ifyou want to rally the troops, avoid the A word. — Jennifer Crusie

I'm an open Minded Man. How about a threesom? You, me and the machine? — Jennifer Crusie

Well, you won't unless you come to lunch with me," Cal said. "I'm holding it for ransom. There's a gun
to its heel right now."
"I have lunch at my desk," Min began, and thought,Oh, for crying out loud, could I beany more
pathetic ?
"Emilio is experimenting with a lunch menu. He needs you. I need you. — Jennifer Crusie

The therapist, he thought, and it bothered him a lot more than it should have. After all, he had nothing permanent with Sophie. He just needed to touch her on a semiregular basis or he couldn't finish his sentences. — Jennifer Crusie

Part of being a writer is defending your vision and not caving in to outside pressures. — Jennifer Crusie

Dont shave,I like it..It helps with one of my new fantasies."
"Yeah ?"Zack shifted a little to the center on top of him for maximum pleasure."What new fantasy is that ?"
Lucy grinned,the sleepiness in her smile melting into guile."The one about the innocent schoolteacher and the vicious,uncivilized cop.Want to play ?"
"Sure."Zack ran his hands up her back."Who do you want to be ?"
"I,of course will be the innocent schoolteacher"Lucy batted her eyes at him.
"Which makes me the cop.All right you have the right to remain naked."
Lucy laughed. — Jennifer Crusie

I'm a feminist," Quinn said. "We get irrational urges. — Jennifer Crusie

Lee stood in front of the class the first day and said, "Anybody who makes fun of romance fiction is making fun of Jane Austen, and anybody who makes fun of Jane Austen answers to me." Why yes, I would walk across broken glass for that man. Why do you ask? — Jennifer Crusie

Well, I know better what I don't want. I don't want somebody who's always nagging me to be something I'm not. And I don't want somebody who thinks she knows what's best for me and who maneuvers around trying to get me to do things her way."

Kate frowned. "Nobody wants anyone like that. It's like saying, 'I don't want someone who'll poke me in the eye with a sharp stick.' Forget what you don't want. What do you want? — Jennifer Crusie

The last time I saw a brow that low I was watching slides in anthropology class — Jennifer Crusie

I suppose you had to," Wes said when Phin went back to join him at the table.
"Pretty much. She seduced me."
"Yeah, right," Wes said. "She said, 'Please fix the kitchen drain,' and you interpreted that
"
"She said, 'Fuck me.' " Phin put two balls on the table and picked up his cue. "I interpreted that to mean she wanted sex."
"Oh." Wes picked up his cue. "That would have been my call, too." He squinted at the table. "Why would she have said that?"
"On a guess? Because she wanted sex. — Jennifer Crusie

Jake ignored him and went on. "If I ever do hook up with anybody again - and I sincerely doubt that I will, so wipe that hopeful look off your face - it will be with someone who thinks that being with somebody who mows lawns is her idea of heaven on earth and who will do exactly what I tell her to do and love it."
"I think Donna Reed is dead," Will said. — Jennifer Crusie

If you're going to have an asthma attack in the surf, I strongly recommend you do so in Nantucket. — Jennifer Crusie

That furniture cost me a fortune! It's designer furniture." "Designed by whom ? Darth Vader ? The Hitler Youth ? — Jennifer Crusie

If she'd just kept her mouth shut, she would have been perfect, but no ... — Jennifer Crusie

Sophie held the [hand]cuffs higher, hopint to instill some sense of shame, if not in him, then at least in herself. One look at him and she wanted him again. "I found them in the bed."
"That makes sense," Phin said. "That's where I lost them."
"I'd ask what you were doing with them," Sophie said, trying not to sound bitchy, "but I probably don't want to know, do I?"
"Sure you do. It was exciting and different and depraved." Phin nodded toward the stairs. "Go put them someplace we can find them, and I'll show you later. — Jennifer Crusie

Gabe turned his head to look up at her. The moon came through the skylight and backlit Chloe's short blonde curls, making her look angelically lovely. Too bad she was insane. — Jennifer Crusie

We're going to need a bigger dock — Jennifer Crusie

She glared at him. "Who the fuck do you think you are?"
"I think I'm the fuck you want," Nick said, and when she swung on him, he ducked under her arm and caught her to him, taking her mouth with his so completely that she stopped swinging to enjoy the heat and shudder he kissed into her, so relieved to finally have his arms around her. — Jennifer Crusie

Statistics show that men are interested in three things: careers, sports, and sex. That's why they love professional cheerleaders."
Cal put down his fork "Well, that's sexist."
"Yes i know," she said. "But it's true isn't it?"
"What?" Cal tried to find his place in the conversation. "Oh, the sports and sex thing? Not at all. This is the twenty-first century. We've learned how to be sensitive."
"You have?"
"Sure," Cal said. "Otherwise we wouldn't get laid. — Jennifer Crusie

Say it," she said, and he said, "I love you. I'll always love you. Forever. It's a life sentence. Now put the damn ring on. — Jennifer Crusie

Sometimes stories are just previews of coming truths. — Jennifer Crusie

Lane and Zack got hitched. So while it might not be very punk rock to be too young to drink legally at your own wedding, it's certainly handy to have the thumbs up from God to get laid. — Jennifer Crusie

At eleven, Kate woke Jake up when she went searching in the cooler for juice.
"You know, you used to be peaceful," he grumbled.
"I can't believe you were ever married." Kate said, as she cracked the can open. "What did you do, make her stand in the corner all the time? — Jennifer Crusie

Phin spared a moment of sympathy for Frank until he looked back and saw him at the bar, leaning into Clea's cleavage. Get a grip, Frank, he thought, and then he looked down Sophie's dress and thought, Never mind, Frank. — Jennifer Crusie

There was something about having a plan for dinner, a recipe in hand, that made her feel much less hostile about food. — Jennifer Crusie

Can we go to work now? Because we're about a minute away from breaking out the
ice cream and talking about our feelings, and I don't think we can come back from that. — Jennifer Crusie

Quinn talked with her entire body: arms, eyes, shoulders, mouth. She was performance art, so alive that sometimes he argued with her just so he could watch her flush and gesture. — Jennifer Crusie

Anthony watched him, dumbfounded, and then turned to Lucy. "What have you done with Zack's brain?"
Lucy stood to follow Zack. "What brain? I don't think he has one. I think he's just one giant exposed nerve ending. I swear sometimes at night, I can hear his neurons snapping like popcorn. — Jennifer Crusie

So I know you must have a plan and this wolf - "
"Beast," Min said.
" - frog, whatever, can't fit your plan."
"He's not a frog," Min said. "I kissed him and he did not turn into a prince."He turned into a god. No,
he didn't . "Look, I'm never going to see him again, so everybody can relax. — Jennifer Crusie

It doesn't matter," Min said. "That's what I'm trying to tell you, it doesn't matter what you do or say. I'm going to love you till the end of time."
Cal looked at her, stunned.
"I know," Min said. "It's really un-PC. I just thought you should know that you can't screw this up."
"I can't?" Cal said, wanting to believe her.
"No," Min said. "Which doesn't mean I'm not going to tell if you make me mad again. I will shout and slam doors. I just won't be on the other side of the door when I slam it. You've got me for life."
He lost his breath and put his forehead against her shoulder. "God, I love you. — Jennifer Crusie

It was a lot easier when we could just brand'em," Ben said. "Then everybody'd know not to mess with our womenfolk. — Jennifer Crusie

Once you know the truth, it's always obvious — Jennifer Crusie

Have you ever met a woman you wanted to give everything to?
just turn over everything you had?
-Davy Dempsey- — Jennifer Crusie

What i'm trying to tell you," Min said, "is that im going to grow up to be one of those chubby old ladies. It's in my genes. Like self raising flour. i'm going to pouf."
"thats going to work out well for me," Cal said. "because i'm going to grow up to be one of those horny old men who chases chubby old ladies around the couch. — Jennifer Crusie

That woman needs protecting like Rambo needs a bodyguard. — Jennifer Crusie

I was standing in the doorway when he said hi," Amy said. "And from the look on his face, what he has for you is not the key to the city. — Jennifer Crusie

On the very outside chance that we might play again, you should know that pool is the closest thing I have to a religion. Don't ever throw a game with me again. — Jennifer Crusie

Dempseys are never in trouble. We just have stretches of life that are more interesting than others. — Jennifer Crusie

I had you pictured dead in a pool of blood in front of the fireplace. And now you show up alive, and I want to kill you myself. (Zack) — Jennifer Crusie

When Eve ate the apple her knowledge increased. But God liked dumb women so Paradise ceased. Gwen Goodnight. Her Work. — Jennifer Crusie

The law is a fine thing, even when it's wrong. — Jennifer Crusie

King scratched at the door to be let out."
Charlie snorted. "King obviously has a lot of stamina. I'd have been clawing
at the door a lot sooner if I was trapped in a booth with Mark."
"But Mark ignored him, so King ... uh, pooped."
Charlie grinned. "And then?"
"Mark yelled at him and scared him." Harry fought back a grin. "So King
pooped again."
Charlie's grin widened. "Mark is an idiot."
"So then Mark waved the script at him, and King - "
"Pooped again." Charlie started to laugh.
"Then Marcia came in and threw a fit because of all the poop in the booth and because Mark was mistreating a puppy. She gave him ten minutes to get the booth clean, and she took the dog away from him. — Jennifer Crusie

Wonder of wonders, the box had Elvis. Immediately the bar seemed a better place. She fed in coins and then punched the keys for "Hound Dog." Too bad Elvis had never recorded one called "Dickhead. — Jennifer Crusie

You don't believe in unconditional love. Neither does Alex. So you both threw away the best thing you ever had because you didn't believe in each other or yourselves. — Jennifer Crusie

You've lived in America for twenty years. Eat badly, damn it. — Jennifer Crusie

Bet you ten bucks we make it." What are the odds? she thought, and realized with sudden, blinding clarity that she wouldn't take the other side of that bet, that only a loser would bet against them. This is really it, she thought, amazed. This is really forever. I believe in this. "Min?" he said, and she kissed him, putting all her heart into it. "No bet," she said against his mouth. "Your odds are too good." "Our odds are too good — Jennifer Crusie

He loved her all he could; but he couldn't love her very much. — Jennifer Crusie

Exciting wasn't turning out obe as easy as she'd thought it would be, but it was definitely worth pursuing. — Jennifer Crusie

Of course it hurt you neanderthal! See that? Thats blood. If theres blood, theres pain. Its like smoke and fire. — Jennifer Crusie

Infatuation lasts anywhere from six months to three years, and you can't know you've found the right person until you've worked your way through it. You quit — Jennifer Crusie

Values aren't buses ... They're not supposed to get you anywhere. They're supposed to define who you are. — Jennifer Crusie

In the bad old days, men kept women from choosing to work. In the bad new days, women keep women from choosing to stay home. — Jennifer Crusie

Don't let foolish assumptions about what's appropriate keep you from a good man. There are too few good men around to ignore one just because he's the perfect age for you. — Jennifer Crusie

Infatuation is the fun part of falling in love. Infatuation triggers a chemical in the brain called PEA, your heart races, and you get breathless and dizzy, you tremble, and you can't think. It's what most people think of when they think of falling in love, and everybody goes through it. — Jennifer Crusie

Nothing matters except what it takes to survive. You remember this, Madeline: You're born alone and you die alone. In between, you make deals. — Jennifer Crusie

If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
-Gwen Goodnight — Jennifer Crusie

But those misgivings come less from the resulting loss of familial memories than because it gave Lorelai the working-class skills to escape inherited class obligations and to make her own way in the world. That's one reason why Lorelai is powerful and fearless in ways Mrs. Kim and Mrs. Gilmore are not. She's self-confident enough to accept those things she can't control and to rely upon the kindness of strangers. — Jennifer Crusie

Breasts are very important for women. Their clothes just don't hang right without them. — Jennifer Crusie

My studies have shown that the process of falling into mature love happens in four steps. When you meet a woman, you subconsciously look for cues that she's the kind os person you should be with. That's assumption. If she passes the assumption test, you begin to get to know her to find out if she's appropriate for you. If she is, you're attracted. If, as you get to know her, the attraction is reinforced with joy or pain or both, you'll fall into infatuation. And if you manage to make a connection and attach to each other during infatuation, you'll move into mature, unconditional love. — Jennifer Crusie

If you are not going to be a comfort, have the decency to be an empty space. — Jennifer Crusie

Nobody in my life has ever known me the way you do. Nobody in my life has ever made me feel as good as you do. You know me, you know everything about me, and when you leave me, you're going to be leaving the real me, the me nobody else has ever seen, that's who you're going to be rejecting. — Jennifer Crusie

Who was the moron on the phone?"
"Carl Avery," Kate said. "A long-standing client and potential felon. — Jennifer Crusie

No carbs" her mother called after her as she went into the dressing room "And no butter"
"I know you stole me from my real parents" Min called back. "They'd let me eat butter — Jennifer Crusie

Elvis!" Min shoved herself off the couch to shoo him away. "Stay away from there. There's broken glass."
"He did that on purpose," David said, outraged.
"Yes, David, the cat is plotting against you." Min fished the base out of the water and glass shards and put it on the table. Then she went to get her wastebasket and began to put the glass pieces in it. — Jennifer Crusie

Does it ever occur to you not to sleep with women?"
"No," Riley said. — Jennifer Crusie

She pushed him onto the couch and straddled him ...
Min swallowed "the thing is, im going to spread. Hips, thighs-"
"Not till nine-thirty," Cal said trying not to picture her.
"-waist," Min said then stopped. "What? nine-thirty? Not till my forties, probably, i think i can fight it off that long, but then-"
"What?" Cal said.
"Im going to get fat," Min said, and he blinked. "Er. Im going to get fatter." she frowned at him. "what did you think i meant?"
"for future reference," he said starting to laugh. "if you're sitting half naked on my lap and you tell me you're going to spread-"
"No! I would never say that!" she said. — Jennifer Crusie

Dead woman are not romantic,' Sophie said flatly.
'Okay, she's not dead,' Phin said. 'The bear ate her, and she came her brains out. — Jennifer Crusie

I have to see him and Trevor Ogilvie on Monday. Both senior partners at once."
"Good for you. I hope Jack's in trouble up to his neck."
"They're being blackmailed."
"Blackmail?" Riley said, his voice full of disbelief. "Jack? There's stuff out there that's even worse than the stuff everybody knows about him? — Jennifer Crusie

Life is more than great sex and a nice car."
"Well, yeah. But not a lot more. — Jennifer Crusie

He won't say no, but who cares if he does? Do it. Hell, guys go through this every time they make a move on a woman, and none of them has died yet. In many cases, that is, of course, unfortunate, but rejection is definitely not lethal. Go get him. — Jennifer Crusie

I swear," Nell said, walking faster, "you're looking at a life of hamburger and no yelling." She held the dachshund closer, and it sighed this time and put its head on her arm, and she stopped to look down into
its eyes. "Hello," she said, and SugarPie stared back, pathetic and wide-eyed in the glow from the streetlight, her eyelashes fluttering like a Southern belle confronted by a Yankee. — Jennifer Crusie

Wilder watched Armstrong head back to video village under the lights of the set, attacking another apple as she went, and thought, Apples and women. Not a good history there. — Jennifer Crusie

When we do it again," he told her, his hands hot on her, "it'll be where I want,when I want,with spotlights if I want."
"I don't think so", she said and he kissed her again and she thought, Oh, hell, wherever you want, and kissed him back.
"Whatever I want," he whispered in her ear.
"Okay," she whispered back. — Jennifer Crusie

I even yelled at you last night." Phin eased up. "For which I apologize."
"It was kind of nice," Sophie said. "At least you know I was there."
"Oh hell, Spohie, I always know you're there." Phin rolled twords her on one hip, and Sophie felt felt a flare of hope, but he was just digging something out of his back pocket. "Here." He weld out an emerald-cut diamond ring the size of her head. "Marry me, Julie Ann. Ruin the rest of my life."
"Hello." Sophie gasped at the ring. "Jeez, that thing is huge. Where did you get it?"
"My mother gave it to me," Phin said sounding bemused.
Then the other shoe dropped. "Marry you?" Sophie said, and the sun came out and the birds to sing and the river sent up a cheer. Marriage was probably out- Liz as a mother-in-law was too terrifying to complete , and Phin would never get elected agian if he was married to a pornographer- but suddenly everything else was looking pretty good. — Jennifer Crusie

I'm Min's fairy godmother, Charm Boy,' Liza said, frowning down at him. 'And if you don't give her a happily ever after, I'm going to come back and beat you to death with a snow globe.'
What happened to "bibbity bobbity boo"?' Cal asked Min.
That was Disney, honey,' Min said. 'It wasn't a documentary. — Jennifer Crusie

Do not be seduced by those big-box come-ons, full of "complete sets" of extraneous cookware. A complete set is whatever you need, and maybe all you need is a wok and a hot place to grill your bacon. In a pinch, I can do it all with my good heavy nonstick frying pan. Besides the obvious braising, browning, and frying, I can make sauces and stir-fries in it, toast cheese sandwiches and slivered almonds, use the underside to pound cutlets, and in a pinch probably swing it to defend my honor. If I could find a man that versatile and dependable, I'd marry him. — Jennifer Crusie

Don't even think about it."
"Well, when can I walk by myself?"
"When you get your driver's license."
"You always, always say that." Dillie scowled at him. "That's when everything happens."
"It's going to be a busy day," Phin agreed. — Jennifer Crusie

What are we going to do with the body?" She had visions of dragging it into the swamp, whispering, "Here, gator, gator," and she made a little sound of distress at the thought. — Jennifer Crusie

The first rule in life is 'everybody lies.' Remember that and you'll get a lot further. — Jennifer Crusie

You can't just jump into debauchery one night and expect to get the hang of it by morning. It takes years. — Jennifer Crusie

And why do you want to be near me?
Because you're all I can think about, day and night. I don't know what the hell is going on with us; I only know I can't get rid of it. I don't care if you're batshit insane and think you're the reincarnation of Cleopatra. I hear voices; you hear dogs. We'll work it out. Maybe get a discount on therapy. — Jennifer Crusie

She gave Rachel her usual obsessively loving smile, including Phin in it, too, as her future son-in-law. Such a nice couple, her smile said. What lovely grandchildren they'll give me. And they'll live right next door.
Phin's answering smile said, Not a chance in hell, while Rachel gazed at Justice and Mercy, pretending she'd never heard of pornography or sex, or Phin, for that matter. — Jennifer Crusie

Paris is Rory without Lorelai's influence to draw her out of her books and into the wider world. — Jennifer Crusie

What happened to the good old days when rich white men just bought their way into office? — Jennifer Crusie

Really, The smart thing to do was to stop dating and get a cat. — Jennifer Crusie

So I've been sexy all these years? Why hasn't anybody noticed?" "Because you dress like you hate your body," Cal said. "Sexy is in your head and you don't feel sexy so you don't look it. — Jennifer Crusie

You have to open up to the world and learn optimism ... Contentment with the past, happiness with the present, and hope for the future. Learned optimisim. — Jennifer Crusie

Look, I'm not ready for you," Min said. "I'm not prepared. I don't have any defenses when you're around. I make these plans and I mean it, I really do, and then I kiss you because I'm crazy about you which would be fine if I didn't fall in love with you but there that is, just standing there, and you know it, you know you've got me. — Jennifer Crusie

He turned down the street to Emilio's, trying to remember what "the edge of chaos" meant. It was something about flipping a coin, something about the edge being the moment when the coin was in the air. The point at which the system was pure potential, about to choose a path. Or something about a pile of sand, adding sand a grain at a time, and the edge of chaos being the point at which the critical grain landed and the pile either shifted or turned into an avalanche...
...Min bit her lip and smiled at him ruefully, and without another thought, he walked across the room to her, feeling almost relieved as the avalanche began. — Jennifer Crusie

Four fabulous days and three glorious nights. More than that, Victoria thought. Fabulous days and glorious nights for the rest of my life. — Jennifer Crusie

He was not looking forward to breaking the law. He was straight now. He'd matured. Crime no longer excited him.
What?' Ronald said.
I didn't say anything.'
You're breathing heavy. — Jennifer Crusie

But I'm not calm. It's all a lie." Quinn held Katie closer, breathing faster. "It's just that when everybody else is screaming, somebody has to be mature and unemotional, so I have these brain-dead moments where I don't react the way any sane human being would. I stay completely calm and ignore my feelings and compromise and make everything work again. And I'm not going to do that anymore. From now on, I'm going to be Zoe. Screw calm. Somebody else is going to have to do mature because I'm going to be selfish and get what I want. — Jennifer Crusie