Cruel But Funny Quotes & Sayings

It's so important your customer can rely on you for your classics. — L'Wren Scott

Stoplights and love can be cruel — Sesame Street

And so it goes, thought Clay. Life was funny, and fickle, and often cruel. Sometimes the unworthy went on living, while those who deserved better was lost.

Or not lost, he considered, since they lingered on in the hearts of those who loved them, who love them still, their memory nurtured like a sprig of green in an otherwise desolate soul. Which was, he supposed, a kind of immortality, after all. — Nicholas Eames

Life is largely a matter of expectation. — Homer

Even if the intelligent design of some structure has been established, it still is a separate question whether a wise, powerful, and beneficent God ought to have designed a complex, information-rich structure one way or another. For the sake of argument, let's grant that certain designed structures are not simply, as Gould put it, "odd" or "funny," but even cruel. What of it? Philosophical theology has abundant resources for dealing with the problem of evil, maintaining a God who is both omnipotent and benevolent in the face of evil. — William A. Dembski

What a nickname. Teenagers can be so cruel. I'm embarrassed to be one of them. — Colleen Hoover

The preparation, commitment and desire to win will be no less than the last time I drove a grand prix car in anger. — Nigel Mansell

British humour is very cruel. It's my favourite kind of humour; if it isn't cruel and funny it doesn't really cut the cake for me. — Jason Sellards

The whole world is a series of miracles, but we're so used to them we call them ordinary things. — Hans Christian Andersen

You look like a ghost," Bailey says. He can think of no better way to describe it.
"You appear the same way to me, so which of us is real? — Erin Morgenstern

Lepida, has anyone ever told you that you're a cruel spiteful selfish slut? ... You're vicious. You're unprincipled. You mistreat your slaves and abuse your daughter. And furthermore you're the worst, most neglectful, most criminal wife in Rome. I think we can go now. — Kate Quinn

There was a great joke that was forever doing the rounds in the jail and it was probably funny not because it had a humorous punchline but because it was so very true at a deep psychological level. Put anyone in that jail and soon enough they'd actually become a cruel, twisted, sadistic and heartless thug. And some of the prisoners were just as bad. — H.M. Forester

No one should have to walk down a church aisle with a bouquet of flowers unless she was the bride, already had been the bride, or was too young to be the bride. Otherwise, it was just cruel. — Julia Quinn

And you don't ever have to worry about what I feel. The way I feel about you won't change. You can do whatever you like to me. You could turn this town to dust, burn the woods until they were cinders, you could cut out my heart. It wouldn't matter. It would not change a thing."
"What if I ate a baby?"
Jared's mouth curved up at the corners, slow and not cruel at all. "I'm sure you'd have a good reason," he said. — Sarah Rees Brennan

Timon: I'll beat thee, but I should infect my hands. — William Shakespeare

Guide dogs for the blind. It's cruel really, isn't it? Getting a dog to lead a man round all day. Not fair on either of them. — Steve Coogan

I, a half naked German, was about to be discovered by her cruel Viking dad in his own bedroom, having smudged his daughter just hours ago. Full of gratitude I contemplated that I would at least not die a virgin. — John Duover

Well, I'm already hoping there could be a dinner where you don't try to stab me with your fork," he said.
"You might need to make your peace with disappointment. — Rosamund Hodge

Dirt Deeds Done Dirt Cheap — Sherrilyn Kenyon

It's just easier to make fun and cut down. It's kind of a way of life in America. If you can make people want to hear what you're going to say, it can be cruel and funny. — David Spade

When it was real it wasn't funny. When you touched someone, they were always with you. When his mouth was on mine, we held the same breath in the same moment, and when he was naked, his body was covered in tiny black hairs that stuck to my clothes even after I washed them. He had sowly become a part of me and when he was cruel, or cold, or acted like we couldn't go on like this anymore it felt like he was ripping my limbs off, one at a time. — Alison Espach

Life does not require us to be consistent, cruel, patient, helpful, angry, rational, thoughtless, loving, rash, open-minded, neurotic, careful, rigid, tolerant, wasteful, rich, downtrodden, gentle, sick, considerate, funny, stupid, healthy, greedy, beautiful, lazy, responsive, foolish, sharing, pressured, intimate, hedonistic, industrious, manipulative, insightful, capricious, wise, selfish, kind or sacrificed. Life does, however, require us to live with the consequences of our choices. — Richard Bach

Just because you're funny doesn't mean you get to be cruel. — Libba Bray

Life is as precious to us as it is for an animal. An animal is as loving, caring, and kind to her children as we are. She might not be able to tell us but she can express it through her eyes and expressions. She feels joy and happiness. She is helpless in our cruel hands and vulnerable to our vicious greed. Let us be kind to animals. Let us learn to feel their pain. Can we kill a helpless baby to feed our greed? Then how can we kill helpless animal friends that can't talk? Often we kill just for fun. How funny would it be if an animal killed a human just for fun? Let us be kind to animals as much as possible. I know we can. It is easier to love an animal than a human being. If you love an animal, it will rarely hurt you. Let us practice kindness and compassion to animals so that we may create a peaceful world. — Debasish Mridha

In a narrow circle the mind grows narrow. The more one expands, the larger their aims. — Friedrich Schiller

(Sookie's Thoughts on Debbie Pelt) she had been cruel to Alcide, insulted me grievously, burned a hole in my favorite wrap and - oh - tried to kill me by proxy. Also, she had stupid hair. — Charlaine Harris

Things on the essential list: vodka, Nine Inch Nails, a steady supply of mortal men, and an all-purpose bitchy attitude. — Richelle Mead

Again, this week as I walked on Broadway, in front of giant photographs of voluptuous supermodels at a Victoria Secret mega-store, who was rebuilding the sidewalks? With sweaty headbands, ripped-up jeans, and dust on their brown faces? Their muscled hands quivered as they worked the jack-hammers and lugged the concrete chunks into dump trucks. Two men from Guanajuato. Undocumented workers. They both shook my hand vigorously, as if they were relieved I wasn't an INS officer.
I imagined how much money Victoria Secret was making off these poor bastards. I wondered why passersby didn't see what was in front of their faces. We use these workers. We profit from them. In the shadows, they work to the bone, for pennies. And it's so easy to blame them for everything and nothing simply because they are powerless, and dark-skinned,and speak with funny accents. Illegal is illegal. It is a phrase, shallow and cruel, that should prompt any decent American to burn with anger. — Sergio Troncoso

Standing next to him. "Your lifeline ... oh, the burning stick. Right." Leo resisted the urge to set his hand ablaze and yell: Bwah ha ha! The idea was sort of funny, but he wasn't that cruel. — Rick Riordan

I should have asked, I guess," he says. "I shouldn't have assumed."
"What?"
He rotates around on his butt to face me. Me on the sofa, him on the floor, looking up. "That I was going with you."
"What? We weren't even talking about that! And why would you want to go with me, Evan? Since you think he's dead?"
"I just don't want you to be dead, Cassie. — Rick Yancey

General literature without the humbug," was the New Yorker's original mission. — Harold Holzer

He was sensitive, so he had to be kind. I think of it whenever I see a young woman fawning all over a nerdy guy, some comedian or actor, thinking he couldn't ever be cruel because he's funny and he wears glasses. He's not conventionally hot, so he's not full of himself, so he'll be a good boyfriend, right?...Guys like that always seem to think they're Duckie from Pretty in Pink when they're actually Steff. — Mara Wilson

As you get older, you don't get wiser. You get irritable. — Doris Lessing

And I know someone who's
perfect for her. He works in my lab. He's smart. He's funny. His name is Bert."
Bert?
Is she fucking kidding me? What kind of sick son of a bitch names his kid Bert in this day and
age? That's just cruel.
"He'll show Kate a good time. I plan on setting them up this weekend."
And I plan on handcuffing myself to Kate's ankle and eating the key. Let's see what kind of good
time Bert can show Kate when she's dragging me around behind her like a Siamese twin. — Emma Chase