Quotes & Sayings About Crotch

(His heart clenched as she made a kissing noise to him then handed the phone back to Vane. Gods, how he loved that woman.)
Ahh, Tally, me lub you too. (Vane)
Shut up, crotch-sniffer. You're not allowed to make lovey noises at me, only my honey is. (Talon) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

He absent-mindedly fondled his crotch and then whipped his hand away.No masturbation,he suddenly decided.He tried to think about this but sustained logical thought on one topic was difficult and unnecessary.No,i am not wasting any semen on Madna.It was an impulse,but he felt that he should record it.In the diary under that date,he wrote,'From today no masturbation.Test your will,you bastard'. Then he wondered at his bravado.No masturbation at all?That was impossible. — Upamanyu Chatterjee

His soda poured out all over his lap. My eyes went as wide as quarters. "Oh no, I'm so sorry, Mason."
Running on pure embarrassment, I grabbed a stack of napkins and began to clean it up. Once the table was safe, I started soaking up the liquid from his lap. It wasn't until I felt his pants tighten that I realized my second mistake.
I pulled away and blushed. Placing my hands in his crotch was probably not the best move. I was so embarrassed. Mason just laughed. "It's no big deal, Lexi, really. — Andrea Heltsley

(Stoner lowered the gun to Carlos's crotch.)
Should we continue splitting hairs? (Stoner) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

How can he not love your hair? It's the same hair that grows out of his own armpits. The same hair that crawls up out his crotch on up his stomach. All over his chest. The very same. It grows out of his nose, over his lips, and if he ever lost his razor it would grow all over his face. It's all over his head, Hagar. It's his hair too. He got to love it. — Toni Morrison

Damn, did I need a fan or, even better, a really cold ice pack for my crotch. — Eve Langlais

What's the matter?" And she could hear the smile in his voice. "Cat got your crotch? — Shelly Laurenston

When I began playing the game, baseball was about as gentlemanly as a kick in the crotch. — Ty Cobb

If by weirdo he meant that Nick didn't play grab-ass with the wannabes on the street corner, didn't yank at his crotch and call girls bitches, didn't wear oversized jerseys and pretend to be a gangsta all day, then yeah, Nick had to agree. — Brom

Like it. And, hey, why do I have so much sand in my crotch? Okay, — Jen Lancaster

This place's a festering whore's crotch. Do I own it? — Debra Anastasia

licks donkey crotch, — Lindsay Buroker

I realize that this is not, like, boyish. I realize that properly speaking guys should only think about sex and the acquisition of it, and that they should run crotch-first toward every girl who likes them and etc. But: The part I enjoy most is not the doing, but the noticing. Noticing the way she smells like oversugared coffee, and the difference between her smile and her photographed smile, and the way she bites her lower lip, and the pale skin of her back. I just want the pleasure of noticing these things at a safe distance - I don't want to have to acknowledge that I am noticing. I don't want to talk about it or do stuff about it. — John Green

I smell pancakes," Al said as he jauntily smacked Pierce's hat back on the witch's head. "Did the runt make you breakfast?" Al said, leaning over the stove. "Quickest way to a woman's crotch is through her gullet, eh?" he said, leering at Pierce, who was now rinsing out the percolator. "Is it working? I'd be curious to know. I'd buy her a cake or something. — Kim Harrison

I've seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores. — Christopher Moore

Sometimes, when you're this adventurous, you rip the crotch out of your pants. — Josh Gates

What all the ads and whorescopes seemed to imply was that if only you took proper care of your smells, your hair, your boobs, your eyelashes, your armpits, your crotch, your stars, your scars, your choice of Scotch in bars - you would meet a beautiful powerful, potent, and rich man who would satisfy every longing, fill every hole, make your heart skip a beat (or stand still), make you misty, and fly you to the moon (preferably on gossamer wings), where you would live totally satisfied forever. — Erica Jong

She'd never shaken off the feeling of being damaged by her ignorance of Love, of what it might be like to be wholly possessed by the archetypal, capitalized djinn, the yearning towards, the blurring of the boundaries of the self, the unbuttoning, until you were open from your adam's-apple to your crotch: just words, because she didn't know the thing. — Salman Rushdie

Jesus Christ, Tate, you're staring at his damn crotch! — Colleen Hoover

And it was told that as soon as Poseidon saw the young Goddess, who looked no more than eighteen years of age, by human reckoning, passion immediately overwhelmed him. Unlike all the other Goddesses & Nymphs of the Sea, Aphrodite was not naked. She wore a huge girdle around her slender waist which covered her breasts & her hips as well as her crotch & buttocks. And, thus, instead of impaling her with his trident, Poseidon was overcome with curiosity as to what she hid beneath her girdle. He thus introduced himself as the King & Sheriff of the Seas & told the young Goddess that, as such, no secrets should be kept from him by all those who wished to live in the sea. He would therefore request that she removed the girdle to show him what she hid beneath it. — Nicholas Chong

Dove hated that he knew way too much about her now. He knew she had a big girl boner for Johnson, he knew she'd tried to remove her crotch hair and had crapped her pants. It was Shameful with a capital Shit. — Debra Anastasia

It's a funny thing about Americans, we love to bitch about paying too much for the things we really need and are really a bargain, like gas and postage stamps, but we willingly shell out outrageous amounts for unnecessary crap like gourmet coffee and soap to make your crotch smell good. Two dollars a gallon to go ten miles is too much, but five to the parking valet to go ten feet is okay. — Bill Maher

Contrary to what you believe, the earth does not revolve around the desires of your crotch. — Carlos Ruiz Zafon

A Turk for toughness, for hands that never tire; An Indian for her rounded bosom bursting with milk; A Persian for her tight crotch and her coquetry; An Uzbeg to thrash as a lesson for the three. — Khushwant Singh

A Freudian would claim to know what they have and I lack, but intelligence is not situated in the crotch - — Rebecca Solnit

You think way too much of your dick."
"So do you," he replied with a smile. And God damn it. I wished I hadn't been staring at his crotch right then. — Karina Halle

The last thing I want to hear from a crotch, I yell, is Walt Whitman! — Ron Whipple

We don't need women. There are plenty other things in the world to have sex with, just go to a sexaholics meeting and take notes. There's microwaved watermelons. There's the vibrating handles of lawn mowers right at crotch level. There's vacuum cleaners and beanbag chairs. Internet sites. All those old chat room sex hounds pretending to be sixteen-year-old girls. For serious, old FBI guys makes the sexiest cyberbabes. — Chuck Palahniuk

Back on the beach, I went through the ritual a tropical surfer should perform to avoid the ailments and irritations that come with surfing in warm water: drink as much fresh water as soon as possible to ward off dehydration; remove wet trunks immediately; dry all body parts and apply Desitin to the crotch and armpits to avoid rash; irrigate the ears with a vinegar-and-alcohol solution to prevent swimmer's ear; and smear any open cuts with antibiotic ointment to guard against staph infection. Warm water produces more bacteria than cold water, and to all those little microscopic beasties, human flesh is a luscious treat. — Steve Sorensen

The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma's crotch, and snuffled.
Dang," Grandma said. "Guess my new perfume really works. I'm gonna have to try it out at the seniors meeting. — Janet Evanovich

Boot the grime of this world in the crotch dear. — Morrissey

My sex change operation got botched; my guardian angel fell asleep on the watch; now all I got is a Barbie doll crotch; I've got an angry inch! — John Cameron Mitchell

Does Raggedy Ann have a cotton crotch? — John Sandford

All the black leather
she needs

is the E-Z boy recliner
where her love is parked

with one of his hands wrapped around a remote,
the other, a bottle of beer.

She's right. It's kinky.
The way he doesn't look away

from the TV,
as her head bobs

in his lap
like a fisherman's float

on a nature program,
hectic

with the pace
his breath sets.

His crotch swells
under her mouth's

prowess. He's such
a sweetheart

he waits
until the

commercials
to come. — Daphne Gottlieb

Keep it in your pants." I pause, trying to keep my eyes from staying on his crotch. "Wait, are you saying you're hard right now?"
He scratches at the scruff of his chin, eyes dancing. "Pretty much, considering what I'm writing. Just say the word cock again."
"Fuck you."
"Well what do you know," he says lazily. "The word fuck works too. — Karina Halle

From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, [ ... ] and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attilla and a pack of other lovers with queer names [ ... ] I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest ... — Sylvia Plath

Please don't talk into the middle of other people's crotch! — Nakata Yumi

Through people locked together crotch to crotch, face to face, crotch to face, crotch to ass, and ass to face, I dig a pit. — Chuck Palahniuk

I think it's tacky to have chains that go all the way down to your crotch. — Big Sean

There's no way that you're real, she murmured to his crotch. — Rose Wynters

Your mouth says "No," but your eyes say, "Fuck me until your dick breaks off inside me and fuses into some kind of barbie doll crotch. — Robert Kirkman

That could have happened, really, it could have, if he hadn't shoved his muzzle into her crotch. Her breath swooshed out of her as she stood there in shock. He. Was. Sniffing. Her. Pussy. And she didn't know what to do. — Milly Taiden

If Becca had any sense, she'd turn cold spray on my crotch. — Joanna Wylde

wreck Lucian's apartment, cry more than a newborn baby, and finally leave crotch drool all over his granite countertops. — Sydney Landon

There's nothing more political than sex. The church has had its hand on our crotch for more than 2,000 years, and the government is moving in that direction. — Larry Flynt

Smells like homeless man's crotch. Not that I've ever been up close and personal with a homeless man's crotch, but ... — Stacey Jay

I know what's wrong with me - I could never stand still for death! Which you've got to do by a certain age, or be ridiculous - you've got to stand there nobly and serene, and let death run his tape on your arms and around your belly and up your crotch until he's got you fitted for that black suit. And I can't, I won't! ... So I'm left with wrestling with this anachronistic energy which God has charged me with and I will use it till the dirt is shoveled in my mouth! Life! Life! Fuck death and dying! — Arthur Miller

TO A CHILD, BEHELD IN SUMMER RAIMENT
Little girl, one lesser garment
will suffice to clothe your crotch,
Hide that undiscovered cavern
Where old Time will wind his watch. — William Gaddis

I'll be your puppy. What do you want me to do? Chew your slippers? Piss on the kitchen floor? Lick your nose? Sniff your crotch? I bet there's nothing a puppy can do that I can't do! — Neil Gaiman

Mitch stared at where her hand lay on Blake's crotch and appreciated that his friend didn't comment.

"Please tell me I don't have my hand some place inappropriate." Alana's voice broke. — Eden Summers

And you're headed to a place with no bath and no shower. So you can just imagine how crazy it is to get up there, take your diaper off, have a urine-soaked crotch, and all you can do is wet a washcloth and wipe your skin off. You also have to do it on landing and spacewalks, too. It's not a ride that makes you springtime fresh. — Mike Mullane

I marvel again at the nakedness of men's lives: the showers right out in the open, the body exposed for inspection and comparison, the public display of privates. What is it for? What purposes of reassurance does it serve? The flashing of a badge, look, everyone, all is in order, I belong here. Why don't women have to prove to one another that they are women? Some form of unbuttoning, some split-crotch routine, just as casual. A doglike sniffing. — Margaret Atwood

I can't help it that this is the Bermuda Triangle-she pointed at her crotch-when guys venture there, they tend to stay. I tapped my chin. Oh, I thought you called it that because it's sucked in lots of seamen. — Kresley Cole

I spilled my cup of coffee straight onto my crotch. Superior heat retention has its drawbacks. I grimaced as the scalding liquid reached ground zero, but as I did my best to angle my jeans away from the Resnick family's last hope, my seatmate decided to dispose of her hoodie.
I juggled two pressing needs:
1) Protect the nethers.
2) Leer — B. Justin Shier

I put my hand on the crotch of my pants. There's only one pole that counts and I've got it right here. — Georgia Cates

She felt like backing into his crotch and pressing her back into his chest. And then maybe rubbing against him a little. — Jessica Lemmon

Nothing draws attention to thunder thighs more than shorts riding up your crotch. — K.A. Barson

What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors? — Bob Saget

You'd better be thinking of me when you smile like that," Cooper said, now standing beside me. I hadn't heard him come into the kitchen. I bumped his hip with mine. "Of course I'm thinking about you." "Then why aren't you hard?" he asked, looking pointedly at my crotch. Before I could say anything, he said, "They have pills now, for old guys who can't get hard. — N.R. Walker

A 5'5", 182-pound, 43-year-old man wearing khaki shorts and a UCLA sweatshirt runs to Nicolas Cage in a manner he will spend the rest of the night describing to his slightly bored but equally boring date as "ambushing." No one else is on the street and Nicolas Cage is unable to avoid the man, who wants a picture with his "brand new Droid." As the man, who actually seems to be vibrating and hovering in an almost hummingbird-like way, adjusts his stance for the third attempt at a picture his crotch lightly brushes Nicolas Cage's upper thigh, causing his face to shift from "bemused resignation" to, strangely, "serene bliss," for what will become the man's inaugural Facebook profile picture. — Megan Boyle

Why are you looking at me like that?' he asked, his hand tensing for a second on my hip.
"No reason.' I moved my hand up his chest and on the way his abs contracted.
He pushed me away abruptly, forcing me to sit up with him. With the scruff hiding parts of his cheeks I wasn't sure, but he seemed to be blushing. "You shouldn't touch a man like that in the morning,' he rasped, his hand hiding his crotch. — Stephanie Witter

Wherever you are," he said low and steady as I wrote his name, knee to crotch, "I own you. I own your filthy mouth. I own your dirty mind. When you get wet thinking about fucking, it's mine. Every drop from you. I own your every thought. You are my property. — C.D. Reiss

Maybe we should come back after we call the hazmat team." "Great idea," I yelled back. "They can spray you both down for your crotch rot while they're at it. — Karina Halle

Hell," he said, looking down his body. "I shouldn't have thought about that just yet. Now Alice is going to come out of the bathroom and see you standing there being demanding. That's not very gentlemanly ... "
This just made him even harder.
With a sigh, he snatched up her pirate hat and slapped it over his crotch. "There. Now we can at least present the semblance of a man who doesn't have a single track mind. — Katie MacAlister

But explaining men still assume I am, in some sort of obscene impregnation metaphor, an empty vessel to be filled with their wisdom and knowledge. A Freudian would claim to know what they have and I lack, but intelligence is not situated in the crotch - even if you can write one of Virginia Woolf's long mellifluous musical sentences about the subtle subjugation of women in the snow with your willie. — Rebecca Solnit

I held my crotch, closed my eyes and repeated my secret catechism. — Iain Banks

No money shots! No shifting, grinding, joyfully thrusting crotch shots. It didn't matter. It was all there in his eyes, his face, the face of a Saturday night jukebox Dionysus, the shimmying eyebrows and rocking band. — Bruce Springsteen

Someone's on the rag," she chides, then grabs her crotch as if adjusting a cup. "And it's not me. — Barry Lyga

That's your damned female hormones talking, Jez." Sonellion grabbed his crotch. "Grow some balls again." She gave him a venomous look. "I have more clarity about the world in this body than I ever had with a set of balls. — Wendy Higgins

According to Beth-Anne, the next reporter is Nico Renault from Hollywood Japan Network. Nico's recently had his face tattooed to look like the Kabuki-made-up Gene Simmons of the pre-FUS rock band Kiss. He wears his hair in bright blond spikes. He also wears the body of a cow suit without the head, the rubber udders protruding at crotch level, lending the getup a rather multipenised look. — Ryan Boudinot

The crotch, down where your nuts hang, is always a little too tight. — Lyndon B. Johnson

The undeniable feeling that, as you castigate a troll, he's rubbing his Red Dwarf mouse pad against his crotch and sighing, Angry liberal women typing at me. Oh yah. That's how I like it. — Caitlin Moran

Winston Gallagher!" I said, recognizing the first ghost I'de met. Then my eyes narrowed & I covered my hand in front of my crotch as I saw Winstons gaze fasten there next. "Don't even think about poltergeisting my panties again". "This is the sod? Come here you scurvy little
" "Bones don't!" I interrupted. He stopped, giving a last glare to him while mouthing YOU. ME. EXORCIST. before returning to my side. — Jeaniene Frost

Can you put your hands on my crotch?"
"Why, hell no, I cannot." I didn't remember anything like this happening in Pride and Prejudice. — Jennifer Echols

People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch. — Jack Nicholson

Back in the seventies, when women began to straddle chairs and dance crotch out on television, when all the magazines started featuring behinds and inner thighs as though that's all there is to a woman, well, I shut up altogether. — Toni Morrison

Every time a baseball player grabs his crotch, it makes him spit. That's why you should never date a baseball player. — Marsha Warfield

What y'all ladies got to share? Hmmm, what you bitches got?"

Aunt Georgia sighed and squinted at the boy. She said, "The Lord loves a cheerful giver, but I'm just not in the mood."

The thug moved his hand from his crotch to his scalp, still scratching. "What in the hell's that supposed to mean?" Mrs. Cleveland raised and pumped her walking stick, which, it turned out, was a double-barreled shotgun.

"It means take one more step," she said, "and I'll blast you to hell, you ignorant-ass bastard. — Jabari Asim

The image in the glass seemed only vaguely familiar. I didn't like my new tie, so I took off my coat and tried another. I didn't like the change either. All at once everything began to irritate me. The stiff collar was strangling me. The shoes pinched my feet. The pants smelled like a clothing store basement and were too tight in the crotch. Sweat broke out at my temples where the hat band squeezed my skull. Suddenly I began to itch, and when I moved everything crackled like a paper sack. — John Fante

Holy hell, Hendrix was going to get eaten by my crotch that had evolved into a man-eating gorilla sometime over the last two years! — Rachel Higginson

He parked the car, pressed the button for the roof to fold back, and undid his seat belt. "It's an emergency."
Goldilocks giggled. She unfastened her belt and hopped onto her knees. "Yes, I can see" - she glanced down at his crotch - "That we're in danger of a detonation. What's the protocol in a situation like this, Mr. Environmentalist?"
"I'm afraid I have no choice but to advocate for release. — Robin Bielman

He held his crotch, his knees bent and his kilt showing he wore nothing beneath it.
She shuffled from one foot to the other as she stared at his Scottish bagpipe. Bet he could hit a lot of high notes with that thing. "You...you startled me when you grabbed me like that."
"Well, ye needna be afraid now. I couldna molest ya, even if I wanted to, which I dinna.I'm betting foreplay with ye would be like grabbing hold of an electrical wire while sitting in a tub of water." He groaned and cussed some more. "Hell, I bet yer vagina is lined with shark's teeth. — Vonnie Davis

Crotch biting menace:I have my mouth in close proximity to your genitals.Oh thou man who talks to my mistress over coffee.Do not irk or trifle with me! I possess but one tooth, oh, yes, for the rest were buried long ago in the flesh of sinners.Behold my jaws, upper and lower in righteous, symmetrical poverty.Move not, man of clocks, and heed my mistress, for she cherishes me, even in my foul old age. — Nick Harkaway

The quickest way to a woman's crotch is through her gullet. Can I make you a cake? Big Al to Pierce, then Rachel. — Kim Harrison

I have orders to bring Reyna in alive to stand trial for treason. I have no orders to bring you in alive, or the faun." "Satyr!" the coach yelled. He kicked a skeleton in its bony crotch, which seemed to hurt Hedge more than the redcoat. "Ow! Stupid British dead guys! — Rick Riordan

I hate people who sneak into first class to use the bathroom. I'm sitting there, in 4F, sipping Cristal and admiring my new line of jewelry for QVC, and suddenly, busting through the curtain and rushing toward the bathroom is some doughy soccer mom holding her crotch and yelling, "Emergency, emergency!" No, it's not!!! Opening the main hatch and pushing you out at thirty thousand feet for disturbing me is an emergency. — Joan Rivers

For the record, this isn't a male/female thing. It's a people thing. You talk about men being cold ... you should see women from my standpoint. We're talking the Arctic tundra would be warmer. Believe me, you don't want to know my vantage point on your gender. As a man, if I grabbed your breasts, I'd be arrested. Any idea how many women have felt free to grab my crotch at will? (Acheron) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

It was the old psychosomatic side-step. Everyone in my family dances it at every opportunity. You've given me a splitting headache! You've given me indigestion! You've given me crotch rot! You've given me auditory hallucinations! You've given me a heart attack! You've given me cancer! — Erica Jong

But I couldn't resist sneaking a peek at his crotch a minute later. And then my breath hitched, because holy shit, he was hard, a long, thick erection straining beneath his athletic shorts. I was sporting the same visible boner, and I know he saw it. He probably thought it was the porn. Hell, that was the only reason he was turned on. — Sarina Bowen

Did you tell my mother that you called me a bitch last night,too?" I asked him. "Because that's the best way I know to win parents over."
For a split second,he looked uncomfortable. Almost immediately, he recovered and went back on the offensive. "You shouldn't wear those jeans.People might think something."
I stomped my foot on the stair. "Like what? I want to show off my fire-crotch? What do you care? God! Stop following me." My hair was down now, and I felt it smack into his chest as I whirled around and flounced down the rest of the stairs, across the lobby, and into the cold night. — Jennifer Echols

I feel like grabbing my crotch and checking to see if my balls are still there because I think they may be in her pocket and I need to get them back. — Katja Millay

Chicken began to cry then or seemed to cry, to weep or seemed to weep, until they heard the sound of a grown man weeping, an old man who slept on a charred mattress, whose life savings in tattoos had faded to a tracery of ash, whose crotch hair was sparse and gray, whose flesh hung slack on his bones, whose only trespass on life was a flat guitar and a remembered and pitiful air of "I don't know where it is, sir, but I'll find it, sir," and whose name was known nowhere, nowhere in the far reaches of the earth or in the far reaches of his memory, where, when he talked to himself, he talked to himself as Chicken Number Two. — John Cheever

Not surprisingly, they frisked me like they were taking a frisking exam. To get into the Royal College of Frisking. Five times, head to toe, mouth, ears, crotch, soles of shoes. They tore most of my clothes from my body, and left me looking like an opened Christmas present. — Hugh Laurie

He opened his eyes again, raking his gaze up and down my body before coming to rest on my crotch. "Quite simply," he said, "I'd like to lick your cunt. I'd like to hear you scream my name."

The world seemed to sway. "Don't... don't you have groupies for that sort of thing?" I asked breathlessly.

"I'd rather have you."

I swallowed. "I don't know what to say."

"You can start by saying yes, please, Kent. Eat my pussy."

My skin tingled with his words. I wondered why he wasn't the one singing, front and center. That voice could carry me away, anywhere he wanted me to go...

Oh, this was a problem. This was a huge problem, and I wasn't about to make it any better. My mouth was dry, but the words came out clear enough:

"Yes, please, Kent. Eat my pussy."

"I thought you'd never ask," he said. — Ava Lore

Our relationship was a lot like underwear in a dryer without a static control sheet. One minute we were floating through life, buoyant and carefree. The next we were attached at the crotch — Darynda Jones

Gabe!" she calls. "Dr. Gabe."

He looks at her blankly

"Don't you know me? You're my OB-GYN."

Gabe's eyes move instinctively from her face to her crotch. He stares between her legs for a beat. His face lights up in recognition, as if he has X-ray vision.

"Joanne! Sure . . . Joanne. How are you?"

Both Joanne and I break up. Gabe blushes.

"I see so many women," he says, making it worse. — Alan Eisenstock

As illustrated in any number of footnotes, men are almost always 50 to 60 percent dumber in matters involving their crotch. — Scott Hawkins

Which one worse: armpits or breath? Surely, the latter; but the unwashed inferno of his crotch and ass stank worst of all. "Y'all — Kai Ashante Wilson

I've worn jeans until they're ripped all the way around the crotch and I can't wear them any longer. You get so attached to jeans, they're like old friends. — Lily Donaldson

Well, friends, learning about the "world" is not pretending you're a hooker while a guy from the part of New Jersey that's near Pennsylvania decides which Steely Dan record to put on at 4:00 A.M. The secrets of life aren't being revealed when someone laughs at you for having studied creative writing. There is no enlightenment to be gained from letting your semiboyfriend's bald friend touch your thigh too close to the place where it meets your crotch, but you let it happen because you think you might be in love. — Lena Dunham