Crazy Random Funny Quotes & Sayings

You're pretty sexy when you're domestic." I told him, running a hand up the back of his thigh.
"If you think this is hot, you should see me change a diaper."
"I have, actually: why do you think I married you? That and your accent. Oh and your giant penis. — Christina Lauren

Personal power, knowledge and fun come from how you approach something, not what you approach. — Frederick Lenz

If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator — Josh Stern

When you're out in the wilderness and get back to base camp only to discover sleeping bag turndown service ... .that's no chocolate on the pillow — Josh Stern

If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months — Josh Stern

If bliss are a type of potato, then ignorance can be french-fried — Josh Stern

Old age and sickness bring out the essential characteristics of a man. — Felix Frankfurter

I envy the man to snatch him up. This will be the only time in life I'm siding with Freud and experiencing 'penis envy'. There will never be a repeat. Can't be associated with too much crazy, I'm juggling enough on my own. — Ambrosea Brown

I'm not sure I understand you," she said. "Are you telling me you saved my life because you were angry with me?" The idea struck me funny. "Yes," I said, trying not to smile. "Furious." "Furious?" "Enraged," I said. "Oh dear." And then she smiled. — Catherine M. Wilson

What do you want? Where's the goddamn ice I ordered? Where's the booze? There's a war on, man! People are being killed! — Hunter S. Thompson

I like to skip prewriting. I love just jumping into the actual writing process. Then I revise/edit and fix what I need to. Then the following steps; proofread and publish. Of course before you just go into writing, it would be a good idea to do some charts of each chapter ... what you would want each one to be about and have a character list with their personalities and how they will come into play in your book. I mean, you wouldn't just want to go all crazy and jot down all kinds of random stuff at once ... trust me, you'll go crazy. With writing, you take it as it comes, go with your own flow.-Nina Jean Slack — Nina Jean Slack

Is he crazy? No one has ever told me my doodles are good, not that I flash them around or anything. Gen likes them, but she also thinks vampire romances are literature and sings along to 'Islands in the Stream.' Her tastes are dubious. She's not a reliable source. — Jules Barnard

I wear anything of culture, from the Earth or beyond. The whole planet is my shop. — Afrika Bambaataa

Who is your favorite character in the series? Or ... if that's too hard, why do you like each one and who drives you crazy?
Puck: Well, she likes me best, of course. I'm the handsome, charming one.
Ash: Yes, that's why she gave you your own book. Oh, wait.
Puck: No one asked you, ice-boy. — Julie Kagawa

Are people who have been crazy held to unfair standards?
Of course, but it's not in your best interest to complain. If you're paranoid and people are looking at you funny it's best to let it pass. Psychotic people have an uncanny knack for making their own worst dreams come true. Depressing things happen to depressed people way beyond what you would expect from random distribution. — Mark Vonnegut

Don't you wish we all lived in black light ... for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know it — Josh Stern

A writer's tools are desperation, humiliation, loneliness, love, affection, heartache, happiness, glee, defeat, victory, setbacks, and a desire for personal redemption. People with the experience to know of such things relate that in order to write one must suffer an alleyway of anguish, and experience an array of physical and emotional pain. More than anything else, emotional growth, and writing are each reflective of the immeasurable gain accomplished through studious reflection. — Kilroy J. Oldster

Loving someone is sticking a pin through a voodoo doll and not hitting any vital organs — Josh Stern

Wariness crept into her eyes, into her expression. Her tongue touched her bottom lip, that full bottom lip he wanted to bite. He dreamt of biting it. Now it was going to happen — Christine Feehan

The point is that families today are spending their money no more foolishly than their parents did. And yet they're five times more likely to go bankrupt, and three times more likely to lose their homes. Families are going broke on the basics - housing, health insurance, and education. These are the kind of bills that you can't just trim around the edges in the event of a downturn. — Amelia Warren Tyagi

... we can not love or think except in fragments of time each of which goes along its own trajectory and immediately disappears. — Italo Calvino

Children talk themselves out of their convictions as they grow up and become distracted by their huge selfish selves. All the literature is consistent on this point. Children begin to think they've imagined us. — Gregory Maguire

Come Hell or High Water usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub — Josh Stern

Books are like Tarot decks. They provide answers and guidance but more importantly, they are doorways and portals to the otherworld and the imagination. They leave their imprint and keep whispering to us long after we close the pages or shuffle the deck. — Sasha Graham

An advertising campaign should be timely.

A branding campaign should be timeless. — Steven Howard

Some people drip wax on themselves like a human chianti bottle to see if they feel anything ... .but getting a wicker basket to fit them is a fiasco — Josh Stern

Sometimes I am a different character in different languages. I have different enjoyment from them. Sometimes different answers come out of me. Like, I didn't even know that about me. I get to know myself through different languages, actually. — Roger Federer