Crapping Quotes & Sayings

It's amazing what sometimes gets accomplished via an initially jarring but ultimately harmless shift in thinking. Is cutting the organs out of a dead man and stitching them into someone else barbaric and disrespectful, or is it a straightforward operation to save multiple lives? Does crapping into a Baggie while sitting 6 inches away from your crewmate represent a collapse of human dignity or a unique and comic form of intimacy? — Mary Roach

We still have prostitutes standing on our corner, and people crapping round the back of buildings. The charms are still there. — Rachel

Nonetheless, the oyster, could it fancy, should fancy its excremental equipment a hot item, for what other among Creation's crapping creatures can convert its bodily wastes into treasure? — Tom Robbins

Everything a baptized person does every day should be directly or indirectly related to the Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy. — Dorothy Day

He hasn't yet taken to crapping on the carpet and destroying the furniture and whining for meals, but close. — Margaret Atwood

Duke was already sitting in the passenger seat, waiting for her. She got in and started the car. Duke busted into a Slim Jim of his own.
"You hairy toad fucker. That stuff's nasty. Your toilet must be like a nuclear reactor." Dove turned on her windshield wipers as a light mist seemed to fracture the glass.
"I'm sorry, Whore Basket. I couldn't hear you over the noise of you crapping your pants!" Duke took another huge bite and chewed the waxy meat like gum.
"This stuff is off the charts. I could eat vats of it. — Debra Anastasia

The world is finite and yet nothing ever happens more than once exactly the same way. — Brian L. Tucker

Do you know how powerful you are? — Puff Daddy

You say what you want to say when you don't care who's listening. If you're grasping to get your own voice, you're making a strained attempt to talk, so it's a matter of just listening to yourself as you sound when you're talking about something that's intensely important to you. — Allen Ginsberg

Only different people change the world," Granny used to say. "No one normal has ever changed a crapping thing. — Fredrik Backman

I found a Cairn Terrier online. It's perfect."
"A what?"
"Pidge is from Kansas. It's the same kind of dog Dorothy had in the Wizard of Oz."
Shepley's face was blank. "The Wizard of Oz."
"What? I liked the scarecrow when I was a little kid, shut the fuck up."
"It's going to crap every where, Travis. It'll bark and whine and ... I don't know."
"So does America ... minus the crapping. — Jamie McGuire

Establish who you are, and don't let anybody dress you up or change the way you are, and stay true to yourself. — Lynn Anderson

Life is just the time between crapping yourself. — Adam Carolla

Discontment is an insidious thing, trapping us into thinking that which is enough is longer enough, and that which is satisfying is no longer satisfying. — Ann Spangler

Here's the deal. We go in, you stand there like the asshole you are, and I explain you aren't gay lovers with the pharmacist. Sound good?" Dove clicked her blinker on and checked her side mirror.
"All I heard was blah, blah, holding your dick later, blah, blah." Duke rolled down his window and stuck his face into the night. — Debra Anastasia

I have always thought, genuinely thought, that elections are like world cups. They sometimes look easier from the outside and they are very difficult when you are in the middle of them. — John Key

He was like a huge smug albatross waddling around my desk, squawking vacuously and crapping all over my paperwork. — Tana French

How about we get rid of separate bathrooms for boys and girls? Gays and straights share the bathroom with zero issues. We need to put an end to the sexist pooping policies of yesterday. The only way to achieve gender equality is to start crapping in front of each other. — Daniel Tosh

No, no, no!" said Albert. "You got to put a bit of life in it, sir, no offense intended. It's got to be a big fat laugh. You got to ... you got to sound like you're pissing brandy and crapping plum pudding, sir, excuse my Klatchian. — Terry Pratchett

Each little chapter has its place. — Lillie Langtry

I was sleeping like a baby - waking up every three hours screaming and crapping my pants. — John Swartzwelder

We lose much consolation by the habit of reading His promises for the whole church, instead of taking them directly home to ourselves. — Charles Haddon Spurgeon

Ego had brought him to this point, that stupid refusal to quit the case, to simply do the job according to procedure and pick up the monthly salary transfer. Now look where it had brought him, sitting right next to a crapping great fusion bomb. — Peter F. Hamilton

As a comic and as a nurse, it's important to look calm on the surface when you're absolutely crapping yourself inside. So, if someone is waving a machete at you, which has happened to me when I was a nurse, it's important to make that person feel that you're in control. — Jo Brand

This [oatmeal] represents your soul in its pure state. Your soul on the day you were born. You were perfect. You were happy. You were good.
Now, enter Concept Number Two: crap. Don't worry, folks. I don't use actual crap up here. Only imaginary crap. You'll have to supply the crap, using your mind. Now, if someone came up and crapped in your nice warm oatmeal, what would you say? Would you say: 'Wow, super, thanks, please continue crapping in my oatmeal'? Am I being silly? I'm being a little silly. But guess what, in real life people come up and crap in your oatmeal all the time
friends, co-workers, loved ones, even you kids, especially your kids!
and that's exactly what you do. You say, 'Thanks so much!' You say, 'Crap away!' You say, and here the metaphor breaks down a bit, 'Is there some way I can help you crap in my oatmeal? — George Saunders

The films I want to make, I really want to be passionate about. — Terry Zwigoff

Offended you again," her godmother said with satisfaction. "Come along, then. We'll go to my chambers. The butler put me in one of the towers, and it's utterly heavenly, like being stuck in the clouds except for the pigeons crapping on the windows. — Eloisa James

I read it in a book, one line, and carry it around with me for days, a new map: "The literal translation for the words 'pray always' is 'come to rest.'" . . . Prayer is the essence of rest, the essence of theology, the essence of idol destruction, the essence of communion. We came from His breath and we're most our real selves when our breath is offered back to Him.6 — Jessica N. Turner

When Pococke inquired of Grotius, where the proof was of that story of the pigeon, trained to pick peas from Mahomet's (Muhammad's) ear, and pass for an angel dictating to him? Grotius answered that there was no proof! ... — Thomas Carlyle

I had two children. I had a nanny to manage my kids. — Leslie Caron

Maybe Christ was promoting Buddhism, maybe Buddha wasn't a prophet, maybe the Quran is older than its Prophet, and maybe we shouldn't spend another two thousand years living a lie, just because we fear the truth and the darkness it reveals within us. — Daniel Marques