Crap Father Quotes & Sayings

My father was an army champion boxer ... in the British army. And so he loved boxing and talked it up as a sport. But then when my brother and I were beating the crap out of each other, he was always trying to tone it down. But I am a fan of boxing. — Hugh Jackman

You can have everything in the world, but if you don't have love, none of it means crap," he said promptly. "Love is patient. Love is kind. Love always forgives, trusts, supports, and endures. Love never fails. When every star in the heavens grows cold, and when silence lies once more on the face of the deep, three things will endure: faith, hope, and love."
And the greatest of these is love," I finished. "That's from the Bible."
First Corinthians, chapter thirteen," Thomas confirmed. "I paraphrased. Father makes all of us memorize that passage. Like when parents put those green yucky-face stickers on the poisonous cleaning products under the kitchen sink. — Jim Butcher

Menoeceus wants his father. (Astrid)
Bob is crying because he wants his mother to stop calling him that crap-ass name. It's all right, Bob. Daddy's got you now. I'm saving you from Mommy's bad naming taste. I'd be crying, too, if my mom named me after an idiot. (Zarek) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

' Bout time you married someone and stopped tempting every man from here to the Blue Sea," Padera said, slurring the words through toothless gums. "You know, wars have started over women like you."
Moya scoffed. "You're so full of crap, old woman."
"Brin?" Padera called.
Brin tore her eyes away from the doorway. "Augusta of Melen, daughter of Chieftain Eisol, started the Battle of the Red River when she refused to marry Theo of Warric. When Theo's father was killed in the fight, Theo vowed vengeance and summoned all of Clan Warric to his banner. This resulted in what became known as the Ten Year War, which claimed the lives of a thousand men and instigated a famine that lasted two years. — Michael J. Sullivan

How come she has more crap here now than when she lived with me? their father grumbled as he came down one morning. — Debra Anastasia

I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm gonna start blowin crap up. It's what the founding fathers would want. — Jim Gaffigan

As if the president gives a crap about demons and what they go through just because her father's got horns?" Morganith returned. "She never opens her coward mouth about the quiet oppression the demons -- your people -- face every single day --!"
"Our people," Hari calmly corrected.
"No," said Morganith at once. "Halflings have never been anyone's people. — Ash Gray

Menoceus wants his father."
"Bob is crying because he wants his mother to stop calling him that crap-ass name. It's all right Bob. Daddy's got you now. I'm saving you fromMommy's bad naming taste. I'd be crying, too, if my mom named me after an idiot."
"Menoeceus is a great name."
"For an old man or a feminine hygeine product. Not for my son. And next time I get to name the kid and it won't be something that sounds like meningitis. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Always when I play back my father's voice," Maria says, "it is with a professional rasp, it goes as it lays, don't do it the hard way. My father advised me that life itself was a crap game: it was one of two lessons I learned as a child. The other was that overturning a rock was apt to reveal a rattlesnake. As lessons go those two seem to hold up, but not to apply. — Joan Didion

The young look up to me as their feeder," said Alex. "Well, they can go look for another trough. I'm through with this hogwash."
"Are liberal ideas hogwash?"
"All ideas are hogwash, Jack."
"Don't you believe in anything anymore?"
"Sure. I believe in God the Father of Nonsense, creator of Crap and Nonsense, is now and ever shall be Crap without end. Oh, oh, Jack, how we break our hearts trying to make sense of a world that's pure and utter crap. But if you ever come to where I am now, you'll be surprised and delighted to find out how little anything matters."
"You've begun to sound Christian," said Pocholo. — Nick Joaquin

A villager in Ca Lu said it to me, before I removed his intestines with a bayonet." "Was he talking about himself?" Donaldson asked. "Or you?" "You tell me. Did you feel alive when you killed your father, Donaldson?" Donaldson nodded. "And when you killed the owner of the Pinto?" Mr. K continued. "Goddamn piece of crap car. I wish I could kill that guy again." "How about someone else in his place?" Donaldson squinted at Mr. K. "What do you mean?" Another half smile. "The man in my trunk. If I gave you the chance to kill him, would you? — Blake Crouch

Huh," groaned Father Gabe. "I sympathize with you, Tommy. Relationships can be a crap shoot. You think you're going to roll a seven and up pops snake eyes. — Robert Hobkirk

.....if he's not man enough to stand up to your father, and take the crap he has to dish out, then he's not good enough to be with you. — Sam Crescent

Crap. He was actually crying. I didn't know how to deal with a crying father. I barely knew how to deal with a normal one. — Rachel Vincent

I'm sure my father said plenty of normal things to me when I was growing up, but what stuck, probably because he said it, like, ten thousand times, was "Everything you touch turns to crap." His other catchphrase was "You know what you are? A big fat zero."
Excerpt From: David Sedaris. "Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls." iBooks. — David Sedaris

And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee. — Dennis Miller