Cows Funny Quotes & Sayings

Better is it', she thought, 'to be clothed with poverty and ignorance, which are the dark garments of the female sex; better be quit of martial ambition, the love of power, and all the other manly desires if so one can more fully enjoy the most exalted raptures known to the humane spirit, which are', she said aloud as her habit was when deeply moved, 'contemplation, solitude, love. — Virginia Woolf

My grandmother raised me. She was a real no-nonsense but very funny lady. I drove tractors, made hay, milked cows, fed the chicken, fed the pigs. — Carol Bartz

God desires from you the least degree of purity of conscience more than all the works you can perform. — John Of The Cross

It's just that I have this funny objection to torturing small animals no matter how scrumptious their body parts might be ... Our food industries are equal opportunity abusers: cows, chickens, pigs, and a special mention to those little calves who for their short, miserable lives are locked into crates too small to allow movement just so we can eat veal. — Ron Reagan

Oh, yes. Milk from my favorite cows:brown. — Darynda Jones

Animals we are, and animals we remain, and the path to our regeneration and happiness, if there be such a path, lies through our animal nature. — Dora Russell

You can sit on a brick, and milk a cow with a blanket. — Nicole McKay

I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home. — Groucho Marx

You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them. — Dylan Moran

So while I drove my little and planned his fantasy night of how I was going to give Otter the key to my soul (his words, not mine), I silently panicked and wrote lines of bad poetry. Normally, I am quite adept at writing poems and lyrics to songs I'l never sing, but this stuff was just atrocious. For example:
I love you
You love me
Thank God for that
I'm so happy
And Ty's personal favorite (which he helped me on):
Otter! Otter! Otter!
Don't lead cows to slaughter
I love you and I know
I should've told you soon-a
But you didn't buy the dolphin-safe tuna!
TY asked me if I got the hidden message in his poem. I told him it was loud and clear. — T.J. Klune

I sometimes think drivers don't know what grass is, or flowers, because they never see them slowly," she said. "If you showed a driver a green blur, Oh yes! he'd say, that's grass! A pink blur? That's a rose-garden! White blurs are houses. Brown blurs are cows. My uncle drove slowly on a highway once. He drove forty miles an hour and they jailed him for two days. Isn't that funny, and sad, too? — Ray Bradbury

Meeting writers is always so disappointing. I got over wanting to meet live writers quite a long time ago. There is this terrific book that has changed your life, and then you meet the author, and he has shifty eyes and funny shoes and he won't talk about anything except the injustice of the United States income tax structure toward people with fluctuating income, or how to breed Black Angus cows, or something. — Ursula K. Le Guin

Happiness comes by doing difficult things. — Jim Miller

I love to smoke. I love to eat red meat. I'll only eat red meat that comes from cows who smoke, ok!? Special cows they grow in Virginia with voice boxes in their necks. "Moo" — Denis Leary

To speak of the Blessed Sacrament is to speak of what is most sacred. How often, when we are in a state of distress, those to whom we look for help leave us; or what is worse, add to our affliction by heaping fresh troubles upon us. He is ever there waiting to help us. — Mary Euphrasia Pelletier

Fred Rice, gunslinger, badest hombre ever to grace the American Southwest desert since Pancho Villa. — Anonymous

Does anyone like a fat old cow?"

"Maybe other fat old cows? — Allan Dare Pearce

Jersey cows," Eva explained after Jac complimented the luxurious taste. "The butter and cream here are better than anywhere in the world."
"Not that we're prejudiced," Theo teased. — M.J. Rose

I hate that I had to pull out my wallet and buy respect. — Becca Ritchie

How could you ever learn to trust the things you made up? — Richard Yates

You're never going to go. Why would you go? It's a disgusting place. It's always wet even when it's dry. There's nothing there. Farmers aren't really people, you know this. They're just necessary, we need somebody to kill cows. — Dylan Moran

Talk about getting off tangent. My mother's friend may have just killed his wife and my parents are sitting there talking about cows. — Wendy Lichtman

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have kill you too. — Jake Johannsen

Jackson," I asked carefully. "Are you on any illegal substances I should know about?"
"Nope."
"Eaten any strange looking mushrooms?"
"Not lately."
"Any near brushed with eternal damnation that might be affecting your judgement?"
He grinned. "That hard to believe, huh? — Cecily White

I sometimes think, would I drink the milk from the breast of a woman I don't know? No. So I think, why would I drink it from a cow? — Devon Aoki

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? — Steven Wright

I came to regard my body in a new light. For the first time I apprehended the little mounds on my chest as teats for the suckling of young, and their physical resemblance to udders on cows or the swinging distensions on lactating hounds was suddenly unavoidable. Funny how even women forget what breasts are for.
The cleft between my legs transformed as well. It lost a certain outrageousness, an obscenity, or achieved an obscenity of a different sort. The flaps seemed to open not to a narrow, snug dead end, but to something yawning. The passageway itself became a route to somewhere else, a real place, and not merely to a darkness in my mind. The twist of flesh in front took on a devious aspect, its inclusion overtly ulterior, a tempter, a sweetener for doing the species' heavy lifting, like the lollipops I once got at the dentist. — Lionel Shriver

if you walk the straight and narrow, they can never blackmail you or coerce you into doing something you don't agree with. — Sidney Halston

I have a rule - 'funny is funny!' When I write comedy, it's not my aim to upset people. I will be offensive, edgy and immature, but I will also be very intelligent and relevant. At my shows, there are no holy cows. — Vir Das

Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying 'Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.' — Bill Bailey

In between bites of banana, Mr. Remora would tell stories, and the children would write the stories down in notebooks, and every so often there would be a test. The stories were very short, and there were a whole lot of them on every conceivable subject. "One day I went to the store to purchase a carton of milk," Mr. Remora would say, chewing on a banana. "When I got home, I poured the milk into a glass and drank it. Then I watched television. The end." Or: "One afternoon a man named Edward got into a green truck and drove to a farm. The farm had geese and cows. The end." Mr. Ramora would tell story after story, and eat banana after banana, and it would get more and more difficult for Violet to pay attention. — Lemony Snicket

I must have killed a lot of cows in a past life for Karma to hate me this much. — Katie McGarry

Aging and its evidence remain life's most predictable events, yet they also remain matters we prefer to leave unmentioned, unexplored. — Joan Didion

Otter! Otter! Otter!
Don't lead cows to slaughter!
I love you, and I know
I should've told you soon-a
But you didn't buy the dolphin-safe tuna! — T.J. Klune

No man with a complex life can be happy! The simple secret of the happiness is simple life! — Mehmet Murat Ildan