Cookie Funny Quotes & Sayings

It's not complicated and it doesn't compare to my problem, now give me a damn cookie I think I earned it," Jill snapped.
Chris grinned like it was Christmas morning. "Yes, you did." He brought her a cookie. "Very good, my young one. You've made Chris very happy with this little tidbit of information. — R.L. Mathewson

I go "I just want a cup of black coffee." She goes "Do you want to try a biscotti? They're from Italy and they're considered a delicacy." Have you ever eaten one of these things? It tastes like a burned cookie. Where I'm from, that's considered a mistake. — Bill Engvall

Eve: "Was that like a cookie?"
Roarke: "Hmmm?"
Eve: "You know, have a cookie. You'll feel better. Were you making me feel better?"
Roarke: "I certainly hope so, it worked for me. I wanted you. I always do."
Eve: "It's funny how men can wake up with their brains in their cocks."
Roarke: "It makes us what we are. Let's take a shower. I'll give you another cookie. — J.D. Robb

I tried to have a cookie, and this girl said, "I'm mailing those cookies to my friend." So I couldn't have one. You shouldn't make cookies untouchable. — Mitch Hedberg

In my mind, she was Lebkuchen Spice - ironic, Germanic, sexy, and off beat. And, mein Gott, the girl could bake a damn fine cookie ... to the point that I wanted to answer her What do you want for Christmas? with a simple More cookies, please!
But no. She warned me not to be a smart-ass, and while that answer was totally sincere, I was afraid she would think I was joking or,
worse, kissing up.
It was a hard question, especially if I had to batten down the sarcasm. I mean, there was the beauty pageant answer of world peace, although I'd probably have to render it in the beauty pageant spelling of world peas. I could play the boo-hoo orphan card and wish for my whole family to be together, but that was the last thing I wanted, especially at this late date. — David Levithan

Don't you want to know what cookies is a code word for?"
"No! Good God, no! — Jennifer L. Armentrout

Apparently the complete works of Shakespeare packed quite a wallop. To think, my mother said I'd never find use for an English degree. Ha! I'd like to see her knock someone silly with an apron and a cookie press. — Rachel Vincent

According to the fortune-cookie logic most people live by, the best things in life are free. That's crap. I have a gold-plated robot that scratches the exact part of my back where my hands can't reach, and it certainly wasn't free. — Josh Lieb

Reckoner Super Plan for Killing Regalia ...
Step One: find Regalia, then totally explode her. Lots and Lots.
Step Two: put Val on decaf.
Step Three: Mizzy gets a cookie. — Brandon Sanderson

Well, someone slap my butt and give me a hero cookie. (Nick) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

That's your solution? Have a cookie? — Michael Grant

Boomer took bites of all six varieties, contemplating each one and "guring out the order in which he would then eat them. "I like the
brown one and the lighter brown one and the almost-brown one. I'm not so sure about the minty one. But really, I think the lebkuchen spice
one is the best."
"The what?"
"The lebkuchen spice one." He held it up for me. "This one."
"You're making that up. What's a lebkuchen spice? It sounds like a cross between a Keebler elf and a stripper. Hello, my name ees
Lebkuchen Spice, and I vant to show you my cooooookies ... "
"Don't be rude!" Boomer protested. As if the cookie might be offended. — David Levithan

Visiting Future World is like opening a Chinese fortune cookie to read, "Soon you'll be finished with dinner." — P. J. O'Rourke

To be honest with you, the dramatic side is more fun to play because I don't get to do it as often as I get to do the comedy stuff. Most of my work in this business has been comedy, and that's sort of the way the cookie crumbles. I had not sought out to just be a comedic actor, but I think that's my default because I come from a funny family. — Erica Ash

I pat her on the head. "Oh, naive little Kitten. Dear, foolish girl. This cookie is worth all this and more. Sit or you will not partake. — Jenny Han

The only nightmare I could remember was from when I was a very small child, maybe three or four years old. Cookie Monster from Sesame Street had been babysitting me and kept chasing me around the house calling me 'Cookie'. I was trying to focus on it, but at sixteen years old, it was funny to me now. — Jodi Bullock

Funny, how one good cookie could calm the mind and even elevate a troubled soul. — Dean Koontz

Chomsky is a pencil-and-paper theoretician who wouldn't know Jabba the Hutt from the Cookie Monster, — Steven Pinker

Thought for the day: Twitter ... 140 character limit ... must be a great tool for fortune cookie writers ... — E.A. Bucchianeri

So you have your price. Your soul for a cookie. — James Patterson