Cookie Charley Quotes & Sayings

You know how you heal really fast?" I stood and walked to the doorway that separated our offices. "Yes," I answered, wondering where she was going with this. She was sucking the side of her index finger. "Maybe if you lick my cut, your spit will heal me fast, too." "Dude," I said, tamping down a giggle, "I'm not licking your cut." "Just lick me." She held out her finger. "This is going to be tender for days." "I'm not licking you." A line I rarely said aloud. — Darynda Jones

For myself, the only immortality I desire is to invent a new sauce. — Oscar Wilde

Where you just possessed?" Cookie asked after a long moment, awe softening her voice. "'Cause let me tell you, sweetheart, if that was possession, I'm selling my soul. — Darynda Jones

Hey, I'm going to Super Dog for a quick bite and to pass along a message from a dead guy to his girlfriend. You should come with me."
"I can't go with you."
"Is it because of my questionable morals?"
"No, it's because it's three o'clock in the afternoon and I have to pick up Amber from school."
"Oh, right. So the morals thing doesn't bother you? — Darynda Jones

Do you know how hard it is to diet with a name like Cookie?" "That's so weird." I stared off into space, marveling at the similarities of our situation. "It's hard to diet with a name like Charley, too — Darynda Jones

Well?" she asked when she picked up.
"Do you think we're really alone in the universe?"
"Were you abducted by aliens again?"
"No, thank goodness. Once was enough for me."
"Oh, whew. So, what happened with Reyes? Did you see him?"
"Saw him. Argued with him. Barfed. — Darynda Jones

My phone pinged. It was a text from Cookie.
I'm not good at cocking guns.
Really? Did she not know me at all?
I texted her back.
You can do this. Learn the cock, Cookie.
Know the cock.
Be the cock. — Darynda Jones

Charley talking to Cookie
'You know those women in nursing homes that have to be restrained around the clock because they mix up everyones medication and steal all the bedpans?'

'Yes' I said wondering what I was walking into

'That's going to be you!'

She was probably right, if I live that long — Darynda Jones

Okay but he has a case for you," she said again, her voice singsong.
"Don't care."
"It's right up your alley. There's been a rash of suicide notes."
"That's not right up my alley. That's, like, two blocks over from my alley. — Darynda Jones

The existence of strict moral principles has invariably
signified that the biological, and specifically the sexual
needs of man were not being satisfied. Every moral regulation is in itself sex-negating, and all compulsory morality is life-negating. — Wilhelm Reich

I'd offer you advice, but I've never been married." "Neither has Garrett," I said, stating the truth. "He's a slut." Cookie giggled. "I love it when you call men sluts." "Right?" I said, giggling back. "It's much funnier than the alternative." It was odd how I despised that word when talking about women, but when talking about men, all bets were off. Maybe because of the centuries-old double standard where a woman who enjoyed sex was a slut, whereas a man who enjoyed sex was a stud. That one never sat well with me. — Darynda Jones

The lights were off so that his heads could avoid looking at each other because neither of them was currently a particular engaging sight, nor had they been since he had made the error of looking into his soul.
It had indeed been an error.
It had been late one night
of course.
It had been a difficult day
of course.
There had been soulful music playing on the ship's sound system
of course.
And he had, of course, been slightly drunk.
In other words, all the usual conditions that bring on a bout of soul searching had applied, but it had, nevertheless, clearly been an error. — Douglas Adams

Multiplication is vexation, division is as bad, the rule of three perplexes me and fractions drive me mad!
(the story girl) — L.M. Montgomery

Reinforcement is being right. — B.F. Skinner

Cookie saw him, too. "Holy mother of all things sexy," she said, her eyes drinking him in.
"Right there with ya. — Darynda Jones

Here are a few of the sources I used, and I heartily recommend them: Simon Baron-Cohen, The Science of Evil; Judith Beck, Cognitive Behavior Therapy; Louis Cozolino, The Making of a Therapist; Kevin Dutton, The Wisdom of Psychopaths; James Fallon, The Psychopath Inside; Peter and Ginger Ross Breggin, Talking Back to Prozac; Robert D. — Lisa Scottoline

Cookie&Charley Coffee moments:
"You did your dishes with shampoo?"
"It was either that or my apricot body scrub."
"No, good call. A little shampoo won't hurt you. — Darynda Jones

Have you slept yet?'
'Sure. I took a power nap on the way over.'
'Didn't you drive there?'
'Yeah. Other drviers kept waking me up. Car horns should be illegal.'
- Charley & Cookie — Darynda Jones

Did you look at the memo?"
"What memo? We're getting memos now?"
"I sent a memo a week ago. I've been sending you a memo every week with a list of all the updates and my notes on all our cases for weeks now."
Holy cow. Missed the boat on that one. "Oh, those memos. I totally knew that."
"You're not even reading them, are you?"
"I thought they were optional."
Note to self: Stop making paper airplanes out of Cookie's memos. — Darynda Jones

That's my entire weekend. I had plans"
"A Vampire Dairies marathon is not plans." She looked at me like I lost my mind.
"Have you even seen the Salvatore brothers? Holy mother of gingersnaps. — Darynda Jones

Did you catch the time-of-great-suffering thing?"
Her expression softened. "Can you just make sure I'm not around when it happens?"
"No can do," I said, strolling back to my office with a negating wave of my hand. "If I have to suffer, then so does everyone else within a ten-mile radius."
She pursed her lips. "What ever happened to taking one for the team?"
"Was never much of a team player."
"Sacrificing yourself for the greater good?"
"Not that into human sacrifice."
"Suffering in silence?"
I stopped and turned back to her, my eyes narrowing accusingly. "If I have to suffer, I'll be screaming your name at the top of my lungs the whole time. You'll be able to hear me all the way to Jersey, mark my words."
- Charley to Cookie — Darynda Jones

If he didn't hate me so much and he wasn't an evil supernatural being, I'd be on him like black on Cookie's toast.
That woman could not make toast. — Darynda Jones

He's an enigma wrapped up in sensuality padlocked with a dozen chains of desire and topped off with a razor-sharp ribbon of danger. There are more layers to him than a billionaire's wedding cake. — Darynda Jones

I think I met your friend Charley."
"You ... did? When?"
"When I looked in the mirror this morning."
She stood in disbelief for a moment. Then astonishment. Then doubt. Then hope. Then wariness. Aka, the five stages of Cookie. — Darynda Jones

It can't be," Udecht stammered. "Eadran the Vanquisher destroyed him near a millennium ago. Maelgrum is gone. Finished."
"My dear bishop, he isn't exactly alive, I grant you," the hooded medusa teased. "But he is certainly a lot less dead than you would like. — T.O. Munro

Dear Asshole: Thank you for keeping your word and believing me. It was more than I expected. Also, I'm sorry you were inconvenienced by my gluing your locker shut at the beginning of this year. However, I am not sorry that I did it, because it was a lot of fun. Love, Alex. — Francesca Zappia

I was busy perusing the suicide notes and waiting for Belvedere's water to finish its treatment when I heard a thud from Cookie's office. Then a mousy squeak. The a throaty moan.
"Cookie," I said, wiggling my fingers at Belvedere to get him acquainted to with our strange ways, "are you masturbating?"
"No, I got a paper cut."
Oh, I didn't see that coming. — Darynda Jones