Comic Con Funny Quotes & Sayings

Philadelphia is just the tip of the Pittsburgh. — The Covert Comic

It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about being a girl, it's about being a funny comic. — Iliza Shlesinger

I love nerds. Comic-Con junkies are the tastemakers of tomorrow. Isn't that funny? The tables have turned. — Kristen Bell

Funny things tend not to happen to me. I am not a natural comic. I need to think about things a lot before I can be even remotely amusing. — Rowan Atkinson

Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. — Matt Groening

The only award I've been nominated for is a Scottish BAFTA. A Scottish BAFTA, it's like hearing that the animals have their own Olympics. You hear all this stuff about TV being faked. Of course it's faked. It's all faked. That documentary a couple of weeks ago about tribal warfare among monkeys, that was all filmed in a Yates wine lodge in Dundee. Comic Relief is faked. Everybody in Africa is fine. — Frankie Boyle

I'm sure this is a diversionary ploy. But that doesn't mean it isn't real.
-Abe Sapien — John Arcudi

You can't teach someone to be funny, but you can teach comic timing. If you listen to a good comic, you can learn how to put it on a page. — Christopher Moore

Look, you know, you can't please everybody. I'm a stand-up comic. I know that. It doesn't matter how funny you are and how well you do, there's two people that are going to walk out of there hating you. — Billy Gardell

I want to be known as a funny comic not just a funny Latino comic. I want to be able to go everywhere and anywhere. — Gabriel Iglesias

His brow was sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought and his air that of a man who, if he had said 'Hullo, girls', would have said it like someone in a Russian drama announcing that Grandpapa had hanged himself in the barn. — P.G. Wodehouse

Death is complicated."

-Johann Kraus — John Arcudi

Secret 3963. It's only a sucking chest wound if you're not the shooter. — The Covert Comic

The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing. — Jo Brand

Michael Bates was a very funny actor; he'd served in India, could speak Urdu, and had great comic timing. — Sanjeev Bhaskar

I can't even look at daily comic strips. And I hate sitcoms because they don't seem like real people to me: they're props that often say horrible things to each other, which I don't find funny. I have to feel like they're real people. — Roz Chast

Paradigm shift: does that come before swing shift or after? — The Covert Comic

I'd rather have less time than I think, than less think than I have time. — The Covert Comic

Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist. — Doug Stanhope

BECAUSE OF PIETY'S PENCHANT for taking itself too seriously, theology does well to nurture a modest, unguarded sense of comedy. Some droll sensibility is required to keep in due proportion the pompous pretensions of the study of divinity. I invite the kind of laughter that wells up not from cynicism about reflection on God but from the ironic contradictions accompanying such reflection. Theology is intrinsically funny. This comes from glimpsing the incongruity of humans thinking about God. I have often laughed at myself as these sentences went through their tortuous stages of formation. I invite you to look for the comic dimension of divinity that stalks every page. — Thomas C. Oden

I don't need a personal trainer ... I need someone to stalk me and threaten to kick my ass when I eat and drink stuff I'm not supposed to! — Tanya Masse

Start dating someone who is funny, someone who has what in high school you called a "really great sense of humor" and what now your creative writing class calls "self-contempt giving rise to comic form." Write down all of his jokes, but don't tell him you are doing this. Make up anagrams of his old girlfriend's name and name all of your socially handicapped characters with them. Tell him his old girlfriend is in all of your stories and then watch how funny he can be, see what a really great sense of humor he can have. — Lorrie Moore

I had more material on weather than anyone else, I guess, ... back when I was traveling a lot on the road as a standup comic, between airport security and the weather ... I just wanted to be prepared for sitting in the airport. — Lewis Black

What?" Ryder huffed. "Come on that was funny! That was comic gold right there."
She shrugged, enjoying teasing him. "It was OK. Kind of elementary."
"Elementary? It's an effing joke."
"Whatever."
His groan could probably be heard for five miles. "Aw this is going to be a looong drive home. — Samantha Young

Usually the script is much more funny than the film turns out to be, in my case. The script is almost like a comic book but when you start making it, for some reason the film gets very serious. — Dagur Kari

Ever notice that phrenologists have funny-shaped heads? — The Covert Comic

I consider myself to be first and foremost a comic writer. The way I entertain myself - especially in those long and grim hours in the office - is to write stuff I find funny. — Nick Cave

[Simone Weil's] life is almost a perfect blend of the Comic and the Terrible, which two things may be opposite sides of the same coin. In my own experience, everything funny I have written is more terrible than it is funny, or only funny because it is terrible, or only terrible because it is funny. — Flannery O'Connor

In this city, we've got a saying: once is coincidence, twice is a booking offense!

-Judge Dredd — John Wagner

Jim Carrey, a comic genius, has a harder time overcoming the public's desire for him to be funny simply because he's so good at it. — Ben Stiller

Oscar reties his bandana. 'You'll see, little bro. Soon you'll be taking European vacations with Jane and the rest of the Cobalt Empire - while Farrow, here, will be stuck at comic book conventions with the geek squad.' — Becca Ritchie

You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!! — Bill Watterson