Comedy Quote Quotes & Sayings

The perfect body protects its owner from disease, gives birth to amazing new people and stops your bones from falling out. The end. — Heather Hill

I've never quite understood why the knuckleheads of the planet so outnumber the rest of us. — Duane Hewitt

He quite liked dentists' waiting rooms. Waiting for dentists was good. Waiting for them was so much better than having them stick metal spikes in your mouth. — Jackson Radcliffe

was the basis for love." If — Katie Graykowski

Keep calm and grow magic pomegranates. — Molly Ringle

Life is difficult and those who make us laugh are angels. — Wayne Gerard Trotman

I'm sure other writers have no difficulties writing nice. — Justine Larbalestier

Love is the canvas covering the furniture that you've become a part of — Josh Stern

Good man and bad man with money goes a long ways." ~ Amunhotep El Bey — Amunhotep El Bey

I've never heard of a man's cock being described as a fang before. - Rapahel — Nalini Singh

If any town in Europe would have vampires, he knew it would be Prague. — Barbara Hambly

Give me the scorn of the stars and a peak defiant;
Wail of the pines and a wind with the shout of a giant;
Night and a trail unknown and a heart reliant. — Robert W. Service

I started calling myself the Pied Piper, when I started using the flute sound in my music. — R. Kelly

Frequently we do not leave the past behind. We clasp on to it. We dissect it, and let fears for the future, tempered by the past, unconsciously prevent us from taking up the task eternal. — Ray Simpson

If you find yourself cutting corners, go in a circle instead — Benny Bellamacina

We all say and do things we regret, but it's never to late to change, apologize and become a better person — Thomas Amo

The tone of the prayers replicates the silliness of the mandate, in that god is enjoined or thanked to do what he was going to do anyway. Thus the Jewish male begins each day by thanking god for not making him into a woman (or a Gentile), while the Jewish woman contents herself with thanking the almighty for creating her "as she is." Presumably the almighty is pleased to receive this tribute to his power and the approval of those he created. It's just that, if he is truly almighty, the achievement would seem rather a slight one. — Christopher Hitchens

Page 61: No matter where I go in the world, although I can't speak any foreign language, I don't feel out of place. I think of earth as my home. If everyone thought this way, people might notice just how foolish international friction is and the would be put an end to it. — Akira Kurosawa

Fuck it ... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", it's just "fuck it, man. — Louis C.K.

In the 'in-itself' there is nothing of 'causal connections', of 'necessity', or of 'psychological non-freedom'; there the effect does not follow the cause, there is no rule or 'law'. It is we alone who have devised cause, sequence, for-each-other, relativity, constraint, number, law, freedom, motive, and purpose; and when we project and mix this symbol world into things as if it existed 'in itself', we act once more as we have always acted- mythologically. — Friedrich Nietzsche

Sam's phone buzzed. She fished it out of her pocket, checked the screen, and cursed. "I have to go."

"You just got here."

"Valkyrie business. Possible code three-eight-one: heroic death in progress."

"You're making that up."

"I'm not."

"So...what, somebody thinks they're about to die and they text you 'Going down! Need Valkyrie ASAP!' followed by a bunch of sad-face emojis? — Rick Riordan

Undine was fiercely independent and yet passionately imitative. She wanted to surprise every one by her dash and originality, but she could not help modelling herself on the last person she met. — Edith Wharton

When I was 9, I saw a wrestler on television named Gorgeous George. He said, "I'm beautiful. I'm so pretty that if a sucker touches my face, I'll kill him. If he messes with my hair, I'll pummel him." I said to myself, "That's a good idea. I am the greatest, I'm pretty." And then I took it a little further than he did. — Muhammad Ali

We passionately set up a programme that we call the Indian gun programme. I challenged Colonel Bhatia, who heads our defence business, that let's build an Indian gun. There's a belief that Indian companies aren't capable of this, and we want to prove them wrong, as we did in components. — Baba Kalyani

Determined spirit is unstoppable. — Lailah Gifty Akita

But it is infamous that they have not told you!' declared Eustacie. 'Je n'en reviendrai jamais!'
'If it's all the same to you, miss, I'd just as soon you'd talk in a Christian language,' said Mr. Stubbs. — Georgette Heyer