Coach Hedge Quotes & Sayings

Annabeth realized that if six of them went on these two quests, it would leave Percy alone on the ship with Coach Hedge, which was maybe not a situation a caring girlfriend should put him in. Nor was she eager to let Percy out of her sight again - not after they'd been apart for so many months. — Rick Riordan

So, a crash course for the amnesiac," Leo said, in a helpful tone that made Jason think this was not going to be helpful. "We go to the 'Wilderness School'" - Leo made air quotes with his fingers. "Which means we're 'bad kids.' Your family, or the court, or whoever, decided you were too much trouble, so they shipped you off to this lovely prison - sorry, 'boarding school' - in Armpit, Nevada, where you learn valuable nature skills like running ten miles a day through the cacti and weaving daisies into hats! And for a special treat we go on 'educational' field trips with Coach Hedge, who keeps order with a baseball bat. — Rick Riordan

Piper had trouble falling asleep. Coach Hedge spent the first hour after curfew doing his nightly duty, walking up and down the passageway yelling, "Lights out! Settle down! Try to sneak out, and I'll smack you back to Long Island!" He banged his baseball bat against a cabin door whenever he heard a noise, shouting at everyone to go to sleep, which made it impossible for anyone to go to sleep. Piper figured this was the most fun the satyr had had since he'd pretended to be a gym teacher at the Wilderness School. — Rick Riordan

Kids are baby goats. They're cute and they have redeeming social value. You are definitely not kids. — Rick Riordan

Yeah!" Coach Hedge pumped his fists in the air. He was drenched from his horns to hooves, but grinning like a crazy goat. "Do it again!" "Uh ... maybe later," Leo said. "Just stay above deck, okay? You can keep watch, in case - you know, the lake decides to attack us or something." "On it," Hedge promised. — Rick Riordan

Coach Hedge came pounding up the stairs with Hazel at his hooves.
"Where are they?" he demanded. "Who do I kill?"
"No killing!" Annabeth ordered. "Just defend the ship!"
"But they interrupted a Chuck Norris movie! — Rick Riordan

Let's all put our weapons down," Piper said. "Coach, you first." Hedge clenched his jaw. "Just one thwack?" "No," Piper said. "What about a compromise? I'll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I'll apologize." "No!" Piper insisted. "Meh." Coach Hedge lowered his club. — Rick Riordan

Coach Hedge grunted like he was pleased to have an excuse. He unclipped the megaphone from his belt and continued giving directions, but his voice came out like Darth Vader's. The kids cracked up. The coach tried again, but this time the megaphone blared: The cow says moo! — Rick Riordan

I don't like you two going off on you won. Just remember: behave. If I hear about any funny business, I will ground you until the Styx freezes over. — Rick Riordan

[Piper] rushed to get dressed. By the time she got up on deck, the others had already gathered - all hastily dressed except for Coach Hedge, who had pulled the night watch.
Frank's Vancouver Winter Olympics shirt was inside out. Percy wore pajama pants and a bronze breastplate, which was an interesting fashion statement. Hazel's hair was all blown to one side as though she'd walked through a cyclone; and Leo had accidentally set himself on fire. His T-shirt was in charred tatters. His arms were smoking. — Rick Riordan

Percy looked at Coach Hedge and Frank. "A trap?"
"Probably," Frank said.
"She's not mortal," Hedge said, sniffing the air. "Probably some kind of goat-eating, demigod-destroying fiend from Tartarus."
"No doubt," Percy agreed.
"Awesome." Hedge grinned. "Let's go. — Rick Riordan

Naturally, Coach Hedge went ballistic; but Percy found it hard to take the satyr seriously since he was barely five feet tall.
"Never in my life!" Coach bellowed, waving his bat and knocking over a plate of apples. "Against the rules! Irresponsible!"
"Coach," Annabeth said, "it was an accident. We were talking, and we fell asleep."
"Besides," Percy said, "you're starting to sound like Terminus."
Hedge narrowed his eyes. "Is that an insult, Jackson? 'Cause I'll - I'll terminus you, buddy! — Rick Riordan

Anybody have any money?"
Frank checked his pockets. "Three denarii from Camp Jupiter. Five dollars Canadian."
Hedge patted his gym shorts and pulled out what he found. "Three quarters, two dimes, a rubber band and - score! A piece of celery."
He started munching on the celery, eyeing the change and the rubber band like they might be next. — Rick Riordan

All right, cupcakes!" Coach Hedge yelled. — Rick Riordan

Coach Hedge yelled,"Thar she blows! Kansas, ahoy!"
"Holy Hephaestus," Leo muttered. "He really needs to work on his shipspeak. — Rick Riordan

It was if the city knew about Percy's dream of Gaea. It knew that the earth goddess intended on razing all human civilization, and this city, which had stood for thousands if years, was saying back at her: You wanna dissolve this city, Dirt Face? Give it a shot.
In other words, it was the Coach Hedge of mortal cities- only taller. — Rick Riordan

Percy and Hedge lay on the deck, looking exhausted. Hedge was missing his shoes. He grinned at the sky, muttering, "Awesome. Awesome." Percy was covered in nicks and scratches, like he'd jumped through a window. He didn't say anything but he grasped Annabeth's hand weakly as if to say, Be right with you as soon as the world stops spinning.
Leo, Piper, and Jason, who'd been eating in the mess hall, came rushing up the stairs.
"What? What?" Leo cried, holding a half-eaten grilled cheese sandwich. "Can't a guy even take a lunch break? What's wrong?"
"Followed!" Frank yelled again.
"Followed by what? Jason asked.
"I don't know!" Frank panted. "Whales? Sea monsters? Maybe Kate and Porky!"
Annabeth wanted to strangle the guy, but she wasn't sure her hands would fit around his thick neck. "That makes absolutely no sense. — Rick Riordan

Everyone thinks you've been kidnapped," he said. "We've been scouring the ship. When Coach Hedge finds out- oh, gods, you've been here all night?"
"Frank!" Annabeth's ears were as red as strawberries. "We just came down here to talk. We fell asleep. Accidentally. That's it."
"Kissed a couple of times," Percy said.
Annabeth glared at him. "Not helping! — Rick Riordan

Then - oh, boy! - Leo got to hitch a ride with Frank the Friendly Eagle so they could fight a bunch of Romans. Rumor must've gotten around that Leo was the one who had fired on their little city, because those Romans seemed especially anxious to kill him. But wait! There was more! Coach Hedge shot them out of the sky; Frank dropped him (that was no accident); and they crash-landed in Fort Sumter. — Rick Riordan

And I could always set Coach Hedge on fire," Leo volunteered. "Then he can be fire." The thought of a blazing satyr screaming, "Die, scumbag!" as he attacked Gaea was almost enough to make Piper laugh - almost. — Rick Riordan

Okay," Coach Hedge whispered. "Here's the plan-"
Leo elbowed him " You are not charging him alone!"
"Aw, c'mon. — Rick Riordan

Just sit tight. Reinforcements should be here soon. Hopefully nothing happens before-"
Lightning crackled overhead. The wind picked up with a vengeance. Worksheets flew into the Grand Canyon, and the entire bridge shuddered. Kids screamed, stumbling and grabbing the rails.
"I had to say something," Hedge grumbled. He bellowed into his megaphone: "Everyone inside! The cow says moo! Off the skywalk!"
"I thought you said this thing was stable!" Jason shouted over the wind.
"Under normal circumstances," Hedge agreed, "which these aren't. — Rick Riordan

Back when I was on my first assignment as a seeker, I was way out in Arizona. Brought in this kid named Clarisse."
"Clarisse?"
"Sibling of yours," Hedge said. "Ares kid. Violent. Rude. Lots of potential. — Rick Riordan

You sneaked into my cabin?"
Annabeth rolled her eyes. "Percy, you'll be seventeen in two months. You can't seriously be worried about getting in trouble with Coach Hedge."
"Uh, have you seen his baseball bat?"
"Besides, Seaweed Brain, I just thought we could take a walk. We haven't had any time to be together alone. I want to show you something - my favorite place aboard the ship."
Percy's pulse was still in overdrive, but it wasn't from fear of getting in trouble. "Can I, you know, brush my teeth first?"
"You'd better," Annabeth said. "Because I'm not kissing you until you do. And brush your hair while you're at it. — Rick Riordan

Anyway ... she knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a horse who knows a goat who knows another horse- — Rick Riordan

Now-what's our game plan?"
Coach Hedge belched. He'd already had three espressos and a plate of doughnuts, along with two napkins and another flower from the vase on the table. He would've eaten the silverware, except Piper had slapped his hand.
"Climb the mountain," Hedge said. "Kill everything except Piper's dad. Leave."
"Thank you General Eisenhower," Jason grumbles. — Rick Riordan

I still don't get it" Coach Hedge muttered as they roamed the centre aisle. "They named a whole town after Leo's table?"
"I think the town was here first, Coach" Nico said. — Rick Riordan

Hedge scrambled away, but the first two skeletons grabbed his arms and lifted him off the ground. The coach dropped his bat and kicked his hooves. "Lemme go, ya stupid boneheads!" he bellowed. — Rick Riordan

Coach Hedge grumbled as he tended their wounds. How come I never get invited on these violent trips? — Rick Riordan

it, Leo had no idea. Coach Hedge was too miserable to help. He kept pacing the deck with tears in his eyes, pulling at his goatee and slapping the side of his head, muttering, "I should have saved them! I should have blown up more stuff!" Finally Leo told him to go belowdecks and secure everything for departure. He wasn't doing any good beating himself up. The six demigods gathered on the quarterdeck and gazed at the distant column of dust still rising from the site of the implosion. — Rick Riordan

Yeah! Bring it on lake!" -Coach Gleeson Hedge — Rick Riordan

Before Keto could notice, Hedge pointed towards the top of the amphitheater. It looked like he might be screaming, Gods of Olympus, what is that?
Keto turned. Coach Hedge promptly took off his fake foot and ninja-kicked her in the back of the head with his goat hoof. — Rick Riordan

While Coach Hedge was having dinner on the foredeck, a wild pegasus appeared from nowhere,stampeded over the coach's enchiladas, and flew off again, leaving cheesy hoof prints all across the deck. "What was that for?" the coach demanded. — Rick Riordan

Valdez," said Coach Hedge with surprising gentleness. "Let me take the wheel. You've been steering for two hours."
"Two hours?"
"Yeah. Give me the wheel."
"Coach?"
"Yeah, kid?"
"I can't unclench my hands. — Rick Riordan

Who, Coach Hedge? He'd try to fix Jason by whacking him upside the head. — Rick Riordan

Coach Hedge shouted, 'Let the movie star go, you big ugly cupcake! Or I'm gonna plant my hoof right up your ... — Rick Riordan

The others strapped themselves below - except for Coach Hedge, who insisted on clinging to the forward rail, yelling, YEAH! Bring it on, Lake! — Rick Riordan

I should've blown more stuff up. -Coach Gleeson Hedge — Rick Riordan

I have orders to bring Reyna in alive to stand trial for treason. I have no orders to bring you in alive, or the faun." "Satyr!" the coach yelled. He kicked a skeleton in its bony crotch, which seemed to hurt Hedge more than the redcoat. "Ow! Stupid British dead guys! — Rick Riordan

Hedge put a drinking straw next to Nico's mouth. "Have some Gatorade."
"I-I don't want-"
"You'll have some Gatorade," the coach insisted.
Nico had some Gatorade. — Rick Riordan

Nico glanced back at Coach Hedge. The satyr just made a shooing gesture like, Go. Do your Underworld thing. — Rick Riordan

Once they got there, it wasn't a pretty landing. With the oars damaged and the foresail torn, Leo could barely manage a controlled descent. The others strapped themselves in below - except for Coach Hedge, who insisted on clinging to the forward rail, yelling, "YEAH! Bring it on, lake!" Leo stood astern, alone at the helm, and aimed as best he could. Festus creaked and whirred warning signals, which were relayed through the intercom to the quarterdeck. "I know, I know," Leo said, gritting his teeth. He didn't have much time to take in the scenery. To the southeast, a city was nestled in the foothills of a mountain range, blue and purple in the afternoon shadows. A flat desert landscape spread to the south. Directly beneath them the Great Salt Lake glittered like aluminum foil, the shoreline etched with white salt marshes that reminded Leo of aerial photos of Mars. "Hang on, Coach!" he shouted. "This is going to hurt." "I was born for hurt! — Rick Riordan