Classic Insult Quotes & Sayings

I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here. — Stephen Bishop

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: 'Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.'
That depends, Sir,' said Disraeli, 'whether I embrace your policies or your mistress. — Benjamin Disraeli

I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend ... if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw, playwright (to Winston Churchill)
"Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one."
- Churchill's response — George Bernard Shaw

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. — Mark Twain

He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more. — P.G. Wodehouse

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
[On British Labour politician Stafford Cripps.] — Winston S. Churchill

This impeccably researched study of the classic black insult game may be the funniest work of serious scholarship ever published. — Terry Teachout

The Republicans have chosen to neglect young Americans who need assistance with the costs of higher education. — John Conyers

Every instinct that is found in any man is in all men. The strength of the emotion may not be so overpowering, the barriers against possession not so insurmountable, the urge to accomplish the desire less keen. With some, inhibitions and urges may be neutralized by other tendencies. But with every being the primal emotions are there. All men have an emotion to kill; when they strongly dislike some one they involuntarily wish he was dead. I have never killed any one, but I have read some obituary notices with great satisfaction. — Clarence Darrow

Hertzfeld recalled that Gates just sat there coolly, looking at Steve in the eye, before hurling back, in his squeaky voice, what became a classic zinger. Well, Steve, I think there's more than one way of looking at it, I think it's more like we both had this rich neighbor named Xerox and I broke into his house to steal the TV set and found out that you had already stolen it. — Walter Isaacson

A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly. — Winston S. Churchill

The earth is at the same time mother, She is mother of all that is natural, mother of all that is human. She is mother of all, for contained in her are the seeds of all. The earth of human kind contains all moistness, all verdancy, all germinating power. It is in so many ways fruitful. All creation comes from it. Yet it forms not only the basic raw material for humankind, but also the substance of the incarnation of God's son. — Hildegard Of Bingen

To hold an unchanging youth is to reach at the end, the vision with which one started. — Ayn Rand

She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B. — Dorothy Parker

To speak much is one thing; to speak to the point another! — Sophocles

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. — Groucho Marx

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. — Dorothy Parker

If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised. — Dorothy Parker

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. — Mae West

Just selfishly, I wanted to be associated with something as synonymous with cool and cutting edge and artistic as CBGB. People are aware of that, at least, even if nothing else. That's something to be proud of, to be a small part of the association with something like that. — Johnny Galecki

He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others. — Samuel Foote

An old battleax of a woman said to Winston Churchill, "If you were my husband I would put poison in your tea." Churchill's response, "Ma'am if you were my wife I would drink it. — Winston S. Churchill

DESDEMONA: I hope my noble lord esteems me honest.
OTHELLO: Oh, ay, as summer flies are in the shambles,
That quicken even with blowing. O thou weed,
Who art so lovely fair and smell'st so sweet
That the sense aches at thee, would thou hadst ne'er been born!
DESDEMONA: Alas, what ignorant sin have I committed?
OTHELLO: Was this fair paper, this most goodly book,
Made to write "whore" upon? — William Shakespeare

He has Van Gogh's ear for music. — Billy Wilder

He was distinguished for ignorance; for he had only one idea, and that was wrong. — Benjamin Disraeli

He loves nature in spite of what it did to him. — Forrest Tucker

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them. — Dorothy Parker

He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts ... for support rather than illumination. — Andrew Lang

CASSIO: Dost thou hear, my honest friend?
CLOWN: No, I hear not your honest friend, I hear you.
CASSIO: Prithee, keep up thy quillets. — William Shakespeare

Being concerned about other people is especially relevant in today's world. If we consider the complex inter-connected ness of our modern lives, how we depend on others and others depend on us, our outlook will change. We'll begin to see 'others' not as somehow distant from us, but as people we are in touch with, people close to us; we will no longer feel indifferent to them. — Dalai Lama

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? — Mark Twain

I cannot say your worships have delivered the matter well when I find the ass in compound with the major part of your syllables [ ... ] our very priests must become mockers if they shall encounter such ridiculous subjects as you are. When you speak best unto the purpose, it is not worth the wagging of your beards, and your beards deserve not so honorable a grave as to stuff a botcher's cushion or to be entombed in an ass's packsaddle [ ... ] more of your conversation would infect my brain, being the herdsmen of the beastly plebeians. I will be bold to take my leave with you. — William Shakespeare

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll waste no time reading it. — Moses Hadas