Chong Quotes & Sayings

For just as the Milesians believed in Oracles, Malesians believed in Bomohs. Malesian Bomohs or Dukuns, just as the Sibyls, went into convulsions or ecstatic trances to proclaim the wishes of the Gods. But Malesian Bomohs did more. They claimed to be able to capture Spirits which they kept as pets. And these pet spirits could be sold or hired out to clients, to perform minor supernatural feats or miracles.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

Wow!" He uttered, not understanding why he said it. Lost for words, he decided to smile back at her, rather than appear dumb-stricken.
"Liked it?" she wanted to know. What else could he say other than, "Fantastic!You are delicious!"? He knew that these were not the words the Chairman of the Board should say to a junior secretary, but the words just tumbled out of his mouth. "I love you! I love you so much!" he found himself saying. Again , he could not understand why he said that.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

This one looks good," said Chong over breakfast the next morning.
Benny read out loud from the paper. "'Pit Thrower.' What's that?"
"I don't know," Chong said with a mouth full of toast. "I think it has something to do with barbecuing."
It didn't. — Jonathan Maberry

Light and subject is inseparable. But when it is well integrated, it becomes the work of a fine masterpiece. — Paul Chong Hasang

Please pray & wish me well (in hearing session). All I want is to clear my name and return to the badminton. — Lee Chong Wei

The funny thing is, Dennis Miller got me back into comedy. — Tommy Chong

I want my ashes either with some really good primo or as some fertilizer for plants. — Tommy Chong

Unattractive people are more obsessed with looks. — Rae Dawn Chong

And they were all agreed that it was Eros who held the world together, since Love made the world go round. And the universe was thus perceived as an enormous egg, held together by Love. And this primordial egg consisted of two hemispheres, the Sky[Uranus] & the Earth[Gaea] held together by Eros[Love]& if they were not thus held together, both halves would spring apart & hell would break loose.
And that was exactly what happened when it all began. Eros laxed his hold for a moment & the universe sprang apart with a Big Bang. — Nicholas Chong

And that historical moment when the young Aphrodite held Poseidon's magnificent phallus in her small hand & squeezed it was the greatest event of the universe since the Big Bang. It was the moment when Eros, separated from Himeros & Chaos in the Big Bang, were reunited, to become one again. And all who were there saw Aphrodite's girdle changed its colour from a passion red to orange, & then to gold, the colour of Love. — Nicholas Chong

Many rich men are prepared to buy her virginity since she is good-looking.And old men crave for the Nectar that flows out of her womb as they believe that drinking the Nectar that flows out of the womb of a young virgin would restore sagging virility.They need her womanhood to restore their manhood.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

Awakening your spiritual side is really what artists do. When you hit a groove, it's not you; it's the spirit world. — Tommy Chong

My incarceration was actually a positive thing from the beginning. I needed a gimmick to get my act going again, it gave me material. — Tommy Chong

Marijuana is a proven medicine. — Tommy Chong

One night all the James Brown band was playing on stage and I look in the back and I could see Mick Jagger and Keith Richards trying to get in the club and they couldn't get in cause it was to crowded. — Tommy Chong

If we dare to win, we should also dare to lose — Lee Chong Wei

Chong said, 'Do yourself a favor, Morg. Next time you're staring at a girl's boobs, look up. You'll be shocked to learn it, but there's going to be a face up there. Nose, mouth, eyes. And behind the eyes is an actual person. — Jonathan Maberry

The good thing about poverty is it keeps you from getting in trouble because if you can't afford drugs, people will stop giving them to you very quickly. So, being poor really helps - it's the success that kills you. — Tommy Chong

Men had been threatened by women from the days of Pandora, the first woman, & would not spare any efforts in order to rule over womankind.Depriving women of clothes was the first thing to do in order to put women at a disadvantage. And it also turned women into playthings from formidable foes.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

And what a lovely body the young girl possessed! She was obviously proud of it herself & never seemed ashamed to display it. Iris Leong then decided that if she had a body like Phyllis', she, too, would be proud to display it in all its glory.
All the cards now appeared to be stacked in the girl's favour. She enjoyed orgasms all day long & yet never had to fear about losing her virginity. She thus had her cake & also ate it. She should be a model to all young girls, Iris decided.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

Yes!Sir!I would sell my virginity to you or anyone else for one million dollars.Then my sister will not have to be a prostitute any longer.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

When Pandora was ready, she was taken by Hermes to Epimetheus as a gift from Zeus.
Epimetheus looked at the beautiful girl & asked her to remove her veil so that he could better admire her lovely face & he asked her to remove her girdle & white shimmering raiment so that he could appreciate the gifts of the Gods. As he had never seen a woman before. And Pandora grinned & put on an impish smile as she stood naked before him. — Nicholas Chong

And during times such as those, when people wanted to get on with life, the Battle of the Sexes turned into all-out war.
In the Battle of the Sexes fought by the Milesians, the men won.Whilst in the battle fought by the Malesians, the men lost.[INTRO] — Nicholas Chong

And whilst everyone believed that the universe began with Chaos, it did not. It began with Vacuos[Void], his granddaddy.But before Vacuos died, or just turned into empty space, which was what a void was, Vacuos begot, all by himself,a son, Chronos[Time]. And just before Chronos died or just turned into ticking time, Chronos begot, all by himself, a three-fold son, Chaos[Confusion] who could turn into Love or Hate.
And it was Chaos who begot the Sky[Uranus], the Earth[Gaea] & everything else in the egg which Eros held together before the Big Bang. — Nicholas Chong

Eros, who was awakened when the girdle was cast aside, thought it unfitting that the Goddess of Love should turn herself into a Goddess of War, since that post was already filled by Athena. On the other hand, a battle between the Goddess of Love with the God of War also did not make sense, as they should either make love or make war & indulge either in love-games or war-games. For how could one party make love whilst the other make war at the same time? For it took two parties to either make love or make war.
And thus Eros decided to turn Mars into the God of Hate to see whether a battle between Love & Hate could produce Chaos, since Love & Chaos were one & so were Hate & Chaos. And thus Eros sent Phobos & Deimos to Mars, to turn the God of War into the God of Hate. — Nicholas Chong

And it was told that as soon as Poseidon saw the young Goddess, who looked no more than eighteen years of age, by human reckoning, passion immediately overwhelmed him. Unlike all the other Goddesses & Nymphs of the Sea, Aphrodite was not naked. She wore a huge girdle around her slender waist which covered her breasts & her hips as well as her crotch & buttocks. And, thus, instead of impaling her with his trident, Poseidon was overcome with curiosity as to what she hid beneath her girdle. He thus introduced himself as the King & Sheriff of the Seas & told the young Goddess that, as such, no secrets should be kept from him by all those who wished to live in the sea. He would therefore request that she removed the girdle to show him what she hid beneath it. — Nicholas Chong

Her sister, Vicky, had explained to her that being female, she had no choice but to be involved in the Battle of the Sexes.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

He was the King of the Gods & could have anything he wanted, but only in theory. Whilst in actual fact, he was the only God who could not have everything he wanted.He had to work hard, since the responsibilities of his office laid heavily on his shoulders.And he could not even play hard, as his jealous wife, Hera, had eyes everywhere.She even had the terrible Argos with the hundred eyes in her service. — Nicholas Chong

When two or three are gathered in unison, when all awareness is in total harmony, something magical will happen. — Daniel Chong

And Nerites told her what virginity was all about.He said that his sisters were all virgins before they coupled with the Gods, Dactyls & Cabiri & that those who were thus deflowered had lost their maidenheads with their maidenhood. And he told her that his sisters, Melite, Thalia & Polynoe were still virgins. The flesh within their little cups looked more like the meat of oysters, rather than flowers, & he opined that calling the maidenhead a flower was probably a misnomer.It should be called an oyster. — Nicholas Chong

You can imagine in China it's like: 'Ching chong hugong, ching chong kong, Danny Devito. Ching chong chong chong chong. The View. Ching chong! — Rosie O'Donnell

My mother sold my virginity for two thousand dollars when I was thirteen but my sister bought it back for three thousand dollars that she borrowed from the massage parlour.
My virginity was the only available asset that my mother had left, that she could sell.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

It was told that during the wedding feast, Eris [Discordia], a daughter of Nyx, threw a golden apple into their midst, intended as a prize for the most beautiful amongst the three Goddesses at the table: Athena, Hera & Aphrodite, the daughter, wife & clandestine lover of Zeus, respectively. And Zeus wisely dodged the responsibility of making such a tough decision,directing that it should be made by Paris of Troy instead. — Nicholas Chong

Eros had slept soundly after the tryst with his lovely secretary at the Paradise Hotel.And as his wife, Helen,slept beside him snoring, he was conscious of the fact that his body was reeking with the aroma of Psyche's Nectar.In spite of his having scrubbed away all possible tell-tale signs of any indiscretion on his part.However, Helen had noticed nothing, he told himself, so it must be his own imagination, or perhaps, guilty conscience.Yet, he had not committed adultery with his secretary, he assured himself.All he had was a wonderful meal. So he had not betrayed Helen. He had not sinned.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

It's like love making, the foreplay is the biggest part, the same thing as comedy. If you can frame your show in such a way that the funny jokes become funnier. — Tommy Chong

And thus Bacchus turned Phyllis into his slave. She had become the lovely slave girl, Briseis, whom Achilles took as a war prize & whom Achilles had to yield to Agamemnon, his boss. Just as Phyllis was the prize that Eros found & whom Eros had to yield to Bacchus,his boss.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

Lilah growled low in her throat, grabbed his shirt with both hands, and hauled him toward her. Into a kiss that was fierce and hot and instantly intense. After several scalding seconds, she shoved him roughly back.
She got to her feet and snatched up her spear, then looked pityingly down at him. "Stupid town boy," she muttered, then turned and jogged into the forest.
Chong lay sprawled, eyes glazed and face flushed.
Holy moley ... ," he gasped. — Jonathan Maberry

The trouble when you're doing something illegal is that you know what you're doing. You're lying to your parents, you're lying to your kids. The only person you can't lie to is yourself. — Tommy Chong

It then occurred to him that he had never had a better time. He felt fifty years younger. He also felt like a schoolboy who had just violated the body of his first girl friend.Well! Heck! When had he ever eaten a vulva?[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

Nerites told her that he had fifty sisters & he, being the only son of the family, had been given the privilege of examing the genitals of each & every one of his sisters. He told her that Thetis had soft downy pubic hair & so did Amphitrite, Galatea & some others. Whilst others such as Ione, Hippothoe, Polynoe & Sao had thick coarse pubic hair. He also said that all his sisters hid little cups within the folds of their crotches & that these cups gradually filled up with Nectar when touched. — Nicholas Chong

And Pandora pointed out to Epimetheus that he neither had wings nor wheels & so he should therefore not expect that of her also.And that besides,she had also brought with her a jar containing 10,000 gifts from Zeus for the blunder he had made in distributing to the beasts all the abilities that should have been given to men.And thus, he should be satisfied with whatever he had been given.As she, Pandora, had spoken. — Nicholas Chong

I'm just glad I can make a difference in someone's life. — Tommy Chong

You can seduce a man without taking anything off, without even touching him. — Rae Dawn Chong

Musicians can travel all over the world and have an audience, because there's no language barrier. — Tommy Chong

Adonis is now treating her like a Princess. I think he might even propose marriage, since his wife has just divorced him!" Phyllis explained, & added conversationally,"Do you know why his wife divorced Adonis? For "impotence"! Or what they prefer to call "incompatibility"! Adonis had been giving all his sperm to Vicky at the massage parlour, & had nothing left for his wife. Whenever he had some, he would look for Vicky- so his wife found him incompatible! Don't you find it funny? He! He! He!" she laughed.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

All the Directors were happy that they had been able to enjoy a bit of extra-marital sex without breaking their matrimonial vows & seeing how pleased they were, the lovely slave offered to perform for them a dance of love & ecstasy.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

Boredom is a disease, too. — Tommy Chong

Lovers reeked of each other after they had exchanged body fluids & hormones in the union of love. But men who dined on a girl's Nectar did not exchange body fluids & hormones with her. Thus, although she would not reek of them, they would reek of her. And that was the reason why everyone who had ever tasted Phyllis' Nectar had yearned for her, starting with her earliest lover of all, Saturn.
Whilst Mars pined for her, he felt that he had also been humiliated & humbled by her in public. And so, there was a secret grudge, somewhere in his bosom. It was a strange feeling of love & hate & this explosive mixture within him, always drove him to war.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

I'm as clean as a whistle. — Tommy Chong

I converted a family-owned strip club into an improvisational acting theater. — Tommy Chong

Handing Pee Wee to her sister, she admonished her not to stop. "And be careful! Should sperm come shooting out, never let it enter your eyes. It will make you blind!" The theory that everyone in the massage parlour shared but which had yet to be proven. Vicky then put her panties back on & took her leave, letting her younger sister to pamper Pee Wee.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

Hera also slept well that night as she had brilliantly engineered the coup of her life.Her wayward husband had returned late that evening & announced that he was too tired to make love.He had had a most entangling day,he said, performing his kingly duties.She then told him to have a good night's rest as she had an important job for him to perform in the morning.It was a job demanded by Chaos & Eros who were responsible for the beginning of things, she said. — Nicholas Chong

But you can't exercise and be high. It's impossible. — Tommy Chong

Well, I had an after hours club in Vancouver and when any of the Motown acts would call. — Tommy Chong

And it was said that when Love reunited with Passion, all the terrible things that were done out of love, without passion, or out of passion, without love, came to an end. And it was also said that from that moment on, all the Gods, Titans, Giants, Nymphs & Mortal people began making love with passion.
The 6,000 offspring of Oceanus & Tethys were usually explained as the result of making love without passion, or sometimes, as the result of passion without love. But when Love reunited with Passion, Oceanus & Tethys ceased having offspring altogether. — Nicholas Chong

When Psyche got up to leave, Eros once again mentioned that he would miss her on Sunday."Even if you come on Sunday, I shall not be able to give you what you want. I shall be having my period then & it will be too messy for your liking," his secretary advised him.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

The thing is about Cheech & Chong, we've brought more families together than Dr. Phil. — Tommy Chong

And thus, lost in her own thoughts,she let Bacchus do whatever he wished & she only sat up when he accidentally pressed too hard on her tender flesh."Oh! Sorry! I was only admiring the beauty of Nature!" Bacchus said when he noticed her grinning at him. "Let me wash myself first,Sir,if you wish to taste my Nectar,"she suggested.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

Wait for the right, honest words from the man you're interested in before jumping conclusions. Unless he tells you he loves you, he doesn't. — Grace D. Chong

There is an intelligence factor that works with the spoken word. With words, you have to understand meaning and nuances and things like that. You have to be able to relate ... but with music it's just music. — Tommy Chong

And thus, having been assured by Themis, the mother of the Fates,that it was fated that she & the God of War should meet, Aphrodite, with downcast eyes,informed the Goddess of Oracles, Rites & Laws that she would be happy to accept Ares' challenge, adding that she thought that Mars sounded better than Ares & that she would prefer to call him Mars if he would call her Venus. — Nicholas Chong

Because the pot takes the edge off the adrenaline, and it also clears your mind of it, and then you can see things a lot clearer. — Tommy Chong

I would rather you wait till next Sunday" Phyllis politely told her boss, & added with a grin,If you had enjoyed the meal, why don't you introduce me to some of your friends?I am sure they will like it too."
She was putting all her cards on the table.Eros was taken aback but replied "Sure! Sure!" knowing very well he was lying to her.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

Any excuse to live in New York and do art. Has to be one of the most rewarding experiences in the world. — Tommy Chong

Hera thus suggested that she would tell Zeus that he had to couple with Aphrodite as a matter of duty, not love,since this was the wish of Eros & Chaos who were responsible for the Big Bang.And Themis volunteered to tell Aphrodite that she would have to couple with the King of the Gods for the same reason.And thus Themis & Hera took it upon themselves to rectify the consequences of the Big Bang by arranging the Big Crunch. And when the news got around, all the Gods & Goddesses of Olympus said that they would like to witness the spectacle. — Nicholas Chong

And thus it was a right old shambles as anyone could see. Call it Chaos, if you like, the state of affairs when Love went wrong. And everyone wanted to know who the culprit was, who had stolen what rightfully belonged to Hephaestus. And as Zeus was non-commital in the matter, Hera naturally suspected him as the culprit. But the Goddesses agreed that the baby when born, would naturally resemble his father. And thus, when Priapus was born, the culprit would be exposed. — Nicholas Chong

Life, especially in America, is ruled by corporations. — Tommy Chong

Eros had consumed a lot of her Nectar, she recalled with great satisfaction. And if Vicky was right, he would be coming back for more, just as Uranus & the others did. And Vicky had told her that as long as she remained a virgin, her Nectar would remain desirable to men, & her womb could go on producing Nectar indefinitely.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

Everything that happens to me is very cosmic. — Tommy Chong

I was more of a weightlifter. — Tommy Chong

He [Cupid] was Love [Eros] reborn. And as he was born after his parents coupled as Love-Birds, he was born with little fluttering wings. — Nicholas Chong

Unfortunately, the American justice system is just riddled with lies and inconsistencies. — Tommy Chong

And each day when Poseidon & his entourage of Goddesses & Nymphs arrived, Hera would come with them. And as the amphora began to be filled with Poseidon's seed, Hera would report that her amphora would take much longer to fill, as Zeus, her husband, was not a willing donor. But she had in fact been cheating by instructing her daughters, Hebe & Eilithyia, to empty the amphora filled with their father's seed into the rivers & streams, lakes & ponds, & the springs in the woods, so that the amphora would never be full, as this was the only way she could continue to keep her husband's sex drive in check, & with good reason to do so. — Nicholas Chong

All the talk about virgins recently had made him secretly yearn for some of the Nectar that they produced in their young wombs.It must have been at least fifty years since he had last tasted a virgin's Nectar. And that came from the lovely Metis, the neighbour's daughter, who subsequently became his wife.
Virgins were supposed to have hymens, yet he had never seen his wife's hymen."You don't notice such things when you are young", he told himself. All his three daughters had grown up from virgins to adults without him ever noticing them having hymens. They were all happily married now, with families of their own.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

Once she was separated from the cockles & clams, she found herself miraculously transformed into a Goddess. But she found herself different from the Goddesses & Nymphs of the sea because of the girdle. It clung to her body as a second skin, or as the shell clung to the cockle, & she had never been able to take it off. And thus, she herself had never known what she hid beneath the girdle. — Nicholas Chong

Cheech and Chong Vs. HAL
"I can't do that Dave."
"Dave's not here, man"
"That does not compute. Dave"
"No man, Dave isn't here!!"
... "I'm sorry Dave but that is incorrect"
"No man, Dave's not here!!"
"Daisy, daisy, ... I'm self terminating now Dave ... "
"No man, dave's not ... Is he gone? — Neil Leckman

When they put me in jail, that's when they turned me into an activist. Up until the time I went to jail, I was just a comedian. — Tommy Chong

And Vicky also told her sister that all girls at the Health Centre considered that men were born crazy, if not down-right stupid.They were prepared to do crazy things & pay high prices just to prove how "macho" they were, when it came to young pretty girls. And the sisters tittered with laughter at the thought of the old men who enjoyed drinking Phyllis' urine & the young men who ate cucumber sandwiches filled with her excrement. And thus Vicky told Phyllis that although one should not take candy off children, it was quite in order to take money off crazy & stupid rich men.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

I was about sixteen when I discovered that music could get you laid, so I got into music boy, didn't matter what you looked like either, you could be a geeky looking guy but if you played music, whoa, you'd get the girls. — Tommy Chong

Her armpits were still slightly wet & she examined them one by one. No hair. This was one of her greatest assets over her sister who had underarm hair.Her slender arms & long legs were also free of hair. She had only a little bit of pubic hair, she noticed. It must be terrible to have lots of ugly underarm & thick coarse arm & leg hairs that you had to shave off daily, she thought. A bit more pubic hair, she wouldn't mind, she decided. But they tended to tickle men's nostrils & make them sneeze.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

Comedy is the ultimate truth. Jazz is hitting the notes that that no one else would hit, and comedy is saying words that no one else would say. — Tommy Chong

The Shades never recorded anything, Little Daddy and the Bachelors recorded a couple of records, ya. — Tommy Chong

All the intrigues of the Gods & Goddesses were the works of Eros, of course. And as the Gods & Goddesses relaxed & lay limp, after the union of love, Love himself wished that he could relax & lay limp too. But he could not, since he was at odds with himself. He tried to figure out what went wrong & concluded that it all went wrong at the beginning, with the Big Bang.
It was those aspects of himself, Eros[Love], Anteros[Mutual Love] & Pothos[Longing], which first united the Sky & the Earth in the primordial egg in the union of love. But it was Himeros who uncoupled them as Passion was fickle & capricious. And Chaos, naturally, followed Passion. — Nicholas Chong

Look at all the drug busts all over the country. There must be an audience there somewhere. My feeling is that if we're losing the war on drugs, let's do a movie for the enemy. — Tommy Chong

They won the war but lost the peace, — Jonathan Maberry

Vicky had once told her that she should not be ashamed of her pubic hair. Pubic hair was what men expected to see on women. Vicky said that there was a young prostitute at the Centre who had no pubic hair & many customers were known to shy off her because they thought that she was diseased. So Phyllis was resigned to displaying her pubic hair to all who wanted to see it.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

From Dickens's cockneys to Salinger's phonies, from Kerouac's beatniks to Cheech and Chong's freaks, and on to hip hop's homies, dialect has always been used as a way for generations to distinguish themselves. — Christopher Moore

No. Maceo played sax, didn't he, well they used to sit in. — Tommy Chong

I have a good mind but I don't like to bore anyone with it. — Rae Dawn Chong

Cheech and I used to call ourselves musicians; we never called ourselves comedians. We were musicians that were funny. — Tommy Chong

The GRAMMY was a huge deal. It's the height of any musical career. — Tommy Chong

Cigarettes, I won't do cigarettes, nicotine will kill ya. — Tommy Chong

If more people were stoned there would be less violence in the world. — Tommy Chong

The way jazz works is that we take a theme, and then we write using the same structure, same chord changes, and then we can do different tunes. — Tommy Chong

At that point, Hermes asked Epimetheus if he was satisfied that whatever had been delivered was in good order & Epimetheus said that he was satisfied but wished that Pandora was also equipped with wings or wheels so that his problems of transportation would also be alleviated.
As that sounded like an impertinent remark , Hermes left without answering him. — Nicholas Chong

Why did Park Chung-Hee launch his political career in 1961 by lambasting Korean history? Why did he follow up two years later by saying, "Our five thousand years of history was a continuation of degeneration, crudity, and stagnation" and "We should set ablaze all our history that was more like a storehouse of evil"? — Chong-Sik Lee

And thus Epimetheus took the lovely Pandora to wife in spite of the warning of his brother, Prometheus, then in the Caucasus, to beware of the Gods bearing gifts. — Nicholas Chong

Even though Tom wasn't moving, he seemed to be a little farther away. For the first time Benny realized that there were other people in the hallways. They were indistinct, more of a sense of movement in the gray light rather than specific shapes. He thought he recognized one of them, though.
"Chong?"
The figure stopped moving, but he stood with his back to Benny.
"Tom-is that Chong?"
"Is that Chong?" Benny asked again. "Is ... is he going with you? — Jonathan Maberry

When Chong made to sit down next to her, Lilah drew her knife and stabbed the point into the earth between them.
"I can see that you need some quiet time," he said and scuttled quickly away. — Jonathan Maberry

Music has always been a big part of Cheech & Chong's career, so it's just natural. You know, I was a musician before I met Cheech and had a record with Motown, and so I've got the cred. — Tommy Chong