Charley Davidson Humor Quotes & Sayings

Don't give your son money. As far as you can afford it, give him horses. No one ever came to grief, except honourable grief, through riding horses. No hour of life is lost that is spent in the saddle. Young men have often been ruined through owning horses, or through backing horses, but never through riding them; unless of course they break their necks, which, taken at a gallop, is a very good death to die. — Winston Churchill

And who came up with the animals for these euphemisms, anyway? Why bat shit? Why not cow shit or grasshopper shit? And why don't we give a rat's ass as opposed to a hamster's ass? — Darynda Jones

Suddenly I'm that chick from Fatal Attraction. Next thing you know, I'll be boiling rabbits. — Darynda Jones

I was freaking her out, but someone had to do it, damn it — Darynda Jones

My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up.
- Charley Davidson — Darynda Jones

Sometimes, it's the scary things in life that are the most worthwhile. — Cora Carmack

I climbed into Misery and called Uncle Bob. "We hooking up?"
"Why does everything out of your mouth make me sound incestuous?"
"Um, I wasn't aware that it did. Perhaps you have a guilty conscience."
"Charley."
"Is there something you need to get off your chest? Besides that skank I saw you with the other day? — Darynda Jones

My calculations - allowing for a 12 percent margin of error, based on the radius of the corresponding confidence interval and the surgeon general's warning - concluded that they probably didn't stay behind for the tacos. — Darynda Jones

Gemma," I said, adding a singsong whine to my voice, "now I can't scare her. You can't go around telling people about me. — Darynda Jones

This was insane. What was wrong with the world? Didn't they know that ghosts and supernatural powers where little girls helped their dads and uncles solve case didn't exist?
It was books. It was television shows and movies. They had desensitized the world.
Damn writers. — Darynda Jones

A true artist feels it, a jobbing artist thinks it — Russell C. Brennan

One can see that a canvas is six feet by eight feet, say, quite accurately. But you can spend two minutes and think it's five, or thirty seconds and it's just a different bed for activities there. — Robert Rauschenberg

Hell, is trying to do what you can't do, trying to be what you're not — Anzia Yezierska

I called my friend Pari on the way home. "I need you to do my apt."
"I'm not that attracted to your apt."
"I think I'm being bugged."
"Like I am? Right now? — Darynda Jones

The dead guy looked at me with wide eyes. "I can't move my legs."
I snorted. "You can't move your arms either, or your feet or your freaking eyelids. You're dead. — Darynda Jones

Pretending to drink coffee was similar to faking an orgasm. — Darynda Jones

Okay but he has a case for you," she said again, her voice singsong.
"Don't care."
"It's right up your alley. There's been a rash of suicide notes."
"That's not right up my alley. That's, like, two blocks over from my alley. — Darynda Jones

I don't know. You just seem different now. Distant. Like you have PTSD.
I knew from where I spoke. My TSD got P'd when I was tortured by a monster named Earl. — Darynda Jones

The rates of taxation climb and the levels of capital decline, until the only remaining wealth beyond the reach of the regime is the very protein of human flesh, and that too is finally taxed, bound, and gagged, and brought to the colossal temple of the state - a final sacrifice of carnal revenue to feed the declining elite. — George Gilder

You create the possibility of reaching your desired destinations if you have the courage to begin your journey. — Debasish Mridha

I felt like the girl who showed up at a formal dinner party in jeans and a Pink Floyd T-shirt. Probably 'cause I did that once. — Darynda Jones

No honest man will argue on every side — Sophocles

Oh, yeah, this girl was going down. She had no idea who she was messing with. And, sadly, she didn't seem to care.
I hoped her drawer came up short at the end of her shift. Karma's a bitch. — Darynda Jones

Holy mother of banana cream pie. They had pictures. — Darynda Jones

Why do you lie" I ask her.
"To block the truth."
Fair enough.
Naomi goes on. "Where did we get it in our heads that we need truth all the time? Sometimes lies are nice, you know? You don't have to know the truth all the time. It's too exhausting. — Rachel Cohn

Patriotism alone is not enough. — Edith Cavell

I was busy perusing the suicide notes and waiting for Belvedere's water to finish its treatment when I heard a thud from Cookie's office. Then a mousy squeak. The a throaty moan.
"Cookie," I said, wiggling my fingers at Belvedere to get him acquainted to with our strange ways, "are you masturbating?"
"No, I got a paper cut."
Oh, I didn't see that coming. — Darynda Jones

You take everything onto your shoulders like that guy who holds up the world, and you shouldn't. You're not nearly as muscular. — Darynda Jones

Our relationship was a lot like underwear in a dryer without a static control sheet. One minute we were floating through life, buoyant and carefree. The next we were attached at the crotch — Darynda Jones

Gemma was so determined for me to deal with my PTSD, but I thought I was doing pretty well with it. We were friends now. I had my incontinence under control — Darynda Jones

The rush of adrenaline helped. Not a lot. I still needed a caffeine fix, but at least I was awake enough to realize I quite possibly had my underwear on inside out. Something didn't feel right down yonder. — Darynda Jones

U dare to threaten me?she retaliated, gaining her feet as she faced off with the Enforcer in what had to be the most unwise action in Council history since the decision to go to war with the Druids. — Jacquelyn Frank

Writers like Pierre Loti, by contrast, make no secret of loving Istanbul and the Turkish people for the opposite reason: for the preservation of their eastern particularity and their resistance to becoming western. — Orhan Pamuk

When I stand on the edge of a cliff or right at the edge of a building or something, it's one of the few things that gives me kind of a deep, overwhelming, irrational fear where it affects my physiology. — Chris Hadfield

I knew dating the son of Satan would turn out badly — Darynda Jones

Is there anything else you want to share?" "Anything you think of I should be aware of?"
"No" I shook my head in thought " Not especially. Unless you count the fact that I'm going to take over the world."
"The whole thing?"
"Well,i'm going to try to take over the world."
"And you feel you're prepared for world domination?"
I lifted a noncommittal shoulder "I'm taking a business class — Darynda Jones

You know, I was thinking about my in-laws." I strolled closer, craving his heat. And his scent. And the power that continuously hummed through him like an infinite source of energy. "You know, from your supernatural side? By being married to you, I am Satan's daughter-in-law, Jehova's sister-in-law, and Jesus's aunt by marriage. — Darynda Jones

Cookie&Charley Coffee moments:
"You did your dishes with shampoo?"
"It was either that or my apricot body scrub."
"No, good call. A little shampoo won't hurt you. — Darynda Jones

My big dream back then was to buy an IBM Selectric. I still have that dream. I really ought to buy a word-processor. Half the cabbies at Rocky own computers. They tell me they can write failed novels ten times faster on a PC. — Gary Reilly

Charley's "FOR THE LOVE OF":
"Oh,FOR THE LOVE OF gravy"
"Just be honest with me, FOR THE LOVE OF applesauce, Gemma."
"But FOR THE LOVE OF marinara, I typed, don't shoot anyone. — Darynda Jones

Lips unused to thee, Bashful, sip thy jasmines, As the fainting bee, Reaching late his flower, Round her chamber hums, Counts his nectars - enters, And is lost in balms! — Emily Dickinson