Chainsaw Humor Quotes & Sayings

We often wait for that knock of opportunity, though I've found it's better to just grab a chainsaw and cut open your own fucking door. — Don Roff

The result often leaves those forced to deal with bureaucratic administration with the impression that they are dealing with people who have for some arbitrary reason decided to put on a set of glasses that only allows them to see only 2 percent of what's in front of them. — David Graeber

Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please? — Chuck Palahniuk

I feel that my relationship with Kasparov now is much the same as it had been before the match - good. As for his reaction, well it can't be nice to lose your title after so long, but he was very generous. — Vladimir Kramnik

In his 30 years of broadcasting and publishing fiction, Garrison Keillor has set the laugh bar pretty high. — Jane Smiley

Jane Austen is at the end of the line that begins with Samuel Richardson, which takes wonder and magic out of the novel, treats not the past but the present. — Leslie Fiedler

We have to be back in three hours," Ronan said. "I just fed Chainsaw but she'll need it again."
"This," Gansey replied "is precisely why I didn't want to have a baby with you. — Maggie Stiefvater

There are so many roads you can take that will lead you the wrong way, that nobody will hear your name. — Maria Sharapova

Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers. — Jerry Seinfeld

It may sound too good to be true, but once you've seen the happiest people in your life who have nothing, you really start rethinking what the world, and society, tells us that we need to be happy. — Blake Mycoskie

In a werewolf pack, you cannot interfere with the mate choice of a clan fellow. You cannot intentionally harm that werewolf's chosen mate. You are not, however, required to help that person should he find himself in a life - threatening situation.
Somehow, Zeb had managed to stumble into several such situations in the few months since he 'd been engaged to Jolene. He'd had several hunting "accidents" while visiting the McClaine farm, even though he didn't hunt. The brakes on his car had failed while he was driving home from the farm - twice. Also, a running chainsaw mysteriously fell on him from a hayloft.
He would never get that pinkie toe back. — Molly Harper

War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it. — Desiderius Erasmus

You have to be true to what you believe in and do your duty. — Wesley Clark

It's only about young Twist, my dear,' said Mr. Sowerberry. 'A very good-looking boy, that, my dear. — Charles Dickens

Her hands shot up. "See that's exactly what I'm saying. You're seeing what you want, and what you see you explain away and excuse things like you're fixing me. I'm not perfect, Ephraim and I really wish you would see that."
"You drool."
"What?" That caught her off guard.
"When you're asleep you drool. I've woken up more than a few times with a little puddle forming on my chest." After a thought he added. "And you snore. Not a delicate snore either mind you."
"I do not!" Her face colored with indignation.
He sighed heavily as if the knowledge pained him. "Oh, but you do. I've even heard Jill talk about it. Did you know that's the main reason she was happy about her room. Actually, she and Joshua thanked your Grandmother for putting you at the other end of the house, something about finally getting a decent night's sleep. They compared your snore to a chainsaw. I can see why they'd say that. — R.L. Mathewson

The life of a woman may be divided into three epochs; in the first she dreams of love, in the second she makes love in the third she regrets it. — Prosper Of Aquitaine

Each time that I think you go,
I turn around and you're creeping in. — Ella Henderson

Doing drama is, in a sense, easier. In doing comedy, if you don't get that laugh, there's something wrong. — Betty White