Cable Funny Quotes & Sayings

Don't you ever touch my car again," Santangelo says with the same fury he had on his face when Jonah Griggs made
comments about his mother.
Raffy touches the car with her finger in a very dramatic way.
"You've just made our hit list," he says, getting a hanky out of his pocket and cleaning off some imaginary mark. — Melina Marchetta

Not much is done to promote non-cricket sports in India. There is a lot of talk about how sports needs to reach the grassroots and how it should be introduced as a subject in school, but nothing has been done to that effect. — Gagan Narang

Al Bernstein has seen cable television sports grow up. In 30 Years/30 Undeniable Truths he looks at his time in the industry through a prism that is unique to him. This book gives the reader an insight into the sometimes absurd world of television sports. There is a 31st undeniable truth: Al Bernstein is a truly funny man. — Barry Tompkins

When you're doing comedy, it is so subjective. What is funny to you is not funny to another person. What is dirty to you is not dirty to the other person. Comedy is one of those things you throw against the wall and see what sticks. — Larry The Cable Guy

As a comedian, I don't know if they're laughing because it's funny or if they're laughing at me because I'm not funny. And I'm thinking, 'Who cares? They're laughing.' If you go on stage, and they're laughing at you full-on for 60 minutes? You know, whatever puts them in the seats. — Larry The Cable Guy

I'm happier than a tornado in a trailer park. — Larry The Cable Guy

Bought a pair of boots the other day, and they was some silicone gel in there. Big red letters said, "Do not eat." Do they really need that stuff in them boots? Is there really some dude opening a pair of boots goin', "Boy, look at them boots. What the hell? I better eat that. I don't know what the hell that is." — Larry The Cable Guy

MY ACT IS 'NOTHING BUT COMEDY. I TALK SOUTHERN BECAUSE I PICKED IT UP WHEN I MOVED TO THE SOUTH. IM NOT TRYING TO MAKE ANY SOCIAL POLITICAL POINT, NOR AM I TRYING TO MAKE FUN OF REDNECKS. I GREW UP A COUNTRY KID AND WILL ALWAYS BE ONE. I GREW UP WITH PEOPLE THAT SAID CERTAIN THINGS FUNNY AND I PREFORM USING THE SAME LANGUAGE BECAUSE I FIND IT HYSTERICLE. THATS IT. ITS A COMEDY SHOW THAT IS FUNNY AND THATS IT. — Larry The Cable Guy

I'm doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it's fantastic and it makes me very happy. I'm dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I'm working on a new tv show for cable and it's not set up yet. — Bob Saget

What I do onstage, there's maybe .0001 percent of the population that acts like that. I talk like that because it makes me laugh, and because I know a couple of people that talk like that. They're really that Southern. And they do funny things. I love 'em; they're awesome. They're good people. — Larry The Cable Guy

You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled-up newspaper? — Larry The Cable Guy

Live like you're at the bottom, even if you're at the top — Nick Jonas

I can conceive of a time when all souls are stretched to the point of breaking, but for all I know that could have happened centuries ago. There is something curious about man's constant dilution of himself in pursuit of this equilibrium of a risk-free life - who is to say this dilution does not also apply to the soul? Spread ever more thinly...each generation pulled tighter in its further departure from man's initial purpose and evolution, until that simple, honest soul is so thin that it becomes diluted beyond salvation? — Matt Corton

In the cool dark basement, she whispers, "It's not Ralph, is it?"
Cabel's quiet for a moment, as if he's thinking, "You mean like Forever Ralph? Uh, no."
"You've read Forever?" Janie is incredulous.
"There wasn't much else to chose from on the hospital library cart, and Deenie was always checked out," Cable says sarcastically.
"Did you like it?"
Cabel laughs softly, "Um ... well, it wasn't the wisest thing to read for a fourteen-year-old guy with fresh skin grafts in the general area down there, if you know what I mean. — Lisa McMann

The solution to your problem is to see who has it. — Ramana Maharshi

This is a theater," Bertie, annoyed by the inquisition, dropped him onto stage. Several feet of slack cable landed atop the fairy in a slithering heap.
"Oh!" Peaseblossom said. "You've buried him alive! — Lisa Mantchev

We try to make the name longer and longer every year. First, it was 'Larry the Cable Guy's Christmas Spectacular.' Then it was 'It's a Very Larry Christmas.' Now it's 'Larry the Cable Guy's Hula-palooza Christmas Luau.' I'll tell you what it is: It's funny. That's what it is. Who cares what the name of it is? It is a funny special. — Larry The Cable Guy

When I started doing my act, I wasn't married and didn't have kids. I was probably 29 years old. Some people say that's not a kid, but when you're 50, and you look back to when you were 30, you were a kid. You look back on your 30s and think, "I was an idiot!" But I would just do things then I thought were funny. I couldn't have cared less who thought anything about it. — Larry The Cable Guy

There's the push and pull you put on yourself and the push and pull the world puts on you. Most of the time, the world's going to win out, because it's just logical that you should be more successful and more motivated. You can always be more. — John Krasinski

I just developed my act way back in the late '80s. I went to college in Georgia, so I picked up the Southern accent. I talked like that with my friends all the time, because it was fun. It was funny ... All my friends were real Southern. We're buddies, so I'd say stuff to make them laugh. So that was pretty much it. — Larry The Cable Guy

Terribly sad news about Stuart Cable, such a lovely, warm, funny, talented man. — Rob Brydon

Cable is a great medium. It's something I respond to. I'm not doing sitcoms. People don't find me funny. That's just the way it is. — Diego Klattenhoff

All unnatural unions which are not hallowed by love are prostitution. — Emma Goldman

As I get older, the character evolves tremendously because I'm married and have kids now and realize certain things are not funny anymore. I threw them out of my act. — Larry The Cable Guy

The problem with our society is that our values aren't in the right place. There's an awful lot of bleeding and naked bodies on prime-time networks, but not nearly enough cable television on public programming. — Bauvard

I do not believe you can have infinite population or economic growth in a finite world. We are living on the shoulders of some awesome geometric curves. — Richard Lamm

The Commedia , it must be remembered, is a vision of the progress of man's soul toward perfection. — Dante Alighieri

I grew up on a pig farm in southeast Nebraska. When I started doing the Blue Collar Tour, I thought it was kind of funny because I faked my accent, so everybody thought I lived in an apartment somewhere. But I grew up on a pig farm. — Larry The Cable Guy