Bursar Quotes & Sayings

Interesting thing, these fellows never seem to get the idea of perspective-'
The Bursar thought, or received the thought: that's because perspective is a lie. If I know a pond is round then why should I draw it oval? I will draw it round because round is true. Why should my brush lie to you just because my eye lies to me? — Terry Pratchett

I'm sure the Bursar would not agree with those figures," said the Senior Wrangler sourly.
"That is so,' said Ponder, "but I'm afraid that is because he regards the decimal point as a nuisance. — Terry Pratchett

Willow bark," said the Bursar. "That's a good idea," said the Lecturer in Recent Runes. "It's an analgesic." "Really? Well, possibly, though it's probably better to give it to him by mouth, — Terry Pratchett

Good so be would you if, duff plum of helping second A," said the Bursar.
The table fell silent.
"Did anyone understand that?" said Ridcully.
The Bursar was not technically insane. He had passed through the rapids of insanity som time previously, and was now sculling around in some peaceful pool on the other side. He was quite often coherent, although not by normal human standards. — Terry Pratchett

A dichotomy,' said the Bursar helpfully. 'Oh, I don't think surgery is involved. — Terry Pratchett

Bursar?"
"Yes, Archchancellor?"
"You ain't a member of some secret society or somethin', are you?"
"Me? No, Archchancellor."
"Then it'd be a damn good idea to take your underpants off your head. — Terry Pratchett

This is a lovely party," said the Bursar to a chair, "I wish I was here. — Terry Pratchett

It's probably a miracle of existence." "Like pickles," said the Bursar, happily. Even the Fresh Starters went blank. — Terry Pratchett

Well, at least he keeps himself fit," said the Archchancellor nastily. "Not like the rest of you fellows. I went into the Uncommon Room this morning, and it was full of chaps snoring!"
"That would be the senior masters, Master," said the Bursar. "I would say they are supremely fit, myself."
"Fit? The Dean looks like a man who's swallered a bed!"
"Ah, but Master," said the Bursar, smiling indulgently, "the word 'fit,' as I understand it, means 'appropriate to a purpose,' and I would say the body of the Dean is supremely appropriate to the purpose of sitting around all day and eating big heavy meals. — Terry Pratchett

Ridcully sighed.
'All right, you fellows,' he said. 'No magic at Table, you know the rules. Who's playing silly buggers?'
The other senior wizards stared at him.
'I, I, I don't think we can play it any more,' said the Bursar, who at the moment was only occasionally bouncing off the sides of sanity, 'I, I, I think we lost some of the pieces ... — Terry Pratchett

In fact he was incurably insane and hallucinated more or less continuously, but by a remarkable stroke of lateral thinking his fellow wizards had reasoned that, in that case, the whole business could be sorted out if only they could find a formula that caused him to hallucinate that he was completely sane.*
*This is a very common hallucination, shared by most people. — Terry Pratchett

Harriet grinned at Betty Armstrong, hearing the familiar academic wrangle begin. Before ten minutes had passed, somebody had introduced the word "values." An hour later they were still at it. Finally the Bursar was heard to quote: "God made the integers; all else is the work of man." "Oh, bother!" cried the Dean. "Do let's keep mathematics out of it. And physics. I cannot cope with them. — Dorothy L. Sayers