Braff Zach Quotes & Sayings

I don't like the term 'black people', I find it demeaning to those of us that actually qualify as 'people'. — Zach Braff

In theater or movies you see either 'I'm religious' or 'I'm an atheist.' I've never seen too much discussion of 'I believe there's a higher power but I'm hesitant to reach out to him because I don't know if I'm worthy of his attention.' — Zach Braff

Yeah, I saw the guy running out of the building carrying a rifle, I just didn't say anything to the cops because I was so happy that I wasn't the one who got shot. — Zach Braff

I don't know why people were so upset with me. Prince got his own symbol. I just wanted to adopt the handicap symbol as my own so I could park in handicap spots. Deformed people should be honored to park so close to me. Meeting a celebrity like me may give them hope in their mistake of a life. — Zach Braff

People keep asking me whether I'm going to vote for Obama or McCain in the election. But I'm like, why bother? There will never be another leader as good as he was. — Zach Braff

It's always weird being the only white person in a group. It feels like everyone's looking to me for guidance. — Zach Braff

I've turned down a lot of proposed scripts for Scrubs episodes, mainly ones with AIDs patients. It sickens me, really. If you don't want AIDs, don't be a ice cream man. Or African. I'm neither and I'm fine. — Zach Braff

I'd always fantasized about writing a new play. Even when I had all this success in television, what I was daydreaming about in my dressing room is that one day I would do it. — Zach Braff

I'm not gay, but I'm still the kind of guy where, even though you have no chance, they still want to hang around me so you can get a good mental image and jerk off to me later. — Zach Braff

I certainly do not consider myself the next Jesus. I'd say he was more of a precursor to Zach Braff. — Zach Braff

It raises several serious questions. For example, how can there possibly be more than one person as awesome as me? — Zach Braff

So for front-runners we have a black and a woman. It's like being made to choose between syphilis or having and old man crap on your face. I would do the country a favor and run myself but I couldn't deprive Hollywood of me for 4 years. — Zach Braff

That image is a couple different people's homes that I knew growing up. — Zach Braff

I could be one if I wanted to, I'm just way too overqualified for a job that simple. — Zach Braff

I never go looking for child pornography, but I mean, if somebody sends me an email with some pictures, I'm not going to turn around and report them. — Zach Braff

I think I felt compelled in a way because if I hadn't written the part, I never would have been offered the part. There are at least 10 guys who would have been offered the part before me. — Zach Braff

It's trust issue more than anything. I mean, whats stopping them from teaming up, dressing up like a really tall person in a trenchcoat, and then BAM. They sneak out with all your furniture — Zach Braff

A kid came up to me the other day and said, 'Hey, you're the guy on Scrubs!' Kid, I am Scrubs, and don't you forget it. — Zach Braff

The way I write is that I'll actually have a conversation out loud with myself. In a weird way, I just kind of get schizophrenic and play two characters. — Zach Braff

The biggest problem I had with starring in Scrubs were the black doctors. I just had to keep telling myself this show was satire. — Zach Braff

I mean, so what if it's a little dangerous? A one-armed kid is comedy gold. — Zach Braff

I've never had much sympathy for orphans, I mean, when I was their age I would have killed to have no parents to make me clean my room and stuff — Zach Braff

Yeah, I've banged some female costars. I swore I'd never tell their names, so instead I'll present some anagrams: Sahar Clahke and Haether Gharam. — Zach Braff

I really like just super dry comedy. — Zach Braff

I like to think of myself as the Chris Benoit of the movie industry, capable of taking any picture and carrying it to box-office success. Take Garden State, without me that would have just been two hours of Portman doging. — Zach Braff

I don't ask questions. I just figure the extra warm days are God's way of rewarding me for Garden State — Zach Braff

I never taught a blind/deaf chick to read, but somehow I've managed to turn Scrubs into a watchable show. That may not sound like much, but take a look at my surrounding cast and ask yourself, who's the real miracle worker? — Zach Braff

The only real difference between hookers, stippers, sluts and regualar women how many times you can hit them before they cry. Hookers can really take a punch, I'll tell you that much. — Zach Braff

I've been doing som jogging at home recently and every time I try the distance I end up beating his time with like three or four seconds. — Zach Braff

I wouldn't call myself a modern Shakespeare, but Shakespeare was probably to his generation what I am to mine. — Zach Braff

I don't think restaurants should refuse to serve minority people. They are quite tasty when prepared correctly. — Zach Braff

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals. — Zach Braff

You know how they do that effect in movies, where they make it look like you have a twin, but it's really just the same actor playing both characters in the scene? I knew this would be the best route, but I just wasn't comfortable dressing as a woman, so I had to hire other actors. — Zach Braff

In fifth grade, we had to write a story and read it in front of the class. When I read mine out, the class were just belly laughing. And I remember being like, 'This is the coolest!' So I want to dedicate my life to trying to make people laugh. I can't imagine doing anything else. — Zach Braff

I'm hanging out with my New York friends, my Jersey boys, my family and loving every single second of it. — Zach Braff

Dude, writing, acting and directing are such easy jobs. But to do them all as awesomely as Zach Braff does, well that ... that's something. — Zach Braff

If we're going to solve the problems in North Korea, the first thing we're going to have to do is start helping them get basic amenities like electricity, televisions, and DVD players over there. Otherwise, how can they watch 'Garden State'? — Zach Braff

That Hugh Laurie show is nothing but Scrubs fan fiction. — Zach Braff

Incognito mode? What do they have to hide? Zach Braff doesn't have anything to hide - Zach Braff lays it all out there for everybody to see. That is Zach Braff's secret to Zach Braff's success. — Zach Braff

It blows my mind that there are people out there who deny the holocaust. Why would you ever deny such a great achievement. It's like denying the cure for polio or something. — Zach Braff

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers. — Zach Braff

I know that [Mike] Tyson talked about wanting to eat his opponent's children, but I don't think he ever had the balls to do it. I'm different - when I kidnapped Bill Lawrence's daughter, I cut off all of her fingers before sending my demands so that I wouldn't have to sit there and wait for him to ignore them. We worked things about about nine hours in, which is good because I ate her thumb as a midnight snack. — Zach Braff

Well I don't like to think too far ahead because it scares me a little to think of what this world will come to after I'm gone, but I suppose life will have to go on, right? At least everyone will still be able to watch reruns of Scrubs. — Zach Braff

When I played the Shins, I changed someone's life. When I play Belle and Sebastian in a pivotal scene in my next movie ... well, let's just say I made sure I that I can't be held legally responsible for all the deaths people will suffer out of shock upon hearing them. They're a terrific band. — Zach Braff

I procrastinate so much and I get distracted by anything. — Zach Braff

I can't watch the news anymore. They have their priorities all out of whack. All I see is Natalee Holloway and Britney Spears and the war in Iraq. Where's the substantive news? Where's the Zach Braff coverage? — Zach Braff

I mean, some people accuse me of being racist. I'm totally not, I'm just better than everybody else. — Zach Braff

It depresses me when people expect me to be like the characters I play on film. I'm not some whiny loser punk, I'm a man's man. — Zach Braff

I'm not lazy, I drive everywhere myself, the dog could've learned something from me. — Zach Braff

I'm 26 years old, and I've spent my whole life waiting for something else to start. Now I realize that this is all there is, and I'm going to try to live my life like that. — Zach Braff

You always see black people complaining about this and that, but you never see me complaining about how slow they work on my plantation. — Zach Braff

I don't want to be one of those guys, but Snape DOES kill Dumbledore. — Zach Braff

Best movie ever?! Come on, my appearance on Arrested Development had more dynamics, realism and feel to it than the whole trilogy combined. — Zach Braff

It's not terrible, I guess, but if Ricky Gervais was half as talented as me, maybe the show would actually be funny once in a while. — Zach Braff

They say the number on rule in showbusiness is not to work with animals. I guess I'm above the rules because I put up with that for seven years. — Zach Braff

I think the [New England] Patriots' season should have an asterisk next to it because everything they're accomplishing is against teams coached by people other than me. — Zach Braff

I wouldn't exactly call it 'Intelligent', but somebody has to be behind designing the human form other than just biological necessity. Why else would women have arms? Or feet? Or mouths? — Zach Braff

Whenever I'm feeling a bit down, I always visit the local children's hospital. Knowing that those cancer-kids wont be able to live long enough to surpass me in fame just warms my heart, you know? — Zach Braff

Turning water to wine? I mean c'mon, that's stupid. They should have let me write the bible. — Zach Braff

I think the saddest moments in life have humor in them. I have a memory of coming home from a funeral with my family in the back of a limousine and someone cracking a joke and us just hysterically belly laughing. It's how we always dealt with tragedy in our lives and I think it's such a healthy way to deal with sadness. — Zach Braff

I think they're bogus, honestly. How utter garbage like Crash and Million Dollar Baby can win best picture, where true works of art such as Garden State go untouched is beyond me. It just proves how close-minded America really is, and I refuse to take part in it. — Zach Braff

I think there are bound to be obstacles in any path to success. I mean, I'm Jewish, and there's nothing I can do about that. Instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for myself, I got over it and did something with my life. — Zach Braff

I said, I'm on this TV show and I love doing it, but I don't want to be known always as the silly 'Scrubs' guy ... So part of me was like, You know what? Life's short. Let's go for it. — Zach Braff

One of the things about Scrubs is that it's about great friendships and ... as broad and as serious as we get it's always really about friendship. It's about getting through the challenging parts of your life with the help of your friends. — Zach Braff

People have called me fake, but personally, I don't think I'm fake because I'm so insincere. — Zach Braff

Seriously, when's the last time you saw me wear shorts? — Zach Braff

I'd never hit a woman unless I was already out of Viagra. — Zach Braff

If you're dumb enough to volunteer for the army, I don't see why we're supposed to feel so bad when you get shot. I'm not saying we should throw a party or anything, but is it such a tragedy? If I'd gotten shot before I made 'Garden State', yeah, that's a tragedy, but some red-state hick getting his legs blown off? Come on. — Zach Braff

People often ask me when there's going to be a Mrs. Zach Braff. It's a confusing question sometimes because many people don't realize that my mother is named Mrs. Zach Braff. — Zach Braff

Of course I don't use my A-material, it doesn't matter if they think I'm funny or not because they won't be thinking anything pretty soon anyways, if you caych my drift. — Zach Braff

I love queers as much as the next guy, I just don't think I should have to sit beside them on public transport. — Zach Braff

Sometimes Sarah [Chalke] starts to talk about Iraq or whatever and she gets all excited, like I actually give a crap what she's saying. Come on, she's a woman. But still, it's very cute. — Zach Braff

Complete garbage. It's like Garden State, but in outer space. — Zach Braff

The success of 'Scrubs' allowed me to pursue anything I felt passionately about without having to worry about money. It allowed me to spend my summer work shopping my show at a nonprofit theater. — Zach Braff

Probably the most memorable even of my life is when I was born. It really made me who I am. If I die, I hope to go out the same way I came in, but I don't think my mother would be into that. — Zach Braff

I don't want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn't help matters. — Zach Braff

It used to be that you came out of school, and you got married - those who were going to get married. But my peers are getting married in their early 30s, so now there's like this extra 10 years of that angst. — Zach Braff

I don't like the idea of drama schools. They only perpetuate the myth that everyone can do what I do — Zach Braff

A child's death is really of less value than an adult's. I mean, what could you really accomplish in a year? Not much, and that's not even talking about, you know, pay-wise. — Zach Braff

I wouldn't say I'm bigger than Jesus. If I had to guess, I'd say probably, yeah, but as far as I know, the bible is never clear on this. — Zach Braff

When I was told they wanted the show to be about doctors, I was a bit reluctant to sign on, you know? I thought, why have a show about doctors when we could have a show about the real heroes, you know, like me? — Zach Braff

I'm by no means condemning prescription medicine for mental health. I've seen it save a lot of people's lives. — Zach Braff

I never looked at bread the same way again — Zach Braff

I know the Bible isn't real because it never once mentions me. — Zach Braff

I'm always being told by directors that I add chemistry to scenes, so I mean how difficult could it be? — Zach Braff

You float like a feather," sings Radiohead, "In a beautiful world." I've listened several times to the Radiohead songs, because it was nice of Raymond to say he heard a bit of them in what I sang. I'm not sure I hear it myself, but I am pleased and touched. Sometimes that's what you need, just a quick casual word of knowledgeable encouragement. Radiohead reminds me a little of the songs in Garden State soundtrack. Now, that's a soundtrack. They were all songs that Zach Braff liked, so he put them in his movie. And there's that beautiful moment near the beginning where Natalie Portman hands him the headphones and she watches him listen to the song and she smiles her huge, innocent Natalie Portman smile. — Nicholson Baker

Every single person wants to do it, don't hate me because I had the guts to follow my heart! — Zach Braff

When you win your first Grammy, it's true, you really want to thank all the little people. — Zach Braff

Some people just can't handle that they will never be a better actor than me — Zach Braff

Oh sure, I have a few black people in my family tree. They're probably still hanging there. — Zach Braff

They put all this money into these huge films and then no one goes to see them. That sort of shows they're out of touch. Then everyone in town passes on my little movie and it does really well. — Zach Braff

I'm not saying eating babies should be legal, but when they're so delicious, what's the harm in it? I don't know what tastes better, their innocence or their gooey rib butter. — Zach Braff

Everyone has a warped vision of Hollywood and what success in Hollywood is like. — Zach Braff

Am I really gonna deny someone the opportunity of a lifetime just because they met me 5 easters early? — Zach Braff

It's just Gods way of getting babies to heaven faster! — Zach Braff

Is 'Garden State' the next 'Citizen Kane'? Of course not. I'd like to think we aimed a little higher than that, frankly. — Zach Braff

I donno, it's not impressive. Once I put ear plugs in and put a blind fold on for like 14 minutes and I did just fine. — Zach Braff

I think we have to acknowledge that people are different and succeed at different things, first of all. Men are better than women at some professions like firefighting, construction work, and physics. But women are better than men at some professions, too, like elementary teaching, prostitution, and giving birth. Who's to say which is more important? — Zach Braff

Hitler was about population control. — Zach Braff

When I was little I always wanted to drive a train. That, and become a baker. — Zach Braff