Boner Quotes & Sayings

Der, die, das, dem, den, des. German's six ways of saying 'the', like six sexual positions you never knew existed. Hey, I just sprung a boner. — Barry Webster

I love blood and violence! I've got a boner for murder! — Sarge

She kissed my cheek and pulled away quickly, heading off into the crowd of people, leaving me standing in the middle of the kitchen with a freaking boner as usual. — Kirsty Moseley

What about you, how are you going to set about finding your alpha mate?"

"He'll find me."

"I don't think alpha men just happen along these days, Dee-Dee. You ave to look for them in the right places."

"If by right places you mean fetish clubs then I'm not interested...I don't want some bonehead with a boner and a whip. I want a natural dominant...who knows when to draw the line, and who knows how to take care of me in every sense. — Fabian Black

I'm getting a diamond-hard boner just thinking about it. — Tim Dorsey

Look, I'm a guy. Your ass was touching my groin. Of course I'm going to pop a boner. It's a natural reaction. — Gwen Hayes

I became a diligent condom carrier and when most subsequent lovers had the good fortune to lie under my grunting, sweaty mass, they were always the grimacing recipient of an eager and rubber-sheathed penis boner. — Rob Delaney

You should approach each book
you should approach life
with the real possibility that you might get a metaphorical boner at any point. — Sherman Alexie

At least, not as familiar as you are with fetish wear."
Her gaze jerked over to him. Those delicately arched brows pinched down. "What are you talking about?"
"You." Using the gun, he gestured at her body. "In that boner-inspiring fluff called underwear. You're more than comfortable with it. Hell, a real innocent wouldn't even have figured out how to wear it, much less used it to taunt me."
Her lips curled. "Oh, poor Trace. Did you feel taunted?"
"Yeah." He stared at her mouth. "I did. — Lori Foster

That pretty-boy king went down like a boner in church. — Laura Thalassa

Consider, if you will, the morning boner. What a metaphor of hope and renewal! How can anyone give way to despair when one's groin greets each day with such a gala spectacle of physical optimism? — C.D. Payne

There was something about the man that was throwing her right off, and it had everything to do with the boner in his pants. — Rosanna Leo

Are you wearing the red heels? She asked.
Yes.
God, she replied, his boner is going to be ENORMOUS. — Christina Lauren

But I don't follow Kate. And the reason is simple: Have you ever tried to run with a boner staring up at you?

No?

Well, it's damn near impossible. — Emma Chase

this siren totally popped a lady boner. Des — Laura Thalassa

That was a classic anger boner. Always a shame to waste one of them. — Con Riley

Please. The boy gets a boner every time you walk into the room.
My eyes pop back open. Does she mean that figuratively or has she actually seen something? No. Focus, Anna. — Stephanie Perkins

Dove hated that he knew way too much about her now. He knew she had a big girl boner for Johnson, he knew she'd tried to remove her crotch hair and had crapped her pants. It was Shameful with a capital Shit. — Debra Anastasia

Suddenly he caught his reflection in the mirror behind her. His face was twisted into a dark scowl, and he was standing there naked, with a boner, and another man's business card in his hand.
He looked like a dick. — Sarah Mayberry

Sitting in a van twiddling my thumbs while you bone up is one thing, but attacking her? No way."
"Bone up?" Cale asked uncertainly.
"Get a boner," the man explained, and then added, "Or an erection to those of us too damned old to know modern lingo ... not to mention be able to judge character anymore. — Lynsay Sands

Holy crap, you are like a dog with a bone," I commented to Ryan.
"Or just one with a boner. — Stacey Marie Brown

McCleary was an unpolished, semi attractive man in his late thirties or early forties. His hair was grey. His suit was cheap. His cologne was cheaper and his attitude was a hundred percent asshole. He have me an instant boner. — Dani Alexander

You know what's not sexy?" I pushed his hand away. "Barbies. Barbies are not sexy."
"But I bought condoms," he said. "I even practiced putting one on!"
The lost-puppy look on his face made me smile. "I'm proud of you, Boner Man, but that's not enough. — Laurie Halse Anderson

Hydrogen, helium, lithium -"

She stared at him. "What are you doing now?"

"Listing the chemical elements so I can answer the door without a boner."

"And knowing my mother is on your porch isn't taking care of that?"

"Good point. — Jill Shalvis

I wish I was gay," he says ruefully.
A snicker pops out. "Uh-huh. Go on. I'm willing to follow you down this rabbit hole and see where it leads."
"Seriously, Gretch, I love him. I have a boner for him." Morris sighs. "If I'd known he existed, I wouldn't have asked you out in the first place."
"Gee, thanks."
"Oh, shut up. You're awesome, and I'd tap that in a second. But I can't compete with this guy. He's operating on a whole other level when it comes to you. — Elle Kennedy

Holy mother of whoring nuns she's hot. Fuck! I haven't just crossed the border into boner territory, Mr Happy's erected a tent from my jeans and is setting up camp there. — Carmen Jenner

You got a boner over my little brother." I — T.J. Klune

On True Blood
I've never told anybody this
but I was so nervous and then I was so drunk that after I shot the scene I was going up to the crew members
I had just met all these people the day before
and I was going up to all of them like, 'You got a boner! You do! You've got one!' It was horrible. — Lizzy Caplan

Writing is like sex, you are always learning new things and nuances. — T-Boner

Could you stand still please?' Sylvia says in an irritated voice. If she had sweaty balls and an almost-boner she wouldn't be so judgmental. Am I right, or am I right? — Tara Sivec

Believe me, I knew you enjoyed it without voicing it that way. It was like your body screamed for me to take you."
All too true, but I didn't like it to be told aloud. I arched an eyebrow, something I couldn't do when sober. "I'm pretty sure if I put a hand on your crotch, you're sporting a boner. It works both ways. — Stephanie Witter

I touched his hand, carefully. Not too intimate, but not some half-assed there-there pat, either. Would he understand? Usually the thought process for a seventeen-year-old boy went girl touching me>omg>boner. — Leah Raeder

I saw your foner." "Foner?" "Your female boner. — H.J. Bellus

Up to you if you want to go out with a
boner like some creepy old perv. — Sherilee Gray

I love when you get boner spam for boner pills and the subject is Be a better lover. Oh, the boner was the problem on that? That's why I'm a bad lover? Do you have a pill that's gonna make me care if she cums? That would be a medical miracle. — Doug Stanhope

After being dry for a couple a weeks, three cocktails went down quicker than a boner in a busted rubber. — Brian Azzarello

She was hot, he was a man; not being attracted would have been impossible. That gleaming dark hair tempted a man to find out what it would look like released from its tight bun. She had toned, endless legs. Her li8ps were distracting, especially that teasing mole in the corner. She could give a dead monk a boner. — Dana Marton

It's a boner not a monster," he growled, waving a hand to the erection her gaze continued to flicker back and forth from. "You're watching it like you expect it to bite."
"It looks angry enough." A nervous little smile touched her lips before it fell and she watched him somberly. "You look angry enough."
kane and sherra — Lora Leigh

Help!" screeched a feminine voice. "HELP ME!" Parker whipped around, automatically reaching for the weapon that he didn't have at the small of his back because, oh yeah, he was in running gear with no place to hide a weapon. But there was no woman. Just a huge parrot perched on a printer at the front desk. "Help!" it squeaked in a shockingly authentic woman's voice. "I've been turned into a parrot!" "Peanut, play dead," Wyatt said. Peanut sighed and tucked her head into her feathers. "Good parrot." Wyatt looked at Parker. "She's a nut." "Damn, shit, farts," the bird muttered beneath her breath, making Parker grin. Wyatt sighed. "Peanut's a mimic, and Jade, our office manager, has a bit of a potty mouth." "Boner," Peanut said, head still tucked into her feathers. "Peanut, dead parrots don't talk." Wyatt turned back to Parker. "Follow me. — Jill Shalvis

If/when I die, do not want Pam lonely. Want her to remarry, have full life. As long as new husband is nice guy. Gentle guy. Religious guy. Very caring + good to kids. But kids not fooled. Kids prefer dead dad (i.e., me) to religious guy. Pale, boring, religious guy, with no oomph, who wears weird sweaters and is always a little sad, due to, cannot get boner, due to physical ailment.
Ha ha.
Death very much on my mind tonight, future reader. Can it be true? That I will die? That Pam, kids will die? Is awful. Why were we put here, so inclined to love, when end of our story = death? That harsh. That cruel. Do not like.
Note to self: try harder, in all things, to be better person. — George Saunders

Remember the Wizard Archer's drill arrows that rescued the entombed miners? Well, we're drilling holes in your swiss cheese building to rescue you from a costly boner! — Robert Bernstein

Hey self, Stop having a lady boner moment! — Georgia Cates

Hair spray was king, and the eighties silhouette in Burlington was big hair, giant shoulder pads, chunky earrings, thick belts, and form-fitting stretch pants. My silhouette was an upside-down triangle. Add in my round potato face and hearty eyebrows and you've got yourself a grade-A boner killer, so remember that before you try to jerk it to my teenage-nurse story. — Amy Poehler

Did I arch my back when his gazes finally made it to my chest? Of course I did. And was rewarded with a nostril flare, the equivalent of a facial boner. — Alice Clayton

Broccoli has almost as much calcium as milk," she told him, amused. "It gives you strong bones."
His gaze slid to hers, and she felt her face heat again. He had strong bones. And as they both knew, a few minutes ago, he'd had one particularly strong boner to boot. But mercifully he let the comment go. — Jill Shalvis

Get your fang boner under control. Your freaking out my person — Alanea Alder

Apparently I had a boner in the acceptance video — Ashton Irwin

I'd done all my research and seen that Booker and Gadson had worked with giant folks and little peanuts, too. That just showed me that they're musicians. They're not just interested in doing the big ones, they're interested in doing stuff that - pardon the expression - gives them a boner. I'm like that, too. I don't want to just do easy stuff. I want to keep myself freaked out all the time. Hence the title of the record, I Like To Keep Myself in Pain. — Kelly Hogan

Thank you for all the birthday wishes, it's brought a tear to my eye, and a boner to my pants. — Jack Barakat

Ruger's in there too. Hands covered in blood so they arrested him. He had to tackle your girl to get the gun away from her. She'd gone all Pulp Fiction on us, ready to defend you by killing all of us if she had to. Crouched over your body like Wonder Woman. Gives me a boner just thinking about it. — Joanna Wylde

Making sure the person shared your interest in sushi and Wes Anderson movies and made you get a boner anytime you touched her hair would seem far too picky. Of course, people did get married because they loved each other, but their expectations about what love would bring were different from those we hold today. — Aziz Ansari

I have a serious lady boner for the guy I'm supposed to work for. — Lauren Layne

You think I like this?" I say defensively. "Trust me, I don't need this headache in my life." I swallow a mouthful of beer. "Hey. You know Twilight?" He blinks. "Excuse me?" "Twilight. The vampire book." His wary eyes study my face. "What about it?" "Okay, so you know how Bella's blood is extra special? Like how it gives Edward a raging boner every time he's around her?" "Are you fucking with me right now?" I ignore that. "Do you think it happens in real life? Pheromones and all that crap. Is it a bullshit theory some horndog dreamed up so he could justify why he's attracted to his mother or some shit? Or is there actually a biological reason why we're drawn to certain people? Like goddamn Twilight. Edward wants her on a biological level, right?" "Are you seriously dissecting Twilight right now?" God, I am. This is what Allie has reduced me to. A sad, pathetic loser who goes to a bar and forces his friend to participate in a Twilight book club. — Elle Kennedy

Usually the thought process for a seventeen-year-old boy went girl touching me omg boner. — Leah Raeder

You're one messed-up piece of work."
"Yeah, but you're starting to worry that you might like me," I say confidently. "Considering I also give you a boner, shit's gonna get reaaaaal complicated here in the next few months. — Lauren Layne

I put my hand over my erection and turned away. "No. That's not for you. I have to go to the bathroom." "Well get up! I have a whole day of birthday activities planned and you're spoiling my fun with your sleeping ... and your pee boner." I laughed. "I hate it when you call it that." "Yeah? Well I hate that I can't play with it. Why the hell is it so hard if I'm not supposed to play with it? That's false advertising, Mister. — C.J. Roberts

That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone ... forever? — Adam Carolla

No charge for my expert services," he said. "Strictly pro boner. — Tracy Brogan

You're the one sitting there with a boner. You'll
terrify your charity guys, walking in with that thing pointing
at them. — Sherilee Gray

His lap looked like it was already occupied
by a giant boner. It pressed against his pants like a circus tent pole. Elephants could fit under there. A lion tamer and some flying trapeze artists. A dancing bear, or five. — Juniper Bell

But I couldn't resist sneaking a peek at his crotch a minute later. And then my breath hitched, because holy shit, he was hard, a long, thick erection straining beneath his athletic shorts. I was sporting the same visible boner, and I know he saw it. He probably thought it was the porn. Hell, that was the only reason he was turned on. — Sarina Bowen

Jess pushed herself up to sit next to him. "In case you didn't get the memo, it' s my turn to take care of you right now." Ike dropped his face into his hands on a groan, and Jess's cool hand massages his neck. "Oh, my God. You're so hot."
He chuffed out a small laugh. "Why, thank you."
Jess Chuckled. "You realize you don't have to fish for compliments, right? Not from me. Because I will straight-up tell you that the sight of your Ravens tat stretched over all these muscles gives me a lady boner." Her fingers traced the design across his shoulder blades - a spread-winged raven perches on the hilt of a dagger sunk into the eye socket of a skull. The block letters of the club's name arched over the menacing black bird.
He threw her some major side-eye. "I know I'm sick because the perverted part of my brain just heard you say my ink gives you a lady boner. — Laura Kaye

She was the Little Red Riding Hood in this situation and I was the Big Bad Wolf with a big bad boner. — Penelope Ward

Boner," Peanut said.
"Oh no," Jade said to the parrot. "No, no, no ... you can't say-
"Boner"
"Oh G-d" Jade panicked. "Peanut-"
"Pretty bird," Dell broke in, smiling at the parrot and speaking low and soft. "Such a pretty girl, Peanut."
Peanut preened under his admiring tone. "Pretty Peanut. — Jill Shalvis

Life is like a boner: long and hard. — Jill Shalvis

You know Twilight?" He blinks. "Excuse me?" "Twilight. The vampire book." His wary eyes study my face. "What about it?" "Okay, so you know how Bella's blood is extra special? Like how it gives Edward a raging boner every time he's around her? — Elle Kennedy

Letter to My Boner — January Nelson

Dontcha mean you wanna get your eyes all over your girl, what's it been, an hour since ya seen her? Ah, can't beat young love, son. Enjoy it while it lasts, then they all turn into my old lady with the nagging. But..I still get a boner every time I see my Helen. — V. Theia

Holy shit, he was harder that a rod of steel, and as his leg ground out a torturous rhythm between my thighs, I realized I was hotter than spring in Seattle.
This was not a dream, this was real, and I had just fondled the boner of the Grim Reaper. — Tara West

I get a total lady boner. My lady bits are way too happy. So happy it's crying juicy tears. — Belle Aurora

There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare. — Dana Gould

Carter said, "You drenched yourself in the worst-smelling thing you could find so you could cover up the smell of your boner." "Stop saying boner!" He waggled his eyebrows at me. I glared at him. He said, "It's about time." And so I said, "What?" He squinted at me. "You and Joe." "What about me and Joe?" "Seriously. That's what you're going with." It was either that or have a panic attack. "Yes," I said. "That's what I'm going with." "It's okay," he said. "You're allowed to have a boner for my seventeen-year-old brother." I — T.J. Klune

Declan and Regin:
"Kiss you?" As he waited for the revulsion to seize him, he found himself wondering how she would react. Would she moan into his mouth?
"It will help you remember me. Kiss me. Come on, you know you want to so bad. You want me so bad."
"Never." Bloody get off her, get away from her. But he needed to be above her like this, to master her, overpower her.
"Never? That boner of yours just called you a lair. — Kresley Cole