Bollocks Quotes & Sayings

You finish a movie and you think, there, you've done it, really well, or best you can. But if you watch it, you see it was just bollocks. — Richard Grant

It's like you said, it's all about P.R. these days. Brand management. Social networking. The corporatization of our own experience. We're all our very own communications directors. But what a load of bollocks it all is when you're faced by something like this. — Adam Nevill

Boxing Day.
Country pubs.
Saying 'you're the dog's bollocks' as an expression of endearment or admiration.
Jam roly-poly with custard
Ordnance Survey maps
I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue
Cream teas
The shipping forecast
The 20p piece
June evenings, about 8pm
Smelling the sea before you see it
Villages with ridiculous names like Shellow Bowells and Nether Wallop — Bill Bryson

I've always thought that the balance between the side of my mind that knows what it is doing and the side that really hasn't got a clue has to be carefully maintained because if you write too knowingly then you get chilly, and if you write too unknowingly you write bollocks that nobody else can understand. — Andrew Motion

Merry Christmas me bollocks. The words of the Pogues's 'Fairytale of New York' also came to mind: surrounded by scumbags and maggots, I prayed God it would be my last in Los Teques. — Paul Keany

She scuttled back from his approach and held up a hand. "No!"
Eversley stilled, his eyes widening at the words. "I beg your pardon?"
He was going to smell her. "Don't come any closer!"
"Why not?"
"It's not appropriate."
"What isn't?"
"You. Being here. So near. While I am abed."
One black brow rose. "I assure you, my lady, I've no intention of debauching you."
She had no doubt of that, considering her current situation, but she couldn't well tell him the truth. "Nevertheless, I must insist on the utmost propriety."
"Who do you think nursemaided you for the last day?"
Bollocks. He was right. He'd been close. He'd had to have noticed her odor. But it didn't mean he had to any longer. She straightened her shoulders, ignoring the twinge in the left. "My reputation, you see."
He blinked. "You were shot on the Great North Road while wearing stolen livery - — Sarah MacLean

People buy such bollocks at museums. They don't know what else to do once they're there. — David Mitchell

Bollocks have never frightened me. I'll eat a bollock any time. — Germaine Greer

That's bollocks,' said Owen's voice over the loudspeakers.
'That a medical term?' asked Jack.
'It is when I use it. — Trevor Baxendale

Like I said earlier, it sounds like I'll need a plan B, said Porter. Because I can't see them going for any of that bollocks. They've had more peace plans than I've had bottles of vodka, and if they wanted money, they would have asked for it by now. — Chris Ryan

-You're pretty hard-boiled, Tinker Bell.
-Call me that name again and you'll be wondering how your bollocks wound up lodged in your windpipe
from below. Just because we don't get to your side of things much anymore doesn't mean we don't know anything. 'If you believe in fairies, clap your hands!' If you believe in fairies, kiss my rosy pink arse is more like it. Now are you going to shut your gob or not? — Tad Williams

Every club has three types: fans, parasites and people who work their bollocks off, even ladies. — Ken Bates

It's that wounded-poet crap, that soul-pain shit, that too-much-of-a-tortured-genius-to-wash bollocks. Brush your teeth, you little bastard. You're not fucking Byron. — Robert Galbraith

No-one knows anything. Anyone who tells you they do ... is full of bollocks. — Melissa Keil

The word bollocks seems strong, punk rock, and imposing, but in reality, bollocks is always too tame to make much of an impact. — Jennifer Harrison

I never really felt at home with that - the headbands, the roses, the feet, the peace sign, all that bollocks. That wasn't me at all; I felt like a fish totally out of water during the mid-'60s thing. — Jeff Beck

Sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally, I think its bollocks!! — Billy Connolly

I only say this because a lot of people seem to think that if you're a musician you want to be a celebrity. But most musicians in the world aren't celebrities, and pretty much everything about the concept of 'celebrity' is a complete load of bollocks anyhow. — Brooke Fraser

Amelia told me once about a suspicion she'd had for a while. It bothered her quite a bit. She said that Win and I had fallen ill with scarlet fever, and you made the deadly nightshade syrup, you'd concocted far more than was necessary. And you kept a cup on it on Win's nightstand, like some sort of macabre nightcap. Amelia said that if Win had died, she thought you would have taken the rest of that poison. And I've always hated you for that. Because you forced me to stay alive without the woman I loved, while you had no bloody hell intention of doing the same."
Merripen didn't answer, gave no sign that he registered Leo's words.
"Christ, man," Leo said huskily. "If you had the bollocks to die with her, don't you think you could work up the courage to live with her? — Lisa Kleypas

Bollocks," Ryan said. "I've seen you draw. You're very good, especially at drawing portraits."

James almost laughed. He wasn't all that good at drawing portraits. He was good at drawing Ryan. — Alessandra Hazard

They claim they're living the vita apostolica; but you didn't find the apostles feeling each other's bollocks. — Hilary Mantel

Before my book, the most common assessment of Eleanor Marx is "Yes, she's great but basically she's in the shadow of her father." Absolute bollocks. She fought him, she resisted, and she was not a kind of trocadateur of his ideas. — Rachel Holmes

This year there will be an eclipse of the Moon on the fourth day of August.9 Saturn will be retrograde; Venus, direct; Mercury, variable. And a mass of other planets will not proceed as they used to.10 As a result, crabs this year will walk sideways, rope-makers work backwards, stools end up on benches, and pillows be found at the foot of the bed;11 many men's bollocks will hang down for lack of a game-bag;12 the belly will go in front and the bum be the first to sit down; nobody will find the bean in their Twelfth Night cake; not one ace will turn up in a flush; the dice will never do what you want, however much you may flatter them;13 and the beasts will talk in sundry places. — Francois Rabelais

There are scientists who will tell you that spirit, because it can't be measured, doesn't exist. Bollocks. It does exist — Sam Allardyce

The whole prophecy is bollocks," I say. "'And one will come to end us. And one will bring his fall.' Did I also bring my own fall?"
"No," Baz says. "That was me. Obviously."
"How did you bring my fall? I stopped the Humdrum myself."
Baz looks back at his phone, bored. "Fell in love, didn't you? — Rainbow Rowell

Death is big," Dare acknowledges. "But there are things bigger than that. If there's not, then this is all for nothing. Life is worth nothing. Putting yourself out there, and taking chances and all that. All of that stuff is bollocks if it can just disappear in the end. — Courtney Cole

I think The Song Remains The Same is such a load of old bollocks. — Robert Plant

I got fed up of listening to bollocks — Jeremy Paxman

Cooking today is a young man's game, I don't give a bollocks what anyone says. — Gordon Ramsay

I'm the one who steps from the shadows, all trenchcoat and cigarette and arrogance, ready to deal with the madness. Oh, I've got it all sewn up. I can save you. If it takes the last drop of your blood, I'll drive your demons away. I'll kick them in the bollocks and spit on them when they're down and then I'll be gone back into darkness, leaving only a nod and a wink and a wisecrack. I walk my path alone ... who would walk with me? — Garth Ennis

Bollocks, bitches, and Battlestar Galactica, — L. H. Cosway

Bollocks, I thought, or testiculi or possibly testiculos if we were using the accusative. — Ben Aaronovitch

Bollocks to the rules! — William Golding

This smells like shit," MacRuairi said, smearing the black seal grease over his naked skin. They'd bundled their armor and weapons in a pack to keep them dry when they crossed the river. The seal grease would not only help them blend into the darkness, it protected them from the cold December waters.
"You'll be grateful for in in a few minutes." MacSorley grinned. "The water will freeze your bollocks off."
"Which shouldn't be a problem for you anymore," MacRuairi said dryly.
"Damn, cousin, was that a joke?" MacSorley shook his head. "It does snow in hell."
MacRuairi muttered something under his breath as he finished applying the grease. — Monica McCarty

The big bad monster wasn't green and hiding under the bed, it wore tasteless floral prints, bright scarlet lipstick and sat in the kitchen smoking and saying 'bollocks' alot. — Jo Brand

Trees are always the cure for your modern bollocks. — Kevin Hearne

Fate is a fickle bitch. Just when you believe you've secured the goose that lays the golden egg, she back heels you in the bollocks. — Ken Scott

With a grunt he levered himself to his feet, causing the chair to bang against the bookcase behind him and set the various objet d'bollocks rattling. — Ben Aaronovitch

We want different things. Men want to have sex with a woman. Then they want to have sex with another woman. And then another. Then they want to eat cornflakes and sleep for a while, and then they want to have sex with another woman, and another, until they die. Women,' and I thought I'd better pick my words carefully when describing a gender I didn't belong to, 'want a relationship. They may not get it, or they may sleep with a lot of men before they do get it, but ultimately that's what they want. That's the goal. Men do not have goals. Natural ones. So they invent them, and put them at either end of a football pitch. And then they invent football. Or they pick fights, or try and get rich, or start wars, or come up with any number of daft bloody things to make up for the fact that they have no real goals.'
'Bollocks,' said Ronnie.
'That, of course, is the other main difference. — Hugh Laurie

Perhaps nothing is as simple as it looks. Perhaps everything has another layer, a hidden room that only reveals itself when you accidentally stumble across the secret door.
Or perhaps I'm talking bollocks and it's time to go to bed. — Liz Kessler

I'm going to build that house with my own hands, from the foundation to the roof. I'm going to do it for us, and I'm going to do it right, so it lasts forever. Can't go raising walls on a shaky foundation. Can't go slapping thatch over rafters so thin, they'll topple with the first winter storm. Do you know?"
She nodded. "I know."
He reached for her hand. "It's the same with us. I mean to build something with you. Something that will last. Much as I want you, I don't want to rush and bollocks it up. — Tessa Dare

A lot of people in the art world hate to use the word Photoshop like it's cheating or easy or something. I say bollocks to that. For me, it's my tool, my paintbrush if you like, and lets me create my own visual language. — Idris Khan

I'm probably just an obnoxious little bollocks. Who cares? — Michael O'Leary

What language are you talking in now? It appears to be bollocks. — Richard Wilson

Mere lack of evidence, of course, is no reason to denounce a theory. Look at intelligent design. The fact that it is bollocks hasn't stopped a good many people from believing in it. Darwinism itself is only supported by tons of evidence, which is a clear indication that Darwin didn't write his books himself. — Eric Idle

Privately, I consider religion to be a load of bollocks, but when you have a sobbing five year old wanting to know what happened to her hamster, you develop an instant belief in anything that dissolves some of the heartbreak off her face. — Tana French

I'm never going to believe a Poirot mystery again. Never. All those witnesses going, "Yes, I remember it was 3:06 p.m. exactly, because I glanced at the clock as I reached for the sugar tongs, and Lady Favisham was quite clearly sitting on the right-hand side of the fireplace."
Bollocks. They have no idea where Lady Favisham was, they just don't want to admit it in front of Poirot. I'm amazed he gets anywhere. — Sophie Kinsella

You've never kicked him in the bollocks - that should speak volumes to you. — Suzanne Wright

I knew it was love because it was easy to talk about a load of bollocks and laugh until we hurt. — Lucy Robinson

Carpe Dium, I say. Seize the day. Grab it by the throat and rattle its bollocks — Liz Jensen

Miss Fairfield," he said quietly, "I am not your enemy. Stop treating me as one." Her heart slammed in her breast. "I have no enemies." "That, Miss Fairfield, is bollocks, and you know it. You have only enemies. — Courtney Milan

Just as before, Cale moved swiftly into his next hold. His arm shot out like a whip, giving her no time to react. Powerful hands wrapped around her small throat, and he squeezed with a gentle pressure, enough to be uncomfortable, but not enough to really hurt her. He meant to prove a point, but Analia knew this hold well, had been on the receiving end of it many times. This was a hold that could easily render her unconscious. She kept steady, oddly feeling safe even though her pulse spiked wildly.
'How should you counter?' Cale asked.
'I could kick you in your bollocks.'
He smiled at her candor. 'Aye, you could, but a man of any brains would expect a move like that in this position. A better move would be to raise your arm up and bring your elbow down across my arms. If you learn to do it right, you will break my hold, and will be able to get yourself in a more suitable position for a counterattack. Then you go for the bollocks.'"

-Cale & Analia — Kiersten Fay

I wanted to dismantle the bollocks that there's a military structure to a gang, with a leader, second leader, the good looking one, first babe, second babe. It's far more arbitrary than that and their values shouldn't be romanticised. They aren't something you want to sign up to. — Peter Mullan

The words 'mainly in America' translated to me as 'this is bollocks' and I sat back in my chair with a sigh. — Danny Wallace

There is not a single extant study that supports all the arguments against men being with their children. It's absolute bollocks. — Bob Geldof

Bollocks,' she curses softly. — Sunny Singh

Really, Weasley? Are we going to do this friend shit? We agreed to be civil, not friends. Because if you're going to do this friend bollocks every time I see you, I'll just fling myself off a cliff right now."

"You promise? Can I watch? — Bex-chan

I'm not sure if you've noticed this yet, but Jenny Sullivan likes to overuse people's first names. It's a technique she read about in a book called Own It - Take Life By The Bollocks. She once said my name so many times I disconnected from it entirely. — Claire Garber

He knows religion is bollocks," Collingswood said. "He just wishes he didn't. — China Mieville

People do that - cling to their past because it's the only thing they consider safe. Trying something new or just accepting it turns their livers into jelly. But that's a load of bollocks. Ye take the new and appreciate it if it's good, like whiskey or poutine or girlfriends who bite, or ye dismiss it as shite if it's bad, like cell phones and cars, and move on. O — Kevin Hearne

Wisdom: Mate, we're up to our necks in Skrulls! But we remembered the treaty: mutual protection. Here we are! Now, I've lost a couple of people I care about in quick succession, and I am taking no more bollocks from you. I've got this voice in my head, it's half Gandalf and half Mr. Kipling. Who is that?!
Oberon: A VOICE?! YOU MUST NOT FOLLOW IT! IT'S THE MAD ONE, THE DEMON WHO KILLED HIS OWN CHILD AND LED EVERYONE TO DESTRUCTION! THE HIGHER EVOLUTIONARIES OF ALL THE WORLDS HAVE ONLY JUST SUCCEEDED IN CONFINING HIM TO THE DARK REALMS!
Wisdom: Oh. Right. Him. Well, I'm gonna stop following that voice then. Obviously. — Paul Cornell

English
So much to say, so little time.
Miss Wilson kept interrupting our chat with her so-called love of Shakespeare. For
goodness' sake. Hers is not the love that dares not speak its name, hers is the love that bangs on and on about Billy. It's all "What ho, my lord" and "Oh look, here comes MacBeth talking total bollocks. — Louise Rennison

I would almost consider myself a canonical child of Generation X ... because I think there is an ethic and aesthetic that goes along with that generation, it may have something to do with the fact that "Never Mind the Bollocks" was released when we were 16-years-old and that was really the album that crystalized a generation. — Mark Pesce

If there is a God he hasn't been paying attention. He should retire and hand over to a younger man, because he's making a real bollocks of everything. — Lemmy Kilmister

I've always felt it's the directors purview to say what; it's the actor's purview to say how. It's not good for an actor to have the big picture in mind - it bollocks you up. An actor's purview is the tiny little ... We measure our performance in seconds. — William H. Macy

We're going to bollocks up our second chance at Eden, even before the paint has dried. — Stephen Baxter

This is a sensationally bad idea, Ash." "So you said. About twenty times now." "You remember what Marielle did to Hush?" "Maw's teeth, Corvere. When my da got tortured in the Thorn Towers of Elai, they chopped his bollocks off and fed them to the scabdogs. What's your excuse? — Jay Kristoff

If you're worrying about the wrinkles on your bollocks I'd say your life's pretty good — Karl Pilkington

They reckon you feel love in your heart but that's bollocks. True love, the type what strikes you down and makes you change for ever, you feel that kind of love in every fucking organ inside you. — Nicola Monaghan

I'm a fuzzy-headed warm-hearted liberal, and I think fuzzy-headed warm-hearted liberalism is an ideological stance that needs defending-if necessary, with a hob-nailed boot-kick to the bollocks of budding totalitarianism. — Charles Stross

You know those vampire myths? Bollocks to them. — Rosemary A. Johns

The word 'bollocks' is one of the most beautiful and flexible in the English language. It can be used to express emotional states ranging from ecstatic surprise to weary resignation in the face of inevitable disaster. And — Ben Aaronovitch

Bollocks! Bollocks, bollocks. — Peter F. Hamilton

Sharon had read a lot of books on the subject of human society and psychology, and after a great deal about social identity and pack spirit, had taken away this simple conclusion: It is far better to talk bollocks at great length and feel okay about it, than to talk about nothing at all and end up killing people. — Kate Griffin

Alex has never been very keen on events of the season. I wouldn't worry about her. As I said, Nicola is a friend. She'll want to go. One of us has to chaperone her. And, since I'm older and of a higher rank, I get to decide who that will be. Care to hazard a guess, Kit?" His green eyes twinkled with laughter. "Bollocks!" This from Kit, who was not about to accept this particular decision without a fight. "It can't be me!" "Why not?" Kit paused, clearly searching for a viable excuse to avoid the ball in question. His eyes lit up with excitement when he'd hit on the right thing. "The hunting party I've an invitation to is just as viable a location to meet an eligible young lady as any, I daresay. I shall simply tell Mother that." He looked veritably triumphant. Will — Sarah MacLean

Bollocks to should. — Nick Harkaway

The very word 'fiction' implies another world, literally a different place, whereas no one claims that a dedicated sportsman is escaping his life, or a chef or a nurse. But the poor writer - the sci-fi one especially - is seen as running away. Bollocks. This is real, for me, and it's tough, it's fun, it's practical, and it's very, very important. — Russell T. Davies

Truth is I thought it mattered. I thought that music mattered. But does it? Bollocks! Not compared to how people matter. — Pete Postlethwaite

We have to get out of here, Bram. Before they take our bollocks and use them for pincushions. — Tessa Dare

Now I don't know why, but Morrissey had always hated Joy Division. Maybe Rob got it right when after a lively debate as the cameras were turned off he turned to Morrissey and said, 'The trouble with you, Morrissey, is that you've never had the guts to kill yourself like Ian. You're fucking jealous.' You should have seen his face as he stormed off. I laughed me bollocks off. — Peter Hook

Antonio stepped into Pax's path and said, in English, "Go back to Lazarus and tell him we'll settle whatever claim he has on Sara. She is Baldoni. Ours. Run tell him that, figlio di puttana."
"He's not from Lazarus," she snapped.
"All the better," Antonio said. "Nothing to stop me from cutting his bollocks off."
"You will leave his bollocks precisely as they are."
"I am your closest male relation - "
"You are my closest male idiot. No-one removes any man's balls on my behalf. I will do whatever castrating is necessary among my acquaintance."
"Children," Uncle Bernadro said midly, "he speaks Italian. — Joanna Bourne

I do like Captain Beefheart (Trout Mask Replica is a misunderstood masterpiece!) and I do have two kids but I've never written a prize winning novel called Oh, Bollocks! — Jon Edgell