Blonde Humor Quotes & Sayings

Quinn came over to refill his glass. He looked towards the bedroom door. "Where'd you find the little blonde?"
"Used to bounce it on my knee."
"Which knew?" he asked. "Could I touch it? — Dashiell Hammett

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb - and I'm not blonde either. — Dolly Parton

Nah, Mike's gonna stop by. He had to work late and he works
with this really cute chick and I just know he ... ." Alycia folded her arms
on her chest and pouted. "She better be a blonde bimbo with a huge rack
and no personality if he's gonna cheat on me. — J.M. Colail

... were trying to tell the dumb blonde to close her mouth, but the woman clearly took her hair color very seriously. — Sharon Green

Damn, Ian was already there. I braced myself as he came out from behind the RV. He sniffed, his nose wrinkling. Then he looked over me and my blonde captive, grinning.
"Managed to squeeze in a golden shower along the way? How lecherous, I'm impressed."
"Save it" I said crisply. — Jeaniene Frost

How do you express a skinny blonde werewolf and a former toad in a cake? — Elizabeth A. Reeves

I want that little blonde bitch in the lobby to hear me screaming your name. — Aaron B. Powell

Finally the lock clicked. And the door opened. And there Lucy stood. An angel with a halo of blonde frizz. He stared at what they both knew was an absolute disaster and said the only thing he could. I love it. — Jenny B. Jones

Because this story is the road to the Pulitzer, something you covet very badly. I'm willing to bet that just the idea of this story is making you harder than the blonde at the bar. — M.K. Schiller

I felt like the blonde in every horror movie who hears a noise in the basement and goes to investigate alone. Sometimes you smell the stupid all around you, but you step in it anyway. — Ann Aguirre

She came through the door the moment my beer arrived. Fortyish, salon-blonde, spray tan, fake boobs and real diamonds. Anywhere else it would be a bimbo alert, but in Florida it was just protective coloration. — C.I. Dennis

Hey, do you know what you call a blond with a brain?" I asked, and the continued on the same breath, "a golden retriever."
I've heard that one, too," she said, no longer smiling.
I'll keep trying." I promised. — Stephenie Meyer

There's only one sort of natural blonde on earth - albinos. — Marilyn Monroe

It was like looking for a Natural Blonde at Hugh Hefner's — Aimee Duffy

Like so many substantial citizens of America, he had married young and kept on marrying, springing from blonde to blonde like the chamois of the Alps leaping from crag to crag. — P.G. Wodehouse

What's so funny?" Bella mumbled.
"I got food in her hair," I told her, chortling again.
"I'm not going to forget this, dog," Rosalie hissed.
"S'not so hard to erase a blond's memory," I countered. "Just blow in her ear."
Get some new jokes, "Rosalie snapped. — Stephenie Meyer

WE do try to eat," Raoul called back to her [Kel]. I go all faint if I don't get fed regularly. Only think of the disgrace to the King's Own if I fell from the saddle."
"But there was that time in Fanwood," a voice behind them said.
"That wedding in Tameran," added the blonde Sergeant Osbern, riding a horse-length behind Kel.
"Don't forget when what's-his-name, with the army, retired," yelled a third.
"Silence, insubordinate curs!" cried Raoul. "Do not sully my new squire's ears with your profane tales!"
"Even if they're TRUE?" That was Dom. It seemed Neal wasn't the only family member versed in irony. — Tamora Pierce

She was what we used to call a suicide blonde
dyed by her own hand. — Saul Bellow

When I caught up, I grabbed Jack's arm. "What are you
doing here?" "Hiding! That's how you play the game, right? I thought
the title hide-and-seek was fairly self-explanatory. Then
again, you are blond." "So are you, idiot. Again, what are you doing here? — Kiersten White

You know, I found a gray hair the other day. I almost broke the sound barrier rushing to the pharmacy to get some dye. Beth snorted. Oh please! You're a blonde-no one can see gray hair up there. Now, you get one down under, and then you can panic. — Jenn McKinlay

Ew. Someone put the dog out, "Rosalie murmured wrinkling her nose.
Have you herd this one, Psycho?
how do a blond's brain cells die?"
She didn't say anything.
Well?" I asked."Do you know the punch line or not?"
She looked pointedly at the TV and ignored me.
Has she heard it?" I asked Edward.
No." He answered.
Awesome. So you'll enjoy this, bloodsucker
a blond's brain cells die alone. — Stephenie Meyer

I try to write characters that are normal, believable people with a unique sense of humor. I like characters that aren't necessarily society's idea of "perfect". I wanted to make characters that were more real. I want my potential readers to see that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. I want them, especially the girls, to realize that whatever you look like, whether you're chubby or skinny, dark haired or blonde, popular or the school outcast, that everyone deserves to be loved. And that if you look hard enough, there's someone out there waiting just for you. — Taylor Fenner

You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to fuck it. — Tina Fey

Charlotte: It's too bad they don't give out diplomas for what you learn at the mall, because I could graduate with honors in that subject. No really. Since I've worked there, I've become an expert on all things shopping-related. For example, I can tell you right off who to distrust at the mall:
1) Skinny people who work at Cinnabon. I mean, if they're not eating the stuff they sell, how good can it be?
2) The salesladies at department store makeup counters. No matter what they tell you, buying all that lip gloss will not make you look like the pouty models in the store posters.
3) And most importantly - my best friend's boyfriend, Bryant, who showed up at the food court with a mysterious blonde draped on his arm. — Janette Rallison

New York, of course, is to be in endless surreal situations where a fifty-thousand dollar, gun-metal Mercedez pulls up into a puddle of blood, and out steps a twenty-five karat blonde transvestite with a two dollar wristwatch. — Tom Waits

I change the channel to another movie. An old one, but new to me. And, ironically, a thin, gorgeous blonde - Meg Ryan, maybe - rides her bike on a country road. She smiles like she has no cares in the world. Like no one ever judges her. Like her life is perfect. Wind through her hair and sunshine on her face. The only thing missing are the rainbows and butterflies and cartoon birds singing on her shoulder.

Maybe I should grab my bike and try to catch up with Mom, Mike, and the kids. They can't be going very fast. I would love to feel like that, even if it's just for a second - free and peaceful and normal.
Suddenly, there's a truck. It can't be headed toward Meg Ryan. Could it? Yes. Oh my God. No! Meg Ryan just got hit by that truck.

Figures. See what happens when you exercise? — K.A. Barson

Hey, Rosalie? Do you know how to drown a blonde? Stick a mirror to the bottom of a pool. — Stephenie Meyer

Do you fancy catching a movie at the Sturbridge Theater tonight? That new Robert Pattinson movie is showing," I ask her, the phone cradled against my chest.
"Definitely sign me up for that!" Ari replies, chuckling as I mock scowl. Her easy laugh warms my soul.
"We're in," I tell Gil, arranging to meet him and his date in the diner later.
"So, who is it this time?" Ari asks, resting her chin in her hands. "Anyone we know?"
Considering I can count the girls on one hand who have enjoyed more than one date with Gil, I doubt it'll be someone familiar. "I didn't ask; guess we'll find out soon enough."
"Five bucks says it's a blonde," Ari quips.
"That's one bet I'm not taking," I admit, twirling a lock of her hair around my finger. "Gil's penchant for blondes is world-renowned. — Siobhan Davis

Did you say 'yes' to going out on a date with him?" Sally asked Jacque. "All I got to say is if she said no, she might not want to go to sleep tonight 'cause I'm going to dye her hair blonde to compliment her being a dumb ass," Jen told them. "Uh, Jen, you're a blonde," Jacque pointed out. "No, not really, God just got it wrong and it was too late to change it once He noticed. — Quinn Loftis

Marius glowered at the long cone-shaped ship with its stupid curving tailfins. His field scan swept out. It was an illusion, produced by a small module on the airlock floor. He smashed a disruptor pulse into the solido projector, and the starship image shivered, shrinking down to a beautiful, naked young girl with blonde hair that hung halfway down her back. 'Oh, Howard,' she moaned sensually, running her hands up her body, 'do that again.' Marius let out an incoherent cry, and shot the projector again. — Peter F. Hamilton

A woman with long, blonde hair stood for a moment on the other side of the door. She looked similar to his date. Was she entering or leaving the coffee house?
Before Paul could confirm her identity or stand and run after her, she strode away and disappeared in the crowd. — Cheryl Sterling

That tank," Bucktooth pointed at the gas gauge on the dashboard of the decidedly unfredneck-like '65 Dodge Dart, "is almost empty. We ain't going much farther."
"Indeed it is." A solemn Phosphate agreed. "I suggest we stop the car and weigh our options."
"What options?" Professor Buckley asked. "Why do-that is- we've been traveling up and down this path for over an hour without seeing anyone or encountering anything. Even the doughnut shop cannot be relocated. In light of this, what options do we have?"
It was difficult to argue with the ex-history teacher's typically alarmist position. Brisbane's reliable old automobile had indeed been expending its remaining fuel supply in what seemed to be a hopeless effort to exit the unnamed dirt path. After leaving the doughnut shop and the blonde presidential descendant who worked there, they'd been unable to find DeMohrenschildt Lane again, or any other side street. — Donald Jeffries