Bizarro Quotes & Sayings

I'm like the Hulk on stage. It's way over the top. That's Bizarro Chris. Sometimes I get off stage and go What did I say?! I'll watch one of my stand-up specials a year later and go Eww, that was mean. — Chris Rock

So you're like a ... an amateur sleuth?"
"God no. I'm more like the hapless guys in those film-noir flicks we used to watch. I keep getting tangled up in bizarro events."
"Oh yes?" His eyes lit with enthusiasm. I was speaking his language now. "Guy Pearce in L.A. Confidential or William Hurt in Body Heat?"
"I was thinking more like Woody Allen in Play It Again, Sam. — Josh Lanyon

Brahman and I are buddies. — Stephen Beam

You face the biggest challenge of all: to have the courage to seek your big dream regardless of what anyone says. You are the only person alive who can see your big picture and even you can't see it all. — Oprah Winfrey

Yeah, like Bizarro Superman, Superman's exact opposite, who lives in the backwards Bizarro world. Up is down, down is up, he says hello when he leaves, goodbye when he arrives. — Jerry Seinfeld

Who's the boss?

TONY DANZA, YOU PRICK! — Patrick Wensink

The only thing I could figure was most people were so fucking self-righteous they liked to destroy others' wills so they felt like their own petty lives had some sense of purpose. — Andersen Prunty

Don't do lunchmeat, kids. Bologna. Not even once. — Jon Konrath

What does a scanner see? he asked himself. I mean, really see? Into the head? Down into the heart? Does a passive infrared scanner like they used to use or a cube-type holo-scanner like they use these days, the latest thing, see into me - into us - clearly or darkly? I hope it does, he thought, see clearly, because I can't any longer these days see into myself. I see only murk. Murk outside; murk inside. I hope, for everyone's sake, the scanners do better. Because, he thought, if the scanner sees only darkly, the way I myself do, then we are cursed, cursed again and like we have been continually, and we'll wind up dead this way, knowing very little and getting that little fragment wrong too. — Philip K. Dick

FIESTA OR DEATH!!! — Vince Kramer

There are many dark corners in the many universes. Don't continue on if you are afraid to explore the dark, brutal and absurd — David Agranoff

Animal rights is a serious subject, but I do my best to find humor where I can, and I have some great help: there are almost two hundred cartoons included in the book, including dozens from the brilliant Bizarro strip. — Karen Dawn

"You're drawn to the darkness, to the lawlessness. Drawn to ... "
Morpheus.
Even if Dad doesn't say it out loud, I hear the name echo in the silence. — A.G. Howard

With this blistering salvo of poetic gutshots Lawson has proven himself Bizarro's true bard, its mad laureate. Switching from dark whimsy to retina-blast shock to political outrage without missing a beat, The Troublesome Amputee is a powerful collection of pitch-black verse. — Jeremy Robert Johnson

My thinking-of-kitties smile! — Carlton Mellick III

A hobo walks by in a suit made of today's newspaper. A guy chases him, shouting. "Wait! I haven't read the business section yet!"
Oh, the economic news. The most honest, trustworthy, freshest goods you can get - apart from ripe fish. With its gorgeous headlines it shakes out the mirror's lost reflections: The fountains are lobbying for more water in this pyromaniac city. Buses with electric chairs are running through the streets. Passengers ask for tickets to Heaven, then take their seats. Eyeballs jump out of their smoking skulls. "No littering in the vehicle!" growls the driver, adjusting the hat on his horns. — Zoltan Komor

You can make contact with people all day but it only seems fulfilling when it's with someone you truly enjoy. — Andersen Prunty

For the first time, I smelled her. I can't describe the smell. Flowery, yet somehow musty, like a beautiful woman with the soul of an old book. — Caris O'Malley

all of us lost souls allow ourselves to live in worry and anger and self-importance and pettiness when life with God is all around us: — John Ortberg

If I had to sum up my philosophy of fuckness in a few words so I could cram it on a bumper sticker or t-shirt, those were the words I would have chosen: "Fuck it. — Andersen Prunty

She whipped her tentacles away from his fingers decapitating the dead lobster-dog and its body fell from the ceiling fan. — Athena Villaverde

Acting was definitely half of what I loved about storytelling and about theater. So, when I get a chance to do a cameo in a show or do a movie, it's a lot of fun and it's always great stepping outside of yourself and either playing a bizarro version of yourself or playing a character. — Josh Groban

The girl slid into the back seat of the town car, tugging at the hem of her dress like she was afraid she might leave a stain on the upholstery. — John McNee

What protection could she have hoped to offer either of them? She couldn't even protect herself anymore. — Stephen Lloyd Jones

The day Mother Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? killed Father The Outlaw Josey Wales, they were arguing again about the Pre-Reddening game of Major League Baseball. — Nick DiChario

Some people just seemed born to fail. — Andersen Prunty

Tell me I can marry Anne Frank's skeleton. — Cameron Pierce

Carlton Mellick III is one of bizarro fiction's most talented practitioners, a virtuoso of the surreal, science fictional tale. — Cory Doctorow