Best Ron Swanson Quotes & Sayings

Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing — Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson is more than the MVP of the 'Parks and Recreation' squad, more than just the funniest character on TV - he's the perfect depiction of aggrieved American manhood at the twilight of the empire. — Rob Sheffield

I hate metaphors. That's why my favorite book is Moby Dick. No frou-frou symbolism. Just a good, simple tale about a man who hates an animal. — Ron Swanson

There's only one thing I hate more than lying... Skim milk. which is water that's lying about being milk. Ron Swanson. — Ron Swanson

He's a tourist. He takes pictures of people's lives, puts them in a scrapbook, and moves on. All he's interested in is stories. Basically Leslie, he's selfish. And you're not. That's why you don't like him. — Ron Swanson

I'm a simple man. I like pretty dark-haired women and breakfast food. — Ron Swanson

Let's just say I can never be cast again after Ron Swanson. Then I have a life of theater and woodworking and my wife to look forward to, and that doesn't make me anything but very happy. — Nick Offerman

Dear Frozen Yogurt,
You are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing. Zero stars. — Ron Swanson

History began July 4, 1776. Anything before that was a mistake. — Ron Swanson

I was born ready, I'm Ron F****** Swanson — Ron Swanson

Listen. I eat salad ... I just now ate a bowl of oatmeal. That's right. Because I'm a real human animal, not a television character. You see, despite the beautifully Ron Swanson-like notion that one should exist solely on beef, pork, and wild game, the reality remains that our bodies need more varied foodstuffs to facilitate health and digestive functions ... — Nick Offerman

I have a very healthy growth of both head and facial hair. People always want to attribute further superhuman powers to me. It's funny the way the audience really seems to want me, Nick the actor, to exhibit the same machismo as Ron Swanson. — Nick Offerman