Best Rob Delaney Quotes & Sayings

I'm endlessly fascinated by parenting, marriage, my wife and the ins and outs of marriage. — Rob Delaney

On stage, I'm me. I'm a husband, I'm a dad, I'm a guy, I'm a mess - but I am a cohesive thing that you recognize as one human entity saying these things that he generally believes. — Rob Delaney

I'm on Twitter, but I'm not super active. I follow a lot of the same people that a lot of people follow: Rob Delaney, Megan Amram, Seth Rogen, Evan Goldberg, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, people I've worked with. — Randall Park

I can't 'make' you love me. But I can fill my pantry with your favourite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75. — Rob Delaney

I think your ambition for something changes as you go. — Rob Delaney

It's probably not love if you don't press your face to the toilet seat after they've used it to feel their warmth. — Rob Delaney

Well, Mitt Romney is a very attractive comedic target. He's irresistible to me. I mean, seriously, I want to pay less attention to him. — Rob Delaney

Comedians who are 22 years old can certainly be funny and clever, and be capable of telling jokes - but are they talking about their favorite TV shows, or a particular brand of shampoo? — Rob Delaney

I'm a comedian at the beginning and the end of the day. I'm not affiliated with any campaign, nor do I generally find politics interesting enough to plan to be involved. — Rob Delaney

I use Twitter as a tool to get involved with people, to sell tickets to gigs where I can stand in a room and smell the audience - and I love that! — Rob Delaney

I was an extroverted kid and performed, like, acting and singing. Then, the older I got, I realized I enjoyed performing things that I came up with myself more and I enjoyed making people laugh more than making people cry or think. — Rob Delaney

Running is special. We've all done it: well, poorly, focused, in fear, being pursued, toward a goal. It's just elemental. Running is like fire. — Rob Delaney

I had always loved comedy, and acted out Steve Martin and Bill Cosby albums with my sister for my parents on road trips and stuff, and I loved to laugh and make people laugh. — Rob Delaney

People who concern themselves with the rights of other adults who engage in consensual acts involving sex, love, and/or eating croissants together are damaged and in pain. — Rob Delaney

I love gay people. Or as I sometimes call them, 'people.' — Rob Delaney

You and I will be around a lot longer than Twitter, and nothing substitutes face to face. - Rob Delaney It — Austin Kleon

In the ambiguity and shifting playing field of adult life, I often wish I could just fill in a dot and have someone say "Yes" and hand me a chicken leg, or "No" and slap me with an old fish. — Rob Delaney

If you have an opinion on what other adults do consensually with other adults when they take their pants off, you're a weirdo. — Rob Delaney

Make it easier for your citizens to be healthy and smart and they will save you in ways you have yet to imagine. Make it difficult and your nation will swirl history's toilet on its way to hell. — Rob Delaney

In high school, I definitely fancied myself an intense guy, which is so lame. — Rob Delaney

In real life, I am alarmingly boring. — Rob Delaney

The best thing you can do when you're not feeling funny is go out and get more stimuli from the world, get out and walk around, read a book, go talk to some birds or a dog and replenish the well, as it were. — Rob Delaney

I hate wearing suits and ties. — Rob Delaney

Depression taught me the importance of compassion and hard work, and that you can overcome enormous obstacles. — Rob Delaney

A heart that hurts is a heart that works. - Juliana Hatfield — Rob Delaney

Don't even FRONT like you love your family, America, or God, if you don't have a DETAILED & REHEARSED Black Friday tactical shopping plan. — Rob Delaney

A long-term relationship is about showing up and working hard and banking on each other. If one's down, the other might be up and can help the other one up, and sometimes you're both down and you just [band] together. Endurance is a big theme of it for me. That might not sound romantic, but I kind of think that it is. — Rob Delaney

I no longer believe in freedom of speech. — Rob Delaney

Children give terrible gifts because they are poor. — Rob Delaney

Willful ignorance or resistance to alleged facts has been a big ingredient in any success I've had. — Rob Delaney

I don't think of marriage as the drudge work that a lot of sitcoms and movies might have shown it to be, I think it's more deadly murderous rage, unadulterated passion, soul-crushing purgatorial dread ... It's more interesting. — Rob Delaney

If you ask someone out and they say no, try it again in a few minutes wearing sunglasses and smoking a cigarette. — Rob Delaney