Best Noel Fielding Quotes & Sayings

If you're going to be a good standup, or a successful standup, or a standup who can work for money, you have to eliminate the possibility of dying quickly. — Noel Fielding

When I was three or four, I was really good at drawing and painting, and everyone used to say, "You're going to go to art college." I didn't really know what that meant. — Noel Fielding

I don't hate Coldplay to be cool I genuinely hate Coldplay. — Noel Fielding

I'd like to punch out a really old lady. There'd be no repercussions. — Noel Fielding

There was a big age difference between me and my brothers - about 10 years - so I was an only child for a long time. I used to hang out a lot on my own. I played a lot of weird games with a lot of imaginary people. I guess it's kind of roleplaying ... — Noel Fielding

You know the black bits in bananas? Are they tarantulas eggs? — Noel Fielding

Englishmen do like to get in a dress, any excuse. — Noel Fielding

Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them. — Noel Fielding

You must have stuck a finger up your arse at least once. — Noel Fielding

That's the authentic punk dance. It's like a child dizzy on lemonade. — Noel Fielding

When you start, it's not to do with the material so much. It's more to do with how you can control a crowd and make friends with an audience and sell your brand of humor. — Noel Fielding

I had always drawn, every day as long as I had held a pencil, and just assumed everyone else had too ... Art had saved me and helped me fit in ... Art was always my saving grace ... Comedy didn't come until much later for me. I've always tried to combine the two things, art and comedy, and couldn't make a choice between the two. It was always my ambition to make comedy with an art-school slant, and art that could be funny instead of po-faced. — Noel Fielding

There's something amazing about tea. It's good before a meal, after a meal, when drunk, when taking drugs, while playing football and after being called a poof in the street. — Noel Fielding

Never try and go on a solo mission on your own. — Noel Fielding

In comedy, you see yourself as a newcomer and then you realize you've been doing it for 18, 20 years, which is ridiculous. — Noel Fielding

When I was a really young child, I felt like I could see fairies. I was convinced there were fairies in my grandmother's garden. — Noel Fielding

I did work in a bakery for one day. But the boss went off and when he came back I was lying on the floor eating cakes. — Noel Fielding

I never did that badly with women when I wasn't on telly, but it's a bit out of control now. Women try it on with me more than I'm comfortable with. It's strange, because I think I look like a troll wearing a woman's wig backwards. — Noel Fielding

My nan used to look after me in the summer holidays and she had a cat with one eye. It used to walk into walls and tables. I used to think it was hilarious. It was a slapstick cat. — Noel Fielding

When you're quite young, your imagination's quite free. — Noel Fielding

Some people have a fear of being on stage. I have a fear of coming off it. — Noel Fielding

I always wanted to travel around and see lots of America, I'd never been to Boston, I'd never been to San Francisco even, so I'm quite excited to just go the places. — Noel Fielding

Things are different in the fantasy world
Towels are different in the fantasy world
Shows are different in the fantasy world
Dancing's different in the fantasy world
Unicorns No, they're the same
Everything's different in the fantasy world — Noel Fielding

I'd have to do unannounced gigs because your fans will laugh at everything because they know what you do already. What you really want is a neutral audience that isn't too harsh - a good comedy crowd - but that don't know necessarily what you're doing. — Noel Fielding

Last time you bring me pie, I cut into it, with my tiny pie cutter, and millions of birds flew out hitting me in the eyes and the temples ... it was a trick pie! — Noel Fielding

I couldn't have invented crisps ... I don't really want to be known as the man who invented crisps ... I invented apples ... I invented pandas, and caps. I invented soil. — Noel Fielding

I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments. — Noel Fielding

I don't think I'd have done comedy if I was born eighty years ago I'd have been a lord. Shooting people that were on my land With a wig, yeah. And some crisps. — Noel Fielding

When I was a little kid I always wanted to be ginger. My best friend was ginger and he was pretty cool. — Noel Fielding

No means yes in grasshopper language. — Noel Fielding

I'm a mischievous drunk. — Noel Fielding

I think I should be in a film called 'Space Shrews'. Where I go to space. With a load of shrews. And nothing really happens. We just get out and have a lolly and then come back. But it'll be a musical the ship will be built out of my own hair. — Noel Fielding