Best Molly Ivins Quotes & Sayings

I've always found it easier to be funny than to be serious. — Molly Ivins

Even I felt sorry for Richard Nixon when he left; there's nothing you can do about being born liberal - fish gotta swim and hearts gotta bleed, — Molly Ivins

Any nation that can survive what we have lately in the way of government, is on the high road to permanent glory. — Molly Ivins

Oh, hell, I can't go on a spiritual journey - I'm constipated. — Molly Ivins

Many of the writers who have inspired me most are outside the genre: Humorists like Robert Benchley and James Thurber, screenwriters like Ben Hecht and William Goldman, and journalists/columnists like H.L. Mencken, Mike Royko and Molly Ivins. — John Scalzi

You can't ignore politics, no matter how much you'd like to. — Molly Ivins

Texas liberals are the camels of good news. We can cross entire deserts between oases. — Molly Ivins

Americans are not getting screwed by the Republican Party. They're getting screwed by the large corporations that bought and own the Republican Party. — Molly Ivins

I think of Texas as the laboratory for bad government. — Molly Ivins

As they say around the Texas Legislature, if you can't drink their whiskey, screw their women, take their money, and vote against 'em anyway, you don't belong in office. — Molly Ivins

Being slightly paranoid is like being slightly pregnant - it tends to get worse. — Molly Ivins

Economist Frederick Thayer has studied the history of our balanced-budget crusades and has come up with some depressing statistics. We have had six major depressions in our history (1819, 1837, 1857, 1873, 1893 and 1929); all six of them followed sustained periods of reducing the national debt. We have had almost chronic deficits since the 1930s, and there has been no depression since then - the longest crash-free period in our history. — Molly Ivins

Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. — Molly Ivins

If you really wanted to settle down the Middle East, if what you wanted was change in the Middle East, it is perfectly obvious that the first step is resolving the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. — Molly Ivins

If an armed nation were a polite nation, America would be paradise. We have more than 200 million guns in private owernship here. But our manners are not getting better. — Molly Ivins

I am not anti-gun. I'm pro-knife. Consider the merits of the knife. In the first place, you have to catch up with someone in order to stab him. A general substitution of knives for guns would promote physical fitness. We'd turn into a whole nation of great runners. Plus, knives don't ricochet. And people are seldom killed while cleaning their knives. — Molly Ivins

The thing is this: You got to have fun while you're fightin' for freedom, 'cause you don't always win. — Molly Ivins

You look at the large problems that we face - that would be overpopulation, water shortages, global warming and AIDS, I suppose - all of that needs international cooperation to be solved. — Molly Ivins

Anyone who thinks humans are not capable of so fouling their own nest that the land and the waters can no longer be productive just hasn't been paying attention. — Molly Ivins

Bad policies, stupid policies, gutless policies have real consequences. — Molly Ivins

Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention.
[Shrub Flubs His Dub, The Nation, June 18, 2001] — Molly Ivins

We are the people who run this country. We are the deciders. And every single day, every single one of us needs to step outside and take some action to help stop this war. Raise hell. Think of something to make the ridiculous look ridiculous. Make our troops know we're for them and trying to get them out of there. Hit the streets to protest Bush's proposed surge. If you can, go to the peace march in Washington on Jan. 27. We need people in the streets, banging pots and pans and demanding, 'Stop it, now!' — Molly Ivins

On the whole, I prefer not to be lectured on patriotism by those who keep offshore maildrops in order to avoid paying their taxes. — Molly Ivins

On a personal note: I have contracted an outstanding case of breast cancer, from which I intend to recover. I don't need get-well cards, but I would like the beloved women readers to do something for me: Go. Get. The. Damn. Mammogram. Done. — Molly Ivins

The charm of Ronald Reagan is not just that he kept telling us screwy things, it was that he believed them all. No wonder we trusted him, he never lied to us ... His stubbornness, even defiance, in the face of facts ('stupid things,' he once called them in a memorable slip) was nothing short of splendid ... This is the man who proved that ignorance is no handicap to the presidency. — Molly Ivins

I often plagiarize from myself. I like to think of this as ecological journalism: I recycle. — Molly Ivins

The Founders were right all along, but the results are a lot funnier than they intended. — Molly Ivins

The impulse to make ourselves safer by making ourselves less free is an old one ... When we are badly frightened, we think we can make ourselves safer by sacrificing some of our liberties. We did it during the McCarthy era out of fear of communism. Less liberty is regularly proposed as a solution to crime, to pornography, to illegal immigration, to abortion, to all kinds of threats. — Molly Ivins

Rank imperialism and warmongering are not American traditions or values. We do not need to dominate the world. — Molly Ivins

I know vegetarians don't like to hear this, but God made an awful lot of land that's good for nothing but grazing. — Molly Ivins