Best Julie Burchill Quotes & Sayings

I wouldn't know how to fool a man any more. My deceiving days seem so long ago. — Julie Burchill

It seems that one moment I was this little kid only caring about animals and flowers and stuff, and then the next minute I was this raging stew of hormones. I don't know if you've ever been a raging stew of anything, but I wouldn't particularly recommend it. — Julie Burchill

I am firmly of the opinion that women who make a lot of effort to hang onto their looks in middle age (unless they are beauties, entertainers or prostitutes) are rather sad, as one should surely have something more substantial to recommend one by this time, such as kindness or cleverness. — Julie Burchill

My favourite spectator sport is watching people who should know better searching for something (and often claiming to find it) where it never could be. Women claiming to find feminism in Islam is a good one. — Julie Burchill

I've always thought of beauty therapy, 'alternative' treatments and the like as the female equivalent of brothels - for essentially self-deceiving people who feel a bit hollow and have to pay to be touched. — Julie Burchill

Lots of women love to accuse men of being immature when the fellow in question displays a reluctance to 'commit.' — Julie Burchill

When I moved to Brighton from London in 1995, I was struck by what I thought of as its townliness. A town, it seemed to me, was that perfect place to live, neither city nor country, both of which like to think they are light years apart but actually have a great deal in common. — Julie Burchill

Most women are wise to the fact that lots of men love a cat-fight, and thus go out of their way not to give them one. — Julie Burchill

When I started at the 'Guardian,' though, I couldn't think of anything we saw eye to eye on, except feminism, and even this would soon be arguable as 'Guardian' writers queued up to drool over Eminem. — Julie Burchill

Is the raggle-taggle Brangelina tribe any more bogus than that of the landlocked yummy mummy who believes that she can drop half a dozen brats and still keep a modest carbon footprint? I don't think so. — Julie Burchill

In Barcelona, things seem so different. For example, I know that it's traditionally the least Spanish city, but you'd never know they had a monarchy, coming here as a tourist - as opposed to the U.K., where the Queen is probably the best-known animal, vegetable and/or mineral going when it comes to overseas visitors. — Julie Burchill

As a militant troublemaker, I once wrote that it was the duty of every woman worthy of the description to upset men at least three times a day, on principle. — Julie Burchill

The secret is not to care what anyone thinks of you. — Julie Burchill

The truth of the matter is, beauty is a specific thing, rare and fleeting. Some of us have it in our teens, 20s and 30s and then lose it; most of us have it not at all. And that's perfectly okay. But lying to yourself that you have it when you don't seems to me simple-minded at best and psychotic at worst. — Julie Burchill

I didn't cry when I left free-booting, smash-and-grab papers that would have appeared to be far more natural homes for me and, at the risk of being vulgar, paid far better for my services. — Julie Burchill

Transsexualism is, basically, just another, more drastic twist on the male menopause — Julie Burchill

The Feminist Me says that a woman's right to her own body should be inviolate at all times, free from fear of peeping paps. — Julie Burchill

I almost choke on my popcorn when I hear film stars, who walk on red carpets as much as the rest of us do on zebra crossings, criticising youngsters who crave fame. — Julie Burchill

Can I just say here how much I hate the word 'pamper'? While pretending to celebrate and indulge women, it actually implies that their bodies are so revolting that even their 'me time' must be dedicated to turning them into living dolls if potential suitors are to be prevented from running screaming in horror. — Julie Burchill

But just think what a boring, bread-and-milk world this would be without the boastful. — Julie Burchill

A woman who looks like a girl and thinks like a man is the best sort, the most enjoyable to be and the most pleasurable to have and to hold. — Julie Burchill

A cynic should never marry an idealist. For the cynic, marriage represents the welcome end of romantic life, with all its agony and ecstasy. But for the idealist, it is only the beginning. — Julie Burchill

Surely being a Professional Beauty - let alone an ageing one - is one of the most insecure and doomed careers imaginable. — Julie Burchill

I don't have a spiritual bone in my body; but what I am, is religious. — Julie Burchill

I don't really care what people tell children - when you believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, one more fib won't hurt. But I am infuriated by the growing notion, posited in some touchy-feely quarters, that all women are, or can be, beautiful. — Julie Burchill

As I have got older, I have found myself making friends with the ease and swiftness that other people pick up fuzzballs on their jumpers. And I believe it is probably my lack of longing for 'The One' that makes me so popular. — Julie Burchill

One Christmas build-up tradition, however, has totally bypassed me - that of going up to town and 'doing a show.' — Julie Burchill

Families, generally, suck. And I say that as someone who, like my husband, had parents who proved the proverbial exception to the rule. — Julie Burchill

Some say that Cusk has no sense of humour, but expecting giggles from this writer would be akin to expecting sonnets from Benny Hill. — Julie Burchill

From paying off friends' tax bills to rescuing stray dogs and stuffing £20 notes into the hands of homeless people, I can't get rid of my money fast enough. — Julie Burchill

What I find most upsetting about this new all-consuming beauty culture is that the obsession with good looks, and how you can supposedly attain them, is almost entirely female-driven. — Julie Burchill

I won't be going to any New Year's Eve parties because I think they're naff. No one over the age of 15 should bother going to parties. — Julie Burchill

There's something brave and touching about game girls of all ages keeping themselves smart in hard times - one thinks of those wonderful women during World War II drawing stocking seams in eyebrow pencil up the back of legs stained with gravy browning because nylons were so hard to get hold of. — Julie Burchill

Having 'best friends' is - at least for me - as outdated and small-minded a concept as the idea of 'Sunday best clothes.' — Julie Burchill

As with most liberal sexual ideas, what makes the world a better place for men invariably makes it a duller and more dangerous place for women. — Julie Burchill

It was Julie Burchill who decreed that, beyond a certain age, a man should not be seen in a leather jacket. — Arthur Smith

May I just single out for salutations, on the 'anti-war' side: Pop Stars For Appeasement, Dancers Against Democracy, Actors For Apathy, Fashionistas For Fascism and Jugglers For Genocide. All of them united under that flaccid flag of convenience, Show-Offs For Saddam. — Julie Burchill

It's received wisdom that the English are uniquely child-unfriendly. — Julie Burchill