Best Friend Humor Quotes & Sayings
Enjoy reading and share 51 famous quotes about Best Friend Humor with everyone.
Top Best Friend Humor Quotes

I was debating on jumping and ending my despair over losing my best friend, but I decided to call you instead. — Holly Hood

I have a heart!"
"No, you don't."
"Yes, I do," he says. "Look, I'll prove it to you." He reaches into the tub and wraps his arms around Hector, suds and all. "Oooh," he says in a baby voice. "Ooooh, Hector, you're such a good boy, oooh, I love you, Hector."
Hector's tail immediately starts wagging, and he pushes his snout into Jace's face and starts licking it. "Oh, Hector, you're so sweet," Jace says. "You're just the best dog."
Hector moves and Jace's elbows slip, causing Jace's whole upper body to slide over the side and into the tub. For a second, everyone freezes. I'm afraid Jace is going to be mad, since now he's soaking wet, but instead he just says, "Oooh, Hector, that's okay," and then slides his whole body into the tub, clothes and all.
Hector gives a happy bark, glad to have a friend with him, and then plants his front paws on Jace's chest. — Lauren Barnholdt

He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though ... keep up with my news ... check if I'm happy ... — J.K. Rowling

Sometimes people are often confused between attitude and style. Nevermind, I'm Awesome. — Yugesh Ralli

John Lennon, who was a good friend of mine, he had one of the best senses of humor of any human being. And Keith Richards, fantastic sense of humor. They were smart, sharp. They had their own thoughts on matters. — Bobby Keys

He wants to have your glorious, blue-eyed babies," I whisper.
"So as long as no one tells him he doesn't have a uterus, I have a chance?" she murmurs back. — Emily Henry

Be careful,' I hissed, then released him. 'Keep one eye on your back, and two on your best friend.'
'That's three eyes.'
'You'll need four to survive what's coming,' I said. — Daniel Polansky

Bout time," she huffed, but her voice sounded thick and emotional too."I was at the hospital all day yesterday, but they wouldn't let me see you. I bolted past security but they called code ninetynine and chased me down, they escorted me out in handcuffs. The way I see it, the only criminal here is your mom. No visitors? I'm your best friend, or did she not get the memo every year for the past eleven? Next time I'm over, I'm going to lay into that woman. — Becca Fitzpatrick

And Lucy." She looked like she might cry.
'What about her?'
"Lucy smells like food." She nearly gagged saying it.
'Sol, all that's normal. Lucy smelled good before I turned, and now she smells even better. But I haven't tried to eat her face and neither will you.'
"She's not safe in this house."
'Safer than out there,' I argued, even though I agreed with her. 'Look, you used to eat hamburgers.'
She blinked, confused. "So?"
'So, did you ever walk through one of the farms at a field party and suddenly try to eat a cow?'
"Um, no." Her chuckle was watery but it was better than nothing. "And, ew."
'Exactly. You can crave blood and not eat your best friend. — Alyxandra Harvey

What's wrong with you?" John asks suspiciously. I give him a 'what chu talkin' 'bout Willis?' look and he explains. "You just woke up." I nod. "Walked into the kitchen." Once again I nod, not seeing what the big deal is. "And didn't rip apart the cabinets like a rabid squirrel looking like coffee." I shrug at that, I didn't even remember it. "What the fuck have you done with my best friend? — Katelin LaMontagne

I'm looking for a man" Bree started.
"Aren't we all, dear? All I got's bread and doughnuts, but they're the next best thing"
"I don't know about that .. well maybe doughnuts. I've lost my .. friend. He's tall-sixfour-longish dark hair, wearing a kilt"
"Oh him" She smacked a hand over her heart "I'd take him over doughnuts any day — Anita Clenney

It's my job as best friend to make sure he's not a serial killer. Or an English major, not sure which one's worse. — Shelly Crane

I said to my friend, "Why do you smoke (cigarettes)?"
He replied, "Because I like to put myself on the line for the welfare and safety of others."
I astonishingly said, "Sorry, I didn't get your point."
He replied, "I want a cigarette-free world. Therefore, I am trying my best to end all the cigarettes from the world. — Saad Salman

She's my best friend, and I know she means well, but as she talks I'm mentally calculating all the ways I could silence her. I'm bigger than her ... I wonder if I could use my straw for some sort of MacGyver inspired weapon. — Steph Campbell

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. — Groucho Marx

This is the moral, Oh My Best Beloved: never kill anyone for a 'Cause'.
For why not, Uncle Basher?
Because causes don't pay, Little Friend of all the World. Adherents expect you to kill just for the righteousness of it. They don't want to pay you! They don't understand why you want paying! — Kim Newman

Only a true best friend can protect you from your immortal enemies. — Richelle Mead

You'd tell the world what your best friend wore to sleep if you thought it made a good enough story. — Patricia Briggs

Pride has often been his best friend. It has connected him nearer with virtue than any other feeling. — Jane Austen

Following is a rant by a confused crazy kid (the protagonist), where he references some movie scene but by the end there is some deep philosophy ( in the last paragraph)
There was this one part where the main character, who is this architect, is sitting on a boat with his best friend, who is a newspaper tycoon. And the newspaper tycoon says that the architect is a very cold man. The architect replies that if the boat were sinking, and there was only room in the lifeboat for one person, he would gladly give up his life for the newspaper tycoon. And then he says something like this ...
"I would die for you. But I won't live for you."
Something like that. I think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life and then make the choice to share it with other people. Maybe that is what makes people "participate." I'm not really certain. — Stephen Chbosky

It wasn't like a date, she reasoned. Not like some weird double date with her and the brother of the dead guy and her best friend and her best friend's ex-husband who didn't really count. It was just eating. — Nora Roberts

Hi Clara. I thought you would need someone to walk with today, so here I am." Sorin, her friend that lived in the trailer park around the corner beamed at her from the sidewalk. Maybe not the best looking, but he was a sweet boy, and someone that Clara considered a friend. And like her, he didn't fit in at school either. His strange obsession with science fiction books and obscure poetry may have been the catalyst for that reputation. — Paige Ray

Tyrion let the eunuch help him mount. "Lord Varys," he said from the saddle, "sometimes I feel as though you are the best friend I have in King's Landing and sometimes I feel you are my worst enemy."
"How odd. I think quite the same of you. — George R R Martin

She, too, is one of Regin's friends. They're poker buddies, sisters of the Wii, and Mari is a vaunted member of the karaoke contingent. Regin has long acted as the witches' designated driver." "BFF?" Lachlain asked, brows drawn. "Sisters of the what?"
Emma supplied, "Best friend forever and a video game."
Lachlain muttered to Emma, "Your relatives are just no' right. — Kresley Cole

I've got a sweater." Ben pulled off his coat and held it out for her. "Here."
"Thanks, Ben. It's lovely and warm." Then she said, "Ben, I
I can tell you how I feel about
about everything. I think you're the best friend I've ever had. I
I'd lie down and die for you if you wanted me to."
"Honey," Ben said. "When I get you to lie down for me it won't be to die. — Madeleine L'Engle

One very gratifying compliment I sometimes hear is that women want to be my best friend. This endlessly amuses my actual best friend, Jocelyn, because in her estimation I'm 'a good friend, but not that great. — Mindy Kaling

(So I heard the boom of my fathr's rifle when he shot my best friend.) A bullet only costs about two cents, and anybody can afford that.(14) — Sherman Alexie

You can't really yell at your boyfriend for stealing your seat and your best friend. You also can't yell at your best friend for stealing your boyfriend. Or you can ... but Hi seemed like a much easier way to start the morning. — Ally Carter

That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men — Bill Engvall

When I was a little kid I always wanted to be ginger. My best friend was ginger and he was pretty cool. — Noel Fielding

I had received a t-shirt from my best friend Veronica at my police academy graduation. It reads, 'Throw your donut in the opposite direction and the cops won't get you.' I love wearing that t-shirt. — Suzie Ivy

I thought you weren't allowed to have a phone," he says. "Or was that a really pathetic excuse to avoid giving me your number?"
"I'm not allowed. My best friend gave it to me the other day. It can't do anything but text." He turns the screen around to face me. "What the hell kind
of texts are these?" He turns the phone around and reads one.
"Sky, you are beautiful. You are possibly the most exquisite creature in the universe and if anyone tells you otherwise, I'll cut a bitch." He arches
an eyebrow and looks up at me, then back down to the phone. "Oh, God. They're all like this. Please tell me you don't text these to yourself for daily
motivation. — Colleen Hoover

Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend. — Marcel Achard

He had been inspired to start a career in the porn industry after reading the incredible tale of a Japanese man who avenged the death of his sister by going down on her best friend for seven days and seven nights. — Mark Jackman

We all know I'm marrying you, as soon as you get over your thing with dog tags and realize a stethoscope is way sexier, anyway. - Tanner — Kandi Steiner

It is not so incomprehensible as you pretend, sweet pea. Love is the feeling we have for those we care deeply about and hold in high regard. It can be light as the hug we give a friend or heavy as the sacrifices we make for our children. It can be romantic, platonic, familial, fleeting, everlasting, conditional, unconditional, imbued with sorrow, stoked by sex, sullied by abuse, amplified by kindness, twisted by betrayal, deepened by time, darkened by difficulty, leavened by generosity, nourished by humor and "loaded with promises and commitments" that we may or may not want or keep.
The best thing you can possibly do with your life is to tackle the motherfucking shit out of it. — Cheryl Strayed

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'. — Groucho Marx

Bright Side wasn't only my best friend; she was like my other half ... the other half of my brain, the other half of my conscience, the other half of my sense of humor, the other half of my creativity, the other half of my heart. — Kim Holden

Is everything all right? Is everything all right? Hmm, hold on a minute, let me see ... my mom is going out with my Algebra teacher, a subject I'm flunking, by the way; my best friend hates me; I'm fourteen years old and I've never been asked out; I don't have any breasts; and oh, I just found out I'm the princess of Genovia. — Meg Cabot

Grandma frowned and yelled something in Russian. She could have been saying, 'Open up, your best friend is here.' On the other hand, it could have been, 'America is a great country because of canned ravioli. — Laurie Halse Anderson

It's not something you tell your single best friend. It'd be like rubbing your nose in the poop of my happiness. — Shannon Hale

It's my new best friend, Claudius Templesmith, and as I expected it, he's inviting us to a feast. — Suzanne Collins

It was strange to stand there in front of the mirror and see myself like I was my own best friend, a kid wanted to hang with forever. This was a boy I could travel to the seacoasts with, a boy I'd like to meet up with in foreign cities like Calcutta and London and Brazil, a boy I could trust who also had a good sense of humor and liked smoked oysters from a can and good weed and the occasional 40 ounces of malt. If I was going to be alone for the rest of my life this was the person I wanted to be alone with. — Russell Banks

To help a friend is really good. To help yourself is also really good. To help a stranger is the very best. — Art Hochberg

Charlotte: It's too bad they don't give out diplomas for what you learn at the mall, because I could graduate with honors in that subject. No really. Since I've worked there, I've become an expert on all things shopping-related. For example, I can tell you right off who to distrust at the mall:
1) Skinny people who work at Cinnabon. I mean, if they're not eating the stuff they sell, how good can it be?
2) The salesladies at department store makeup counters. No matter what they tell you, buying all that lip gloss will not make you look like the pouty models in the store posters.
3) And most importantly - my best friend's boyfriend, Bryant, who showed up at the food court with a mysterious blonde draped on his arm. — Janette Rallison

A loud, purposeful knock on the front door froze him in place with his fist over the fabric.
"Hey, dude, it's me. I brought you all four Bloodsport movies. Open up!"
Jason's voice filtered past the front door, and he and Violet flew apart like teenagers at a party raid.
No way. This wasn't happening. He had not just gotten cock-blocked by his best friend and partner, AKA the only living relative of the woman he'd very nearly stripped naked in his front hallway. — Kimberly Kincaid

My best friend, a liar. My society brothers, my lover, and now my best friend. Any second now, my parents would call and tell me they were actually space aliens. Or European royalty. Or Republicans. — Diana Peterfreund

He's like ... 'I thought you were just friends.' You are my friend. You're my best friend. Why doesn't he get that? Anyway ... I think he wants your dad to rally with him. I'm pretty sure he doesn't give a damn about the dry rot in the basement."
I quirked the corner of my mouth dubiously. Dad rallying with Gabriel was pretty unlikely, considering the lengths he had gone to in proving his approval.
Rafael took one look at me, horrified, and I knew we were on the same wavelength. He whispered: "If your dad gives my uncle the safe sex talk ... — Rose Christo

A good friend will bail you out of jail.
A best friend will be sitting next to you
Saying, 'Damn. We fucked up. — Cheyenne McCray