Best Fitzsimmons Quotes & Sayings

I love when problems have simple solutions. Cold medicine. Umbrellas. Condoms. Tax incentives & subsidies attracting favored industries. — Greg Fitzsimmons

I am definitely not listening to anything remotely close to my music, at least not on a nice day. — William Fitzsimmons

I feel like I am too old to eat jelly. But I am too young to eat prunes. I am between grapes. — Greg Fitzsimmons

The trial was over in nine days, the verdict a foregone conclusion. — Matthew FitzSimmons

I've finally been able to trust and have intimacy with somebody, which I've never been able to do. Like a lot of guys, I just have a hard time getting that connected. I can actually sleep with her in my arms - spoons position, right? Women smile, they love the spoons. Men would rather fork. — Greg Fitzsimmons

I never know what I'm going to say as I walk up to the microphone. I try to be in the moment. I try to go deeper into myself. I discover things on stage that I don't discover off stage about me. — Greg Fitzsimmons

I knew that drinking and doing stand-up was going to make me less of an effective comedian. And I just had a lot invested in wanting to be a really good comedian and so I stopped for that reason. — Greg Fitzsimmons

Same thing every year, getting up at the crack of dawn, drinking, fighting, throwing up, pissing on walls and then you leave the house and things get bad. — Greg Fitzsimmons

Music is generally important to blind people, and most of the blind people that I have come into contact, through my parents, music is very special to them. — William Fitzsimmons

My friend goes, 'If you're going to use Rogaine, just put it somewhere you're going to remember to use it everyday.' So I put it right next to my Prozac. But now it just feels really pathetic using both of these products at the same time, 'cause if either one works, I don't really need the other one. — Greg Fitzsimmons

Taking down the Christmas tree makes it feel official: time to get back to joyless and cynical. — Greg Fitzsimmons

Somebody stole my identity. Good luck using it without the medications. — Greg Fitzsimmons

What happens next?" Gibson found he was curious too. They finished The Return of the King two years later, and in the process, Gibson became a reader. Something — Matthew FitzSimmons

I don't like to change things too much. I think pretty hard about things before I jump in, and once I do, I feel, 'All right, I don't want to waste the energy of buying, selling this, going on Consumer Reports, test driving, buying, selling a house.' I feel life is to be lived. — Greg Fitzsimmons

If it is a good song, it is a good song. The Beatles were pop, the beach boys were pop and it's the best music of all time. — William Fitzsimmons

Ever see a skinny guy on a cold day? You know they tremble like Chihuahuas. Then you see a fat guy in a tank top - nine degrees, he's sweatin'. Look at 'Titanic,' remember the boat goes into the icy cold waters? Little skinny Leonardo: dead. Final scene, Kathy Bates on a rowboat, coat open, eating a hotdog. — Greg Fitzsimmons

His regret was cold and offered no comfort. Filled up with words that he wished he had spoken and the faces he wished he had spoken them to. — Matthew FitzSimmons

I called my grandmother yesterday. She picks up the phone, 'Oh hello, dear, hold on a second, I just stepped out of the shower. Let me go put some clothes on.' I said, 'Hey Grandma, don't ever tell me you're naked again. Go put a lot of clothes on. Then put some more clothes on. I'm going to sit here and drink and try to forget you naked in my head.' I'll never eat raisins again. — Greg Fitzsimmons

This is the short drop," the man said. "You'll notice that, unlike the standard drop or the long drop, your neck is not broken. Which may seem like a blessing now, but in the end you will wish it had been a longer drop and a shorter wait. But that's the good news and bad news of the short drop. You live longer, but . . . you live longer. Most people think they'd always want to live longer, but twenty minutes at the end of a rope is a long time to die. A long time to regret things that cannot be changed and that no longer matter. — Matthew FitzSimmons

They say no one knows if we all see red the same way. Except traffic cops. — Greg Fitzsimmons

The best drunks are the ones who only hang out with other drunks in places we all know are filled with drunks. — Greg Fitzsimmons

If you're a positive person, you're an automatic motivator. You can get people to do things you don't think they're capable of. — Cotton Fitzsimmons

Joel Tippie, as well as Amy Ryan and Barb Fitzsimmons, for making these books so gorgeous Every. Single. Time. The amazing Brenna Franzitta, Josh Weiss, Mark Rifkin, Valerie Shea, Christine Cox, and Joan Giurdanella, for taking such good care of my words. Lauren Flower, Alison Lisnow, Sandee Roston, Diane Naughton, Colleen O'Connell, Aubry Parks-Fried, Margot Wood, Patty Rosati, Molly Thomas, Megan Sugrue, Onalee Smith, and Brett Rachlin, for all your marketing and publicity efforts, which are far too substantial to name. — Veronica Roth

If we don't have souls then who am I talking to when I keep telling myself to be good? — Greg Fitzsimmons

Since first hearing the story as a child, any mention of the 'Boston Tea Party' has elicited in me an excitement that is uniquely American. When I heard rumblings that there was a new Tea Party, I got goose bumps. I love tea, I love parties, I hate taxes; I'm in! It seemed that most of America joined in my excitement! — Greg Fitzsimmons

Entitlement breeds laziness, which in turn breeds decline. But of course with enough money, it is possible not to notice for decades that your family name is gathering dust. — Matthew FitzSimmons

I'm not Metallica, you can tell that I'm really not that angry in most of my songs. — William Fitzsimmons

What was the first rule to getting someone to fall in line? Figure out what they need and give them a taste. Not enough to sate them, but enough to whet their appetite. Enough that they wanted more. Needed more. — Matthew FitzSimmons

I have to stop watching the Olympics. It just reminds me that I forgot to try really hard at something. — Greg Fitzsimmons

There are three things you need to know about me before we go any farther. I'm the heiress to the Fitzsimmons' Vidalia onion empire and as southern as the day is long. (Now, you get the name, right?) I'll be thirty in less than two months, my curves have curves, I'm in love with the man of my dreams, and I have great hair (not conceited, just honest. Put away the claws.). And... I'm a vampire. (Not the biting kind. The cursed kind.) Any questions? — Julia Mills

Anyway, the trick is seeing what they're trying to hide. What are they trying to draw your eye away from? Figure that out, and you figure out the man. Or woman. But start with men, because they're easier. Women are more of a PhD thing. — Matthew FitzSimmons

It's an amazingly consistent thing with Irish people. We will talk to strangers at parties for hours. It's what we were bred to do I think. And the Jewish people were bred to write the stuff that we say. — Greg Fitzsimmons

The compulsion to do the opposite of what you are told does not lend itself to many occupations outside the entertainment industry. Within the industry, it is unlikely that you will be very successful without it. — Greg Fitzsimmons

I'm sure people are shocked when they see a guy speeding and cutting them off and having road rage while in a Prius. — Greg Fitzsimmons