Best Dumbass Quotes & Sayings

Horror fiction seems to spawn more dumbass 'rules' than any other kind of writing, and one of the dumbest is the assumed 'requirement' of a twist ending, going all the way back to H.H. Munro. This story is also the result of a long rumination on how stories are sometimes scuttled or diminished by succumbing to such 'rules'. — David J. Schow

A girl likes to be asked, dumbass. — Matthew Woodring Stover

Besides she's off birth control now. I don't want you guys naked within a hundred yards of her."
"Uh, how are we supposed to shower?"Trey asked.
Brian rolled his eyes in annoyance. "You can shower, dumbass. Just make sure you wear a condom." — Olivia Cunning

Even a desert hare will take a finger off the dumbass that tries to pet it. If the desert can make a bunny that angry, imagine what it does to the people. — Johnny Shaw

You need to give me some answers. Like, now. I'm done with this bullshit excuse that nothing is different about you." "Swearing isn't ladylike." He responds drily, like that's the only thing I just said. I roll my eyes at his old ways and say just to annoy him, "Bullshit. I'm not a lady which you should know by now, dumbass." I can't believe it, but he actually lifts a corner of his mouth in an almost smile. — Inda Herwood

Yeah, you are kind of a dumbass. — P.T. Dilloway

I suffer from a unique genetic condition. It's called Dumbass Syndrome and, unfortunately, there's no cure. — Ava Gray

I have pictures of my daughter, in the hospital, at three seconds, six seconds, nine seconds, and then fifteen seconds, 'cause dumbass couldn't get the camera ready fast enough. Yeah, ha ha ha. She wrote that in the photo album. — Christopher Titus

It was never you. Leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever done and I've regretted that decision every second since the moment I walked out. I've made a lot of dumbass mistakes in my life, but letting you go is the one I'd give anything to erase.
- Jason — Michelle McLean

Howie swore translated to "I am strong and mighty in the wind," but which Jazz feared actually translated to "Another dumbass white kid with Asian tats. LOL. — Barry Lyga

Some dumbass outside the reserve thinks you're wearing a butterfly on your arm, you'll get your ass kicked, Rafael said. — Rose Christo

So, was the crime lab a reward for almost being killed?'
'No, it was a reward for not being Bryce, — Beverly Connor

come and get it, you dumbass — Iris Johansen

Are you seriously having to ask why I won't date you?" She sounded so incredulous. "Would you like me to recite the list alphabetically?"
Actually, he did. "Let's hear it."
Not even a pause. "Asshat. Braggart. Cocky tied with chauvinist. Dumbass. Egotistical. Do I really need to go on? — Eve Langlais

I stared at her. "But she drugged us."
"That is no longer news, dumbass. Are you going to ask why she drugged you?"
"Allright," I said, narrowing my eyes. "Why?"
"Because, dear October, you're the most passively suicidal person I've ever met, and that's saying something. You'll never open your wrists, but you'll run headfirst into hell. You'll have good reasons. You'll have great reasons, even. And a part of you will be praying that you won't come out again. — Seanan McGuire

When he flashed that rockin' smile of his again, I couldn't help but think that me being cute was what might be crossing his mind. Then again, maybe he thought I was a dumbass. Either way, he smiled, which was good enough for me. - Ariel — Victoria H. Smith

You're not competing for him, dumbass. He's already yours. — Sarina Bowen

She set aside her crutches and quickly unbolted the door to open it.
"What took you so long?"
Her knee was bent and her ankle pulled up off the ground. She balanced against the doorjamb. "What d'you think, dumbass?" she retorted smartly, keeping her voice down so she wouldn't alert her parents. "You scared the crap out of me, by the way. My parents are already in bed, and I was all alone down here."
"Good!" he exclaimed as he reached in and grabbed her around the waist, dragging her up against him and wrapping his arms around her.
She giggled while he held her there, enjoying everything about the feel of him against her. "What are you doing here? I thought I wouldn't see you till tomorrow. — Kimberly Derting

Anyone who discounts you is a dumbass," I muttered as the golf cart jerked forward.
"And are you a dumbass?" the Pigeon inquired as she peeked under the tarp.
"Absolutely not ... I'm a smartass. — Robyn Peterman

I'll never let you go. Don't even think about running away. Don't give any other bastard so much as a passing glance. If you ever do that again, I'll really make sure to destroy you."
"I thought you said you'd let go of me, just a little while ago!"
"That was obviously bullshit, you dumbass! I was gonna lock you in a cage if you told to let you go. But, it all turned out for the best. Now we won't have to go through the pain in the ass of fighting over it. — Hajin Yoo

Simon had
been all lined up and he'd managed to throw away the best girl he'd ever meet.
"What a dumbass," Beck muttered. "No way I'd have done that. — Jana Oliver

Yo, dumbass. What do you think she'd be doing with them? Giving them ballet lessons? (Darling) Tell me again why I can't kill him? (Hauk) You're afraid of handling explosives. (Nykyrian) One day I'm going to get over that and when I do ... (Hauk) I'll wisely stop annoying you. (Darling) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

It was five o'clock when the stupid rooster started crowing relentlessly, robbing me of my sleep. The sun hadn't even risen yet. Dumbass bird should be on Prozac. — Alison Bliss

Kiriwar: "It doesn't matter. Bitro's gonna sew your eyebrows to your eyelids when we get back."
Gunzi: "Whaaat?! Then I won't be able to sleep!!"
Kiriwar: "That's the idea, dumbass. — Suguro Chayamachi

Hey, the pie is the other way, dumbass. — Eve Langlais

Ben starts. "I Spy with my little eye something I really like."
"Oh I know," Radar says. "It's the taste of balls."
"No."
"Is it the taste of penises?" I guess.
"No, dumbass."
"Hmm," says Radar. "Is it the smell of balls?"
"The texture of balls? — John Green

I don't speak Otter, ya dumbass. What are ya waitin' for? Get over here so we can get back to the rez. Unless I'm talkin' to a real otter, in which case I'm the dumbass and you can just stay over there. I — Kevin Hearne

I just shook hands with a naked goddess. What was that she called you? She-ya-han? Does that mean dumbass in Old Irish or something? — Kevin Hearne

That was Big Fucking Mistake Number Two.
Ten minutes later, he heard Zoe coughing on the monitor and realized that he'd forgotten to keep her upright after he'd fed her. He ran into her room and scooped her up just in time for her to throw up all over both of them, a full-out, volcanic-style heaving that spewed out of her mouth and nose. Which was doubly disconcerting because, (A) holy shit, no one had ever warned him that something so tiny and cute could puke like a drunken frat boy who'd just gorged on a double-stuffed burrito, and (B) now Zoe was hollering like a banshee-Who left the dumbass in charge of me? Help!- — Julie James

It's a kilt, dumbass. It's only a skirt if I'm wearing underwear. — Damon Suede

And because I was competing for world's biggest dumbass, I stayed out there, in the trees, stomach grumbling like a damn engine, and helped her carry in box after box without her even knowing. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

You really are a dumbass. — Stjepan Sejic

Trace," she prompted. "Would you like to tell our friends our exciting news?" Her expression indicated that she'd barely been able to not call him a dumbass for gaping at her like an idiot. "Of course I would." He turned and flashed his panty-dropping grin at the audience. "Our exciting news is that Kylie and I are expecting." The response was almost deafening. A hand smacked him hard in the chest. "We're expecting y'all to come see us on the road. Because tonight we're kicking off our The Other Side of Me tour," she clarified, practically shouting into the mic over the bedlam. He winked when she glared at him. — Caisey Quinn

Okay, dumbass. Perspective time," Gordon muttered as he ripped the greasy bag open. He would force himself to eat. He was not going to become an obsessed basketcase. He wasn't.

"First of all," he said, yanking the utensil drawer open." He is capable of murdering a huge juicer in the middle of the street and then disappearing with the body within seconds."

He removed one of the cartons and shoved his fork into the mound of noodles. "Two, he is probably a sociopath. Three, he thinks I'm a complete ballsack of a moron. — Santino Hassell