Best Calvin Hobbes Quotes & Sayings

Calvin: I'm a genius. I can't believe how smart I am.
... I've got more brains than I know what to do with.
Hobbes: So I've noticed. — Bill Watterson

County library? Reference desk, please. Hello? Yes, I need a word definition. Well, that's the problem. I don't know how to spell it and I'm not allowed to say it. Could you just rattle off all the swear words you know and I'll stop you when ... Hello? — Bill Watterson

Calvin: "I read this library book you got me."
Calvin's Mom: "What did you think of it?"
Calvin: "It really made me see things differently. It's given me a lot to think about."
Calvin's Mom: "I'm glad you enjoyed it."
Calvin: "It's complicating my life. Don't get me any more. — Bill Watterson

Mom says death is as natural as birth, and it's all part of the life cycle.
She says we don't really understand it, but there are many things we don't understand, and we just have to do the best we can with the knowledge we have.
I guess that makes sense. — Bill Watterson

I have all these great genes, but they're recessive. That's the problem here. — Bill Watterson

The best presents don't come in boxes. — Bill Watterson

It's gratifying to hear that from people who care about comic art. I never know what to make of it when someone writes to say, "Calvin and Hobbes is the best strip in the paper. I like it even more than Nancy." — Bill Watterson

Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him? — Bill Watterson

This is where dad burried the little raccoon.
I don't even know he existed a few days ago and now he's gone forever. It's like I found him for no reason. I had to say good-bye as soon as I said hello.
Still ... in a sad, awful, terrible way, I'm happy I met him.
What a stupid world. — Bill Watterson

I'm resolving to just wing it and see what happens. — Bill Watterson

How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food and beer conglomerates. Who'd have ever guessed product consumption, popular entertainment and spirituality would mix so harmoniously. It's a beautiful world, all right. — Bill Watterson

Calvin: Life's a lot more fun when you aren't responsible for your actions. — Bill Watterson

Every day of my life I have to add another name to the list of people who p*ss me off
Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes — Bill Watterson

You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don't help. — Bill Watterson

My book is called, Shut Up And Stop Whining: How To Do Something With Your Life Besides Think About Yourself. — Bill Watterson

I hope some historian will confirm that I was the first cartoonist to use the word 'booger' in a newspaper comic strip. — Bill Watterson

Calvin: Look, a dead bird!
Hobbes: It must've hit a window.
Calvin: Isn't it beautiful? It's so delicate. Sighhh ... once it's too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is. You realize that nature is ruthless and our existence is very fragile, temporary, and precious. But to go on with your daily affairs, you can't really think about that ... which is probably why everyone takes the world for granted and why we act so thoughtlessly. It's very confusing. I suppose it will all make sense when we grow up.
Hobbes: No doubt. — Bill Watterson

I'm a misunderstood genius."
"What's misunderstood?"
"Nobody thinks I'm a genius. — Bill Watterson

Calvin: Medically speaking:. That's love?!? ... Hobbes: Heck, that happened to me once, but I figured it was cooties!! — Bill Watterson

It's a funny world, Hobbes."
"True."
"But it's not a hilarious world. ... unless you like sick humour."
"The world is probably funnier to people who don't live here. — Bill Watterson

[Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.]
Calvin: Ha! I've got a great word and it's on a "Double word score" box!
Hobbes: "ZQFMGB" isn't a word! It doesn't even have a vowel!
Calvin: It is so a word! It's a worm found in New Guinea! Everyone knows that!
Hobbes: I'm looking it up.
Calvin: You do, and I'll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js!
Hobbes: What's your score for ZQFMGB?
Calvin: 957. — Bill Watterson

Oh lovely snowball, packed with care, smack a head that's unaware! Then with freezing ice to spare, melt and soak through underwear! Fly straight and true, hit hard and square! This, oh snowball, is my prayer. I only throw consecrated snowballs. — Bill Watterson

The best proof of extraterrestrial intelligence is that they haven't contacted us. — Bill Watterson

Today for show & tell, I've brought in some flash cards I made. Each card has a letter followed by several dashes. When I show the card, you yell out the vulgar, obscene or blasphemous word they stand for! ... Ready? ... She's such a hypocrite about building vocabulary. — Bill Watterson

Until you stalk and overrun, you cannot devour anyone.
-Hobbes — Bill Watterson

Calvin : There's no problem so awful, that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse. — Bill Watterson

It's only work if somebody makes you do it. — Bill Watterson

I've been thinking Hobbes"
"On a weekend?"
"Well, it wasn't on purpose — Bill Watterson

I'm leaking brain lubricant. — Bill Watterson

I never felt ostracized or made to feel strange by obsessing over 'The Onion' or 'Calvin and Hobbes.' That was considered completely normal. — Simon Rich

I hate Calvin and Hobbes. I think its a big re-hash of formula kid strips. — Bill Griffith

Barney's Dad was really bad so Barney hatched a plan
when his dad said "Eat your peas."
Barney shouted no and ran
Barney tricked his mean old dad and locked him in the cellar
Barney's Mom never found out where he'd gone,
Cause Barney didn't tell her.
There his dad spent his life eating mice and gruel
With every bite for fifty years
he was sorry he'd been cruel — Bill Watterson

Calvin and Hobbes are the only two characters from my childhood reading that I return to with any regularity, and they have grown with me, yielding newer and deeper meaning. — Anthony Marra

Calvin:"It says here that 'religion is the opiate of the masses.' ... what do you suppose that means?"
Television: " ... it means that Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet — Bill Watterson

Virtual reality has nothing on Calvin. — Bill Watterson

Scientific Progress goes boink? — Bill Watterson

It's hard to think of another body of work that is more universally beloved - I don't think I've ever met someone who has encountered 'Calvin and Hobbes' without falling for them. — Anthony Marra

You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!! — Bill Watterson