Ben Elton Stark Quotes & Sayings

I have a stand-up routine I do about masturbation and the unwanted thoughts that go through women's heads when they put their hands under their sheets. I need a story to think about. I need a fantasy that makes sense. I can't just finger myself and picture Johnny Depp's face. It needs a sense of realism, like how did I meet Johnny Depp? He lives in France. I don't have a work visa. Besides, he has children and I've made it quite clear that I don't want to be a mom and I don't want to be stepmom either. — Jen Kirkman

She and they were all the same under the skin, weren't they? — Michel Faber

A couple of nights ago I had an erotic dream about Edward Norton. — Susan Elizabeth Phillips

What I don't like about Guinevere is the fact that she can't control her passions and urges. She gets herself into quite a love triangle, and quite a web. Personally, I find that very difficult to relate to. But, it wouldn't be interesting, if she did everything right. — Tamsin Egerton

Apparently, my hopes, dreams and aspirations were no match against my poor spelling, punctuation and grammar. — Red Red Rover

Whoever does not miss the Soviet Union has no heart. Whoever wants it back has no brain. — Vladimir Putin

May the hair on his toes never fall out! all praise to his wine and ale! — J.R.R. Tolkien

The Duce will have Ethiopia, with or without the Ethiopians. — Rodolfo Graziani

Some problems cannot be cured through legislation. But they must be attended to nonetheless. And here's the problem: The less the culture attends to these things, the more the government will attend to them and the less freedom there will be. — Eric Metaxas

It's very rare that publications double their frequency. — James Daly