Beard Grooming Quotes & Sayings

I really try to spend as little time as possible on grooming. I think if you have a good moisturizer and a solid razor to clean up the beard, you're golden. — Chris Evans

Dammit, Billy. You had one job. One. Job.

I moved my glare to my brother. "May I have a word?"

"Now?" he asked, looking and sounding almost delighted. Of note, delighted for Billy was imperturbably stoic for everyone else.

"Yes. Now." I bared my teeth in a grin.

Billy's eyes moved between mine and I cursed his fastidious grooming. He'd taken extra care with the beard trimmer this afternoon. He also smelled like a profligate, cologne, and unrequited infatuation.

My older brother turned and whispered something into Jennifer's ear. I stiffened, barely restraining the urge to grab him by his shirt collar and yank him down the hall.

But I didn't. Instead I made a list of all his most treasured possessions for . . . reasons. — Penny Reid

I don't know what it is on an elemental level, but a beard in general evokes hedonism. It's a more lush personal grooming style. It's more comfortable and cozy; it's less sharp and angular and businesslike. I feel like a beard is more Hobbit-like, even though Hobbits themselves are clean-shaven. — Nick Offerman

Drelmere and sons, fine outfitters for the discerning magician!" he was shouting, his voice barely carrying over the hubbub. "Robes! Pointy hats! Beard grooming supplies! Yes, you sir, how can OH GOD HURRAAARRGLAB."
I waited patiently for him to finish decorating the pavement with his stomach contents. "Sorry," he said, bent double and gulping. Impressively, he immediately continued his sales pitch from that position. "Looking for a new robe?"
"Yes, this one's starting to whiff a bit."
"Yes, I ... gathered that, sir." He took a few deep, groaning breaths into a star-patterned hanky and seemed to gather himself.
"What sort of price range were you OH GOD YOUR EYES HURRAAARRGLAB."
I tapped my now bile-sodden foot. "Shall I come back later? — Yahtzee Croshaw

There's a reason caveman started to develop sophisticated tools before the meteor wiped them all out: It's so they could fucking shave. Do you know how frustrating it must have been to be hunched over all night trying to start a fire only to finally succeed just to have your beard go up in flames? No aloe vera back then. — Ari Gold