Baseball Umpires Quotes & Sayings

Age: I go slower as time goes faster. — Mason Cooley

There is certainly no hope left of getting away. And it isn't even terrible; it's possibly funny, if even that. It's embarrassing. That's all. A little embarrassing to realize that I no longer control my life, that the major decisions have already been made, long before I was conscious that any change was occurring. — Philip K. Dick

The major problem with the notion of transformation is that it forever hangs on to some form of self and never lets it go. It perpetuates the notion that self gets better and better, more and more divine, when in truth, the divine increases in proportion as the self decreases or falls away. The notion of a divinized self only increases or inflates the self; for those who buy into this notion, the journey may well end in total disillusionment. Offhand — Bernadette Roberts

I just loved officiating, and I hope what I did helped make it better. That's what I tell young umpires: you can have fun. I never spent a day where going out on a baseball field didn't make me feel better. — Doug Harvey

Almost without exception, they are men who dreamed of athletic heroism as children; becoming umpires was their compromise with their own lack of talent. — Thomas Boswell

A good umpire, like a good FBI agent, is never noticed if he is doing his job. — Thomas Boswell

On days like this, baseball would make Michael as happy as it ever did. No umpires. No coaches. No rules except the ones you made up. — Mike Lupica

The differential diagnosis of catatonia According to an old story, there are three different types of baseball umpires. The first says: "I call them lballs and strikes] as they are"; the second says: "I call them as I see them"; and the third says: "What I call them is what they become. — Max Fink

I'd get me a bunch of bats and balls and sneak me a couple of umpires and learn them kids behind the Iron Curtain how to tote a bat and play baseball. — Dizzy Dean

Rupert Clockenwall seemed to have been too bland a soul to come back from the grave on a haunt. — Dean Koontz

Those amateur umpires are certainly flexing their fangs tonight. — Jerry Coleman

She'll be evaluated like any other Double-A umpire. Major League Baseball has never attempted to influence our decision — Mike Fitzpatrick

Now, I have to tell you, this reminds me of a story. Actually, it's an old baseball story. You see, one day, old Lucifer down there from his headquarters called St. Peter in Heaven, said they wanted to challenge him to a baseball game. And St. Peter said, "Sure, let's play. But to be fair, I have to tell you all the great ones are up here. We've got Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Satchel Paige, Roberto Clemente. We've got all the best players, and our manager is the legendary Connie Mack. You won't have a chance." Well, old Lucifer says, "That doesn't matter, we'll win anyway." And St. Peter says, "How do you expect to do that?" "Well," he says, "simple, we've got all the umpires." Luncheon for Representative Connie Mack Miami, Florida June 29, 1988 — Malcolm Kushner

The greatness of our God lies in the fact that [He] is both tough minded and tender hearted ... [God] expresses [His] tough mindedness in [His] justice and wrath and [His] tenderheartedness in [His] love and grace ... On the one hand, God is a God of justice who punished Israel for her wayward deeds, and on the other hand, [He] is a forgiving father whose heart was filled with unutterable joy when the prodigal son returned home. — Martin Luther King Jr.

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking. — Bill Vaughan

Never wear a backward baseball cap to an interview unless applying for the job of umpire. — Casey Stengel

I'd love to stay in baseball, but I won't beg. I'd love to work with young umpires. I think I could teach them, help them develop. I can spot flaws, help them get over the hump. You're striving for perfection every game, yet you never achieve it. If baseball wants me, I'm available. — Doug Harvey

Indeed, we may go further and assert that anyone who does not delight in fine actions is not even a good man. — Aristotle.

Industry need not wish. — Benjamin Franklin

Ironically, white America will catapult books about race to the top of the best-seller list, even as racism remains a national open wound. Obsession ain't solution, however, because reading even at its most intense and verisimilitudinous is vicarious, and once you close the book you're off the hook. — Marita Golden

If our republican form of government is perishing because communications - the infrastructure of that republic - is under the yoke of international business how, at last, do we save it? We must build a confrontational movement to reclaim our democracy, a movement committed to active and sustained protest against the present order. — Mark Lloyd

When in doubt, make a western. — John Ford

America overflows with specious 'victims' demanding redress for spurious grievances. However, one genuinely oppressed minority is getting overdue relief. Beginning with spring training in Arizona and Florida, Major League Baseball, taking pity on traumatized pitchers, is directing umpires to enforce the strike zone as defined in the rulebook. What a concept. — George Will

The trials of life are sent to make us, not to break us. — Lettie B. Cowman

It's still easier to take a blow from outside than it is to be disgusted with myself for not taking a stand. I don't know how people can live and not fight back but apparently millions do. They must hate themselves. — Rita Mae Brown

A good umpire is the umpire you don't even notice — Ban Johnson

They are supposed to be dispassionate dispensers of Pure Justice, icy islands of emotionless calculation. In short, umpires should be acute Republicans. — George Will

In the end, we learn about the most basic philosophical questions - like "How to live?" - from a broad mixture of sources, including literature and philosophy, history and anthropology. These sources can guide our reflections on our own experiences, as we explore and reconsider. Mann contributed to such explorations in a distinctive way, and I hope my book brings that out. — Philip Kitcher

All tours are filled with humiliation. My publisher once hired a private jet to fly me to a venue where 1,000 people were waiting. It almost bankrupted him. — Alain De Botton

I've never questioned the integrity of an umpire. Their eyesight, yes. — Leo Durocher