Barnholdt Quotes & Sayings

[at the hospital]
"What do you think's taking them so long?"[ ... ]
"Well," I say "They obviously don't think it's a big deal or they would have carted you right back here."
"Or," Lacey says, "they probably know I'm going to die and so they're leaving me out here because they need to help the people who actually have a chance."
"Lacey," I say. "Did you see them bringing in the guys who was bleeding profusely from the head?"
"Yes," she says.
"If that guy has a chance, then you definitely do. — Lauren Barnholdt

The secret to a great ice cream, is crunch coat."[ ... ]
I look at him, aghast. "Crunch coat? Oh, Noah darling, you are so wrong. Everyone knows you ruin ice cream by putting crunch coat on it,"
"Crunch coat," Noah says, "is delicious. And besides, I'm supposed to be taking advice from you?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You listen to Lady Gaga. — Lauren Barnholdt

But now I'm thinking that wanting to end up with a great storyteller might have been a bad idea. Because girls who can tell great stories are also great liars. — Lauren Barnholdt

I hate that about guys. At least girls have the decency to be fake and pretend everything's okay when shit gets weird. Whenever guys get upset, they get all angry and scary — Lauren Barnholdt

Jesus, Ally, you're living with a stripper?"
"She decided not to do it. She got a job at Hooters instead."
"Oh, well, in that case, I feel much better," he says sarcastically. — Lauren Barnholdt

A) he's late.
b) he's acting like an asshole and blowing me off.
c)he's gotten into a horrible car crash that's left dead.
The most likely answer is A. (We went to prom together, and the limo had to wait in his driveway for half an hour. At the end of the night, we got charged for an extra hour. He- read: his parents- paid for it, but still.) — Lauren Barnholdt

I have a heart!"
"No, you don't."
"Yes, I do," he says. "Look, I'll prove it to you." He reaches into the tub and wraps his arms around Hector, suds and all. "Oooh," he says in a baby voice. "Ooooh, Hector, you're such a good boy, oooh, I love you, Hector."
Hector's tail immediately starts wagging, and he pushes his snout into Jace's face and starts licking it. "Oh, Hector, you're so sweet," Jace says. "You're just the best dog."
Hector moves and Jace's elbows slip, causing Jace's whole upper body to slide over the side and into the tub. For a second, everyone freezes. I'm afraid Jace is going to be mad, since now he's soaking wet, but instead he just says, "Oooh, Hector, that's okay," and then slides his whole body into the tub, clothes and all.
Hector gives a happy bark, glad to have a friend with him, and then plants his front paws on Jace's chest. — Lauren Barnholdt

Sometimes people do things that are complicated. For complicated reasons. — Lauren Barnholdt

Because sometimes when someone is telling you something really important, it's best to just let there be silence, to really think about what they're saying. A lot of times people think they have to say something all insightful or wise or something to try and make the person feel better. But really, sometimes silence is best. — Lauren Barnholdt

Anyone who is as good-looking as Jace is usually completely out of touch with reality. It's like they think their looks give them the right to just go around saying whatever they want to say, and doing whatever they want to do. As if the fact that they're six foot two and broad-shouldered with dark hair and gorgeous deep-blue eyes gives them the right to get away with anything. — Lauren Barnholdt

POSSIBLE OPENERS AFTER YOU'VE GOTTEN DRUNK AND SLEPT IN YOUR GUY ROOMMATE'S BED (A LIST):
1. Hey, Drew, thanks for letting me sleep in your bed. I hope I didn't puke all over your sheets.
2. What do you mean? I slept in your bed? Really? I don't remember any of it, I was so wasted.
3. Thanks for not trying to molest me. — Lauren Barnholdt

Fresh, fun and oh-so-romantic, WILD HEARTS had me galloping through the pages. I absolutely loved it. — Lauren Barnholdt

I'm too quiet. But I'm really not quiet. I just tend to come across that way to new people because I don't like to talk first. — Lauren Barnholdt

I wanted to say I'm sorry. It doesn't make it right, it just ... makes it what it is.
The bell rings then, and I turn around in my seat, thinking I agree with her, that it is just what it is. And not just the situation with Sebastian. But still wish I knew how I could make it right. How I could make everything right. — Lauren Barnholdt

The thing about me and books is that whichever one I'm reading always reminds me of whatever's happening in my life during that time. — Lauren Barnholdt

Oh, geez." Noah feigns that I've shot an arrow into his cchcest and falls on the ground. "You're killing mme, Hannah, you're killllllinnngg mmmmee. — Lauren Barnholdt

You don;t believe me?" He sound wounded, like the thought of me not believing him makes him incredibly sad.
"No."
"Then come with me," he says. He unfolds his long legs and stands up. "To Cooley's. You'll see they just posted the schedule. If I'm lying, I'll buy you a chocolate shake."
"And If you're not?"
"Then I'll still buy you a chocolate shake." He grins at me. — Lauren Barnholdt

I am at the hospital waiting for my friend with Noah. Which is a very couple-like thing to do. All you have to do is watch any teen drama - anytime one of the characters is close to death and/or in a coma, the boyfriend/girlfriend teams always end up at the hospital together.
We are eating together. (Another coupley thing to do.)
We are talking about my best friend, his girlfriend, and their secret problems that she somehow neglected to tell me. Which means that Noah is the one telling me secrets that even my best friend won't.
I like it. All of it. Being here, eating food, telling secrets, everything — Lauren Barnholdt

Parents don't get that, though. They don't understand about the fragility of teen friendships. They don't understand how easy it is for things to break apart, how someone you thought would be by your side forever can just disappear, or turn on you, or decide she likes someone more than she likes you. Parents always talk about romantic relationships being so ephemeral and fleeting in high school. What they don't get is that friendships can be the same way. — Lauren Barnholdt

If there's one thing I've realized, it's that you have to be honest. Even if you're scared, even if you're worried that you're going to get your heart stomped on, even if you think that the truth is going to ruin everything, you have to put it out there. Because otherwise, you're fucked. — Lauren Barnholdt

I prefer to subscribe to that whole, "everything happens for a reason" theory, mostly because the alternative is too disturbing to think about. — Lauren Barnholdt

I couldn't tell you how I felt before talking to Ava, and I felt like I couldn't talk to Ava until she got back. But then last night, there you where, and you looked so beautiful, and I couldn't stop myself anymore. But I shouldn't have done it, I should have stopped it, I should have put you first. I was trying to do the right thing, but all I did was fuck everything up. With you, with Ava, with your friendship ... — Lauren Barnholdt

I look around for someplace to sit, but of course there's nowhere. It's the bathroom in the math wing, not the bathroom in Blair Waldorf's house. — Lauren Barnholdt

Listen, I'm sorry to bother you when you're obviously busy with, uh, important things, " B. J. Says. He sounds sarcastic. "But you remember a few months ago, when we scored that pot for Brian Turner?"
"Sort of, " I say, wondering if it would be going too far to call B. J. "pookie" or "schmooper. " I want Courtney to be jealous, but I also don't want her thinking I'm a pussy. Which is really fucked up, since, you know, I'm the one that broke up with her. — Lauren Barnholdt

Brooke Wilkins?" I ask [ ... ]
"She's this really annoying girl from Cali who, like, constantly talks about all the girls she's hooked up with. It's just so freshman year, you know?"
"What is?"
"Bragging about how you've hooked up with girls."
"We never did that."
"No, but everyone else did. Remember Sonya Fullmer?"
"Oh, right," I say. "She was always kissing girls to get guys interested in her."
"I remember her," Noah says, grinning.
"Figures," Ava says. — Lauren Barnholdt

So what now?"
[ ... ]
"Now," he says. "We figure it out together. — Lauren Barnholdt

The first day of school is bullshit — Lauren Barnholdt

People come and go, in and out of each other's lives like it's nothing. So I don't know how/why this should be a big deal. — Lauren Barnholdt

Honey mustard is obviously not good for my mental state. — Lauren Barnholdt

I do it because I can. — Lauren Barnholdt

Jesus. Who does he think he is? He's always out partying and drinking with his friends. I do it once and all of a sudden I'm a candidate for AA. — Lauren Barnholdt

Emotional attachments are messy. They end with broken hearts and stalking. — Lauren Barnholdt

a road trip with her ex? danger ahead... — Lauren Barnholdt

I kind of like that she gave me a little bit of attitude. I mean, she's obviously super apologetic and she knows it's a horrible situation, and she's definitely nervous I might flip the fuck out on her, but she doesn't seem embarrassed. It's more like she thinks shit happens, and I should deal with it. I can respect that. — Lauren Barnholdt

But it's that fucking dress she's wearing. It's low-cut and tight and just ... Jesus. Why would she wear a dress like that? Is she doing it just to torture me? I like the idea that maybe she had me in mind when she picked it out. Of course, she might be wearing it because she wants to get attention from other guys.
I look around the wedding suspiciously, trying to see if anyone is looking at her. I don't want to have to punch someone out, but i'll do it if I have to. — Lauren Barnholdt

Sebastian notices the girl too, so he opens up his binder to a fresh sheet of paper, then takes out a pen and writes, I still really miss you. — Lauren Barnholdt

Obviously I cannot — Lauren Barnholdt

Does he know that I called him three times and hung up right after we broke up? (I totally *67'd my number to block it, but with technology these days, you never know when someone's going to invent a way to get around that. Nothing's private anymore, you know?) — Lauren Barnholdt

When people start liking people, that's when someone has the ability to get hurt. — Lauren Barnholdt

It might be a little bit crazy, even. Like, for real crazy. Not just 'oh isn't that charming and endearing' crazy but 'wow that might be a deep-seated psychological issue' crazy. — Lauren Barnholdt

He takes a chicken tender and dunks it into the honey mustard. Something about that makes me sad. Because all the little things about him, like the way he loves honey mustard and the way he always forgets the cheese on my burger, aren't mine anymore. It's weird that everything can be the same, that he can go on liking honey mustard, and yet everything is different. — Lauren Barnholdt

Do you think anyone found out about that?" B. J. Asks, sounding nervous.
"Found out about what?" I ask, trying to imagine why I would say that to my fake girlfriend. Maybe if she asked "Do you think anyone found out about that?" meaning, "Do you think anyone found out about us having sex in my parents' bed?" or something. I hope Courtney is smart enough to infer that that's what is probably going on. I wonder if it would be going too far to actually come out and say, "You mean about the doggie-style we had?"
"Found out about the pot we bought!" B. J. Says, sounding exasperated. He's been sounding exasperated with me a lot lately. — Lauren Barnholdt

Replace the old memory with a potentially crappier new one? No thank you. — Lauren Barnholdt

You're still riding home with me right? He asks Courtney watching me at the corner of his eye. What's with this guy? he looks like he's about one second from taking a baseballbat to my knees. Or wanting to. I wonder if this is how serial killers start out. Wasn't Unabomber really goos at math? — Lauren Barnholdt

Usually the hard stuff you're forced to do makes you learn a lot. — Lauren Barnholdt

Jordan, Attached, please find a copy of the schedule for our trip. Best Courtney.
I was really proud of it. The email i mean. Because it was so short and cold.Of course, it took me and my friend Jocelyn about two hours to come up with the perfect wording, but Jordan doesn't know that. — Lauren Barnholdt

Everyone know that you should never wreck your life for a boy, and especially not one that you meet while you're in high school. Seriously, everyone knows it. You never hear someone say, Oh, wow, you're seventeen and you really like him? That's great, you should do whatever it takes to get him, even if it means wrecking your whole like. — Lauren Barnholdt

I stare at him in awe. "That was an amazing amount of distillation."
"Yeah, well, I'm an amazing distiller. — Lauren Barnholdt

I traded being heartbroken over one guys for being completely heartbroken over another. And I didn't even get to have any fun in between. No relationship, no sex, not even a good makeout session. — Lauren Barnholdt

- Dude, it's Jocelyn, I (Jordan) say looking over my shoulder nervously [ ... ]
- This isn't Jocelyn, B.J says sighing. It's Jordan. Dude, try to play a better trick than that. You sound nothing like her. Plus your number came up on my caller ID.
PS: maybe I'm just in a very good mood, but I keep laughing while reading this book, there are plenty of scenes that make me smile, and this is one of them.. it's just hilarious how silly and funny these characters are ;)) — Lauren Barnholdt

I'm guessing I'm your fake girlfriend?" B. J. Asks, sighing. It's a miracle that he figured it out. He's not usually the best with things that aren't spelled out for him.
"Of course, sweetie, " I say. I try not to think about the fact that I'm talking to B. J. Like we're in love. B. J. Is six-foot-four and 220 pounds. Not someone you want to think about being intimate with. — Lauren Barnholdt

Hello?" I say, sounding upbeat, and like I'm happy to be on the phone. I decide to pretend it's my imaginary girlfriend. Fuck pretending to be nice.
"Yo, " B. J. Says.
"What's going on, honey?" I say, trying to glance at Courtney out of the corner of my eye without her noticing that that's what I'm doing. She's going through her bag, probably looking for more makeup, so she can make herself look good for Lloyd.
"Honey?" B. J. Asks. "Jordy, I had no idea you felt that way about me. I have to warn you, though, I happen to be in a very committed relationship. "
"Yeah, I miss you, too. — Lauren Barnholdt

You can't bring a duffel bag that says 'I Heart Cheese' on it, that's just offensive. — Lauren Barnholdt

Everyone's fake in certain situations. It's like when you go for a job interview and they ask you, "What would you do if you found one of your friends at work stealing?" and, let's face it, no one's going to tell on their friend. But of course you have to say, "I would tell IMMEDIATELY, because I don't think I could work in that kind of environment, it's not good for my morale." No one wants to look like an idiot. — Lauren Barnholdt

That chick is certifiably out of her fucking tree. -Isaac — Lauren Barnholdt

Hannah. He looks at me, the same way he looked at me last night in the diner, with longing and sadness, and it's like everything I'm feeling I can see in his eyes. I want to kiss him so bad it hurts, but I know I can't. So instead, I tear my gaze from his and look down at the ground. — Lauren Barnholdt

One large soy latte." [ ... ]
"You mean a Venti," [ ... ]
"What?" I ask
"A Venti," he says. " that's what we call larger here. You know that Hannah."
"Well, whatever," I say, my bad mood deepening. "Whatever you call them, that's what I want." They should just call them larger. How stupid. — Lauren Barnholdt

Okay," Cooper says agreeably. "But what if you and Nigel fall in love, and Nigel and I become BFFs, and then you guys get married, and Nigel wants me to be the best man, and you and I have to talk about the wedding plans?"
"That would never happen, because since Nigel would be so in love with me, he would have dumped you as a BFF as soon as we got engaged and/or told you you were not allowed to be best man at our wedding, per my wishes."
"Yes, but - "
"Wait a minute," I say. "Did you just say 'BFF'?"
"Yes," he says. He looks at me and shrugs. "I've been watching a lot of Disney Channel. — Lauren Barnholdt

You are definitely not a slut," Jasmine says, putting her arms around her. "Having sex with a guy you like does not make you a slut. Now if you start having sex with every guy you like, then we'll reclassify you according to level of skankiness. — Lauren Barnholdt

She wrinkles up her nose. "It's ten o'clock in the morning."
"So? It's never too early for chocolate. — Lauren Barnholdt

Last year I kissed this freshman girl at a pool party and she wouldn't get off my nuts for six months. Which is why my policy is now no psychotics, and no freshmen. The freshmen thing is obviously easy to avoid, while the psychotics pose a bit more of a problem. It's not like girls walk around with "I'm crazy" stamped on their chests. — Lauren Barnholdt

Guys will do anything they can to make you think they're with you, and then they will run off and hook up with whoever and whatever they can get their hands on. — Lauren Barnholdt

Because she left him a MySpace message that was semi-flirty, and then today he was very vague about what he was doing. So I headed over to his house and waited outside until he left. And now he's at McDonald's, and I'm following him to see where else he's going. MySpace is seriously going to be responsible for everyone losing their minds. — Lauren Barnholdt

Who ends up with their first real boyfriend? Yeah, no one.
- Courtney — Lauren Barnholdt

I put my own feelings before what was right for you, for us. And I shouldn't have done that. Seriously, I fucked it all up. — Lauren Barnholdt

And Hannah?" he says. "Don't beat yourself up too much. You know, about the whole Noah thing. Sometimes it happens. — Lauren Barnholdt

You can do this. You are invincible; nothing can rattle you. You have nerves of steel; you are a confident, strong woman; you- — Lauren Barnholdt

It's wrecked, our relationship is smashed, and we don't have to pretend anymore. — Lauren Barnholdt

I am freaked out, Jace. I'm freaked out because for some reason, I can't stop thinking about you. I can't stop thinking about how it feels to kiss you, about how happy I was when we were going to be together, about how even though I feel like I should hate you, my heart knows that I don't. — Lauren Barnholdt

Not for the first time, I wonder what it would feel like that, to be so beautiful that you don't even realize people are watching you, to be so confident that you don't even have to worry about being nervous or feeling self-conscious. I've spent what seems like my whole life trying to pretend I'm that way. What would it be like to have it just come naturally? — Lauren Barnholdt

You don't know what you're talking about," he says. "And you shouldn't talk about things you know nothing about. — Lauren Barnholdt

ThisI'm so over him. This is me, being over him. La,la,la. — Lauren Barnholdt

You have to gooo," Lacey says.
"She doesn't have to," Noah says. "If she can't handle it, she can't handle it. — Lauren Barnholdt

Manipulating situations is one thing, but lying is another. My theory (especially with girls) is that if you don't lie, you can't be held responsible for anything bad that goes down. — Lauren Barnholdt

I just have a hard time with small talk. My friend Jocelyn says I'm too quiet. But I'm really not quiet. I just tend to come across that way to new people because I don't like to talk first. What if the other person doesn't want to be bothered? — Lauren Barnholdt

And that's when I realize the thing about the truth. It always comes out, no matter what you do. — Lauren Barnholdt

When I got to the house about an hour ago, James took one look at me and said, "Damn, girl, your parents put out some good product." I think it was a compliment, but I'm not quite sure. — Lauren Barnholdt

Because the truth is, I wouldn't care if she lied to me, except for the fact that I love her. And once you love someone, you can't really put up with them lying to you. It just doesn't work. It makes things into a big mess. — Lauren Barnholdt

You're not eating the cheese, Frank says accusingly. And you're fucking my mom, I want to say back. — Lauren Barnholdt

Silence. At this point, I expected Corey to say something like, "Jen? I don't know. Jen who?" or "Jen? I have a cousin named Jen, I think, who goes to Georgia Tech," or "Jen? Like Jen Aniston?" or something that basically shows he has no clue what I'm talking about. But silence is not good. Silence is almost as good as saying, "Oh, Jen. She's just one of those tanned strumpets you've been imagining that I'm out clubbing with every night. Only she's not imaginary after all. The only part you got wrong was her name. — Lauren Barnholdt

You have to give respect to get respect. — Lauren Barnholdt

When someone tells you who they are, you need to believe them. — Lauren Barnholdt

In my mind, I still think of him as being a cheater. Otherwise he just met some girl he liked better, and it's not as dramatic. — Lauren Barnholdt

What if you didn't have time to draw them on one day? Or what if it rained and your eyebrows started dripping off? Hopefully her eye pencil is waterproof. — Lauren Barnholdt

No, you're not, Marissa says. You were just the victim of the blatant misogynistic and ridiculous hierarchy that is high school in contemporary society. You have to take the power back. — Lauren Barnholdt

No matter how much you tell yourself your over someone, your heart knows the truth — Lauren Barnholdt

But we're not sleeping," he points out.
"well, I would be," I say, "if you would let me off the phone." Which is obviously a lie.
"Fine," he says.
"Fine," I say.
"Wait!"
"What now?!"
"Court?"
I don't say anything.
"Are you there?"
"Yes, I'm here," I say, "What is it?"
"I love you." And then he hangs up the phone. — Lauren Barnholdt

Something passes between us that I'm pretty sure both of us can feel, even though neither one of us says anything. It's not even any kind of attraction, even though I've been feeling that on and off all night. This is something different.
We have a secret now. A secret from Ava. — Lauren Barnholdt

Everyone knows that you should never wreck your life for a boy, and especially not one that you meet while you're in high school. — Lauren Barnholdt

An asshole who sometimes pretends to be nice totally has the ability to suck you back in, making you think that you had him all wrong. — Lauren Barnholdt

The thing about loving someone, is that yelling at them only feels good while you're doing it
as soon as they're gone, all you want to do is take it all back — Lauren Barnholdt

I remember how Sebastian and I met in study hall, how the first time I saw him he was reading Pride and Prejudice, and how I thought that was really sexy. Of course, I would come to find later that it was the only book he'd read, like, ever, and the only reason he was reading it was to impress some college girl he'd met at a party the weekend before. That should have been a sign that maybe he and I weren't going to be the best match. — Lauren Barnholdt

The firs day of high school is bullshit anyways. It's supposed to be about new beginnings, but really all it does is wreck your life. And set you up for failure. And make you realize everything is completely and totally fucked. — Lauren Barnholdt

You want people to take it seriously, but most people are still going to act like it's just some dumb thing you're doing and ask you about it in the way people do when they don't think you're ever going to finish what you started. — Lauren Barnholdt

I mean, scamming on guys on the Internet? I thought that was only for forty-year-old divorcees who Photoshop their pictures in an effort to appear younger and thinner. — Lauren Barnholdt

Look, do you want to come in? Because for someone who's not talking to me, you certainly seem to have a lot to say. — Lauren Barnholdt

Maybe it's our bodies' way of telling us we were meant to be. Or maybe I, like, cuddle raped him or something. — Lauren Barnholdt

And then I get it. The 318s have somehow decided to make me do the things that are in my notebook. All the things I'm afraid of. The things I've been writing since the seventh grade. And if I don't, they're going to post the book on the internet, and everyone at school, no, everyone with an internet connection, will know all my secrets. For a second, it feels like my throat swallows up my heart and my breath catches in my throat. There's only one thing left to do. I put my head in my hands and start to cry. — Lauren Barnholdt

You should never start thinking about 'what might have been,' and you should also never start thinking about another boy when you're heartbroken over someone else. — Lauren Barnholdt

Everything I have is dirty, but I'm sure I can figure something. Maybe I can make a dress out of a garbage bag. Lady Gaga wore that meat dress to the VMA's, so I should be able to dress in a garbage bag. I'll get black ones, to symbolize my current state of mind. Like performance art of something. — Lauren Barnholdt