Quotes & Sayings About Baloney

You're baloney without the mayo. — Frank Zappa

People say, on the raft, you must have hallucinated. Baloney. We were sharper after 47 days than the day we started because our minds were empty of all the war and contamination; we had clean minds to fill with good thoughts. Every day we'd exercise our minds. — Louis Zamperini

Part of the success of the tobacco industry in purveying this brew of addictive poisons can be attributed to widespread unfamiliarity with baloney detection, critical thinking, and the scientific method. Gullibility kills. — Carl Sagan

It's like you always have to put on a happy face, be the phony baloney, and I'm so not that. I never was that; I'll never be that. That is part of the business that I don't like. Maybe that will always keep me an outsider, I don't know. But that's fine. — Chloe Sevigny

The vast majority of you are going to close this tab without, even for a single moment, entertaining the thought of writing something.

Step outside your comfort zone and try something new. Learning the fine rationalist art of CoZE (comfort zone expansion) is a really important life skill, and putting your writing online is a low-risk way to do that. Don't try to cop out with "I don't have any stories." Baloney. Everyone has stories; write up a memory that's important to you. And don't even try to tell me, "Oh, but I don't know how to write!" Neither did I when I started; I learned by doing. So please, set the excuses aside, put something up on the web, and share it with the rest of us. When you do, drop me a PM; I'll leave you your first review, but you have to publish something first.

Well? What are you waiting for? Seriously. Go write one sentence of a new story, write now. — David K. Storrs

SOUTH RICHMOND was a neighborhood of mouse holes, lace curtains, Sears catalogs, measles epidemics, baloney sandwiches - and men who knew more about the carburetor than they knew about the clitoris. — Tom Robbins

Obama not only falsely represented the Republican position - as usual - he shamelessly pretended that he was The One 'fighting so hard to cut middle-class taxes.' Baloney! — Bob Beauprez

People comment today that we shouldn't focus on money so much but rather think of our fellow people who are less fortunate. So much baloney. — Ziad K. Abdelnour

Music is so strong, so powerful, and such an amazing tool and bands that don't take that into account and feel that they are not responsible for their message is a bunch of baloney. — Michael Sweet

I never liked the Oscars. They didn't do too much for me at all. I felt like a big, vulnerable hunk of baloney being used to sell some products. — Nick Nolte

Why do you doubt your senses and your soul?'
'Because,' said Scrooge, 'a little thing affects either of them. A slight disorder of the stomach or the mind makes them cheats. You could be an undigested bit of Baloney paired with my lecture notes, or a fragment of an underdone Egg McMuffin joined to my deep childhood fears. I think it must be the first, since there's more Baloney than Biblical about you, whatever you are! — Ashley Elizabeth Tetzlaff

If there's anything I like better than honey and ketchup, it's baloney and whipped cream
and we haven't got any! — Moe Howard

Nikhilananda's birthday. Maybe we'd Morris dance, naked, around the base of an old-growth California redwood, its branches lavishly festooned with the soiled hammocks and poop buckets of crunchy-granola tree sitters mentoring spotted owls in passive-resistance protest techniques. You get the picture. In place of Santa Claus, my mom and dad said Maya Angelou kept tabs on whether little children were naughty or nice. Dr. Angelou, they warned me, did her accounting on a long hemp scroll of names, and if I failed to turn my compost I'd be sent to bed with no algae. Me, I just wanted to know that someone wise and carbon neutral - Dr. Maya or Shirley Chisholm or Sean Penn - was paying attention. But none of that was really Christmas. And none of that Earth First! baloney helps out once you're dead and you discover that the snake-handling, — Chuck Palahniuk

In Hollywood, you can't say anything bad about anybody or everyone is going to attack you. It's like you always have to put on a happy face, be the phony baloney, and I'm so not that. I never was that; I'll never be that. That is part of the business that I don't like. — Chloe Sevigny

Everything will be fine. I've heard that my whole life. Everything will be fine. That's baloney. — Dan Groat

You can never capture a person in picture, never. You might get an interesting expression or gesture. I almost never research a picture subject ahead of time. I think Karsh is full of baloney. Can you imagine spending a whole week out in La Jolla with Jonas Salk soaking up his ambiance, then wind up making him look as if he's in the studio in Ottawa with his thumb under his chin? — Duane Michals

Trying to get today's Republicans to accept basic facts is like trying to get your dog to take a pill. You have to feed them the truth wrapped in a piece of baloney, hold their snouts shut and stroke their throats. and even then, just when you think they've swallowed it, they spit it out on the linoleum. — Bill Maher

I got worries by the ton, getting cancer's only one. Over taxed and alimonied, tired of eating fried baloney. — Neil Diamond

Can we drop a little bit of the pious baloney? The fact is, you ran in '94 and lost. That's why you weren't serving in the Senate with Rick Santorum. The fact is, you had a very bad re-election rating, you dropped out of office, you had been out of state for something like 200 days preparing to run for president. You didn't have this interlude of citizenship while you thought about what you do. You were running for president while you were governor. — Newt Gingrich

Baloney is flattery laid on so thick it cannot be true, and blarney is flattery so thin we love it. — Fulton J. Sheen

Hollywood is ten million dollars worth of intricate and high ingenious machinery functioning elaborately to put skin on baloney. — George Jean Nathan

Right, I breast feed baby camels in my backyard just for the freaking fun of it. Just tell me where you live, Pinocchio, and save the baloney for lunch. — David Sedaris

No matter how thin you slice it, it's still baloney. — Al Smith

There's so much myth and baloney. Like a 80-year-old man able to manhandle a 300-pounder with his little finger. Ridiculous. Or this matter of breaking bricks and boards wth the edge of your hand. Now I ask you, did you ever see a brick or a board pick a fight with anybody? — Bruce Lee

The notion that the maternal wish and the activity of mothering are instinctive or biologically predestined is baloney. — Betty Rollin

The perception of him as brooding and dark and miserable, that is baloney. Kurt Cobain was a funny dude. — Krist Novoselic

A party is like a sausage machine, it grinds up all sorts of heads together into the same baloney ... — Henrik Ibsen

Why does baloney avoid the grinder? — William F. Buckley Jr.

I learned years later that my gratitude practice actually helped me form new neural pathways. The hippie rituals of positive affirmations are not just baloney. Gratitude doesn't exist only in your mind - you have to feel it in your whole being. Feelings are the shadows of thoughts. When we have negative thoughts, our emotions mirror them with anxiety. You can often see what you are thinking by reverse engineering and studying your feelings. — Jewel

My son never eats baloney. He says the stuff in baloney will kill you. I say when? I've got cataracts, high blood pressure, enlarged prostate, skin cancer, hemorrhoids, an artificial hip, false teeth, and gas. Every day I take eleven different pills and a stool softener. And now I'm supposed to worry about baloney. — Janet Evanovich

Hey, I didn't know you didn't like baloney."
I went cold. "I don't like it. I never liked it."
Soda just looked at me. "You used to eat it. That's why you wouldn't eat anything while you were sick. You kept saying you didn't like baloney, no matter what it was we were trying to get you to eat."
"I don't like it," I repeated. — S.E. Hinton

Briefly stated, the Gell-Mann Amnesia effect is as follows. You open the newspaper to an article on some subject you know well. In Murray's case, physics. In mine, show business. You read the article and see the journalist has absolutely no understanding of either the facts or the issues. Often, the article is so wrong it actually presents the story backward - reversing cause and effect. I call these the "wet streets cause rain" stories. Paper's full of them.
In any case, you read with exasperation or amusement the multiple errors in a story, and then turn the page to national or international affairs, and read as if the rest of the newspaper was somehow more accurate about Palestine than the baloney you just read. You turn the page, and forget what you know. — Michael Crichton

One thing I learned about Gordon Brown is you've got to have the strength to just get in there and take him on. When you first hear him spouting his statistics and boasting about his record, it can be quite intimidating. But over time, shadowing him, I just realised that a lot of it was rubbish; a lot of it was baloney. — George Osborne

Please don't grow up to be one of those men who lie for the sport of it, and most men do. That's a fact. That's why the world is so messed up, Noah. That's why history books are full of so much heartache, and tragedy. Politicians, dictators, kings, phoney-baloney preachers-most of 'em are men, and most of 'em lie like rugs — Carl Hiaasen

In fact a lot of them I think are absolute baloney. Those Charles Olsens and people like that. At first I was interested in seeing what they were up to, what they were doing, why they were doing it. They never moved me in the way that one is moved by true poetry. — Norman MacCaig

To living in the South: If you've never had a Porterhouse, everything tastes like baloney. — Tim Heaton

Baloney is just salami with an inferiority complex. — Ellen DeGeneres

Well, remember, active Grims can't have children. Fertility is adversley affected by the proximity to the ether, to Elixir, and all sorts of other components
plus, the Grimsphere is no place to raise a family, even if woman conceive here."
Lex snuck a glance at Driggs, but Uncle Mort caught her.
"That doesn't mean you get a free pass to ride the baloney pony when ever you want to. Got it? — Gina Damico

In contrast, markets - oft mythologized as "natural" are the most unnatural things going. Libertarians will tell you "market laws are laws of nature", what baloney. Markets - and the other great modernist cornucopian tools - are magnificent wealth generating machines, built ad-hoc, through trial and error, constantly fine-tuned and refined, tinkered, adjusted. — David Brin

If I wanted a load of baloney, I would've had a cold cut platter brought it!" -Lulu — Danielle Paige

As if they'd never seen a seven-foot transvestite and a two-hundred-pound black woman with blond baloney curls all dressed up like Cher on a bad day. Do I know how to conduct an undercover operation, — Janet Evanovich

This is a turf battle. They are saying, 'The songwriters aren't getting paid.' Baloney. Songwriters are getting paid. They're paid sync rights and (mechanical) rights. They aren't getting paid for the public performance in a download because there is no public performance in a download. — Jonathan Potter

The baloney weighed the raven down, and the shopkeeper almost caught him as he whisked out the delicatessen door. — Peter S. Beagle

We want everybody to get rich. The Republican Party is often called unloving, uncaring, not generous, or whatever - that's a bunch of baloney. We're the party that believes in free markets. — Dave Brat

I'm not afraid of death. What's to fear? Once you're dead, that's it. Nothing. I don't believe in heaven or hell. That's baloney. What matters is the here and now. Yes, I'm 88, and there are things I can't do: I can't run a race or climb Everest. But isn't life magnificent? — Patrick Macnee

Pamela Anderson: 'He called and called, leaving about twenty messages, just drunk dialing. One of them was him singing his version of the Oscar Mayer theme song:
"My baloney has a first name, it's L-A-R-G-E. My baloney has a second name, it's P-E-N-I-S. I like to use it every day and if you ask me why, I'll saaay, 'Cuz my Large Penis has a way with P-U-S-S-Y today!"
Actually that was the message that got me interested. — Tommy Lee

We have the highest incarceration rate of any country in the world. 'America, land of liberty and freedom?' You know, that's baloney. More than 2 million Americans are behind bars now. Communist China has four times the population and they have 1.5 million people behind bars. — Gary Johnson

Holy baloney motherfucking crap. — C.M. Stunich

If you are writing about baloney, don't try and make it Cornish hen, because that's the worst kind of baloney there is. Just make it darn good baloney. — Leo Burnett

A photographer's best pictures are from deep inside him, and also some of the worst. Some photographers enjoy distinguished careers without ever taking personal photographs. Others, audaciously and arrogantly and courageously discharge their most private feelings through photography. Trouble is, sometimes it all adds up to baloney. — Burk Uzzle

A deception arises, sometimes innocently but collaboratively, sometimes with cynical premeditation. Usually the victim is caught up in a powerful emotion - wonder, fear, greed, grief. Credulous acceptance of baloney can cost you money; that's what P.T. Barnum meant when he said, There's a sucker born every minute'. But it can be much more dangerous than that, and when governments and societies lose the capacity for critical thinking, the results can be catastrophic, however sympathetic we may be to those who have bought the baloney. — Carl Sagan

Some people try to tell me that science will never answer the big questions we have in life. To them I say: baloney! The real problem is your questions aren't big enough. — Phil Plait

I'm sick of people who've never been to church telling me that church is full of hypocrites, and people who've never read the Bible telling me that it's baloney. — Kristin Chenoweth

My favorite sandwich is peanut butter, baloney, cheddar cheese, lettuce, and mayonnaise on toasted bread with catsup on the side. — Hubert H. Humphrey