Quotes & Sayings About Bagels

On winter Sundays when I was a child, we waited for my father to return from his tennis game with bagels and sturgeon and for my mother to object when the 1 P.M. Giants game began. — Jane Leavy

My sister married a German. He complained he couldn't get a good
bagel back home. I said: 'Well, whose fault is that?' — Emo Philips

I do all of the grocery shopping in my little family. I buy cheese, of many different kinds, sliced packaged meats and poultry, bagels, immense quantities of eggs, pre-made fried chicken. Milk. Bacon. It is insane how much dairy, deli and bakery stuff I buy. — Ben Stein

Your everyday supermarket now carries roughly 40,000 items - twice as many as a decade ago. There are so many products, so many brands and sub-species of those brands, that no consumer is safe from the bombardment of choice overload.
A huge variety of product offering doesn't aid consumers. It is insanity. From the vast array of athletic shoes to bagels to portable CD players to bottled water, there quickly becomes a point at which mega-choices, like mega-information, do not serve the consumer; they abuse him. — Jeff Davidson

I always thought that bagels and lox was my soul food, but it turns out it's sushi. — Sara Sheridan

Mom used to walk with me for something like two or three miles to get to the day-old bakery. They had those machines where you buy doughnuts, those vending machines with the long johns and doughnuts. We would buy those bagels and pastries because that was our treat. And come back with shopping bags of these sweets, and who knows what was in it? That was what we could afford that could feed that many people. — Sandra Cisneros

The history of the bagel suggests that Americans' shifting, blended, multi-ethnic eating habits are signs neither of postmodern decadence, ethnic fragmentation, nor corporate hegemony. If we do not understand how a bagel could sometimes be Jewish, sometimes be "New York," and sometimes be American, or why it is that Pakistanis now sell bagels to both Anglos and Tejanos in Houston, it is in part because we have too hastily assumed that our tendency to cross cultural boundaries in order to eat ethnic foods is a recent development - and a culinary symptom of all that has gone wrong with contemporary culture.

It is not. The bagel tells a different kind of American tale. It high- lights ways that the production, exchange, marketing, and consumption of food have generated new identities - for foods and eaters alike. — Donna Gabaccia

The first printed mention of bagels ... is to be found in the Community Regulations of Kracow, Poland, for the year 1610 which stated that bagels would be given as a gift to any woman in childbirth. — Leo Rosten

I tried being anorexic for four hours, and then I was like, I need some bagels. — Kat Dennings

The kind of roommate who greets me at the door, who makes me dinner, who would bring me coffee and bagels every single day of the week if I asked her to. — Mary Kubica

I've said this before, and I say it again. Bagels can be an enormous power for good or for evil. It is up to us to decide how we will use them. — Daniel Pinkwater

In New York, I like it when you can get bagels at 3 in the morning. — Shepard Smith

Just out of curiosity, can an immortal choke to death on a bagel? (Francesca) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Mmm, butt bagels." Elody reaches into the bag and pulls out a bagel, half squashed, then makes a big deal of taking an enormous bite out of it. "Taste like Victoria's Secret."
"Taste like thong floss," I say.
"Taste like crack," Lindsay says.
"Taste like fart," Elody says, and Lindsay spits coffee on the dashboard, and I start laughing and can't stop, and all the way to school we're thinking of flavors for butt bagels, and I'm thinking that this
my life, my friends
might be weird or screwy or imperfect or damaged or whatever, but it's never seemed better to me. — Lauren Oliver

When you have cat stealers over for tea, you clean the house, buy bagels and cream cheese, and try to figure out how to trap your guests in a lie. — Caroline Paul

We do it early like Cheerios and a bagel — Nicki Minaj

Guys wake up at your place and they expect breakfast. They don't eat bagels and M&M's in the morning. They want things like toast. I say, 'I don't have these recipes.' — Elayne Boosler

I'm a bagel on a plate full of onion rolls! — Fanny Brice

Daddy, how come in Kansas City the bagels taste like just round bread? — Calvin Trillin

I actually put peanut butter on my bagel. I really like peanut butter and I like to ruin the bagel. You know what's even crazier that I do sometimes? I do cinnamon raisin bagels with peanut butter. It is really, really out there. — Evan Peters

The easiest way for Americans to make sense of Chinese history is to compare everything to Jewish history. There's an analogue for everything. Torah: Analects. Curly sideburns: long ponytails. Mantou: bagels. — Eddie Huang

I served seven years as the chair of the Princeton economics department where I had responsibility for major policy decisions, such as whether to serve bagels or doughnuts at the department coffee hour. — Ben Bernanke

- Know any good sailing jokes? - I've got one about seagulls. - Okay. - Why do seagulls fly over the sea? - Why? - Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels. — Jennifer E. Smith

On Sunday morning, it's Brooklyn Bagels on Beverly Boulevard. We get them hot. Then we walk some of the famous Silver Lake steps or hike in the hills to the highest vantage point to see the reservoir. — Jill Soloway

If I were running a campaign, I'd urge taking the mountain of money reportedly squandered on pizza, coffee and bagels and spending it more wisely - on a talented young comedy writer. — Dick Cavett

I just look at a bagel and my ass gets bigger! — Jillian Michaels

Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea? A: Because if they lived near the bay, they'd be called bagels. — Alex Watts

I'll eat the hell out of a bagel. That's what I do — Jade Puget

I've done everything from stocking shelves at a natural food co-op, to baking bagels at Brueggers and bussing tables. Then I realized that jobs suck, but if you could get up at 6 A.M. and bake your own breakfast, that is very satisfying. — Marco Arment

Olympia was a town crawling with music. I was new to the whole punk scene. The culture shock continued; Olympia had bagels! We didn't have bagels in Arkansas. You could order vegetarian food all over town! It was so crazy to me - a place with so many vegetarians, the restaurants made special dishes for them? — Beth Ditto

I've liked being Jewish in America - there's a secular version of Jewishness there that's more about bagels and jokes than going to synagogues. — Beeban Kidron

You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork. — Al Yankovic

They shot the ball well early. What comes out of the microwave hot doesn't always stay hot. I know, because I eat bagels in the morning. — Shaquille O'Neal

Modesty means admitting the possibility of error, subsuming the self for the good of the whole, remaining open to surprise and the gifts that only failure can bring. There are many ways to practice it. Try taking up golf. Or making your own bagels. Or raising a teenager. — Nancy Gibbs

According to a new poll, Republicans are more likely to have a doughnut for breakfast, while Democrats prefer to eat bagels and croissants. While Independents are that annoying friend who's still looking at the menu after 15 minutes. — Jimmy Fallon

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels. — Chelsea Handler

THE BOUNTY
In her kitchen, she saw many things she would like to eat. On the counter, there was a bunch of new bananas, yellow as a Van Gogh chair, and two apples, pristine. The cabinet was open and she saw a box of crackers, a new box of cereal, a tube of curved chips. She felt overwhelmed, seeing all of the food there, that it was all hers. And there was more in the refrigerator! There were juices, half a melon, a dozen bagels, salmon, a steak, yogurt in a dozen colors. It would take her a week to eat all of this food. She does not deserve this, she thought. It really isn't fair, she thought. You're correct, God said, and then struck dead 65,000 Malaysians. — Dave Eggers

A kind of emptiness existed in the center of my bagel; really
it was just the hole that's in the middle
of all bagels; 'i need to go read my blog
to find out what my politics are — Tao Lin

I confessed that they were too hard to follow, and the summer before my sophomore fall, she sought to fully transform Yale's food-allergy plan. With her credentials from Boston Children's Hospital, she arranged meetings with our head chefs and supervisors, getting gluten-free cereals and bagels in dining halls, adding "gluten" labels on every dish's information cards. It was unbelievable. It was impressive. Watching her make calls, I could see her eyes smile with the smallest hint of pride. — Marina Keegan

The bagel is a lonely roll to eat all by yourself because in order for the true taste to come out you need your family. One to cut the bagels, one to toast them, one to put on the cream cheese and the lox, one to put them on the table and one to supervise. — Gertrude Berg