Award Winning Funny Quotes & Sayings

This is the mark of great ideas: they unify people and they also act to unify the disparate parts of the human being; they speak of a social order that is possible on the basis of an ordering within the individual self. — Jacob Needleman

Success. I don't believe it has any effect on me. For one thing I always expected it. — W. Somerset Maugham

The writers are pretty political and they want to get as big an audience as they can - they want the popular vote. — Bill Pullman

In our not-yet-acknowledged secret garden lie the seeds of some of our best not-yet-written stories — Sol Stein

Somehow people forget that there is God ...
what more to us we're just individuals,,
to forget is part of imperfections.. — Orosa Nakpil Malate

He was a god of rock. He nearly solved all the world's problems with nothing but power chords and anguished cries into a microphone. — Kevin Hearne

Fox News may be demolishing its more liberal cable news rivals in the ratings but to Democrats it's still the bogeyman. That's why President Obama took the opportunity to criticize the network during a speech defending his economic record at Northwestern University today. But in doing so, the president not only demonstrated the weakness of his position but also why he doesn'€t understand Fox'€s appeal. — Jonathan S. Tobin

You make me feel like a candy apple, red and horny. — Paula Cole

And have I not told you that what you mistake for madness is but over-acuteness of the sense?
now, I say, there came to my ears a low, dull, quick sound, such as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton. I knew that sound well, too. It was the beating of the old man's heart. It increased my fury, as the beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage. — Edgar Allan Poe

And if the man who once upon a time had been a boy who promised he'd never fall in love with another girl as long as he lived kept his promise, it wasn't because he was stubborn or even loyal. He couldn't help it. — Nicole Krauss

In the infancy of societies, the chiefs of state shape its institutions; later the institutions shape the chiefs of state. — Charles De Montesquieu

Yes, I direct commercials as well. I get these really weird offers and then I have to bid on them and win the job. One offer that I have now, and I've already done this last year for the same company, is for Cash Value Cheese, this cheese out in the midwest. I did two spots for them last year and I'm going to probably do three this year. I also did some for the Utah Transit Authority, which was weird and interesting and they turned out really funny - they actually won an award. — Andy Dick

Everybody round you pretendin that they your partner, let you have a problem they won't even help you out — Kevin Gates

It's very dramatic when two people come together to work something out. It's easy to take a gun and annihilate your opposition, but what is really exciting to me is to see people with differing views come together and finally respect each other. — Fred Rogers