Quotes & Sayings About Assertiveness

There is a fine line between assertiveness and being relaxed. — Justin Guarini

The 'Lord's Prayer' is totally of life. — Lailah Gifty Akita

Assertiveness is critical for feeling empowered in your own mind as well as at work and at home. It's saying honestly to yourself and others, "This is who I am. This is how I want to be treated," while respecting other people's rights and opinions. Assertiveness isn't about being liked all the time, nor about making sure everyone is happy. It is about standing up for your right to be treated fairly. There are many advantages to assertiveness. First, — Judy Murphy

Assertiveness is very difficult for a person with co-dependent tendencies. Conflict is very threatening and it could mean the loss of feeling accepted. To avoid risking rejection, the co-dependent is willing to give up his/her rights, allow boundaries to be crossed, or even suffer abuse at the hands of another - all for the sake of maintaining the "relationship." This works out very nicely for the N, who cannot tolerate being confronted by another, and who demands maintaining a position of superiority in the relationship. — Cynthia Zayn

If you are going to have to play defense all the time, you cannot have the kind of ingenuity, assertiveness, independence, and intelligence which is what has made our country strong. — Arlen Specter

The best gifts are never given, but claimed. — Warren Ellis

All the backpedaling and backstepping that goes on with powerful women today, with Hillary Clinton saying she could have stayed home and baked cookies and blah blah blah, and then offending everybody so that she had to say that she does, in fact, *love* to make cookies, loves it almost as much as she likes to trade agricultural futures. I mean, what is that about? All this I'm really a lady, I'm really a nice girl crap- who needs it? It really is nothing more than surrender. — Elizabeth Wurtzel

If someone is inconsiderate or rude to you, risk telling them how it made you feel or that you didn't appreciate being treated that way. If you tend to talk yourself out of anger by telling yourself that you don't want to make waves, try telling yourself instead that it is okay to make waves sometimes and risk letting people know how you really feel. — Beverly Engel

Assertiveness is most effective when least applied. — Wes Fesler

The ways we communicate convey meaning. To the extent that a boss sees a woman subordinate's actions as indicative of nurturance and kindness but not of assertiveness and leadership capability, he is likely to treat her ideas as not deserving of attention and fail to seriously consider her for promotion as well. If his misinterpretation of her communication style is not brought to his attention, she is denied access to senior levels. — Kathleen Kelley Reardon

Power distance: the degree to which members of a society expect power to be unequally shared. Uncertainty avoidance: a society's reliance on social norms and procedures to alleviate the unpredictability of future events. Assertiveness: the extent to which a society encourages people to be tough, confrontational, assertive, and competitive rather than modest and tender. Humane orientation: the degree to which a society encourages and rewards individuals for being fair, altruistic, generous, caring, and kind to others. Future orientation: the extent to which a society encourages and rewards future-oriented behaviors such as planning, investing in the future, and delaying gratification. national culture The values and attitudes shared — Stephen P. Robbins

Gracious words nourish the soul. — Lailah Gifty Akita

We despise and abhor the bully, the brawler, the oppressor, whether in private or public life, but we despise no less the coward and the voluptuary. No man is worth calling a man who will not fight rather than submit to infamy or see those that are dear to him suffer wrong. — Theodore Roosevelt

Do not go for conformity that breeds mediocrity! Choose instead to stand for transformation that does not only transforms lives, but true purpose and living as well. — Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

We must teach our girls that if they speak their mind, they can create the world they want to see. (145) — Robyn Silverman

Be assertive, in speech and in conduct. — Lailah Gifty Akita

If you have the tendency to repress your anger, you have lost touch with an important part of yourself. Getting angry is a way to gain back that part of yourself by asserting your rights, expressing your displeasure with a situation, and letting others know how you wish to be treated. It can motivate you to make needed changes in a relationship or other areas of your life. Finally it can let others know that you expect to be respected and treated fairly. — Beverly Engel

It's a fact that you're going to have a different opinion or view on certain topics or issues. You need stand your ground by sharing your view. — Michael Barbarulo

The messages you received from your family or your childhood experiences may have caused you to believe that assertiveness is unacceptable or even dangerous. Practice saying the following: I have the right to be treated with respect by others. I have the right to express my feelings and opinions. I have the right to say no without feeling guilty. I have the right to ask for what I want. I have the right to make my own mistakes. I have the right to pursue happiness. — Beverly Engel

It is a childish notion that once established, our boundaries will never be transgressed again...We shall have to stand for ourselves repeatedly for the rest of our lives. As we practice doing this, we come to greater ease...Eventually it may float over entirely into the positive realm - becoming only another chance to demonstrated our worthiness. — Maureen Brady

Perhaps the most radical aspect of queer politics was its claim not only to transcend the homo/hetero boundary but to do so in such a way as to challenge the sexual regulation and repression of heterosexual desire, above all female desire. Queer politics, it was claimed, had a lot to teach those accustomed to the narrow confines of 'male' and 'female' heterosexual roles in relationships. The re-working of notions of monogamy and the send-up of marriage through queer weddings, the greater sexual adventurism, the rejection of the concept of gay men and lesbians as 'victims' in favour of assertiveness and redefinition, and the emphasis on the creation of more egalitarian relationships in the domestic, sexual and social spheres, were all cited as examples of how queer could contribute to a new sexual agenda of empowerment. — Richard Dunphy

You don't even know me, or what I am capable of, boy. — S.R. Crawford

I remember his assertiveness. There was no small talk. Instead, there were questions. Lots of questions. What do you want? Steve asked. Where are you heading? What are your long-term goals? — Ed Catmull

Embrace the possibility of a fulfilled dream. — Lailah Gifty Akita

Perhaps one of my biggest lessons was learning the healthy difference between passive, aggressive, and assertive characteristics of behavior. I think this is one of the great balances necessary for healthy individuals and cultures, and I have considered it carefully. To be passive means you don't stand up for your own rights. To be aggressive means that you stand up for your rights while not honoring the rights of others. Both of these patterns of unhealthy behavior were dominant in our society, with men and women in substantial measure and in all of their relationships. What was missing was assertiveness, as it was predominantly programmed right out of us. Assertiveness means that you stand up for your rights while honoring the rights of others. It is difficult to be manipulated or to manipulate others when you are genuinely assertive, so that was why it was a danger in a culture built on manipulation. — Rebecca Musser

I'm really a pussycat - with an iron tail. — Rona Barrett

I have what it takes to get the work done. — Lailah Gifty Akita

There should be a healthy 'stubbornness', assertiveness and confidence that comes from knowledge of your clear vision, mission, values and personal brand. — Archibald Marwizi

The author describes the attitude of some on the frontier at Rome's twilight as exhibiting a kind of London-in-the-blitz determination to carry on being more Roman than usual. — Peter Heather

Men need men to keep their edges hot and clean, whereas women keep us warm and soft. — Richard Rohr

Whoa, hello, assertiveness! How lovely to make your acquaintance. — Tom Leveen

Although many successful givers start from the default of trusting others' intentions, they're also careful to scan their environments to screen for potential takers, always ready to shift from feeling a taker's emotions to analyzing a taker's thoughts, and flex from giving unconditionally to a more measured approach of generous tit for tat. And when they feel inclined to back down, successful givers are prepared to draw reserves of assertiveness from their commitments to the people who matter to them. — Adam M. Grant

That is supposed to be the rallying cry of women in the age of AIDS: no condom, no sex. But the dirty little secret is that the rallying cry is a whisper ... The great unspoken on the heterosexual AIDS front has been how behavior is still determined by the old psychosexual minuet of the sexes, the lack of responsibility in young men and of assertiveness in young women. — Anna Quindlen

When we blend courage and compassion, assertiveness and gentleness, our essential strength and kindness support us in being where we are. — A.H. Almaas

Young Vince used football as an aggressive response to his father's strictness. — Fritz Knapp

Yet there's no one to beat you | No one t' defeat you | 'Cept the thoughts of yourself feeling bad — Bob Dylan

The most intriguing correlations obtained by the Minnesota study were also among the most unexpected. Social and political attitudes between twins reared apart were just as concordant as those between twins reared together: liberals clustered with liberals, and orthodoxy was twinned with orthodoxy. Religiosity and faith were also strikingly concordant: twins were either both faithful or both nonreligious. Traditionalism, or "willingness to yield to authority," was significantly correlated. So were characteristics such as "assertiveness, drive for leadership, and a taste for attention." Other — Siddhartha Mukherjee

Never retreat. Never explain. Get it done and let them howl. — Benjamin Jowett

Find the enemy. Don't let the enemy find you. Reconnaissance! Reconnaissance! Reconnaissance! — Tom Clancy

The throbbing habits of assumption tinted with malice lead to decisions and actions that drum out faith, trust and respect towards a crashing carelessness and uselessness. Be effective by discarding sneaking suspicions. — Angelica Hopes

We can say what we need to say. We can gently, but assertively, speak our mind. We do not need to be judgmental, tactless, blaming or cruel when we speak our truths — Melody Beattie

Sooner or later I do what I want to do. — Muriel Spark

In retrospect, the second cause for delay makes less feminist sense: the long popularity of assertiveness training. Though most women needed to be more assertive (or even more aggressive, though that word was considered too controversial), many assertiveness courses taught women how to play the existing game, not how to change the rules. — Gloria Steinem

Simpson Rowe was quick to say that only perpetrators are responsible for assault, but assertiveness and self-advocacy are crucial defensive skills. — Peggy Orenstein

There seems to be a fear that if men are raised to be people of integrity, people who can love, they will be unable to be forceful and act violently if needed ... We see that females that are raised with the traits any person of integrity embodies can act with tenderness, with assertiveness, and with aggression if and when aggression is needed. — Bell Hooks

There are self-awareness groups, to help you discover who you really are ... encounter groups, to help you deal with who you really are ... assertiveness training groups to help you stand up for who you really are ... Suddenly, the only way to become an individual is to join a group. — Cathy Guisewite

A BILL OF ASSERTIVE RIGHTS
I: You have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon yourself.
II: You have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justifying your behavior.
III: You have the right to judge if you are responsible for finding solutions to other people's problems.
IV: You have the right to change your mind.
V: You have the right to make mistakes - and be responsible for them.
VI: You have the right to say, "I don't know."
VII: You have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others before coping with them.
VIII: You have the right to be illogical in making decisions.
IX: You have the right to say, "I don't understand."
X: You have the right to say, "I don't care."
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO, WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY — Manuel J. Smith

I encourage people to remember that "no" is a complete sentence. — Gavin De Becker

When the time came I would do battle with my mother for the right to sit at the center of my own life. — Twyla Tharp

By all means be submissive in the bedroom (if you are that way inclined), but don't be submissive to life. Being life's bitch is no fun at all. Life may play up in many ways, but it's up to you to take control, take charge and put life in its place. — Miya Yamanouchi

It is extremely important to be able to make negative assertions. We must be able to say what is 'not me' in order to have a 'me'. What we like has no meaning unless we know what we don't like. Our yes has no meaning if we never say no. My chosen profession has no passion if 'just anyone would do'. Our opinions and thoughts mean very little if there is nothing we disagree with. — Henry Cloud

When we doubt our minds, we tend to discount its products. If we fear intellectual self-assertiveness, perhaps associating it with loss of love, we mute our intelligence. We dread being visible; so we make ourselves invisible, then suffer because no one sees us. — Nathaniel Branden

And girls who hold on to their assertiveness and self-esteem are less likely to grow up to be depressed women. — Julie Holland

When we first begin to take power more directly, after long having kept our relationship to it underground...it is natural that we experience anxiety, even guilt, at putting ourselves first. These feeling let us know we are taking action; they do not need to stop us. — Maureen Brady

Mother Nature's ruthless to the weak, but isn't arbitrary cruel or negative. Mother Nature saves aggression for extreme situations, and instead uses consistent leadership
to help keep things running smoothly. Mother nature doesn't rule by fear and anger, but by calm strength and assertiveness. — Cesar Millan

Don't mistake:
Kindness with weakness;
Assertiveness with arrogance;
Self-defense with hatred;
Self-care with vanity;
Faith with ignorance. — Charles F. Glassman

One of the hardest expressions of self-assertiveness is challenging your limiting beliefs. — Nathaniel Branden

Active or ambitious women were not only rare but often evil. Wonder Woman flipped this paradigm by embodying the strength, assertiveness, and independence usually associated with bad girls and villains in a positive heroic light. The Golden Age Wonder Woman was a blatant rejection of the good girl/bad girl binary and even offered a critique of the good girl role. — Tim Hanley

Ah, did he not hate that word 'gay'? He thought it a strange categoriser of a life style with many elements far from zippy. No, he would de-kike the word 'faggot', which had punch, bite, a non-nonsense, chin-out assertiveness, and which, at present, was no more self-deprecatory than, say, 'American'. — Larry Kramer

I am enthusiastic and optimistic. — Lailah Gifty Akita

Parents find many different ways to work their way through the assertiveness of their two-year-olds, but seeing that assertiveness as positive energy being directed toward growth as a competent individual may open up some new possibilities. — Fred Rogers

And just for the record, I think he needed to be a little more assertive with the woman he loved. That's why he lost her to Lancelot, you know. Lack of assertiveness. A man needs to be ready to lay down his life for the woman he loves. But first he's got to let her know that she's adored. — Janice Hanna

Choose to be pro-active, assertive and self-defining. — Bryant McGill

Assertiveness is not what you do, it's who you are! — Shakti Gawain

The pursuit of art is a delicate balance between influence and self-assertiveness. As self-realized artists, we all have different levels of tolerance for this mystery. Influence is like Scotch; it's good to know your personal limit. — Robert Genn

Beatrix kept pace easily with Christopher as they headed toward the forest. It nagged at him to have someone else holding Albert's leash. Beatrix's assertiveness was like a pebble lodged in the toe of his shoe. And yet when she was near, it was impossible to feel detached from his surroundings. She had a knack of keeping him anchored in the present.
He couldn't stop watching how her legs and hips moved in those breeches. What was her family thinking, to allow her to dress this way? Even in private it was unacceptable. A humorless smile curved his lips as he reflected that he had at least one thing in common with Beatrix Hathaway--neither of them was in step with the rest of the world.
The difference was that he wanted to be.
It had been so easy for him, before the war. He had always known the right thing to do or say. Now the prospect of reentering polite society seemed rather like playing a game in which he had forgotten the rules. — Lisa Kleypas

The feminist challenge was sweeping: it embraced education and
occupation, together with legal, political, and social status. It even
dared broach the subject of equality in personal, and especially
matrimonial, relationships. Such assertiveness was more unsettling
than the racial threat because it was more intimate and immediate:
few white men lived with blacks, but most lived with women. — Cynthia Russett

Learn to be assertive without anger attached to it. — Nikki Rowe

The practice of assertiveness: being authentic in our dealings with others; treating our values and persons with decent respect in social contexts; refusing to fake the reality of who we are or what we esteem in order to avoid disapproval; the willingness to stand up for ourselves and our ideas in appropriate ways in appropriate contexts. — Nathaniel Branden

It is naive to think that self-assertiveness is easy. To live self-assertively
which means to live authentically
is an act of high courage. That is why so many people spend the better part of their lives in hiding
from others and also from themselves. — Nathaniel Branden

The duty we owe ourselves is greater than that we owe others. — Louisa May Alcott

Life with someone else, in other words, doesn't show me nearly as much about his or her shortcomings as it does about my own.... That's how relationships sanctify me. They show me where holiness is for me. That's how relationships develop me. They show me where growth is for me. If I'm the passive-victim type, then assertiveness may have something to do with coming to wholeness. If I'm the domineering character in every group, then a willingness to listen and to be led may be my call to life. Alone, I am what I am, but in community I have the chance to become everything I can be. — Joan D. Chittister

I am enthusiastic.
I am endless. — Lailah Gifty Akita

When we learn how to be in an intimate relationship without abandoning our sense of self, when we learn how to be kind without being self-sacrificing, when we learn how to cooperate with others without betraying our standards and convictions, we are practicing self-assertiveness. — Nathaniel Branden

Such exaggerations have been so common that the public takes them with a grain of salt and partly excuses them as being due to the advertiser's license of self-assertiveness. Nevertheless, the fact remains that superlative generalities are weak arguments and far less convincing than a statement of facts. Much advertising copy would be improved immensely by doing away with brag and substituting actual facts about the merits of the article. — Daniel Starch

One of the differences between assertiveness and aggressiveness is deciding which battles are worth fighting and which are not. — Thomas J. Harbin

Sometimes self-assertiveness is manifested through volunteering an idea or paying a compliment; sometimes through a polite silence that signals nonagreement; sometimes by refusing to smile at a tasteless joke. — Nathaniel Branden

Giving reasons during conflict to justify or defend a viewpoint is just as manipulative as giving reasons to attack that viewpoint. Neither of these routes is an honest assertive I want that can lead to a workable compromise of interests to quickly resolve the conflict. — Manuel J. Smith

We are capable of performing the task. — Lailah Gifty Akita

The world is full of people who are determined to be somebody or to give trouble. They want to get ahead, to stand out. Such ambition has no use for a gung fu man, who rejects all forms of self-assertiveness and competition — Bruce Lee

Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you're a man, you take it. — Malcolm X

Most characteristics associated with leaders are masculine: dominance, authority, assertiveness, and so forth. — Barbara Kellerman

My mom called Grandma today and told her we would no longer be attending family parties. My mom told her we have had enough of being blamed for something Brian did and everyone brushing it off like it was no big deal. — Erin Merryn

It's a struggle for me to remain open," she admits. "To not shut down because I'm defensive or scared or maybe my ego is getting in the way. And the other side of that is just believing that I belong where I am and deserve to take up space. I fight constantly between those two things, between not apologizing for what I want and staying vulnerable and creatively supple and not thinking I know better than everyone else. — Amy Poehler

Ron Kraybill, a respected Christian mediator, has noted that "effective confrontation is like a graceful dance from supportiveness to assertiveness and back again." This dance may feel awkward at first for those who are just learning it, but perseverance pays off. With God's help you can learn to speak the truth in love by saying only what will build others up, by listening responsibly to what others say, and by using principles of wisdom. — Ken Sande

My generation of bossy, confident, baby-boom women were something brand new in history. Our energy and assertiveness weren't created by Betty Friedan, unknown before her 1963 book, or by Gloria Steinem, whose political activism, as even the Lifetime profile admitted, did not begin until 1969. — Camille Paglia

When you choose to earn your living by helping people who are in emotional pain, you're also making a choice to carry them on your back for a while. To hell with all that talk of taking responsibility, assertiveness. That's crap. You're going to be coming up against helplessness every day of your lives. Your patients will imprint you, like goslings who latch on to the first creature they see when they stick their heads out of the egg shell. If you can't handle it, become and accountant. (82) When the Bough Breaks — Franz W. Kellermanns

Don't mistake assertiveness or eloquence for good ideas. — Susan Cain

I have repeatedly stressed that the selfish impulses of man constitute a much less historic danger than his integrative tendencies. To put it in the simplest way: the individual who indulges in an excess of aggressive self-assertiveness incurs the penalties of society-he outlaws himself, he contracts out of the hierarchy. The true believer, on the other hand, becomes more closely knit into it; he enters the womb of his church, or party, or whatever the social holon to which he surrenders his identity. — Arthur Koestler

I catch fire and find the reserves of courage and assertiveness to speak up. When that happens I get quite carried away. My blood gets hot my brow wet I become unbearably and unconscionably sarcastic and bellicose I am girded for a total showdown. — William F. Buckley Jr.

The opposite of self-assertiveness is self-abnegation
abandoning or submerging your personal values, judgment, and interests. Some people tell themselves this is a virtue. It is a "virtue" that corrodes self-esteem. — Nathaniel Branden

Take assertiveness training, get paid what you're worth, join a consciousness raising group. — Barbara Seaman

I am a happy healthy soul by divine grace. — Lailah Gifty Akita

If you can teach me something for my betterment then you get my respect and gratitude, but if you are here only to criticize, then I have no time or ears for you! — Maddy Malhotra

If you overcome your fear to ask someone for a date, a raise, or help with a project, that is an act of self-assertiveness. You are moving out into life rather than contracting and withdrawing. — Nathaniel Branden

Until we are willing to question many of the specifics of the male sex role, including most of the seven norms and stereotypes that psychologist Robert Levant names in a listing of its chief constituents--'avoiding femininity, restrictive emotionality, seeking achievement and status, self-reliance, aggression, homophobia, and nonrelational attitudes toward sexuality'--we are going to deny men their full humanity. Feminist masculinity would have as its chief constituents integrity, self-love, emotional awareness, assertiveness, and relational skill, including the capacity to be empathic, autonomous, and connected. — Bell Hooks

Wall your life, guard your heart and mind your mind! A life without a wall least blocks something! A mind without a wall accepts anything at all! — Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

It is a mistake to look at someone who is self assertive and say, "It's easy for her, she has good self-esteem." One of the ways you build self-esteem is by being self-assertive when it is not easy to do so. There are always times when self-assertiveness requires courage, no matter how high your self-esteem. — Nathaniel Branden

In order for us to practice self-control, we must have a goal. We must have something we are saying "yes" to, which necessarily comes with things that we must say "no" to. We use self-control to maneuver ourselves toward this "yes." This goal must be entirely our own. The minute another person is choosing and managing our goals for us, we have left self-control behind. — Danny Silk

I am positive.
I am passionate. — Lailah Gifty Akita