Ascanio Quotes & Sayings

Put your badass faces on and follow me. — Ilona Andrews

The fact that my dick's in it's happy place is probably saving your life. Trust me when I say I'm seriously considerin' strangling you, Sophie. Thinking about fuckin' you balances that out. — Joanna Wylde

I always wanted to be on 'Glee.' As soon as the pilot aired, I said I needed to be on the show. — Alex Newell

We don't need teenage bouda sex fiends as interns.
How do you know he is a sex fiend?
He is fifteen and he's a bouda. Hello? — Ilona Andrews

Our parents provided us with the essentials, then got on with their own lives. Which makes me realise that my parents were brilliant, not for what they did, but more for what they didn't do. — Rachel Johnson

Quick, Derek, it's your chance to shine," Ascanio said.
Derek gave him a withering look.
"Desandra is a mother, Robert is married, Kate's affianced, and I'm an old soul. You're the closest thing to a virgin we've got. Get on with growing some flowing locks. — Ilona Andrews

Sit your ass down, Don Juanabe," Derek said.
"Don Juanabe?" Ascanio pulled out his swords.
"Don Juan Wannabe," Derek explained. "See I shortened it. If you still don't get it, I'll write it down for you after the fight."
"You've maxed out your wit quota for the night," Ascanio said.
"I'm just getting started."
"Be careful, you might sprain something in your brain. — Ilona Andrews

I take back what I said about the donkey,' Ascanio said. 'She's awesome — Ilona Andrews

Say 'pop.'"
"Pop?"
"That was the sound of me pulling your head out of your ass. — Ilona Andrews

Desandra shrugged her shoulders. "Hey, Kate? Have you thought of walking up to Hugh and telling him that he's got the biggest dick ever?" She spread her arms to the size of a baseball bat.
"No, you think it would work?" I asked.
"It's worth a try. May be he'll be so happy you noticed his pork sword, he'll forget all about trying to kill us."
Pork sword. Kill me now. "I'll think about it."
Ascanio began patting his clothes.
"What?" Derek growled.
"Looking for something to take notes with. — Ilona Andrews

Curran got rid of Ascanio and saddled me with not one, but two bodyguards. God help anyone who dared to look at me funny. They would rip him to pieces, just to outdo each other. — Ilona Andrews

I've been assigned to bodyguard you."
You've got to be kidding me.
Derek snorted.
Ascanio pretended not to hear it. "The Beast Lord spoke to me this morning. I'm responsible for your well-being, and if you get injured, I'll answer to him personally."
Oh, that bastard. Found the kid an impossible job, did he?
Derek laughed quietly.
Ascanio finally deemed it necessary to acknowledge Derek's existence. "Is something funny?"
"I don't even know you, and I feel sorry for you. — Ilona Andrews

No more in life would that face be free of care. — John Steinbeck

We're not running out of [fixed] targets. Afghanistan is. — Donald Rumsfeld

Where is the bane of my existence?"
"In the shower, freshening up."
Damn it all to hell. "Oh God, who did Ascanio screw now?"
"No, no, he's covered in blood."
"Oh good." Wait a minute. "The kid is covered in blood and we're relieved. There is something wrong with us. — Ilona Andrews

Ascanio ... "
"Yes, Consort?"
"I think you misunderstand the whole nature of what it means to be an employee. We have a job to do; we are doing it. Or I'm doing it, and you're making it more difficult."
"I'm not an employee. I'm an intern."
"Try to be a silent intern. — Ilona Andrews

Saiman reached into the trunk and pulled out a pink tulle tutu.
"No."
"Yes."
"It won't fit."
"Elastic waistband," Saiman said. "It will fit." Curran's grin was pure evil.
"Don't you dare," I told him.
"It's too bad the magic is up," he said. "I'd take pictures."
"Shut up."
"Have no fear, Alpha," Ascanio said. "We'll tell no one."
Kill me, somebody.
Saiman held out the tulle skirt to me.
"Maybe it will work without it."
"Don't be ridiculous."
"If I put this on, it will be ridiculous."
Saiman waved the pink tutu in front of me. Fine. I snatched it out of his hands and pulled it on over my hips.
Ascanio collapsed into a moaning heap of laughter.
"Now what?"
"Move around onstage. It would help if you danced."
Curran was dying. That was the only rational explanation for the noises coming from his direction. — Ilona Andrews

Simi? You got some free time? (Kat)
Of course I do. You know akri on Olympus with that heifer-goddess I want to eat, but he won't let the Simi have no dinner. So why you calling me, little akra-kitty? (Simi) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

And how did your day go?" I asked Ascanio.
He turned to me, a dreamy look on his pretty face. "We killed things. There was blood. Fountains of blood. And then we had barbecue. — Ilona Andrews

You know, if you have certain frustrations," Ascanio said, "I would be happy to help you work them out."
Derek looked at me, pointed at Ascanio, and punched his left palm with his right fist a few times. I shook my head. No, you can't pummel him. — Ilona Andrews

I pointed at Ascanio. Not another word. Latin is a dead language, but that doesn't mean you get to molest its corpse. Finish sweeping, ianitor. — Ilona Andrews

Damn it all. "Ascanio!"
The bouda sauntered forward, a picture of pure innocence on his face.
"What the hell are you doing?" I growled.
He pulled on a disarming smile like a shield. "Following you."
"Why?"
"Because."
So help me God, I would brain him with something heavy in a minute. "Because why?"
"I wanted to come. It's too dangerous for you and I'm concerned."
Derek snarled quietly under his breath.
"You can't blame me," Ascanio said. "Anybody in my place would be concerned. You don't even have a proper horse. You're riding a mutant equine of unknown origin. — Ilona Andrews

Swore. "Barabas said you might say that. I'm supposed to tell you this." Ascanio cleared his throat and produced a remarkably accurate impression of Barabas's tenor. "Courage, Your Majesty." "I will kill him." "The Beast Lord or Barabas?" "Both. — Ilona Andrews

I want to marry her, when I grow up to be a man. — Tamora Pierce

It has the property of detonating very violently in certain circumstances. On one occasion a small amount of ether solution of pyroglycerin condensed in a glass bowl ... When the bowl was heated over a spirit lamp, an extremely violent explosion occurred, which shattered it into small fragments. On another occasion a drop was heated in a test-tube, and exploded with such violence that the glass splinters cut deep into my face and hands, and hurt other people who were standing some distance off in the room. — Ascanio Sobrero

Did those nice church ladies come by again?"
He nodded. "I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and then the three of them met in heaven, would it be a sin for them to have a threesome, since they were all married in God's eye. And they decided they were late to be somewhere else. — Ilona Andrews

You can't blame me," Ascanio said. "Anybody in my place would be concerned. You don't even have a proper horse. You're riding a mutant equine of unknown origin."
"Don't disrespect my donkey — Ilona Andrews

Okay, pull me up."
The rope didn't move.
"Ascanio?" What was it now? Did he see a butterfly and get distracted?
The rope slid up, as fast as if wound by a winch. I shot upward. What the ... ?
I cleared the edge and found myself face to face with Curran.
Oh boy.
He held the rope with one hand, muscles bulging on his arm under his sweatshirt. No strain showed on Curran's face. It's good to be the baddest shapeshifter in the city. Behind him Ascanio stood very still, pretending to be invisible.
Curran's gray eyes laughed at me. The Beast Lord reached out and touched my nose with his finger. "Boop. — Ilona Andrews

We took a right at the fork, heading farther north. The charred houses continued. To the right, a large sign nailed to an old telephone post shouted DANGER in huge red letters. Underneath in crisp black letters was written:
IM-1: Infectious Magic Area
Do Not Enter
Authorized Personnel Only
A second smaller sign under the first one, written on a piece of plastic with permanent marker, read:
Keep out, stupid.
"We aren't going to keep out, are we?" Ascanio asked.
"No."
"Awesome. — Ilona Andrews

You could buy a car for fifty thousand dollars. A really nice car." Ascanio's eyes lit up. "A Hummer. You could buy a converted Hummer."
"You don't need a Hummer." I said.
"Chicks dig the Hummer."
"You don't need any chicks either."
He gave me an injured look. "I have needs."
"I have needs too and right now I need you to concentrate on tracking down Jamar's collection. Get to it."
- Andrea & Ascanio — Ilona Andrews

Because that's what it would catch in the wild, a boar, right? I can't wait to see a pack of bunnycats take down a wild hog with those short tiny legs. Wouldn't the boar be surprised?"
Everybody was a comedian.
"May be if I oink loud enough, it'll leap across the beam and try to devour me. — Ilona Andrews