Arsehole Quotes & Sayings

After all, memory may be the only thing on earth we can truly manipulate to serve us, so we don't have to look back at ourselves in the receding past and think, What an arsehole! — Steve Toltz

If you've been an arsehole today, acknowledge it.
Try not to be one tomorrow. — Kate Tempest

A dangerous flicker of energy passes between us, and I see his pupils dilate as arousal floods his body. His mouth finds me aggressively, and his lips close around mine, pushing his tongue inside my mouth; claiming me. I melt into the kiss, aware that his hungry cock will soon be mirroring the actions of his hot tongue, but this time in my tight arsehole. — Felicity Brandon

Ye see, Rab, it's due to the way we feel about our arseholes. We now believe, as a species, if our soul is located anywhere in our bodies, it's up our arses. That's where it all goes. It makes sense. That's why we're obsessed with anal jokes, anal sex, anal hobbies...the arsehole - not the brain, not space - is the last frontier. That's what makes us revolutionaries. — Irvine Welsh

I want you, Spencer. Your trust. Your surrender. Your courage. That's all ... strong stuff. Felt like you were made for me
never freaked out, no bad habits from some arsehole that I had to train out of you. You went into it with everything, all out, and there was nothing you wouldn't have given me if I'd asked for it. That's huge for me, Spencer. I've never really had that, and now that I've had it, I don't want to lose it. I don't want to lose you, Spencer. — L.A. Witt

You take the risk of being rejected. If you have pretentions to be an artist of any kind, you have to take the risk of people rejecting you and thinking you're an arsehole. — Roger Waters

Dahling, when God put teeth in your mouth, he ruined a perfectly good arsehole. — Neil Gaiman

All an arsehole knows about is shit. ~ Dogman — Joe Abercrombie

Prickomo fucking cocksca. That bastard old arsehole-fucker. — Joe Abercrombie

He said 'sorry,' They all fucking say sorry ... Sorry is a word, it fixes nothing; it just makes the perpetrator feel a little less like the arsehole he is. — Mercy Cortez

Yves Saint Laurent gave women power, Chanel liberated them and when I joined Lanvin, I thought 'what do I bring to women? One day, I received an SMS from a friend in New York - she was in a taxi on the way to court to face her arsehole ex-husband, and she said to me 'Alber, I am wearing a Lanvin dress, and I feel so protected.' That to me was the biggest compliment I ever received. To have a 500 gram piece of silk make her feel protected - that made me very happy indeed. — Alber Elbaz

He was an arsehole, but, God, she looked at Richard sometimes, the racing bike, the way he did the crossword in pencil first. There were evenings when she wanted Dad to ride in off the plains, all dust and sweat and tumbleweed, kick open the saloon doors and stick some bullet holes in those fucking art books. — Mark Haddon

Jack Nightingale: "So I'm a hero?"
Supt. Chalmers: "No, Nightingale, you're an arsehole. But I can't arrest you for that. — Stephen Leather

You fucking put those dick suckers anywhere near my woman again, and you'll be tasting your own arsehole, you got that?" Oliver snarled. "Now, fucking take your fruity arse behind the bar, and get me a fucking beer. — Kelli Jean

Until everyone in this country over 35 has passed away, the theocracy will still be alive. And I am not actually of the theocracy, and that could bother people. I think I've probably taken a bit of flak for that, as well as being an arsehole occasionally, obviously. — Sinead O'Connor

I'm not an epileptic but you're an arsehole. I'm important. I matter. I can do anything. I'm a sexy, strong woman that happens to have epilepsy. Do you get it? I have epilepsy but it's not who I am. — Ray Robinson

Why do you love me, Angela?'
Arsehole. Turning my question back on myself. 'Why do I love you?'
'It's really easy to say I love you, it's another altogether to explain why,' he said. — Lindsey Kelk

The pained way she pinched her back legs to her front and flagged her tail, and her little arsehole apertured and bulged, and then she squinted like a philosopher when she eliminated. — Lauren Groff

How much detention did you get?
Two weeks. One per arsehole. — Stephanie Perkins

If you want to know what the camel stole from your kitchen yesterday, then you shouldn;t slit open its stomach. You should stare into its arsehole. — Jussi Adler-Olsen

Actors tend to be quite good at getting on with people. If you're an arsehole, people don't want to work with you. You won't get hired Well, there are a few arseholes. — Bertie Carvel

When did feminism become confused with Buddhism? Why on earth have I, because I'm a woman, got to be nice to everyone? And why have women - on top of everything else - got to be particularly careful to be "lovely" and "supportive" to each other at all times? This idea of the "sisterhood" I find, frankly, illogical, I don't build in a 20 percent "Genital Similarity Regard Bonus" if I meet someone else wearing a bra. If someone's an arsehole, someone's an arsehole - regardless of whether we're both standing in the longer — Caitlin Moran

You get more results with honey than with... being an arsehole. — Emma Kavanagh

I'd like to submit to Bad Science my teacher who gave us a handout which says that 'Water is best absorbed by the body when provided in frequent small amounts.' What I want to know is this. If I drink too much in one go, will it leak out off my arsehole instead?
Thank you. Anton. — Ben Goldacre

You've made that clear. But why do you assume I've done something wrong? Have I ever lied to you, or kept anything from you? I trusted you. You assume I've never been hurt and that trust comes easily to me. You're too busy guarding your own heart to realize that maybe I'm not the arsehole people expect me to be. — Christina Lauren

You whoreson scalawag!" said I. "You flesh-turd dropped stinking from the poxy arsehole of a hare-lipped harlot! — Christopher Moore

Firstly, being a local councillor, he was probably a cunt! A real 'book-waving-starch-underpants-wearing-precedent - quoting-sub-section-paragraph-thee-looking-up' sort of arsehole who lived his life by the numbers and reported his neighbours if they so much as tried to put up a bird-table without planning permission. — Danny King

Because taxes are so high - in part to pay for state-serving science experiments, a lot of parents feel they both need to work and so the mum can't breastfeed her kid. These fucking scientists, these fucking fascist corporations, these fucking warmongers, these military industrial clusterfucks, these arsehole academics are literally profiting from the ripping of mothers milk out of the mouths of babes. — Stefan Molyneux

We should have a name for them, Anna said.The Sick, or the Infected? Something. Something to differentiate them from the real people we see - I mean, the normal survivors like us.

The Thirsty? Dave suggested.

The Thirsty? Anna said sarcastically. Like, look out Dave - there's a Thirsty behind you?

The Arseholes, Mini said. The Scary Arseholes.

That works, I said with a grin. Look out Dave, there's an arsehole behind you! — James Phelan

That's how it goes - as soon as there's anything interesting in Ancient Greece, some arsehole with a magic hat comes along to murder it. — Catherynne M Valente

For 15 years I was a complete arsehole to a dozen people. I said I would try and make it right with those people, and anybody that gave me an audience, I was there. — Lance Armstrong

Why this girl? Why had this girl crawled right under his skin and made an uncomfortable home there? Why did he want to make things good for her, to see her smile, to make her face
and her voice make all those interesting shapes and noises? Why did he want to stay up late with her when he knew she should be sleeping, just to hear her talk about maths and politics and the
state of the world?
This was not Quentin. Quentin did not like skinny girls. He didn't like serious girls. And he really hated bossy girls.
Quentin loved curvy, fun, uncomplicated girls; girls who laughed at his jokes and took off their bras when they danced on tables. If they wore bras at all. Yet here he was, washing up and mopping and feeling like five kinds of an arsehole over hurting the feelings of some skinny, serious, bossy girl. — Ros Baxter

A charming arsehole, isn't that what they're called? — Jo Nesbo

I want to have you," whispered Frederick. "I've had dreams of that hungry arsehole of yours." Benjamin — K.A. Merikan

He's the worst, nice to everyone and never fucks up. Always there for his mates, never comes off like an arsehole. He — Christina Lauren

The Board would like to come back and see you tomorrow, Ariana,' she mimicked. 'Any more questions?'
'Yes,' she answered in the Warden's Irish accent, 'I'd just like to know why I'm such an arsehole. — Claire Merle

I want someone to need me, to depend on me. The arsehole, the bastard who's left a long string of whores broken in his wake without so much as a second thought. The piece-of-shit whose life was almost snuffed out by his father, who wakes every day and looks in the mirror with enough self-loathing to detonate Times Square, if only that shit was combustible. That pathetic excuse for a man wants to be worthy of someone. The question I need to figure out now is: why? — Carmen Jenner

I wouldn't want to fuck you if you had a ten inch knob made of gold and your arsehole was the gate to Nirvana. I can't be friends with you because you're a gibbering twatwaffle, not because I would ever, in a million years, want to shag you. Get over yourself! — FayJay

Did I do and say these things? Yes, I did. Are there any mitigating circumstances? Not really, unless any circumstances {in other words, context) can be regarded as mitigating. And before you judge, although you have probably already done so, go away and write down the four worst things you have done to a partner, even if - especially if - your partner doesn't know about them. Don't dress things up, or try to explain them; just write them down, in a list, in the plainest language possible. Finished? Ok, so who's the arsehole now? — Nick Hornby

Like the time I threw out Pete Murphy of Bauhaus for saying those six immortal words to Slim when he'd forgotten his backstage pass: 'Don't you know who I am?'
'Ha, ha, yeah, I do,' I said, 'You're out, arsehole'. — Peter Hook

There was an old military saying that Fred Colon used to describe total bewilderment and confusion. An individual in that state, according to Fred, 'couldn't tell if it was arsehole or breakfast time.'


This had always puzzled Vimes. He wondered what research had been done. Even now, with his mouth tasting of warmed-over yesterday and everything curiously sharp in his vision, he thought he'd be able to tell the difference. Only one was likely to include a cup of coffee, for a start. — Terry Pratchett

Parlabane found the word 'pro-active' enormously useful, as it immediately exposed the speaker as an irredeemable arsehole, whatever previous impression might have been given. Once upon a time, he remembered, people and companies just did things. But that ceased to be impressive enough, and for a while they 'actively' did things. Now they 'pro-actively' did things, but it was still the same bloody things that they were doing when they just plain old did things. Meaningless wank-language. — Christopher Brookmyre

Your mother didn't give birth to you," I told hint, "but farted you out of her shrivelled arsehole."
"Frightened or not," Asser said, "you've taken Peredur's silver, so you must fight them now."
"Say one more word, monk," I said, "and I'll cut off your scrawny balls. — Bernard Cornwell