Allen Woody Quotes & Sayings

I sued American Apparel because they calculatingly took my name, my likeness and image and used them publicly to promote their business. — Woody Allen

It's always been a dream of mine to be in a Woody Allen comedy. — Jennifer Carpenter

Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do. — Woody Allen

I'm a huge Woody Allen fan. Good movie, bad movie, it doesn't matter - I just like his movies. — Sean Penn

I do believe that reality is dreadful and that you are forced to choose it in the end or go crazy, but that it kills you. — Woody Allen

I always felt that the problems of the world would never ever be solved until people came to terms with the deeper issues [spiritual] - that there would be an aimless reshuffling of world leaders and governments and programs. — Woody Allen

I'm such a fan of actors and also enjoy watching them work so that I can help their acting in any way I can. Sometimes it walks a tricky line because you want to be entertaining to some degree. But honesty is always entertaining to me. I'm a big Woody Allen and Spike Lee fan, and I find their films to be very honest. — Dito Montiel

It is clear the future holds opportunities - it also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to seize the opportunities, avoid the pitfalls, and get back home by 6:00. - Woody Allen — Anonymous

Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here. — Woody Allen

I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member. — Woody Allen

In fact, when they wake up in the morning, they're Jack Nicholson or Robert De Niro or Josh Brolin. And it's built-in, but they think it's all this other stuff. But it's not. They'd be great if they didn't think about their part or if they did think about it. — Woody Allen

Unlike Woody Allen, I would be happy to be part of any (poetry) club that would have me. — Denise Duhamel

What if Woody Allen called me and said, I'm working on this movie and there's a really divine role for you. We want exactly you! It would be such a fantasy. Forget it! My idol, Woody Allen! — Isaac Mizrahi

Growing up, my two favorite books were Woody Allen's 'Side Effects' and Phyllis Diller's 'Housekeeping Hints.' I carried that Phyllis Diller book with me everywhere when I was in fifth or sixth grade. Eventually, it just fell apart. — Jill Davis

Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either. — Woody Allen

Once the movie's over, there's not much point. When the thing is edited, mixed, and color-corrected, and you've finished it ... In my case, I never read anything about it, I never think about it. — Woody Allen

I'm at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me I'm profoundly grateful to her. — Woody Allen

So then, what do you believe in?
Sex and death. Two things that come once in my lifetime. But at least
after death you're not nauseous. — Woody Allen

Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down. — Woody Allen

I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself. — Woody Allen

Woody Allen is a great dramatist and a great comedian. — Cate Blanchett

The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that. — Woody Allen

I'd always wanted to be a dramatic. Comedy comes more naturally to me. I can do it with more facility. So I feel more comfortable with it. — Woody Allen

I don't own a computer. I've never seen anything online at all - nothing. I don't own a word processor. I have none of that stuff. It's not an act of rebellion. I'm just not a gadget person. — Woody Allen

When I worked with Woody Allen, I only got the parts of the script that I was in. I was able to piece together the narrative from that, but I remember being quite excited to watch the movie - the movie that I was in but didn't know what happened in, like, 65 percent of. — Chiwetel Ejiofor

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. — Woody Allen

I think Woody Allen is Woody Allen, and no matter where he goes he still makes his Woody Allen films. — Abbas Kiarostami

You don't ever really get to know Woody Allen. — Cate Blanchett

First off, I love Woody Allen. His early movies, like 'Hannah and Her Sisters,' are incredible. I also love anything by Billy Wilder, Ron Howard and John Hughes. I really grew up on the Hughes films, which are the ones I go back and watch all the time, just to see how they were put together. — Tim Story

My wife is immature. Whenever I take a bath, she sinks my boats. — Woody Allen

I foresee death by culture shock. — Woody Allen

If you meet somebody and are attracted to someone, and the exquisite neurons in your brain and her brain intermesh properly, then things can be wonderful. It's not like homework. You don't have to work at the relationship. — Woody Allen

I wish I was sort of someone like Woody Allen who can stage everything in one long master shot, no coverage; just, you know, that's it. — Jay Roach

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. — Woody Allen

It's hard for me to know. I'll think, 'I really brought off my ideas, it's great,' and no one sparks to it — Woody Allen

I keep wondering if there is an afterlife, and if there is will they be able to break a twenty? — Woody Allen

Raised by two mothers ... wow, most of us barely survive one — Woody Allen

All my life is passing in front of my eyes. The worst part of it is I'm driving a used car. — Woody Allen

Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic. — Woody Allen

Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name. — Woody Allen

I feel humor is important for those two reasons: that it is a little bit of refreshment like music, and that women have told me over the years that it is very, very important to them. — Woody Allen

One of the interesting things is, the most gifted people, the biggest people, have no problem taking small roles. — Woody Allen

That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing. — Woody Allen

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib. — Woody Allen

How wrong Emily Dickinson was! Hope is not "the thing with feathers." The thing with feathers has turned out to be my nephew. I must take him to a specialist in Zurich. — Woody Allen

See, I will always have this penchant for what I call kamikaze women. I call them kamikazes because they, you know they crash their plane, they're self-destructive. But they crash into you, and you die along with them. — Woody Allen

I definitely have a little Woody Allen inside of me. That is true. — Autre Ne Veut

You're a genius! And the proof is that both common people and intellectuals find your work completely incoherent. — Woody Allen

My brain? That's my second favorite organ. — Woody Allen

You look up after many years and you find that a film has become a classic because it's meaningful to people and alive, decade after decade. — Woody Allen

In New York, you've got Donald Trump, Woody Allen, a crack addict and a regular Joe, and they're all on the same subway car. — Ethan Hawke

Barbra Streisand has always been an inspiration for me. I admire Jennifer Lopez because she's been against all the odds, and she's made such a name for herself, and she can put her name on anything and it sells, and I admire that about her, but Barbara Streisand and Woody Allen are my favorites. — Lauren London

If you take a frown and turn it upside down, the person you are holding by the ankles will soon pass out. — Woody Allen

The chief problem about death ... is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought. — Woody Allen

Your audience teaches you how to be funny. — Woody Allen

There is always the possibility that people will change. Real change is more rare. You are who you are at a certain age in life you are pretty much a variation of that your whole life. It?s conceivable that you will change but it's not likely. — Woody Allen

Everything in life turns out to be a distraction from the real thing you want to do. There are a million distractions and when I was a kid I was very disciplined. I knew that the other kids weren't. I was the one able to do the thing, not because I had more talent, maybe less, but because they simply weren't applying themselves. — Woody Allen

It's about Russia. — Woody Allen

Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds. — Woody Allen

I was voted best-looking kid in high school but, as you can see, things changed. I used to say I was a 260 pound Woody Allen. You can make that 295 pound now. — James Gandolfini

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian. — Woody Allen

There's a tacit agreement between myself and the audience that I will entertain them when they buy their ticket, and I've been the one that has screwed that up. Once in while I indulge myself and try something else, and I keep my fingers crossed that it will come out good and there'll be enough people who will enjoy it, but that doesn't often happen. — Woody Allen

Film is more of novelty, because I've done so much theater over many years. I'm in love with making movies. Also, I find it easier to remember three minutes of dialogue than three hours. — Woody Allen

I have no regard for that kind of ceremony. I just don't think they know what they're doing. When you see who wins those things-or who doesn't win them-you can see how meaningless this Oscar thing is. — Woody Allen

Enthusiasm is a good engine, but it needs intelligence for a driver. — Woody Allen

I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. — Woody Allen

I've inherited the worst of each parent. I have my father's hypochondria and lack of concentration. I have his amorality. I have everything bad that he had. Then I have my mother's surly, pill-like, complaining, whining attitude. — Woody Allen

Well, obviously I was excited by the idea that Woody Allen was going to direct it. But at the same time, the script itself and the character was really interesting. — Radha Mitchell

Years ago I was on television having a discussion with Billy Graham about atheism. He was saying, even if you're right and I'm wrong, and there's nothing after, I will have had a better life than you, because I do believe there was something. And I couldn't argue with that, even though I wanted to. — Woody Allen

I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss. — Woody Allen

You mellow too much you ripen and rot. — Woody Allen

I think I've gotten technically better over the years but you'd have to be a fool not to. I've made so many movies that by sheer quantity you get better at the technique. — Woody Allen

If the [actors] are working, and I have a dinner engagement, I don't do 20 takes. I do five takes and go home. I want to go to dinner. — Woody Allen

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered? — Woody Allen

I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion with you. — Woody Allen

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun. — Woody Allen

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank. — Woody Allen

What people who don't write don't understand is that they think you make up the line consciously - but you don't. It proceeds from your unconscious. So it's the same surprise to you when it emerges as it is to the audience when the comic says it. I don't think of the joke and then say it. I say it and then realize what I've said. And I laugh at it, because I'm hearing it for the first time myself. — Woody Allen

Even if God exists, he's done such a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action suit against him. — Woody Allen

I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don't care about the films. I don't care if they're flushed down the toilet after I die. — Woody Allen

I just admire people like Woody Allen, who every year writes an original screenplay. It's astonishing. I always wished that I could do that. — Francis Ford Coppola

I've worked with Woody Allen twice and he was like, "Whatever you want to change, it's up to you. If you want to change the words, make them your own." — George Clooney

You know, it's one thing about intellectuals, they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant and have no idea what's going on. — Woody Allen

Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian. — Woody Allen

You know what my philosophy of life is? That it's important to have some laughs, but you got to suffer a little too, because otherwise you miss the whole point to life. — Woody Allen

Sometimes, when things go well on a set, or when you are working with somebody like Pedro Almodovar, Woody Allen, Rob Marshall or somebody so talented and so inspiring, it's really beautiful, what happens there. — Penelope Cruz

I don't believe in an afterlife, but I'm taking an extra pair of underwear just in case. — Woody Allen

I've never dated a fictional character before. The closest I ever came was an Italian. — Woody Allen

The key point about a demonstration is that it must be seen. Hence the term "demonstration." If a person demonstrates privately in his own home, this is not technically a demonstration but merely "acting silly" or "behaving like an ass. — Woody Allen

It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to. — Woody Allen

And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, 'til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up. — Woody Allen

Those who can't do, teach! — Woody Allen

The process of filmmaking is very musical, you get into the rhythm and the rhythmics of how someone is, especially with Woody Allen who is very much into body language and body movement. — Charlotte Rampling

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. — Woody Allen

I spend a lot of time idly. I go to sporting events, play my clarinet. I practise. But if you work every day, a certain amount on a steady basis, the work accumulates. — Woody Allen

It's funny. Maria Elena and I, we are meant for each other and not meant for each other, it's a contradiction. — Woody Allen

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her. — Woody Allen

Change is almost always negative. Things degenerate. — Woody Allen

As I got more confident, I was able to let actors improvise, and do long takes. It's 10%, 5% you learn and experience. The rest you just have or you don't have. — Woody Allen

I can't even make a leap of faith to believe in my own existence. — Woody Allen